Chance my L.D S/O coming back in my life?

[unfortunatesoul]

My story’s very different than typical because it was purely online, no matter how hard we tried to change that.

I met him eleven years ago on an online video game we played back when I was 13 and he was 16 and we always remained good friends throughout the years talking here and there on MSN/Skype/FB. We saw each other go through relationships, graduate high school, college, grad school, etc and were always just cordial. About two years ago, however, we both found each other single and enjoyed the hell out of each other’s company for some reason. We were texting & video-chatting from hours on end, daily, until the sun came up the next day, learned so much about each other, sent gifts to each other when it was birthdays/holidays, and basically became each other’s best friend. He became everything to me.

 

I developed feelings, but I felt so silly to be mid-adult and fall for someone online, that’s pre-teen mentality I thought. But I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I wanted to construct my life in ways where he was in the picture, I wanted to move near him, he was educated (science PhD level)/respectful/loving and I knew I would have had a wonderful life with him. He never lied about who he was, everything always added up & made sense and he was always able to back himself up from the day we spoke. Sometimes I felt mutual romantic feelings were there because we eventually began sending intimate pictures, but I also dismissed that idea because we would agree that these pictures were just for “fun,” and “why the hell not.”

 

We complimented the absolute crap out of each other, beautiful/perfect/amazing inside and out, and that we are each others favorite person, but never told each other we had any romantic feelings, we stayed as close friends, and there were even times he told me I should start dating people, break some hearts, & enjoy my twenties. So I was very conflicted, I felt he wasn’t interested in the end and I felt if I confessed feelings there was the possibility I was going to lose my friend.

 

Last summer, I went to the beach and met this guy who I for some reason hooked up with (drunk). I was so guilty and told my online friend, in which he just laughed and said that was awesome I had fun. I was honestly hurt by that, and said fine, if we are such friends, then I will hit up this guy I met at the beach to have some fun with him.

The beach guy was very affectionate and fun, but he was very…uneducated, unsuccessful, and a loser pretty much, but he was fun. I eventually started to see him because I enjoyed the attention.

 

My online friend eventually became distant, and we had a very long talk about it in which he admitted he felt weird/sad, and eventually came clean & vulnerable that he has deep feelings for me but just wanted me to be happy & explore life which is why he would insist on me dating, he just didn’t expect it to happen so suddenly & feel so hurt by it. I said, after all these years, I too have feelings, and we will make an effort to work on us and maybe form a relationship after meeting (thus technically we never dated). His mother even now knew about me.

 

There was no way in hell this guy at the beach was going to ruin anything so perfect I thought.

But for some reason, I did a horrible thing & started seeing the beach guy anyway in secrecy, for almost two months and developed feelings. I finally admitted this my online friend because I became inevitably distant and he was so heart broken and honestly crying. I told him I’m sorry but that I wanted to continue seeing this guy. We still spoke daily though even though he was so heartbroken, he still wanted me in his life.

 

That beach guy eventually ghosted me and treated me like I was disposable after 3 months. Disappeared out of no where. Eventually found out because he found another girl.My online friend took me in and let me cry on his shoulders, mended my broken heart, but at that time I was just uninterested in him since I was hurt over someone else. While being there for me like always, he admitted that he was in love with me. We had many arguments, about how I did not wish to make it work anymore, but he insisted we will always be lifelong friends. I made a dating profile though which added more insult to injury for him, not out of spite, but that I just needed something physical I felt to make me feel better…I don’t know why I just didn’t see him.

 

On NYE, we had an argument in which he was going to visit me and I told him not to expect anything physical, that I won’t ever have romantic feelings for him again, and to just get over me and talk to a girl he knew that was interested in him. He said fine, he will stop pursuing me, and we will just remain good friends. That, without my knowledge, turned out to be our last conversation.

 

After a week of no contact, I texted him that I hope he is doing well, in which I realized he blocked me. I was bitter at first but eventually turned apathetic. Did my own thing, and about 2 months later I missed him and emailed him apologizing, confident he would come back afterwards. No reply. I was still apathetic and continued to do my own thing.

Now after 5 months of no contact, I miss him so terribly much and realize what I lost out on, on someone who truly loved me for me. Despite the fights, our conversations were always amazing for the most part. I never connected so beautifully with someone before.

 

I messaged him on Skype a week ago apologizing & begging for one more talk to explain myself and to not give up on this, he saw it and just blocked me right after. I even sent him a package of a handwritten letter that I put my heart & soul into, as well as his favorite snacks, and some artwork I drew him.

