stillafool Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 I'm embarrassed to even say this... I thought things were going well in our "trial separation". We were living apart, we would get dinner every once in a while, went to the movies sometimes, essentially dating each other, were still intimate, I thought "I can do this for another 4 months" (we decided on 6 months separation). You mean he decided on a 6 month separation. But he recently told me he wants to be completely unattached. He wants to be able to make decisions completely on his own without having me in the back of his head. He means he wants to ask a girl out or date the one he's already seeing without worrying about you calling him or coming over. BUT regardless, he said, "we can get divorced, or we don't have to... maybe this will lead me to realizing I love you and want to be with you but I don't want to stay with you and not be 100% in it." Well didn't he know this before he married you? basically he wants to be able to make a confident decision about wanting to be with me and he feels like he cant do that while hes still committed. He said we would establish "check points" and discuss where we were. BUT along with this "separation" comes the fact that we can both date other people. Meaning he no longer wants daily or weekly check ins but will talk to you maybe once a month or when he isn't dating the other girl. He wants to feel like a single man and have sex without worrying about you showing up. So I have a lot of decisions to make: Will i stay married to someone who wants to be completely unattached during this exploration period? Part of me thinks I should wait it out because ultimately I DO want it to work out. Do I talk to him during this time or cut off communication? Does cutting off communication even help? I just have so many things to consider I guess. Actually I don't think it is up to you to communicate during that period. He said you guys will have "check points" which means something like ever 3 weeks or once a month. He is telling you he doesn't want daily contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 Actually I don't think it is up to you to communicate during that period. He said you guys will have "check points" which means something like ever 3 weeks or once a month. He is telling you he doesn't want daily contact. He's telling her he wants the option of maybe going back after he's had his fill of strange. If he finds someone he wants around for a while, they'll divorce. If he doesn't, he'll use her as Plan B. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lavendergirl Posted July 3, 2018 Author Share Posted July 3, 2018 Wanted to do an update a year later... Turns out the trial separation wasn't a very likely thing for us. We had a really fun night together, dinner, movies, sex, then the next morning he sent me an e-mail saying he needed to be completely separated, divorced in essence without signing papers. I went along with it, then a couple months later he decided he wanted to sign papers. There were two girls that I was worried about while all of our issues were going on...almost immediately after we split he was spending a lot of time with her. (He eventually told me that she was really immature and had a lot to learn about herself. ha, okay) and then she moved away and he started hanging out with girl number 2 that i was worried about. About 6 months after the split he told me he might be up for trying again in a year or so... he just wanted to make sure he had enough time to be out on his own. I tried to hear him out and listen to all he had to say but asked him in a non-condescending way... "after 15 years of being with me you said you didnt know if you were ever in love with me and you also hammered into me that we were not a good match for each other, I'm not sure why any of that would change" He has a girlfriend now, I think theyre great for each other. He still wants to be friends but its hard so I keep a good distance. I'm in a relationship that I feel is much healthier, and I feel much more respected. (Although, its funny how after a divorce, you know what you'll put up with and what you wont) BUT LIFE IS GOOD NOW, after almost a year of hell... its finally good. Do I think trial separations can work? Yeah, I do. Just not for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 Do I think trial separations can work? Yeah, I do. Just not for me. Trial separations work well, but only in preparing you for divorce. Glad to hear you've landed on your feet... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 Bout time Go have some fun now!!! aM 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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