Something wrong with my fiance

[anotherbear]

About me : 24, Live in Asia

My fiance : 36, divorce once, lives in USA.

WE have been in together for almost 2 years and he is filling the paper for us to get married.

You would say I am being paranoid but please hear me out :

- FIrst is about the proposal, I dont mind even if he asked me with just a small cheap thing. I would still said yes. But thing is, I have asked him serveral times about that and at some point I think He did it to get over with. Like to get it done. I feel unwanted, I feel small. Also, because I knew last time he got married, he proposed to his ex, with not just a ring but he also on his knee. Dont I deserve to be treat better ? DOnt I deserve a ring or at least something too ?

- Second thing, recently, we talked a lot about the visa, it is a time consuming process, I get it. But everytime I asked, he always said he is busy and he will get it done soon. But it has been 1 months since we start gathering the paper works and yet he barely gets anything together for the visa. I feel like I am the only one want it to happen.

- Third thing, He 's been acting strange lately, I dont feel loved any more. I know long distance is hard and sometimes we cant talk. But before, he would stay up a little late, just to get a call and hear my voice. Now, he dosent even text me good night.

- He forgot my birthday, constanly said he gonna make up for it but he never did. And I can understand that man forgot date somtimes but how come he can remember stuff about his ex and his previous married but not thing about us ? I dont get it.

- He also start to lose focus when we talked. His attention is not on me any more.

Please help, am I being paranoid ? He is a great man and I really love him.

Thank you so much.

[BaileyB]

I'm sorry to say this, but based on what you've described it doesn't really sound like he is very invested in the relationship anymore. I would have a pretty serious discussion with him before you make any more plans for marriage.

[salparadise]

Have you even met in person?

[ExpatInItaly]

It certainly seems as though he is backing out of the relationship.

 

I'll echo salparadise and ask, have you two met in person?

[d0nnivain]

I too don't think very highly of this relationship from the way you described its current state.

 

 

First, you call him your FI but then ask when he will propose & you compare how he will ask you to how he asked his first wife.

 

 

If he is dragging his feet on the time consuming visa process you have to assume he's "getting cold feet" meaning he's not sure he wants to marry you any more.

 

 

It may be that you were someone fun to date for a while because you were on the other side of the world but now that you expect to get married, he's pulling away.

 

 

I suspect this has run it's course for him which is why he doesn't text, forgot your birthday & seems to drift when you do speak. You are still in love but alas he may not be.

 

 

Can you arrange to fly to the US on a tourist Visa so that you can hash some of this out in person? If not you need to at least Skype. You need to learn what the truth is, even if you don't like it. The sooner you can move forward either together or separate the better off you will be because you will have clear path

[Whodatdog]

I think the writing is on the wall. Theres nothing you have told us that indicates he has any interest in marrying you at all. If he wanted to, he would be getting things done. He isnt.

 

Be prepared.

[d0nnivain]

Oh dear.

 

 

I just read your other thread from last September. Did your BF ever move in with the female roommate? If so I suspect that is what cooled his ardor for his GF on the other side of the planet -- he had a nice warm living breathing woman right in his house

[anotherbear]

We met in person. And had 2 trips together, once was in singapore and the other one was recently in my country. He has met my parents too. I have talked to his, through a Skype call tho. Havent got the chance to met them in person

[anotherbear]

Thanks for that. But no, he didnt move in with her

[anotherbear]

Thanks for all the advice.

But he already propose to me, already. But i was a little disapppointed by he way he did.

We talked a lot every day, texts too. And we skype in the weekend

We tried the tourist visa once, but they didnt approve my application (the embassy), for that time he did send me money for the visa fee and also state that he would support my trip

I feel petty yes when compare to his ex. He told me to forget about her and forcus on our relationship. I tried and still trying

I already talked to him about this, he said these couple weeks he was busy and he promise to get all those paper done this month.

[d0nnivain]

If you couldn't get a tourist visa, which are way easier to get then a permanent visa, under this US administration how likely is it that you two can resolve these immigration issues? Sometimes international LDRs are pipe dreams no matter how much the couple's love each other it just won't happen. Love doesn't conquer international politics.

[Whodatdog]

So which is it? Your first posts says a lot of negative things about him, things that arent at all what a committed boyfriend would do.

 

LS tells you, doesnt look good, looks like boyfriend is not as interested.

 

Then you reply with but but but but but.....

 

So which is it?

[preraph]

Maybe he is hitting the wall trying to get the papers and just isn't ready to talk about it yet and trying to avoid it until he works on it some more.