What is wrong with me?

[whatido]

Hey guys! It will be a wall of text, so I am sorry in advance.

 

 

We're both 20 years old, we're talking for almost 6 months now, met on a website, where you can look for any kind of buddies. We met mainly for gaming purposes, but as time went on we quickly became comfortable with each other. He is a very kind person, with a passion that he pursues, and that made me very attracted to him. We could both work on our passions while talking to each other, despite them being completely different from each other. Few months in, he shared his picture, he's not really into whole social media thing, so it was the first time he had sent a picture like that to anyone, it made me feel special. Shortly after, we decided to meet in a different country for a convention, it was a 4 days long trip. It went fine, the organisation was a bit sloppy, but we pulled through, and most importantly, I liked him, although I did find it tiring spending 24/7 with one person. After that, we decided to become a couple.

 

Soon after, I had my exams in university coming up, I had to work on multiple projects and so on. I made sure to warn him, that we probably won't be able to spend so much time on voice chat anymore. He didn't take that change very well, resulted into multiple fights, he said he doesn't know what to do with this free time. (During my exams he had few weeks off uni). I understand his frustration, but it was really hard to talk to him on voice and work on my things at the same time. Besides, I am a bit introverted, so I needed some time to "discharge".

 

Admittedly, after my exams, things didn't go back to 'normal', sure, we spent more time together, and it's great, but everytime there's a mention of doing anything naughty, I feel very awkward about it. I want to note, before first meet up, we were quite active in that aspect and during the meetup, things didn't go that far, mostly because he felt very shy about it, and we didn't really have time. As for touchy aspect like cuddling etc. We did it to an extend, but he clearly wanted to do it more than me, like in public, which I was very against. Just didn't feel comfortable enough.

 

Fast forward to few weeks later, we scheduled another meetup, he was visiting me for a whole week at my place. It didn't go that well. I warned him, I had to attend my classes in uni regardless, and work on some projects at home a little. Which he understood, and he even said he would have to do some homework for uni at my place, as well. Sounded perfect.

 

Unfortunately, on day one, he's got a pretty bad flu, I decided to take care of him, providing him with whatever he needed, I asked him to sleep in the guest room, because my own bed is one person bed, it wouldn't give a good night's rest to either of us. Once he felt a bit better, we started doing things together. However, I could tell by his body language, that he wasn't being too comfortable with being 'there'. Maybe i'm being nitpicky. We also didn't engage in any touchy activities, because he was still awfully sick, and I guess I just didn't feel it? I don't know. I feel pretty bad about this.

 

On the last day of his visit, he told me that, he didn't come here for 'this', I asked him to elaborate, to which he said, that we just don't do enough of things together. Now, I felt pretty hurt over that statement, because I made sure we did as much together, and the day before, I took him to a local model shop, something we wanted to try together for a while now. I spent maybe almost an hour talking to the shop owner, about models, what to begin with, what to buy and tips, while he stood in the corner, didn't even look at anything the guy presented to us, and overall felt uninterested. I kept asking him, if everything's alright. Maybe he was still being sick, I don't know.

 

Anyhow, I feel pretty bad over what he said, he apologized, but it got me thinking. Am I doing that bad at this? I can't pin point why I am so less into the whole touching aspect, maybe that's the main issue. I like spending time with him, but I am afraid that maybe I've got bored of him? Maybe that's why I can't be romantic with him? I don't even want to think about this. I just don't know what to do.. I would greatly appreciate any help on how to fix myself.

[William]

Moderator bump due to this languishing in our queue for most of today. Sorry about that!

[emi]

Hey guys! It will be a wall of text, so I am sorry in advance.

 

 

We're both 20 years old, we're talking for almost 6 months now, met on a website, where you can look for any kind of buddies. We met mainly for gaming purposes, but as time went on we quickly became comfortable with each other. He is a very kind person, with a passion that he pursues, and that made me very attracted to him. We could both work on our passions while talking to each other, despite them being completely different from each other. Few months in, he shared his picture, he's not really into whole social media thing, so it was the first time he had sent a picture like that to anyone, it made me feel special. Shortly after, we decided to meet in a different country for a convention, it was a 4 days long trip. It went fine, the organisation was a bit sloppy, but we pulled through, and most importantly, I liked him, although I did find it tiring spending 24/7 with one person. After that, we decided to become a couple.

