Having difficulty accepting I have lost my ex forever

[BoopBoo]

Hello everyone, this is my first time to write in this forum. Sorry for the wall of text. My ex broke up with me about 1.5 months ago and we had been dating for 5 months at the time. The relationship had been going well by all accounts, we treated each other very well, we complimented one another, we helped each other out, had an incredible physical relationshi, got along great with each other's friend groups and supported one another's goals and aspirations. We had the same religious background, had similar political views and values. We had met through a mutual friend and I ended up asking her out and we had an instant connection. We opened up early on to one another about our past relationships and deeply personal life events that had impacted us- I trusted her with experiences that I had not shared with anyone and she did the same. I didn't know that I could have been as happy as I was then with her.

 

A month before she ended our relationship she insisted that we put our relationship status up on Facebook because she wanted to be "one of those obnoxiously cute couples". A little less than 3 weeks before she broke my heart we each told each other that we loved one another and she had even mentioned that if she had to move far away that "I should know that I wouldn't have to worry about that" because she wanted to be with me regardless. When I told her I loved her what I was saying was that I wanted to be with her no matter the circumstances and that I would choose her every day with all of my heart. To me, saying "I love you" was a commitment to her.

 

After we said we loved one another she left to interview for a program for a week while I was in the midst of an extremely intense part of my training. While she was gone I tried messaging her but it was difficult to contact her and I felt a little down because I missed her. To clarify, I was never clingy in the relationship and we gave each other plenty of space to hang out with our friend groups, do our work etc... However I was stressed and was missing the woman I love, so when she came back I was a little cold and distant. The next day we talked and I apologized about that. The next couple of weeks were a little rocky as I was getting worked harder and harder and when we spent time together on a couple of occasions there was tension which threw me off even more.

 

Despite those instances however we were very sweet over texts and she even told me a few days before she broke up with me that she loved me very much and wanted to know how she could help me through the week. I felt so wonderful and told her how much I loved her. That Saturday I wanted to take her out and spend time together but she came over to my place and broke up with me instead.

 

She was very distant and cold when it happened- not mean but the way she looked at me had changed. She said she had felt "off" since she had went to her interview and that she couldn't shake that feeling. I was emotionally depleted and exhausted so at that time I agreed with her and didn't object. 20 minutes later I realized what had actually happened and started panicking. The next day I spoke with her over the phone and told her how much I love her and apologized for being short with her for the preceding 2 weeks. I asked to talk and she agreed.

 

We met up a couple days later and I emptied my heart out and told her how much I love her, I want to be a part of her life, I want to have adventures with her, to wake up with her every day, to cuddle with her, to protect her, to help her achieve her dreams, to create new memories together and to be happy together. Initially she said she still felt "off" but I held her hand spoke with her and ultimately held her close and kissed her. She cried a little as a held her. She said she needed to think more so we planned on meeting again a couple of days later. Instead she ended up calling me that evening because "it would be easier". She told me she had made up her mind and thought that breaking up was the right choice. I accepted that but asked her if she didn't love me anymore. She said she still loved me but just because she loved me didn't mean that we necessarily should be together. I of course disagreed but told her that I will always love her.

 

A few days later I went to see her perform in the hopes that something would happen. She was pleasantly surprised and invited me to her final performance later that month. We ran into each other at an event later that week and she came over to speak with me and we chatted casually. Since that time I have not spoken with her, interacted with her on social media or been in the same social setting.

 

I think about her every day, I cried a lot at the begginng alone in my house and occasionally still do. I have flashbacks of memories together when I look around my apartment or if someone says a particular word or if I go to a spot we once spent time together and these memories are very vivid. I wake up in the morning and I turn over wishing she was there with me and I am disappointed every time. I truly love her and the most heartbreaking realization I have had is that I love her so much that if I had known that this is the way it would end, with all of the pain and suffering I feel every day- I would choose her again.

 

She is moving far way from me now and I know I will likely never see her again. I know that time will help- but as it stands right now my heart is breaking again. If you have any words, comments, advice or insight I would greatly appreciate it. I'm doing many of the things people advise, excericise, spending time with friends, staying busy, avoiding alcohol, minimizing my social media use, seeing a therapist, meeting new people (going on dates) and meditating.

