Understanding dating

[adamz]

Hi im 28 and i just started to take finding someone seriously. But theres just so much to it that i didnt know. I have little sexul experience and about the same in seduction and relationship experience. So its driving me mad trying to rent my brain arount all the "online gurus" rules and trying to make some kind of progress in dateing. And i fear that i waited to long to play this gane and now its to cut through.

Im not really sure what I'm asking...

[d0nnivain]

There is only one rule: Be your best self.

 

 

It's a little more than be yourself. You do have to be yourself -- be sincere. But pull out the company manners, be truthful, put your best foot forward. That will allow you to be impressive because you will be genuine without being something you are not.

 

 

Smile. Say hello. Listen when the other person talks. Be respectful.

 

 

It will be fine if you breathe & have a little self confidence.

[adamz]

Ive been doing that for almost 20 years and all i found was two girl friends and alot of friends. Im not sure if im coming across as only a friend or what. Ppl say i try to hard but i dont see how. If i try less id feel like im not trying at all

[d0nnivain]

Ask the woman on a date early. Other wise you get friendzoned.

 

 

Be a little flirty too. Not player insincere but playful.

[adamz]

How do you flurt with some one you dont fully know or just met in a sexul but respective way. i think this is a problem. It takes to long for me to find out how to flurt with that person. That im friend zoned. And i cant say what I'm thinking bc its probably too far

 

And how do you come across as interested and not needed.

Edited April 29, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[d0nnivain]

Flirting lighthearted & playful, not sexual per se. You make eye contact. Perhaps you wink. You touch them lightly on the arm or perhaps brush a strand of hair off her face. It may include a sincere compliment.

 

 

When you speak you look at the other person. Be genuinely interested in the other person.

 

 

The difference between wanting a relationship & being needy is how you come across. If you have a vibe that you are a good catch, you want a relationship. If you come across as the dog, jumping around furiously wagging its tail because the human just got home, you look desperate.

 

 

Don't spend weeks or months on end getting to know the person, texting & calling. Ask for the date. Early dates are the times & places where you get to know the other person. It doesn't have to be elaborate but a time & space where you can talk.

[adamz]

Oh so thats considered flurting I always thought that was being friendly. Well how do you come across as a good catch. For ive alwasy been friendly and i just find friends.

[Life lessons]

Have you ever felt that "spark"...connection with any of the females you've flirted with?

[adamz]

Ive feelt horny. I but ive never realy feelt close to some one. So idk

[adamz]

What does a spark supposed to feel like?

[Life lessons]

What does a spark supposed to feel like?

 

Some people believe in the spark...others, not so much.

 

But I would explain it as...let me give an example....when you're holding and kissing one another, you feel a closeness....chemistry...that you don't feel with just anyone.....I guess it could be like an intense attraction to that person. Almost magical feeling! It's a little difficult to explain but if you've felt it, I do think you would certainly know.

 

Maybe someone could explain it better. Lol

 

ETA-I don't think the horny feeling is the spark. Lol

 

Again, not everyone believes in "the spark"...I was only curious if you've felt that intense attraction to someone, that you've kissed. Also, just because one person feels it doesn't mean the other does!

[adamz]

Oh i love that feeling

[adamz]

The ones i feel that way end up geting bored of me or something. So i ten to avoid the feeling that way. Is seems to alway lead me astray

[adamz]

Like what i do or say come out all wrong

[preraph]

I can tell just by what you wrote about reading all the online "gurus" that you're trying too hard. This isn't a game. One guy can't act like another guy and follow what works for the other guy and expect it to work. Donnivain's advice that you be yourself but be your best self (and this means dressing up to date and having a professional haircut as well as personality-wise) is right on. And here's why: Because you want a woman who likes YOU, not a woman who likes the guy who wrote the "guru" advice! He's not you! The same women who will like you will not like him and vice versa.

 

I totally agree with her advice that you are stringing the chat out too long online. You text and ask about each other a little bit, totally avoid trying to flirt sexily which creeps a woman you've never met out, and avoid asking her anything about her past relationships or telling her about yours, and then ask her out. Otherwise what happens is she does lose interest because there's no momentum and also this whole time you're wasting time texting because that's where your comfort zone is, she's dating other guys and starting to think of you as just some guy she talks to like every other online person she talks to.

