Starting to think I am just meant to be alone

[whatnot]

Would it be a bad idea to start seeing a therapist, I actually I think I've become depressed over the last few years? Any suggestions?

I've wasted so much time feeling the way you're feeling. Like some sort of alien visiting the human race, who really doesn't belong. Or maybe some sort of unique gene mutation occurred to me during embryonic development that no one else experienced that prevents human connection...particularly with the opposite sex. to be blunt...that's bs.

 

You are no different from any other human being on planet earth. probably even more aware of yourself, more intelligent and have more to offer than most. You just don't know it. So how do you learn that about yourself?

 

Therapy has helped me when I've had the feelings your feeling. Finding the right therapist for you is helpful. We always hear..."You have to love yourself before you can love others". "You have to find value in yourself or others will not find value in us". Doesn't work that way...at least it hasn't ever worked that way for me. Others have to find us valuable before we can find ourselves valuable. Others have to love us before we know we're lovable. Someone else has to believe in us before we can believe in ourselves. No one can do this in isolation. No one can learn to love themselves without help from others. You don't get this from a book. You don't get this from going to a pottery class. You don't get this from internet forums. You get this by finding another human being, or groups of human beings, who you can be honest with about who you really are. How you really feel about yourself, about others, and about life and things in general. You Share yourself with another human being. One who does not judge your feelings. One who does not abandon. One who is trustworthy. One you can trust to have your back...no matter what. No strings attached.

 

That's what therapy is for. Groups like AA work the same way. Once I've begun to share my deepest fears (about myself....fear of nothing being inside of me to love, fear of being different, fear of..."fill in the blank")....and in the sharing of those fears....learned that they're not "deal killers"....that i'm accepted for who I am in spite of it all....then things began to change for me. I see that I'm going to be "ok" even if my worst fears materialize. I'm not going to vanish into thin air. I'm not going to be rejected. Once I see that I'm not going to be rejected by *someone*...then I can begin to venture out...and risk rejection from others...because....even if they do reject me...I've learned from someone else who hasn't rejected me that i'm worth not rejecting. Then the sunlight of objectivity begins to displace our closely guarded and (what was once) very important, judgements of ourselves. Judgements that we have imposed upon ourselves our entire lives. Judgements based, not on the objective reality...but on what we've for so much of our lives....believed and thought about ourselves (which has been mostly untrue). Our fears become manageable....and once exposed for what they are...nothing more than ghosts....once exposed...those huge dragons...inner demons if you will...dissipate...and go "poof" when the light of reason shines upon them..

 

This isn't a one time operation. It's a lifelong operation. But the beginnings of which have begin somewhere. And that somewhere is with a therapist who doesn't have a dog in the fight.

 

 

And if I may.....

 

(I laugh as I say this...because it's so obviously clear to me, and so obviously unclear to you)......

 

You WILL have a girlfriend at some point. At the risk of sounding like a parent....I'm telling you....You've just begun to live your life. You have so much living ahead of you ....

[babysacay]

I agree wholeheartedly with Mysterio. I used to feel the same way, down and depressed because I'm single and many of my friends are not...actually all my besties are in relationships. Society puts too much value on being partnered and there's nothing wrong with being single. I've realized recently that many die single but that doesn't mean their life wasn't worth anything. That's life. That's reality and I feel happier having accepted that. I decided not to base my happiness on being with someone else because that is not completely up to me. I have a fulfilling life in other ways.

[Mysterio]

For me. This is my take on being single. I don't have a real problem being single. Its when I go out there and try to date that the problems occur.

 

Its like all the women that I choose are wrong for me. Even if I am destined to be with one woman for the rest of my life. I thought that journey would be more fun. Take away the physical affection aspect of it. The women I tend to date are aloof. They don't seem very happy about going out and its like planning a military strategic strike just to go out. Nothing is ever smooth.

 

So I am letting the universe bring a special lady to my life. That does not mean I won't ask a woman out. Its just that there will have to be more warmth and familiarity before we go out. So I am not asking out Penny that works at Starbucks out for a date. By the way. A date to me is just going out and shaing a meal and talking about life. Nothing more than that. a little Flirtation if the vibe is there. No Sex or heavy duty commitment. Maybe making out and thats rare.

 

I feel blessed that I have no met the wrong person and had kids and now we are on the outs. Looking at my pattern. The woman is in my life socially and i have not picked up on it. She will make the first move. All I have to do is stay open to it. So for me its not about letting someone come into my life and using my experiances with women to carve out a great woman when it comes to both of us getting something out of each other.

 

My vision to be with a great woman is this. She is Single/Warm/Sweet/Sharp and adorable. Really into me and is more Girl next door type.

[babysacay]

I love your take Mysterio. Even though I'm hurting from my most recent breakup, I too am grateful not to have had kids with someone and have it end. I don't ever want a broken home.

[Mysterio]

Babysacay. Keep your standards and you will get what you want in the end. I think that a lot of people need to go slow.

 

My buddy DT who I have talked about before on other posts. He basically let his Ex GF, let her back into his life. With her 2 older kids. Got pregnant and got DT to live with her and have one kid in 2015. The other bio kid between them 2017. This is what he allowed to be dumped into her life. Despite the fact that she is still technically married to her first husband. They are on year 4 with each other. That would never stand for me. I see big problems for them. Unless she gets Divorced and gets her Seperated Hubby on the same page. What does DT and his GF tell their Bio kids when they hit 10/12 why they are not married.

 

He went so fast that now he is in a Soap Opera. So if Slow gets us both what we want. Slow is the way to go. Slow for me is two years of being a couple and the third yr to evaluate for the long term/Engaged/Married. I don't think any faster than that will work out.

[teak]

I think you would have less trouble talking to a woman if you had any genuine interest in her life or just her as a person, some curiosity about her thoughts and personality. To think that I know a lot of guys and that translates to "understanding men" as if they are not individuals would make dating miserable to me, too. Good luck to you.

[Timuquana2017]

Ok, I'm going to be blunt. I'm 43 years old and unlucky in love. You are 26 years old and you feel that your life is over because you're single. Stop!!!! This is your primetime!!! When I was 26 years old I just had my daughter and was mourning my freedom. Go out there and get yourself into some activities. Take an overseas trip, go sky diving...something!!! I'm currently single after a few bad experiences and I'm enjoying being it and getting myself re-centered before going back out there. One thing that is a complete turn-off is someone who is desperate. I can spot one a mile away. Focus on you because a confident woman/man is attractive. I tell my friends all the time to stop shopping for a mate and when they do then it will be a beautiful thing when one unexpectedly shows up.