[bluefeather]

I'm doing many of the things people advise, excericise, spending time with friends, staying busy, avoiding alcohol, minimizing my social media use, seeing a therapist, meeting new people (going on dates) and meditating.

 

Honestly, it seems like you're on the right track because those are all good things to do after a breakup. It's going to keep hurting for some time until it won't anymore. You may think she was the one, but there are hundreds, thousands, and millions of women. I thought I'd found the one more than a couple times. Try to gain some knowledge and perspective from this situation, be thankful for the lessons learned, and continue with life. There will be someone better than before, but you, as well, should be better than you were before.

 

Good luck.

[BoopBoo]

Thank you bluefeather. Logically I know that you are right, it is very difficult however to get my heart and my emotions to be where I want them to be. Unfortunately my loneliness is exacerbated by the nature of my career; I will be starting my residency in a surgical field next year during which I will be working between 80-100 hours per week regularly. I will have limited ability to meet other people and will be exhausted more often than not. I know this is the path for me and it's what I've wanted to do for a very long time. I fear however that my chances of meeting someone that made me feel this way are substantially lower than the most other people.

 

I've gone on a few dates with a very nice girl over the past couple of weeks as well. I fear that I'm not in the right place emotionally to be in another relationship, yet I desperately want to have someone with whom I can pour out my heart. I want to cry, curl up in a ball, call my ex, do something to change my reality but I know life doesn't turn out like it does in film and people cannot be made to do what we want them to do.

 

I used to be full of life, confident, happy and sure of my future. Now I struggle to get up, do my work and keep it together. Although I would never do anything rash when then the train comes by as I head to and from work I find that I don't seem to care if I happened to be run over. Often I don't want to wake up.

 

I'm almost 26 years old and it frightens me that this is the price I may have to pay again to find someone who will love me as I love them.

[codest]

Man, this is going to be tough for you for a while. Such are the hazards of being in love. The good thing, however, is that you haven't been with her for too long. Also, you're considerably young, and you still have lots and lots of great things coming your way.

 

Remember: avoid all contact with her going forward, remove everything that would trigger any flashbacks, and still prepare to be miserable for some time. You will have to feel some pain before you can get over it...

 

Another thing to consider: the person you used to know (and are still in love with) and the person she actually is are two different people. Don't you forget that. What she did to you was pretty heartless.

Edited May 1, 2017 by codest

[BoopBoo]

Thank codest. I haven't contacted her in over a month and she is leaving town which I recently found out last week so even if I wanted to I won't see her again I cannot. I've done my best and removed as many memories of her as I can, unfortunately many of our memories were made at my house. I look around and I remember cooking together, I'll see her turning around and smiling at me or remember her curling up next to me watching a movie. Quite frankly my ability to remember, which has been a great asset in my career is now my greatest enemy.

 

Social media also is tricky to maneuver. I unfollowed her on Facebook and removed her from my chat bar. I don't look at her snaps on Snapchat, but if I'm being honest I look for her name when I post my stories and she always is one of the first to look. Same with instagram although besides unfollowing her (which I am reticent to do as I don't want her to think that I care enough to do that) it can be impossible to avoid seeing some of her posts.

 

I was actually doing quite well for about a week and wasn't feeling the hurt so much, but her moving away has made me feel the loss again and in some ways more profoundly since any hope of reconciliation is gone.

 

To your point regarding who I thought she was and am in love with and who she actually is- you have a valid point. It helps to think of things in this way. How someone can tell me they love me multiple times including the week of the break up and flip a switch and decide to break up over the course of 2.5 weeks I cannot understand. That's not love as I understand it. I don't know if I buy the argument that you can "love" someone but decide you don't want to be together. I figure that you can care about some one very much and feel that way- but "love" them- no I don't think so. True love is rare; each person is profoundly unique and no one can replace him/her: real love is worth staying for, it is a choice not just a feeling. Feelings fluctuate depending on context and circumstance- they can guide us but they should not rule us. I wonder if she mistook infatuation with love or if she felt guilty and was ashamed to retract her declaration of love for me. I question if her enthusiasm for posting our relationship all over instagram and Facebook came from a place of genuine excitement or a way to increase her own value by parading her successful boyfriend online.

