***My Real Estate Agent???***

[Popsicle]

I will not criticize your father - because you are the one allowing and even encouraging what he is doing. I won't say that adult children cannot accept monetary gifts or that parents cannot offer it (it's fairly normal in my culture, although the recipients are typically younger than your age), but a gift should be something that is given freely. In your case, the "gift" is something that can be retracted as "punishment", requiring your adherence to his wishes to keep it - ergo not really a gift, but a means of control. Allowing your parents that much control over what you do is, IMO, going to set you back as an adult.

 

Do you genuinely think you could maintain a healthy adult relationship if you are still being controlled by your parents?

 

What you say is 100% correct, but I get the feeling that this is temporary - i.e. while she's in school. It will end once she's out and able to be independent.

[thefooloftheyear]

I will not criticize your father - because you are the one allowing and even encouraging what he is doing. I won't say that adult children cannot accept monetary gifts or that parents cannot offer it (it's fairly normal in my culture, although the recipients are typically younger than your age), but a gift should be something that is given freely. In your case, the "gift" is something that can be retracted as "punishment", requiring your adherence to his wishes to keep it - ergo not really a gift, but a means of control. Allowing your parents that much control over what you do is, IMO, going to set you back as an adult.

 

Do you genuinely think you could maintain a healthy adult relationship if you are still being controlled by your parents?

 

Meh...

 

I don't see it as "punishment" and I highly doubt he does either...He doesn't want her to make a bad decision...

 

I only wish I had a dad that would kick me in the ass for making bad decisions in my life...Its cost me dearly....And I had to learn everything the hard way...I promise you that won't happen with my kid, that's for sure..

 

TFY

[Midnight.Amber]

Meh...

 

I don't see it as "punishment" and I highly doubt he does either...He doesn't want her to make a bad decision...

 

I only wish I had a dad that would kick me in the ass for making bad decisions in my life...Its cost me dearly....And I had to learn everything the hard way...I promise you that won't happen with my kid, that's for sure..

 

TFY

 

I don't know TFY, I know for me, I tend to learn more from the mistakes I make, based on my own decisions, choices and failures, rather than having someone, a parent, a boyfriend, making those decisions and choices for me.

 

Thankfully, once I became an adult, out on my own which I was at 18 years of age, my parents allowed me to make my own decisions and choices.

 

They didn't approve in many cases, and they worried themselves sick sometimes, but they knew by allowing me to fall and pick myself up, THAT is how I would learn.

 

And boy did I ever! So much, which has made me who I am today.

 

Had my parents not allowed me my own decisions and failures, I would be a completely different person today.

 

Less independent, maybe even more needy and dependent on the men in my life.

 

Needing to have a man, any man, just to have one whether he was right for me or not, which many women have a tendency towards (not necessarily the OP).

 

Looking to them to "take care of me" ( financially and otherwise), instead of me taking care of myself OR when in a relationship, *taking care of each other.*

 

That may be okay for some women, but not for me.

Edited July 4, 2017 by Midnight.Amber

[jay1983]

I thinks it's for the best, regardless. Finishing school and starting work, then getting a house makes a lot more sense to me. Daddy's ready to drop 75k. That's 75 thousands dollars! People here suggesting she go on about it with the other 75k and pay a monthly mortgage for the next decade or two?

 

Hell no, I wouldn't do that even if I was working. That's 75 grand, that's like a whole years salary for me. Pass that up over some parent boundary issue? This isn't the fu*king movies. OP just sign another 6 month lease and stay where you are for now.

[Els]

What you say is 100% correct, but I get the feeling that this is temporary - i.e. while she's in school. It will end once she's out and able to be independent.

 

Fair enough. Can someone genuinely be part of an adult relationship (which I believe the OP is seeking) if they are effectively accepting and allowing themselves to be treated like a child, though?

 

Meh...

 

I don't see it as "punishment" and I highly doubt he does either...He doesn't want her to make a bad decision...

 

I only wish I had a dad that would kick me in the ass for making bad decisions in my life...Its cost me dearly....And I had to learn everything the hard way...I promise you that won't happen with my kid, that's for sure..

 

TFY

 

If the OP was 16 or maybe even 18, I might agree. But at 31 I don't think this degree of parental control and reliance is a good thing.

