Confession.....? Remorse?

[Mrs. John Adams]

please be honest not just with us but with yourself

 

were you or were you not legally married and a child was produced from that marriage? you have changed your story several times...which tells me...you are lying somewhere in this story and I am not sure why

 

My son has a son out of wedlock with his high school sweetheart that he went with for years. They were not married...not even close to being married. So stop trying to justify the truth. Were you legally married or not before this present marriage?

 

and how long have you been married to your present husband and how long have you been screwing around?

 

You have 2 children by two different men....and your present husband does not know you have been screwing around on him? but now you want to confess becasue you dont think you can stay away from your currant affiar partner unless you tell your husband?

 

Do you see how screwed up this whole scenario is? and how we who have been following your story and giving you advice feel like we have been duped?

 

At this point..I confess..i dont know what to beleive. YOu post all over the forum...in sex in om/ow...in infedelity...and you have all this information that i confess sounds very much like you can't keep ypur story straight.

 

remorseful waywards do not go to the sex forum and describe sex with the affair partner....they are simply smarter than that..and if they aren't...they have no idea what kind of can of worms they are opening.

 

please just be honest and tell us the truth

[mercy]

Are you any closer to confessing Life lesson?

 

We look back on our past to see the lessons we've learned, to predict what our future will be.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Are you any closer to confessing Life lesson?

 

We look back on our past to see the lessons we've learned, to predict what our future will be.

 

confession without a plan is futile

 

confession without truth is meaningless

 

confession will accomplish nothing if the confession is filled with lies

 

our past should indeed direct us in our future..but only if we are honest and telling the truth

 

Lying about our past accomplishes nothing toward our future

 

Truth shall set you free not excuses and lies

 

 

reconciliation is difficult in the BEST of circumstances

 

reconciliation based on lies accomplishes disaster

[mercy]

confession without a plan is futile

 

confession without truth is meaningless

 

confession will accomplish nothing if the confession is filled with lies

 

our past should indeed direct us in our future..but only if we are honest and telling the truth

 

Lying about our past accomplishes nothing toward our future

 

Truth shall set you free not excuses and lies

 

 

reconciliation is difficult in the BEST of circumstances

 

reconciliation based on lies accomplishes disaster

 

I'm confused. Who's lying?

[Mrs. John Adams]

I'm confused. Who's lying?

 

read the thread

[mercy]

Lies keep us stuck Life lessons. You're stuck, right? All it takes is truth to set you free. Not truth to me, but you. Be honest with you.

[GoldenR]

My marriage has always felt monogamous.

 

Even when you were active in your A?

[QuietDan]

I fear, the fog will come rolling in thicker than ever the next time your other man shows up in person. It will be like a Penthouse Forum story. It's like 4 steps forward and 3 steps back. A lot of belly button gazing, but that's about it. As manipulative as you are, you are going to be much more comfortable orchestrating D-Day, compared to husband finding out for himself and starting the confrontation and walking you through D-Day. I am actually starting believe you when say you really don't have a clue why you are in an affair. Most of the doors are locked and all the surfaces have mirrors in your hallway. A Carnival funhouse here.

[Friskyone4u]

confession without a plan is futile

 

confession without truth is meaningless

 

confession will accomplish nothing if the confession is filled with lies

 

our past should indeed direct us in our future..but only if we are honest and telling the truth

 

Lying about our past accomplishes nothing toward our future

 

Truth shall set you free not excuses and lies

 

 

reconciliation is difficult in the BEST of circumstances

 

reconciliation based on lies accomplishes disaster

 

Life,

 

Please read the above again. I just only reread the first post on this thread by you, and it appears that your OM is about to come back to your place of employment and you are afraid you will have sex with him again and start the circle all over again.

You need to be confessing to your husband because you love him and want to stay married, NOT as a safety valve. If you want this boyfriend of yours, then get a damm divorce.

The OM is reaching out to you and YOU are responding so there is going to be no happy ending here because even after you confess your husband cannot stop you from responding, and if he does something stupid like playing the "pick me "game, you will still have no consequences .

Your husbands reaction can be anywhere from begging you to stop to throwing you out, so do not count on him to stop you from continuing this affair. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO STOP IT , as well as do the heavy lifting.

If OM is about to be back in "striking" distance, it is time for you to you know what or get off the pot. You have enough advice on this thread to cover all the bases.

Back too your friend DEADSOUL. She will most likely tell you there is going to be no easy way to make this comfortable. You either rip the band aid off or you hope you do not get caught, which the overwhelming majority do.