 

Sorry for the rant. I've dissected the events of the relationship up to and after the break up ad nauseum to gain clarity and understanding but I can't make sense of it.

[bluefeather]

...real love is worth staying for...

 

Real love is also worth letting go, when the other person wishes to be free. That is a harder truth to accept, and many a heart break while struggling to do so.

[BoopBoo]

A far as she knows, I've let her go. I will never contact her, I will never see her. In that regard I have and continue to respect her choice despite how much it hurts me. I am not serving my interests or wants in this.

 

With respect to me letting go, I want to be at peace, but how does one let go of love? I suppose that the inexorable march of time will numb my memories and dull my pain. As I have reflected on my situation the picture of God reaching out to man painted on the roof of the Sistine Chapel was called to mind. Michelangelo was depicting the nature of Man's relationship to the Almighty. God stretching out, grasping for Man and Man lazily raising a finger in His direction. I can empathize with Michelagelo's God- He reaches out as far as He can because He loves Man, yet Man will not extend his finger in return.

 

So in response to letting her go- as far as she is concerned she will not hear from me again, she is free to live her life as she will. Such is the nature of free will.

 

My understanding of real love is that it is not something that dies- it is everlasting. I just want to find a way to be alright with that love never being reciprocated as my love for her is independent of what she feels for me or what she has done.

[bluefeather]

With respect to me letting go, I want to be at peace, but how does one let go of love?

 

It's not so much letting go of love - rather, loving the person, still, but in such a way that you are truly happy for their happiness, whether it is with or without you, or especially, with someone else. If questions like that were so easily answered and executed, this forum would probably not be so full of users.

 

I just want to find a way to be alright with that love never being reciprocated...

 

Yup, that would probably be a very quick way to heal. I wouldn't say I've mastered that - far from it. But I use what I pick up from spirituality and psychology to help. Everyone has their own ways, according to what they experience, as you, for example, referred to the painting.

[BoopBoo]

It's not so much letting go of love - rather, loving the person, still, but in such a way that you are truly happy for their happiness, whether it is with or without you, or especially, with someone else. If questions like that were so easily answered and executed, this forum would probably not be so full of users.

 

 

 

Yup, that would probably be a very quick way to heal. I wouldn't say I've mastered that - far from it. But I use what I pick up from spirituality and psychology to help. Everyone has their own ways, according to what they experience, as you, for example, referred to the painting.

 

To your first point, I'd like to get there. My grief is impeding me as are my own wants and desires. It is difficult to be truly selfless; it is hard to relinquish my happiness.

 

It hurts so much. I would not wish this on anyone. The way she used to look at me...

 

This is what is feels like to be inside of my brain:

 

Dammit. She's gone, she's gone she's gone and she's never coming back. Why? Why? Why? God help me, someone help me. Take this away from me please. Let me stop loving her. Please come back. Let me love you. Don't go. I will always love you. Stay. Be happy with me. Don't you love me? If you love me why go? Remember all that we shared. I'm ok. It'll get better. You'll forget in time. It will go way. It will never go away. I don't want to forget her. I don't want her to forget me. Will she remember me? Does she feel this pain? Does she know what could have been! Does she know how much I love her? I don't want to be here anymore. Make it stop. Have mercy.

[BoopBoo]

I'm sorry if I sound like I'm rebuffing suggestions- you have been so very helpful. I'm so lonely right now, I'm really not okay. I just got hit with a wave of sadness and its crippling me. I just want help. I'm sitting here in my apartment right now and I can't move. I'm crying on my couch like a child

[bluefeather]

I don't think you need to apologize for or deny your feelings of loss. That is part of the grieving process. If you let them flow through properly, you can let them flow out of you. That's the idea, anyway ;P

 

And to your inner thoughts: been there... more than once Dx haha :sigh: it helps to laugh about it...

[codest]

Oh, boy,

 

I know it is hard to realize that yet, but you're in for a ride. And it's going to be a bumpy one. Regardless of what you may think, there ain't gonna be a quick solution for you. You will need to grieve, you will need to feel like like crap for a while, and only then you may start feeling better. You are going to be asking those "why" questions over and over again; believe me, you aren't going to find any answers to those, at least for a while.