[thefooloftheyear]

I don't know TFY, I know for me, I tend to learn more from the mistakes I make, based on my own decisions, choices and failures, rather than having someone, a parent, a boyfriend, making those decisions and choices for me.

 

Thankfully, once I became an adult, out on my own which I was at 18 years of age, my parents allowed me to make my own decisions and choices.

 

They didn't approve in many cases, and they worried themselves sick sometimes, but they knew by allowing me to fall and pick myself up, THAT is how I would learn.

 

And boy did I ever! So much, which has made me who I am today.

 

Had my parents not allowed me my own decisions and failures, I would be a completely different person today.

 

Less independent, maybe even more needy and dependent on the men in my life.

 

Needing to have a man, any man, just to have one whether he was right for me or not, which many women have a tendency towards (not necessarily the OP).

 

Looking to them to "take care of me" ( financially and otherwise), instead of me taking care of myself OR when in a relationship, *taking care of each other.*

 

That may be okay for some women, but not for me.

 

You didn't get my point....

 

I am not saying someone should control or make decisions for someone...But to stand around, when you know better, and watch your own blood fall flat on their face....well...count me out...

 

The way some of you are talking its as if everyone that had vigilant parents are completely dependent and effed up...Ridiculous notion...

 

 

This topic has wore me the eff out...

 

TFY

[Midnight.Amber]

I thinks it's for the best, regardless. Finishing school and starting work, then getting a house makes a lot more sense to me. Daddy's ready to drop 75k. That's 75 thousands dollars! People here suggesting she go on about it with the other 75k and pay a monthly mortgage for the next decade or two?

 

Hell no, I wouldn't do that even if I was working. That's 75 grand, that's like a whole years salary for me. Pass that up over some parent boundary issue? This isn't the fu*king movies. OP just sign another 6 month lease and stay where you are for now.

 

I suggested she pay mortgage (or rent if she doesn't want to buy yet) from her savings *until* next April when she graduates and gets a job.

 

That's 9 months, not decades.

[Midnight.Amber]

You didn't get my point....

 

I am not saying someone should control or make decisions for someone...But to stand around, when you know better, and watch your own blood fall flat on their face....well...count me out...

 

The way some of you are talking its as if everyone that had vigilant parents are completely dependent and effed up...Ridiculous notion...

 

 

This topic has wore me the eff out...

 

TFY

 

No I got your point and you do whatever works best for you, and what you think is best for your kids.

 

As I said earlier live and let live, to each his own.

 

Just saying how my parents handled it, which I appreciated, worked for me and made me into the independent woman I am today, which I am very happy about.

 

Strong, independent, but yet my energy and essence is still very feminine, works for me and the men I attract to me.

 

You do you, as they say, I do me.

 

OP does what is right for her.

[jay1983]

I suggested she pay mortgage (or rent if she doesn't want to buy yet) from her savings *until* next April when she graduates and gets a job.

 

That's 9 months, not decades.

 

And how long will she being paying off that mortgage, you know the 75k she'll owe if she does what you're suggesting?

 

First of all, she'll need at least a few years of steady income that she'll have to provide to the loan officer if she decides to finance. And What if she doesn't find work immediately after she graduates?

[Maggie4]

This thread has turned into an exercise in knowing when to keep your mouth shut.

[Midnight.Amber]

And how long will she being paying off that mortgage, you know the 75k she'll owe if she does what you're suggesting?

 

First of all, she'll need at least a few years of steady income that she'll have to provide to the loan officer if she decides to finance. And What if she doesn't find work immediately after she graduates?

 

Well nurses are in very high demand so I would expect that she will find a job quickly, probably before she even graduates.

 

75K-100K mortgage? Depends on how much one can afford as a mortgage.

 

Nursing pays very well, but you are right, having a mortgage isn't fun, neither is rent, much better to pay cash for obvious reasons.

 

I just know for me, supporting myself without the help of dad, raised my self-esteem and helped shape me into the independent woman I am today.

 

My dad paid for my education, which again I very much appreciated,, not all kids are so fortunate.

 

Many if not most need student loans AND to work to support themselves.

 

The OP is very fortunate indeed, not suggesting she is not.