Edited May 9, 2017 by Friskyone4u

[Superchicken]

Man, this is really dragging on.

Its like Peter sellers Death scene in "The Party", (You tube it "the party 1 peter sellers".)

 

 

It just keeps going and going. If you haven't admitted anything by now, you aren't going too.

 

 

You first started with how remorseful you were, and now, yonks later, your chatting away like its a Sunday Picnic invite.

 

 

Why you dragging things on ?.

 

 

 

 

Ted.

[mercy]

Well it is her life, her marriage. Really she owes us nothing.

 

Life lessons, I saw Born in China this week end. One line in the film really spoke to me, it said, 'if only love could determine the fate of a family', in the wild it just takes so much more. But then I thought it takes much more in our lives too. It takes nurturing the family, meeting each others needs, the list could go on and on. I think one of the greatest gifts we can give each other is forgiveness and compassion.

 

I feel the most important gift I can give to my husband is respect. Its at the core of his being without it he's half a man. I believe that's all men not just mine.

 

Love your husband enough to give him the respect due to him, which is the truth.

[Friskyone4u]

Life

 

One more thing . Subconsciously you are dragging this out because you know once you confess you lose control. Even if your husband stays and R he most

Likely will be watching you like a hawk if he has any sense

 

Right now you have the option of still getting the ego kibbles of OM chasing you, and if you want to you can restart the affair. Once you confess that's over if you want to stay married. If you're still at point where you are worried you will climb in sack with him if the opportunity arises, then you either confess or you need to admit you really want the option still to exist

[selfawareness]

Dear Lifelessons,

 

I started my interaction with you pointing out that your confessing should be the least of your worries. Finding out who you are should be your most important one. If you read your own thread you could see it but the 'fog' is strong like Dan said.

 

Here is what I see: You have low self esteem, you are ignorant about how male-female relationships work, you like to sound good because intentionally you are not the type to want to hurt someone.

 

The moment that guy showed male affection to you, you would have told your husband and taken all necessary steps to stop it. You didn't because you liked it. You allowed it to continue because you liked it. You liked it because you have low self esteem and an unresolved issue of just how desirable you are. I asked you about monotony in your marriage, you understood monogamy. Maybe you didn't feel desired enough by your husband and didn't deal with it properly (I don't know much about him or the dynamics in the marriage up to that point). Bottom line you broke your vows to him while starting to allow and develop feelings for OM.

 

You write that you didn't think it would go this far. That's precisely how it works. That's precisely why you don't let your teenage daughter sleep over at her boyfriend's house if you're not comfortable with her getting ****ed and possibly become pregnant which may lead to an abortion done in a shady clinic. All the girl is thinking is she likes how her boyfriend likes her and tells her beautiful things but not aware of the rest. You were only aware of how nice OM made you feel not of what else could happen at first. The low self esteem and unresolved issue of desirability led you to this point but you'd miss the picture of who you arenif you stop at this point. Just like the teenage girl misses the point if she is thinking of just playing scrabble with her boyfriend and his family. You write you didn't think it would go this far. Even now with all that you know you find yourself unsure whether you can stop. But why? Because like the fish, you are hooked. You crave him from within at the same time that you 'hate' him. It all started with a flirt that you didn't take all necessary steps to stop because you liked it. You are weak and wicked Mrs. Lifelessons. Just like unintentionally you found yourself wanting more of him you could also found yourself in love with him, some find themselves pregnant with OM, though all of this is unintentional that how it works.

 

Someone said not to make excuses but to fall on the sword when you confess. You confession may well include your ignorance of how you work (how unintentional it started you JUST like the flirting that first time) but it needs to focus on your weakness your need for desiribility besides your husband. It also needs to share your craving for that man now. This is why the street word for someone like you is bitch: A female dog in heat. Your husband needs to know this to be able to decide whether he wants to stay to stay married to a bitch who wants to become a decent woman. Many bitches have become decent women with the help of Loveshack. Many dogs have become decent men with the help of Loveshack. You do yourself a service by becoming a decent woman like you once were whether yoyr husband stays with you or not, how could you ask him to stay after such long lasting blow? If he does 'stay' for as long as he does , he is giving you a gift (unless he is the cuckold type) that you don't deserve.

 

I know you didn't plan/intended this to end up where it is, you never set out to hurt yourself and others this much but that's what happens when you mix weakness (your like of the forbidden), ignorance (your lack of understanding of how you and others 'work') and wickedness (your choosing and embracing of the forbidden).