 

As for all that social networking stuff - ditch that completely. I mean it. No Instagram, no FB, nothing like that. Any kind of stalking, including anything digital, is only going to set you back again and again.

 

Want to feel better? Stop looking her up, cut off all ties, "friendships" and so on. Block her, just to avoid seeing any posts or pics of hers even by accident. There will be no other way for you.

 

I know that all of this may sound counterintuitive at first, as you are still in the "denying" phase. Again, you will get over this eventually, but not immediately.

 

If you get curious, then read my main post, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/617752-anna-things-unsaid .

Warning: it's longer than yours. My situation may seem somewhat worse, but the outcome is similar - my ex still doesn't yet fully realize what she has done wrong. Hopefully, she will some day, though.

 

From my own experience, I can tell you that everything you are going through is expected: your whole world turns dark, the time stops (I can't believe it's only been 3 months for me; feels like an eternity, really!) and you really see no way out. I only went so far - I stopped following her completely, I didn't succumb to drinking or smoking, I locked up my .38 in a bank safe, I resumed my gym routine... Do I feel any better now, you may ask? Hell, no! But it would have been worse if I didn't do any of that.

 

Be strong is all I can say. You can do it!

[BoopBoo]

Haha, it can be maddening when my own brain feels like it's my enemy. It's interesting though, I find that as it gets closer to the evening I don't feel quite so miserable. It's the morning that is challenging and midday after I get home and no one else is around that I feel the pain the most.

 

To be completely honest I know that a major problem for me is reconciling that she said that she still loved me even as she was leaving me. For me that has been the cruelest part of the whole situation. I don't believe her... but I want to so bad. Although it's totally irrelevant at this point my thoughts often attach to those words and then I go down memory lane remembering our first kiss and all the special parts of our relationship. The memories of the physical side of the relationship are exceptionally painful when they come to mind.

 

I don't know why someone would think that is an ok thing to say to someone they are leaving, especially when that person (me) is clearly still madly in love with the one leaving. Talk about twisting the knife.

 

On the plus side of this whole ****storm I've discovered some killer music. Also the movie Arrival, which is my new favorite film (you should check it out if you haven't yet already).

[DontBreakEven]

It's interesting though, I find that as it gets closer to the evening I don't feel quite so miserable. It's the morning that is challenging and midday after I get home and no one else is around that I feel the pain the most.

 

This is actually quite common. I'm unsure why.

[bluefeather]

To be completely honest I know that a major problem for me is reconciling that she said that she still loved me even as she was leaving me. For me that has been the cruelest part of the whole situation. I don't believe her... but I want to so bad.

 

Take a step back and realize that it probably would have hurt much more if she broke up with you in some cruel and cold way, like many others here have experienced. There are exes who I have broken up with and still love to this day. One of them platonically, and another, I wouldn't necessarily say romantically, but I still definitely hold a flame for her.

 

edit: On the flip-side, I have also been dumped and believe them when they say they still love me... sometimes even when they don't say it.

Edited May 3, 2017 by bluefeather

[Blastoplast]

It sounds like she just wants to focus on her career or personal life to me. This happens, sometimes timing is just bad. It just happened to me. Nothing to worry about... look at it as a way to focus on your self, spiritually, mentally and physically. Be the best person you can be, so that when somebody else comes along in your life you'll be even more ready for it than when this woman came into yours.

[WorstFeelingEver]

OP------I am sorry you are going through this, I feel your pain, I really do. I am sort of going thru it too, but I am married with kids.

 

Now try multiplying the relationship you had times 600. And the worst pain ever. I am married to my best friend for 18 years now, (22 years with dating), have 2 young kids (middle school age). She started going out with friends in late 2016 and enjoying the "slice if freedom" lifestyle. And now, she asked me for a "D" in early March. We live in same marital home, but separate bedrooms now. She looks at me like I am her worst enemy on this planet, when we talk, (mostly I initiate conversations, otherwise she tries NC with me) she is mean to me, talks to me like I am a piece of s***, saying she doesn't love me, doesn't want anything to do with me, not wanting to try working on our marriage, (counseling, pastor, marriage retreat, etc..). She down right tries to put me down verbally & emotionally. It is like a "switch flip" in her as well. I did not do anything to her, I am not physically/verbally abusive, I did not threaten her, or my kids, (I would never think that OR do that), no adultery on my side, etc... I work my butt off at work, & come home to help wife with household & kids.