 

And if she is comfortable with dad paying for education and supporting her, that is all that matters!

 

Back to topic, her agent.

 

OP just play it out, let whatever happens, happen.

 

Or maybe let the Universe decide! (joking)

 

Good luck!

Edited July 4, 2017 by Midnight.Amber

[Dis]

Hi guys!

 

Thanks for all your replies!

 

I'll get this out of the way even though this wasnt the topic of my thread...As for my relationship with my Dad and my financial status...

 

I was fine with posters commenting on it for awhile as I brought the topic up but its getting a little excessive now. This is my family and some of the things that have been said were a little disrespectful

 

I was aware I'd catch a lot of heat for all this and posters would go off on a tangent about how its not healthy and alluding to me having a sliver spoon in my mouth. None of this is true. I'm a well grounded, respectful person, busting my butt in nursing school with a 3.9 GPA. I make the best of my relationship with my parents depsite our hiccups

 

This situation with my parents is a temporary thing while I'm in school. Once I graduate I'm on my own again like I was before I started school

 

My family isnt perfect but whose is? My parents are amazing people who have my best interest at heart even though they might not go about things in the healthiest way possible

 

When April comes, I'm buying my own house and all of this will be a distant memory

 

Now onto the topic of my thread...hint hint

 

After speaking with my agent yesterday and telling him he has 30 days to make this happen...I havent heard a peep from him

 

He told me yesterday that he'd send me a new link for the updated search when he got off the phone with me. Didnt happen. I texted him this morning about it...never heard back from him

 

A week ago I asked him an important question and he never got back to me

 

For the past couple weeks he's been pretty MIA

 

I think I'm starting to see my Dad's point so I will be letting him go and getting a new agent tomorrow

 

Any romantic interest I had is gone...his indifference in regards to our professional relationship is a huge turn off

 

As for what he thinks? I'm not concerned about it

 

I gave him the benefit of the doubt as much as I could but now, I think I'm all set with this one

[No_Go]

Too bad for the agent, but honestly if I were you, I'd not bother with an agent for few months renting.

 

CL, HotPads, Zillow etc have always worked for me to find a sublet/short term rental, bonus is you can spare the fee and the pet information. Have you looked yourself or where you live the options are too limited?

[Dis]

I will not criticize your father - because you are the one allowing and even encouraging what he is doing. I won't say that adult children cannot accept monetary gifts or that parents cannot offer it (it's fairly normal in my culture, although the recipients are typically younger than your age), but a gift should be something that is given freely. In your case, the "gift" is something that can be retracted as "punishment", requiring your adherence to his wishes to keep it - ergo not really a gift, but a means of control. Allowing your parents that much control over what you do is, IMO, going to set you back as an adult.

 

Do you genuinely think you could maintain a healthy adult relationship if you are still being controlled by your parents?

 

Elsyyth,

 

I'm happy to respond to your post because it was respectful and also accurate

 

Do I think any of this is healthy?

 

NO!

 

My parents may shell out of a lot of money but throughout my entire life I have felt degraded, controlled and inconsequential

 

Someone asked if I was offended by my Dad saying I wasnt ready to purchase. Of course I was and still am. I was devasted.

 

I constantly go back and forth in my opinion of my parents...conflicting thoughts. They can be the best thing in my life and the next minute they can be terrible

 

My sister is just like my Dad but multiplied by 10. Growing up with her was like psychological warfare. I dont really subscribe to the theory that people are inherently evil but if I did, my sister would be the devil. She killed my pet rabbit when I was 12 years old. A year ago I made a decision that I couldnt have any type of contact with her. I havent spoken to her in 2 years now and I never will again. So if I feel that a relationship is truly determental to my health and well being I will end it

 

But my parents? Despite all their faults, depsite their treatment of me....I will always have their back. Just more so from a distance, for a few years once I graduate

 

And to clarify...I was on my own before school and once I graduate in April, I'll be on my own again

 

Thanks for your post

[Dis]

Too bad for the agent, but honestly if I were you, I'd not bother with an agent for few months renting.

 

CL, HotPads, Zillow etc have always worked for me to find a sublet/short term rental, bonus is you can spare the fee and the pet information. Have you looked yourself or where you live the options are too limited?

 

Good point No Go!

