9 Years Dating and 4 months married - struggling with separation

[Tess92]

Hi everyone,

 

My husband walked out of my life this week while I was at work. He told me in a text that he doesn't love me anymore and that we have no chemistry since living together. I'm struggling to cope with the loss of my high school sweetheart. I just need some advice based on how to deal with this struggle.

[d0nnivain]

Holy cr@p.

 

 

Normally I wouldn't say this but you have been together a while & you're probably young but call his mom & ask her what the <bleep> is going on.

[Mr. Lucky]

you're probably young but call his mom & ask her what the <bleep> is going on.

 

Based on the "9 years", she's probably mid-20's. Too old to let Mom fix this though I'd guess there's much more to the story.

 

He told me in a text that he doesn't love me anymore and that we have no chemistry since living together.

 

Tess, no one breaks up with someone they've been with for 10 years via an out-of-the-blue text message. What lead up to the break-up ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[Tess92]

Hi Mr Lucky.

 

You're right I am 24 years old. I could see that he has changed. He took up a drug habit in the past year, and would take it to deal with life. He kind of blamed it on me saying he was too weak to hurt me. I feel somewhat guilty for making him this way. He cheated on me, but was remorseful before the wedding to the point where I felt bad for wanting to leave him. I was holding on to this dream guy from my youth. I work my ass off everyday to make him happy. I feel like I'm dealing with blow after blow. My life is by a fairy tale, but I deserve better than a mere text.

[d0nnivain]

Oh dear.

 

 

You are married to a cheating drug addict. You married him because you loved him in HS & were too blinded by the history you have to see the reality. Had you posted before you married we would have told you to run. The advice stands -- but now you have to run to the divorce attorney's office & pay to get out. Hopefully you can have it annulled because the drugs clouded his brain & he could not from the capacity to marry.

 

 

I'm so sorry but you need to walk away.

[Mr. Lucky]

Hi Mr Lucky.

 

You're right I am 24 years old. I could see that he has changed. He took up a drug habit in the past year, and would take it to deal with life. He kind of blamed it on me saying he was too weak to hurt me. I feel somewhat guilty for making him this way. He cheated on me, but was remorseful before the wedding to the point where I felt bad for wanting to leave him. I was holding on to this dream guy from my youth. I work my ass off everyday to make him happy. I feel like I'm dealing with blow after blow. My life is by a fairy tale, but I deserve better than a mere text.

 

Sorry to hear.

 

Addiction is a soul-killing, relationship-destroying disease. Four things you should do:

 

1). Ensure your own safety and well-being.

2). Lean on friends/family members for support.

3). See an attorney to understand your rights

4). Go to a NarAnon meeting

 

Keep posting, let us know how you're doing...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Cephalopod]

He did the best thing he ever could have done for you. Let him go.

[whatnot]

It sounds as if there were problems that led to the marriage. Thinking marriage might change things?

 

Re-read Mr. Lucky's 4 steps you should do in his second post. I agree with them. Just because you do the third doesn't mean you have to divorce.

 

If you're seriously wanting to save your marriage, no. 4 is the most important. One man's opinion. they all are. "Love is not found. It is built"

Edited May 1, 2017 by whatnot

[Tess92]

Let me clarify I've done absolutely nothing at this point but love my H.

 

He said:

 

There is no chemistry

 

I bring no joy to his life

 

I am not his type

 

He doesn't love me anymore

 

This coming from a person who married me 4 months ago and has been my world since 2008.

 

 

I can't fathom taking him back after this. I've had enough. I just need help in dealing with the situation. I'm going to see legal aid next week. Thanks for the feedback so far.

[MJJean]

Lean on friends and family. Join a support group online or locally. Make sure you keep hydrated and eat regular small meals. You don't want to end up feeling worse due to bad nutrition and dehydration. Keep busy doing whatever you find fun and/or productive. Concentrate on the positive as much as you can and let time heal.

[Mr. Lucky]

This coming from a person who married me 4 months ago and has been my world since 2008.

 

You're attempting to apply reason to what, when addiction is involved, is the textbook definition of an unreasonable situation. Stop trying to make sense of what he's doing and start focusing on you.

 

What steps are you taking this week to move forward ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[Tess92]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm coping with the situation. I've spoken to him a couple of times regarding our relationship. My emotions are everywhere, but I'm keeping a brave face. I've gone back to work this week, and I've had to tell a few people - that was hard. I might get be looking at seeking counselling - I'm not sure yet.

 

T

[Fdb]

Separation is the right thing for your situation. Your feeling is everywhere is not because you miss that person, because you regret all the hardwork you have to keep this relationship alive and feeling mistreated since you did not get your fair share of treatment. But since when life is fair. Ask someone is not capable to give just like ask wall to talk back to you. Learn from your mistakes, always love yourself first, never forget how important your happiness is. Only love the one(s) will love you right back.

Vent to firends, family, therapist as often as you need. Cry when you need to cry. Let your emotion out. Gradually, you will accept and make peace with your self and move on. Time heals, God bless!