 

I just don't understand why single/married women change their minds rapidly, especially when they are kids involved, is beyond me. I told her I didn't mind her going out with friends every now & then, but to live the "single life" with no responsibility, she should have done that when she was in her early 20's, not when we have been married 18 years with young children, responsibilities, mortgage, utilities, property taxes, etc...

 

It is not like I can come home from work after 8-11 hours, drop kids off at sitter and live the "single life" bar hopping, going out with friends to restaurants, out to events, etc... that she experiences with her friends. We are in a committed marriage, we have a family now, with responsibilities, & she wants to forget those responsibilities about 4-8 hours on one week night or weekend night every so often.

 

OP-- It is the worst feeling, I have the same thoughts going through my mind like you posted earlier about I wanting my BF/wife back how it used to be, WHY? WHY? is she doing this? I want it to go away, Does she feel this pain? Does she know what could have been! Does she know how much I love her?...etc.... Some days I feel good, other days, I can't work, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I feel alone at times too especially at home nights and weekends. (wife tends to leave on weekends and spends time with our kids, I am not invited to hang out with her while she takes kids out, so I am at home when they are gone).

 

This is going to be tough for a while, but I believe, (and being told by others) it will get better and she will eventually realize down the road, not near future, but maybe 3-10 years what a mistake she has made, as I was always there by her side though thick & thin.

[BoopBoo]

Take a step back and realize that it probably would have hurt much more if she broke up with you in some cruel and cold way, like many others here have experienced. There are exes who I have broken up with and still love to this day. One of them platonically, and another, I wouldn't necessarily say romantically, but I still definitely hold a flame for her.

 

Yeah, I'm sure it would have hurt more at the time, but on the flip side that could have made things easier because it would more clearly delineate her as the "bad guy" so to speak. When I heard her say she still loved me it really hurt me double, because I was thinking in my head "she loves me, and I love her, surely two people who love one another should want to be together or at least make an effort for the relationship." Those are the words that really mess with my head and heart- those words are insidious because they allow for hope, they made me think that the separation would be temporary. It makes it harder to move on

[BoopBoo]

It sounds like she just wants to focus on her career or personal life to me. This happens, sometimes timing is just bad. It just happened to me. Nothing to worry about... look at it as a way to focus on your self, spiritually, mentally and physically. Be the best person you can be, so that when somebody else comes along in your life you'll be even more ready for it than when this woman came into yours.

 

You may be right. I don't understand why she felt the need to cut me out if she "loves me" like she claimed though. I always supported her and told her she should apply to these programs that were far away and could take years. I'll be doing a 7 year residency myself so I'm all about supporting someone else to do what they have to do to achieve their dreams. She even had said that distance wouldn't be a problem. I'm super busy myself, much more so than she. The last few weeks of our relationship I was literally working 105 hours per week with no days off for 2 weeks and 80 hours per week the 2 weeks before that. I was completely exhausted. I don't, I guess a better explanation than "I feel off" would have been stellar and maybe leaving out the part where she said "I love you." But hey, that's just me

[bluefeather]

Yeah, I'm sure it would have hurt more at the time, but on the flip side that could have made things easier because it would more clearly delineate her as the "bad guy" so to speak....

 

I don't buy that for one minute. I have experienced both a loving breakup and spiteful one. The loving one eventually became a dear friend. The spiteful can still trigger nightmares if I allow it. You got your heart broken and handed back to you gently, compared to how things could have gone. When it is broken and stomped on the ground while the other person walks away laughing, then tell me which is easier.

 

...because I was thinking in my head "she loves me, and I love her, surely two people who love one another should want to be together or at least make an effort for the relationship."