 

Soon after, I had my exams in university coming up, I had to work on multiple projects and so on. I made sure to warn him, that we probably won't be able to spend so much time on voice chat anymore. He didn't take that change very well, resulted into multiple fights, he said he doesn't know what to do with this free time. (During my exams he had few weeks off uni). I understand his frustration, but it was really hard to talk to him on voice and work on my things at the same time. Besides, I am a bit introverted, so I needed some time to "discharge".

 

Admittedly, after my exams, things didn't go back to 'normal', sure, we spent more time together, and it's great, but everytime there's a mention of doing anything naughty, I feel very awkward about it. I want to note, before first meet up, we were quite active in that aspect and during the meetup, things didn't go that far, mostly because he felt very shy about it, and we didn't really have time. As for touchy aspect like cuddling etc. We did it to an extend, but he clearly wanted to do it more than me, like in public, which I was very against. Just didn't feel comfortable enough.

 

Fast forward to few weeks later, we scheduled another meetup, he was visiting me for a whole week at my place. It didn't go that well. I warned him, I had to attend my classes in uni regardless, and work on some projects at home a little. Which he understood, and he even said he would have to do some homework for uni at my place, as well. Sounded perfect.

 

Unfortunately, on day one, he's got a pretty bad flu, I decided to take care of him, providing him with whatever he needed, I asked him to sleep in the guest room, because my own bed is one person bed, it wouldn't give a good night's rest to either of us. Once he felt a bit better, we started doing things together. However, I could tell by his body language, that he wasn't being too comfortable with being 'there'. Maybe i'm being nitpicky. We also didn't engage in any touchy activities, because he was still awfully sick, and I guess I just didn't feel it? I don't know. I feel pretty bad about this.

 

On the last day of his visit, he told me that, he didn't come here for 'this', I asked him to elaborate, to which he said, that we just don't do enough of things together. Now, I felt pretty hurt over that statement, because I made sure we did as much together, and the day before, I took him to a local model shop, something we wanted to try together for a while now. I spent maybe almost an hour talking to the shop owner, about models, what to begin with, what to buy and tips, while he stood in the corner, didn't even look at anything the guy presented to us, and overall felt uninterested. I kept asking him, if everything's alright. Maybe he was still being sick, I don't know.

 

Anyhow, I feel pretty bad over what he said, he apologized, but it got me thinking. Am I doing that bad at this? I can't pin point why I am so less into the whole touching aspect, maybe that's the main issue. I like spending time with him, but I am afraid that maybe I've got bored of him? Maybe that's why I can't be romantic with him? I don't even want to think about this. I just don't know what to do.. I would greatly appreciate any help on how to fix myself.

 

Do you even romantically interested in him to be honest?

 

You cant just force yourself, sometime the feeling isnt there, and sometime maybe its there, but its not strong enough

[justwhoiam]

Hi whatido,

 

welcome to the LS LDR forum.

 

What is wrong with me?

I can't figure that out, as I don't know you.

 

Am I doing that bad at this?

Yes. It's as if you weren't able to be sincere about your feelings, like in fear of displeasing him. My clue is that if you don't feel like being intimate with him in person and it makes you sort of uncomfortable - for whatever reason - you shouldn't be in that relationship.

 

maybe I've got bored of him?

 

I just don't know what to do

I'd say you thought things clicked with him, but they didn't.

 

Have you ever been intimate with anyone else before? And did it feel natural? If the answer to the former question is NO, then you need to put yourself to the test. Maybe with someone else you'd feel all different and attraction would be there. But if you find yourself not feeling attracted to anybody, then maybe you're not very sexual. In that case, it might be worth seeing a psychologist just to make sure that you're OK and you don't have some kind of mental block.