 

So forget all that game playing and manipulation crap you've been reading and be yourself. Do not give gifts early on. Do not suck up to her. Do not make a habit of mentioning her looks all the time. Once you're in person, a simple "You look nice" is all she needs. Compliments make most women uncomfortable and make you look desperate. So it's nice to tell her once you're dating she looks nice, but gushing over someone you're not dating is just desperate and also makes you just look like all you care about is her physical. When she talks about her career or her accomplishments, compliment her on doing something with her life and that will mean more to her.

 

Let her see your real personality, but don't just spew all your sexual need at her. Have some boundaries. Tell her who you are and what you like to do. Ask her out and go do something you can afford to pay for, whether that's dinner or coffee or a walk in the park.

 

If you find that you get rejected a lot, maybe you are being too picky about what they look like. This isn't an insult; it's something each one of us have to deal with on an ongoing basis. We have to be realistic to find love. Good luck.

[adamz]

You really hit too close to home with that comfort lvl ... what if i want to expand that comfort lvl

[salparadise]

There is only one rule: Be your best self.

 

It's a little more than be yourself. You do have to be yourself -- be sincere. But pull out the company manners, be truthful, put your best foot forward. That will allow you to be impressive because you will be genuine without being something you are not.

 

Smile. Say hello. Listen when the other person talks. Be respectful.

 

Actually, there are a lot of rules. If you pay too much attention to what women tell you they want (with all due respect d0nnivain), you're not going going to get the full picture. Women will say they want a nice guy, respectful, yada, yada. That's what they THINK they want because it's what their mommies (and society) tell them they're supposed to want... the reality is a bit different.

 

Guys who are extremely social and tuned into women's innate way of being and good at reading their cues (often guys who were raised with sisters) often know inherently what you're trying to analyze and deduce. This is such intuitive stuff that it's hard to fake –– but not impossible.

 

You basically need to awaken another dimension of your personality. It should come from you though, and be authentic in that sense, but you may need to fake it until you make it, then integrate it.

 

I did that in business years ago. I hung out my shingle and had opportunities to pitch for new accounts. They wanted me to be the expert. I didn't view myself as an expert, but I pitched with an air of confidence that I didn't really have. It worked, and then I genuinely became more confident.

 

Here's a story I related in a similar thread a few years ago...

Just as guys can't resist a pretty face with nice boobs and a tight ass, women are attracted to certain things as well. The charismatic, super-confident alpha/pack-leader is going to get more female attention than a nice guy. They can't help it- it's in their genes. I'm just talking about attraction, attention and opportunity.

 

When I was about 13 years old a few of my buddies and I planned to camp out in the wood adjacent to the neighborhood. We heard that several of the popular girls our age were sleeping out in a camper in one of the girl's backyard. So we told them to expect us. This was about the age that we were all about stealing kisses and such- not ready for more. The girls were more mature physically but they were all virgins, as were we. So we wait a couple of hours after dark and sneak on over and they invited us into the camper. Everybody was nervous and it was close quarters so we didn't know how to go about getting the party started.

 

One of the girls pulled out a deck of cards and said let's play cards. Well, it just happened that I had found a book a few weeks earlier on how to do card tricks and I had been practicing dealing from the bottom of the deck. We were playing poker or something where the winner deals. Well, once I finally got the deal I started winning every hand. And when I realized that they weren't able to see what I was doing--only the result--I started acting like a big shot. I was grinning and laughing and carrying on as I just kept dealing myself aces and winning and winning. I kept turning up the confidence and charisma.

 

It was magic! Not the card tricks––the effect that it had on those girls. Next thing I know they're all trying to get close to me, touching and making eyes like I was a sultan or something. I ended up with the two hottest ones next to me on either side and suggested that we quit playing cards (said it was boring, ha ha) and turn out the lights. Next thing I know I have these two girls all over me, kissing and cooing... they were friggin mesmerized!

 

 

It will be fine if you breathe & have a little self confidence.

 

Ask the woman on a date early. Other wise you get friendzoned.

 

Be a little flirty too. Not player insincere but playful.

 

Yes, yes, yes. Learn to project a demeanor that flips their switch, and move to romantic, sexualized interactions while they're experiencing the attraction. Men who aren't naturally the guy women want to get naked with need to learn how to turn it on when the opportunity arises.

[adamz]

I dont believe that the best approach. Sure it might work and you might get all the girls pretending to be what they want. You call it flipping switches but its the same thing. And in my mind that's no different than taking advantage of somebody falsely representing what you are. No difference in a con artist. But eventually you're going to have to stop the charade if you want to have someone for years. Or you can still pretend to be what you're not.