 

No, not surely. I don't think you're understanding this very well. Your mind is too clouded by self-pity. But keep working through it and you can get there. We all go through similar feelings and it is a step-by-step process towards healing.

[SevenCity]

OP - the way you descibe your feelings makes me feel like you were spying on me though my breakup. I know all too well that 1 second when you wake up where you feel good then the reality of the situation hits you like a ton of bricks. How mornings are the worst time of the day. Crying uncontrollably like a baby. That feeling of coming home to an empty house. Uhg, it's the worst.

 

I was with my ex for 7 years and had planned to ask her to marry me on our anniversary which ended up being a few weeks after she moved out for good.

 

She not only said she loved me, but topped it with "Maybe we'll get back together one day" about 15 times on the day she left for good. This was after I tried to work it out for 3 months which was limbo hell. She would cook for me and bring me the food, send me cards in the mail, talk about having my baby, and we had mind blowing sex when ever she came over.

 

I empathize with you as I was a total wreck for about 5 months. I lost 40 lbs in the first 2 months and would only sleep a few hours a night which would be disrupted by nightmares. The only reason I didn't kill myself was because I had to take care of my dog. It was the lowest point of my life to date.

 

As time went on I started dating. It was terrible at first but got more tolerable as time went on. Time also lessened the pain. It's not gone, but it is not even close to what it once was. I honestly didn't think it was possible to feel good again.

 

After dating / sleeping with several women I found one who is now my girlfriend (for 5 days officially lol). Took 8 months to find her after a lot of dating.

 

I would be lying if I said I was completely over my ex but I'm enough over her to give a new RL a shot. I ran across pics of my ex and said to myself "why did I find her so attractive?" My new gf is way hotter as well

 

This will be a tough time. I read that it takes about 1.5 years to fully heal from a breakup. That's about right considering the few girls who broke my heart in the past. It's a long road but you'll come out the other end as a better person.

 

Hang in there and post here. Many of us ended up on LS due to bad breakups and completely know how you feel.

[BoopBoo]

I don't buy that for one minute. I have experienced both a loving breakup and spiteful one. The loving one eventually became a dear friend. The spiteful can still trigger nightmares if I allow it. You got your heart broken and handed back to you gently, compared to how things could have gone. When it is broken and stomped on the ground while the other person walks away laughing, then tell me which is easier.

 

I had a girlfriend back in college who broke up with me and then proceeded to get involved with several members of my friend group thereafter. She lived right down the hall from me and iced me out; some of our mutual friends ended up declining to speak with me thereafter. That felt awful and I felt like garbage, but with time I recognized that she did was pretty heinous. There wasn't anything to romanticize because she was just plain in the wrong.

 

I don't claim to have any experience with what sort of horrible thing must have happened with your prior relationship and I'm sorry that happened with you.

 

You got your heart broken and handed back to you gently, compared to how things could have gone

 

There are always worse iterations of how this could have gone down, but that being said from my perspective this scenario was pretty God awful. Not to mention I got hit with this like a freight train out of nowhere. Same day after it happened and I was still in shock I went on a dating app and was swiping around like I didn't care (lasted about 15 minutes until it set in and I started to feel like absolute garbage). Sure enough I run into her profile on the app and the first picture was one I had taken a couple months ago of her and a friend while we were all out together at a party. Meaning she had in the best case scenario reactivated her dating app just prior to coming over that day to break up with me and more likely sooner than that. I also checked my relationship status and she had already changed it before coming over. No talk before. No messages about what may have been going on with her. Nope, three days ago she was texting me how much she loved me and how she wanted to help me get through the week and then a few days later BAM! we're breaking up.

 

On top of that **** sandwich the next day one of my patients coded in the ICU and I was giving her CPR; her sternum was crunching under my hands and her eyes were lolling around in her head as her face turned blue. She died right there and I ended up going in a stair well and cried my eyes out for a solid 20 minutes. Life is fragile, people are not expendable, relationships mean something and there are no replacements for a person. That's one of the biggest things I've learned being in medicine; cherish the people you love, place your stock in people and the relationships you have because you don't know how long anyone has left. Death catches up to us eventually and in a shorter amount of time than we are prepared for.