 

It is tempting to keep your true self hidden from yourself and your husband but that would be to add greater wickedness to your already wretched life. Tell him the truth the whole truth, nothing BUT the truth and hear it be told yourself, so help you God.

 

There are other aspects of this that need addressing but not now such as your children well being through all of this, your marriage finances, your husband's health and work being affected by this. Implications with family and friends. Place to live. Cancelled plans. Your safety, his safety.

 

Focus now on coming clean with who you are. Some folks, not all, in here mean well, listen to them, unfortunately, they have walked where you are walking now. Your poor husband though will be alone with his world turned upside down. Let us all pray for him in his upcoming desperate hour.

Edited May 9, 2017 by selfawareness

[QuietDan]

It sounds like, the initial temptation for you was that you thought you might be able to gain power and control over the other man. You now fear him because you weren't able to stay emotionally detached, and now he may in fact be the one with the power and control in the relationship.

You LOVE your husband, but, you don't respect him. I am guessing it has something to do with the possibility that you are the one with the real power and control in the relationship. Which is probably why you respect and fear the otherman more than your husband. Usually, it seems like a womans desire is for the one she has the greatest respect and desire for the one she can not control. Hence, probably your current predicament. Are the pictures something you kept because you thought they might be something you can eventually use to control him with?

If only you could get back to being in control here. A victim of your own lust, desire, and emotions now?

[understand50]

Lifelessons,

 

This is a trap of your own making. From lying to your husband, lying to us, and generally not being able to face reality. At this point for your own sanity, and soul, your only path forward is to confess and let the chips fall where they may. You have lost control, you cannot keep your stories straight. This is not going to end well. Grab some control back, and at least act like a standup person. To us, who are trying to help, and more importantly to your husband and kids.

 

The only thing is life we really have is our moral and honor. You have lost both, but they can be reclaimed, if you work at it now, and going forward. When will you start?

 

I wish you luck.......

[Mr. Lucky]

I'm not intentionally trying to minimize the affair.

 

Strange as it may seem, I agree with your statement - you're not doing it intentionally.

 

LL, you have a disconcerting habit of bending the truth after the fact to fit the motives you wish you had going in. You don't want to think of yourself as a cheater so only had sex with your AP a "few times". For some reason, you don't want to be seen as married more than once so first marriage wasn't "traditional".

 

Real progress comes when you can look at yourself honestly and be satisfied with what you see. And you put yourself in position to be able to do that by practicing core values of honesty, integrity, empathy and consideration. Pretty simple stuff ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Life lessons]

Wow....lots of activity here.

 

Instead of replying to each post, let me say this to help clarify some things.

 

First of all, I'm not going to tell you all everything about my past. It has nothing to do with my present situation....if you disagree...that's your prerogative.

 

Not only that, but if I go into details about my first "marriage"..which as I've stated was not a traditional marriage....then anyone could very put together details that I wish not to be put out on a public forum. its not black and white thinking like many of you are implying.....nor does my first "marriage" have anything to do with my situation here.

 

As far as the confession, I'm currently working on that. Yes, I'm taking baby steps.... what I am doing is the best way that I know to do things.....I've discussed transferring and that's possible although it will be a couple of months before I'm able to change locations. This does pose a small issue but I'm working through it.

 

As far as my postings in the other forums here.....so what! Do any of you think I care what assumptions you jump to, in reference to my posts? I obviously don't! But I find it troublesome that some of you would "assume" that I'm referring to my AP....when my AP wasn't mentioned....but hey....jump to whatever conclusions you want, if that makes you feel better.

[BaileyB]

LifeLessons,

 

The fact that you delay your confession says without words that you are not ready - to accept responsibility for your decisions and make amends for the pain that you have caused your husband.

 

I hope that you get that transfer, because it sounds like you will need it. You are definitely at risk to continue this affair because you have not actually seen or felt the consequences of the betrayal. However, I must say that there is not much to respect if you chose to tell your husband primarily because you feel you need to do this to end the affair.

 

I have been reading your discussion and I've really been rooting for you to gain some insight and do the right thing, for yourself and your family. I was hopeful, when others on this board who have been firm that they would not tell their spouse came to understand that honesty and reconcilliation are the only way, would help you to see the error of your ways. But as others have said, I am concerned that your attempts to control the situation, twist the truth to serve your own purpose, and distance yourself from accepting responsibility for your decisions will not end well for you.