Bottom line is I don't believe in wearing masks or lying to get what i want

[todreaminblue]

I dont believe that the best approach. Sure it might work and you might get all the girls pretending to be what they want. You call it flipping switches but its the same thing. And in my mind that's no different than taking advantage of somebody falsely representing what you are. No difference in a con artist. But eventually you're going to have to stop the charade if you want to have someone for years. Or you can still pretend to be what you're not.

Bottom line is I don't believe in wearing masks or lying to get what i want

 

 

flipping switches to me suggests change being confident isnt like that...be you ...dont wear masks ....think of why you are a good person and be confident in your approach with women ...never lie ...adn dotn flip switches ...i think constancy is a huge attractor ......soemthing that will keep a woman wanting more.....of the same .....reliability honesty forthrightness .....and confidence is sexy...arrogance is never sexy neither really are masks they hide insecurity....be vulnerable....but be confident....vulnerability and showing it is actually confidence .....its courage to be you and allow others to see that you...nothing sexier than that...that and a little self effacing humor....being able to laugh at yourself...relieves insecurity...trust me.....deb

[adamz]

Plus its to much unnecessary work to remmeber who you are with who

[Chilli]

Man , l literally feel sorry for people taking notice and getting all screwed up with the internet bullsh@t these days , l do , they really have my sympathy, poor lost souls, really.

lf it was all that complicated hell no one would have a real , a genuine , partner.

Just be your self man , that's all l ever do. It's just a natural thing, that's what it's suppose to be.

Nature.

But your not gonna click with just anyone or everyone, no one does.

But hopefully when you bump into some girl that really gives you some butterflies then just g talk to her or ask her out. If she says no , that's life.

lf she says yes well you just take it from there and see how you get along. That's how it is , that's what happens.

lf there's anything there it will mostly just take care of itself and build from there. If it turns out there isn't , then , that'll probably be that. Just let it be and move on.

 

Just be yourself , if you click with someone just bc your not being yourself then you aren't really clicking with them anyway and that'll just become old very very quickly and fizzle anyway.

l mean obviously people usually are their best self when they're interested in someone or partying up, girls and guys, not just the guys , but hey, bit of charm or fun never went astray.

But you know , basically you.

Edited April 30, 2017 by Chilli

[adamz]

Thx man. Ive been doing some soul searching. And i realize now that ive avoided acting on my feelings when im with someone I have connection with. And this is the reason why I never got anywhere. Now trying find a way to be comfortable with intimate feelings

[salparadise]

I dont believe that the best approach. Sure it might work and you might get all the girls pretending to be what they want. You call it flipping switches but its the same thing. And in my mind that's no different than taking advantage of somebody falsely representing what you are. No difference in a con artist. But eventually you're going to have to stop the charade if you want to have someone for years. Or you can still pretend to be what you're not.

Bottom line is I don't believe in wearing masks or lying to get what i want

 

Oh give me a break. It's obvious you didn't read my post carefully. And if you don't like the term "flipping switches," let's call it "makin'em wet."

 

Dude, if you don't have any masculinity or confidence to draw on, then perhaps it would be too fake and too difficult... but that's not what I said. I said, you have to awaken another dimension of YOUR personality.

 

I think I'm wasting too many keystrokes here.

[d0nnivain]

adamz

 

 

Believe it or not, salparadise & I are giving you very similar advice. We're just using different words. The whole Mars & Venus thing where the genders communicate differently.

 

 

You don't to be fake but you do need to project more confidence then you currently have. Colloquially, it's called "fake it 'til you make it."

 

 

Women respond better to confident males. If you stand up straight, look women in the eye, be interested in them & make that all important first move to kiss them you should be fine.

 

 

When you let a woman do all the heavy lifting in the beginning, -- she sets when you meet, she controls it all & you go along for the ride -- you seem less desirable. You don't have to be a cave man. You don't have to lie but you must show initiative.

[adamz]

So you all are saying that i need to pretind to be who i want to be till i become that person. But that still is being fake and lieing to your self and even if i was willin to do that. That would mean im changeing my self cuz girls dont like me for who i am now. And im not doing that. If i cant find some one for who i am now then i dont want any one. I rather be my self by my self then be something else to be with some one!!!!@