 

My dad had a stroke the next week after the break up. Add all that on top of not sleeping for a month, getting occasional naps on a cot in a county hospital work room after spending the prior 2 months locked away studying for my board exams that determine my ability to get into my residency speciality choice and the last few months have been pretty ****e.

 

My heart feels like its been put in a blender and discarded. It doesn't feel like it was handed back gently. I appreciate your words and you have given really great advice bluefeather. This however does not feel like an outcome for which I should be grateful for just because it could have been even worse if you understand where I'm coming from.

[BoopBoo]

I know all too well that 1 second when you wake up where you feel good then the reality of the situation hits you like a ton of bricks. How mornings are the worst time of the day. Crying uncontrollably like a baby. That feeling of coming home to an empty house. Uhg, it's the worst.

 

Yeah man, getting out of bed also takes some serious willpower. I'm pretty demotivated but the work still needs to get done and the world keeps turning. It's ****ing relentless.

 

She not only said she loved me, but topped it with "Maybe we'll get back together one day" about 15 times on the day she left for good. This was after I tried to work it out for 3 months which was limbo hell. She would cook for me and bring me the food, send me cards in the mail, talk about having my baby, and we had mind blowing sex when ever she came over.

I empathize with you as I was a total wreck for about 5 months. I lost 40 lbs in the first 2 months and would only sleep a few hours a night which would be disrupted by nightmares. The only reason I didn't kill myself was because I had to take care of my dog. It was the lowest point of my life to date.

 

This is just... wrong. Seriously I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I am so glad that you are in a better place emotionally now and that you have been able to speak with me about my situation. There have been times when I have been in really dark places in my mind in the last couple of months; it's strange because most people have no idea from my external expression and manner that anything is wrong. Internally I vacillate between periods of calm and waves of despair.

 

 

 

As time went on I started dating. It was terrible at first but got more tolerable as time went on. Time also lessened the pain. It's not gone, but it is not even close to what it once was. I honestly didn't think it was possible to feel good again.

 

After dating / sleeping with several women I found one who is now my girlfriend (for 5 days officially lol). Took 8 months to find her after a lot of dating.

 

I just recently started going on a few dates with a very cute, very nice woman. We have a lot in common and I enjoy her company. I'm not sure what I want to do with it though as I am very much not over my ex and I'm not in the emotional space to make a go at another relationship. It's a very casual dating situation right now and I enjoy her company, but I'm not about to use another person as an emotional bandage or crutch to get out of the pain of a break up. That's not fair to anyone.

 

This will be a tough time. I read that it takes about 1.5 years to fully heal from a breakup. That's about right considering the few girls who broke my heart in the past. It's a long road but you'll come out the other end as a better person.

 

Hang in there and post here. Many of us ended up on LS due to bad breakups and completely know how you feel

 

I'm taking it day by day. When I found out she was leaving town I had been feeling fine for a week, but then I got hit again with intense feelings of loss. Her leaving really is making it sink in.

 

This last bit is absolutely trite and has no actual significance on the outcome of anything, however it's been getting under my skin. For the past month I hadn't been on any social media and just dropped off the face of the planet and worked on my own things and hung out with friends. When I resurfaced on snapchat she was always watching all of my stories and snaps very soon after I posted them without exception. I did not watch hers. She just stopped watching a couple days ago; I figure she's just unplugging what little attachments she may have had. Guess I just wanted to say that I want to be in a place where this irrelevant nonsense doesn't take on some significance due to my fixation on my past relationship. :/

[bluefeather]

BoopBoo, I wasn't saying what I said for sympathy, though I appreciate your politeness. Crap happens, and I try to learn from it. Anyway, I know you are going through pain. It sucks... I know it does! I really do hope you get better. And I think you will.

[BoopBoo]

Really struggling today. Spent a wonderful day yesterday with this awesome new girl I've been dating for a couple of weeks. But I'm feeling like crap today because I'm still in love with my ex It hurts so bad. I'm getting this horrible feeling that I'm not going to get better and I can't stop loving her. What's worse is that I desperately want to call her or text her. It's getting to the point where it's taking all my willpower not to run over to her place and talk with her. I want to be with this woman so much. Please someone out there, help me, I'm really struggling right now.