Nothing. No contact still. Time has definitely made my heart grow fonder and I would never jeopardize us ever again, I know in my heart I love him, I would even move to him, but he is completely and utterly done with me.

I cannot believe this treatment of someone who cared so much for my wellbeing, this is so cruel, and I could never do this to him if it were the other way around.

 

I’m so hurt, I can’t even go about my day without crying. Is there any chance he may come back?

Edited May 1, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[whatnot]

Never say never. But...sadly, probably not.

[unfortunatesoul]

Never say never. But...sadly, probably not.

 

I see...

I know it was really rocky for a few months, but I don't understand why he would completely, without warning, just do this. And still be so adamant and strong-willed about it to this day to continue blocking me on other platforms.

I find it so cruel, without any closure or even a goodbye. :/

[ExpatInItaly]

If you haven't had the chance to meet once in 11 years, I think you need to let this go. It's not a realistic proposition, evidently.

 

You were pretty clear that you didn't want to be more than friends. Those are words he won't forget and perhaps he's moved on, too. There is always the possibility that he is now dating someone as well. I would also venture that you maybe aren't as into him as you think, but miss his attention and companionship as a friend. In any event, his silence is your answer. You need to stop contacting him.

 

At the end of the day, you two still lacked a significant aspect of what actually makes a relationship work, which is spending time together in person. You can only partially get to know someone when you've never interacted in real life. Skype calls and messaging and the like just cannot replace in-person communication, quality time and physical intimacy. Perhaps you two will talk again someday, but I would focus on letting go of the hope that this would have evolved into something more.

[whatnot]

I see...

I know it was really rocky for a few months, but I don't understand why he would completely, without warning, just do this. And still be so adamant and strong-willed about it to this day to continue blocking me on other platforms.

I find it so cruel, without any closure or even a goodbye. :/

He's doing this to protect himself from further heartache. Any contact with you hurts him. He's had enough. He's gone into survival mode.

 

When it's sink or swim....people can get real strong, real serious, real fast....in the blink of an eye.

[emi]

ah you know there is a saying '' Behind a pretty woman, there is a man who is tired of her bull****''.

 

Man dont like drama, you are making way too much dramas. You cant not hurt peoples feeling and expect them to keep run back to you.

 

I learned the hard way you cant push man too much, too far. When they snapped, it dont go back to the way it was.

 

I would say let it, learn your lesson, try to move on, and see how the future goes.

Maybe one day he comes into the picture again, with or without any romantic interest ,

or he just stay gone, which is also ok, when you manage to learn your lesson

[bluefeather]

I cannot believe this treatment of someone who cared so much for my wellbeing, this is so cruel, and I could never do this to him if it were the other way around.

 

Weeellll you were banging a guy behind his back for 2 months... that can really hurt someone who was in love with you. :/ He should have been honest with you about his feelings, though, instead of telling you to go date. What are you trying to get from him? Do you just want his friendship back?

[basil67]

Early in the post, you said you wanted to move near him. What stopped you?

[IndigoNight]

I see...

I know it was really rocky for a few months, but I don't understand why he would completely, without warning, just do this. And still be so adamant and strong-willed about it to this day to continue blocking me on other platforms.

I find it so cruel, without any closure or even a goodbye. :/

 

You have made the effort, and he has made it clear that it is unwelcome.

You made it painfully clear during your NYE argument that you were not interested in him romantically, and never would be. You don't get to take back how that made him feel, even if weeks or months later you change your mind.

 

As much as it may hurt, you cannot force someone to give you the closure you feel you need. He has feelings too, and is dealing with them in his own way. Respect his desire to be left alone. That, you can do. Let him move on with his life, because you care about him enough to let him go.

[GunslingerRoland]

All that drama and you guys haven't even met yet. Geez, you sound like a mess to be honest.

 

Figure out what you want in a relationship and how you want to treat someone and be treated and then find it with someone who is able to be there in person with you.

[Chilli]

Ahhh, you could never do this to him , huh?

You screwed around behind his back and then you broke his heart and dumped him for the guy.

That one dumps you, what a surprise, but he's still there for you and forgives you, even wants to come and see you and you tell him def' nothing physical.

And now your heart broken because after all that effg him around and hurting him like that he's had enough of you.

 

Gobsmacked .

Edited May 3, 2017 by Chilli