 

Maybe I'll just do this with out an agent

 

Do you think I can just straight up say, I have no pets when I have 5???

 

I mean, I wouldnt want the landlord to walk in and evict me when he find out. The landlord I have now never comes by so even if he wasnt aware of my pets, he'd never find out. I'm just worried my new landlord will be very hands on

 

I have looked myself and found a few things. I just think the portal my agent had might have been a bit better than Zillow etc

 

But considering we didnt find anything...maybe not?

[Dis]

Also....renting inventory is pretty low in my area. Especially houses.

 

So it might help to have an agent. I dont know...

[No_Go]

I find for people with pets mls listings and generally listings for professionally managed condo buildings are not the best bet because they usually have pet restrictions and 'random' checks (e.g. for pest control but they see it all of course).

 

But I've had a lot of success with private listings on CL (I know it can be shady but so as any listing tbh). Like older people who do not care, genuine pet lovers etc. I bended the rules after personally talking to landlords/people who were subletting - I'd take my cat for trial visit and they'll love him:)

 

Are your pets indoors only? I'm assuming they're well trained?

 

Not saying to lie you have no pets, more like finding someone who doesn't care (won't ask how many) and/or you can convince in person..

 

Good point No Go!

 

Maybe I'll just do this with out an agent

 

Do you think I can just straight up say, I have no pets when I have 5???

 

I mean, I wouldnt want the landlord to walk in and evict me when he find out. The landlord I have now never comes by so even if he wasnt aware of my pets, he'd never find out. I'm just worried my new landlord will be very hands on

 

I have looked myself and found a few things. I just think the portal my agent had might have been a bit better than Zillow etc

 

But considering we didnt find anything...maybe not?

[Dis]

I find for people with pets mls listings and generally listings for professionally managed condo buildings are not the best bet because they usually have pet restrictions and 'random' checks (e.g. for pest control but they see it all of course).

 

But I've had a lot of success with private listings on CL (I know it can be shady but so as any listing tbh). Like older people who do not care, genuine pet lovers etc. I bended the rules after personally talking to landlords/people who were subletting - I'd take my cat for trial visit and they'll love him:)

 

Are your pets indoors only? I'm assuming they're well trained?

 

Not saying to lie you have no pets, more like finding someone who doesn't care (won't ask how many) and/or you can convince in person..

 

Good point. I would never consider a condo because they have pretty strict rules about pets and like you said, random checks

 

All my pets are litter box trained and well behaved..even the bunny

 

The only pet that is indoor/outdoor is Vixie. The rest are indoor only

 

If I find a house that takes pets I'm saying I only have 2 cats and hope for the best. I would never find anything is I was truthful

 

My current landlord gave me a glowing reference letter so that should help

 

I'm looking right now on Craigslist and Zillow. I found a of couple houses...one of them looks great and takes pets. But like you said, I've had some experiences on Craigslist with scams so I'm kind of wary. There's a lot more scams with houses too. But it all comes down to having common sense too and avoiding anything that looks sketchy

 

The more I think about my agent, the more I realize how little effort he put in. I think I'll get more done on my own

[jay1983]

If you're gonna rent again i don't think it's worth moving at all. Pack all your stuff and put down pet deposits and other fees and what not, just to move again in a year.

[Dis]

If you're gonna rent again i don't think it's worth moving at all. Pack all your stuff and put down pet deposits and other fees and what not, just to move again in a year.

 

I totally get what you're saying

 

But you havent lived underneath my next door neighbor

 

Its not just the noise, its her in general. I had to press harrassment charges against her

 

Class act

[thefooloftheyear]

Send your story to Judge Judy....She'll handle it...

 

TFY

[clia]

After speaking with my agent yesterday and telling him he has 30 days to make this happen...I havent heard a peep from him

 

He told me yesterday that he'd send me a new link for the updated search when he got off the phone with me. Didnt happen. I texted him this morning about it...never heard back from him

 

In fairness to him, yesterday was a holiday.

 

But I don't see why you need an agent to find a rental anyway.

 

Do you think I can just straight up say, I have no pets when I have 5???

 

You can't be serious. Even if your landlord doesn't regularly check up on the place, if they need to go in for any reason (i.e., maintenance) they are going to immediately know that you have pets and you lied.