Edited May 9, 2017 by BaileyB

[selfawareness]

Hi again Lifelessons, I found this post reading through your posts:

 

 

"I disagree because the OM waited over 3 months, with me. We did speak a lot and Looking back, i realize it was an EA we were having, but none the less, some men do wait several months. Maybe That is a rarity!? I don't know how typical that is considering that was my only A. I never gave any inclination to the OM that we would be physical, but maybe he kept the EA going, knowing that things would/could eventually change."

 

Your exclamation mark after the word rarity indicates to me that if it is a rarity as indicated by you question mark it would make you thrilled. If so this is you elated by being a catch worth the wait. This confirms my idea that your desiribility was in need of a stroke.

 

Also you write that you didn't give any indication that relationship would turn physical but I disagree. Im sure you didnt think so but we men smell a weak stalling prey miles away. This confirms my idea that you just dont know how male female relationships fully work.

 

You are going home happy that you exchanged a gold nugget for a piece of mirror. It will take time for you to realize that...that you were always gold selling yourself cheap.

 

p.s. For the record that which you call a rarity is not. Also being friendly to the opposite gender may mean to them that you are fair game even though you 'give' no indication of it. You are one more example of it. Truly regenerated women learn not to be friends with the opposite gender but keep it all to a minimum.

 

BTW, Lifelessons, my opinion now is that if you are weak for the OM and want to be in the fantasy some more, go for it, enjoy it. Don't tell your husband either if you don't want to. Be free, enjoy your freedom, your newly found sense of being beautiful, irresistable, unforgettable. I pray to God that he help your husband find out so that he can decide what to do and not be a prisoner of your illusions.

[mercy]

prisoner of your illusions.

 

Powerful words!

 

I'm going to steal them!

[Life lessons]

LifeLessons,

 

The fact that you delay your confession says without words that you are not ready - to accept responsibility for your decisions and make amends for the pain that you have caused your husband.

 

I hope that you get that transfer, because it sounds like you will need it. You are definitely at risk to continue this affair because you have not actually seen or felt the consequences of the betrayal. However, I must say that there is not much to respect if you chose to tell your husband primarily because you feel you need to do this to end the affair.

 

I have been reading your discussion and I've really been rooting for you to gain some insight and do the right thing, for yourself and your family. I was hopeful, when others on this board who have been firm that they would not tell their spouse came to understand that honesty and reconcilliation are the only way, would help you to see the error of your ways. But as others have said, I am concerned that your attempts to control the situation, twist the truth to serve your own purpose, and distance yourself from accepting responsibility for your decisions will not end well for you.

 

Respectfully, I disagree! I'm getting things in order.....as they need to be...such as transferring, etc., so that I will be out of the situation completely and will never have to have contact with OM again! I do think this will help my h tremendously.

 

I wouldn't say that's the primary reason...but it does help to seal the deal, so to speak. I realize I've messed up tremendously by having the A. I know I want to spend my life with my h. There's never been any doubt about that, even through the A.

 

I do understand what you and others are stating in regards to me controlling the situation and yes, I do realize I'm trying to control some aspects of it. I know my h will not take this well, so therefore I'm trying to eliminate the things I know will be of issue.

[Overtaxed]

Also you write that you didn't give any indication that relationship would turn physical but I disagree. Im sure you didnt think so but we men smell a weak stalling prey miles away. This confirms my idea that you just dont know how male female relationships fully work.

 

Yup, we do. And, for easy/NSA/affair sex, those are the ones we target. Don't take it as a boost to your ego when a married men "will cheat with you" take it for what it is, an insult; he'll cheat with you because he thinks you'll be easy to get in bed and won't ask for much in return for sex.

 

The more I read this site, the more I think women, a huge percentage of them, are honestly played into affairs. Yes, it happened to my W, and yes, it does comfort me somewhat to think that it wasn't her who initiated the A, it was him using "game" on her (which is all true, I have all the TXT messages and saw it, plain as day). But ladies, men who are married, we don't want a serious girlfriend. Imagine if you went out a few times a month with a rock star, do you think that would indicate to you that he loves you, or that you're going to be his wife? Of course not, he views you as a commodity, you're just the "girl in whatever town" that he passes through.

 

Now, cheating MM are certainly not rock stars, but they are trying to live like one. And the place many women hold in the cheating man's heart is about as "dear" as the place a groupie holds in the rock stars heart. You don't think the rock star drops some sappy lines on his groupies? How she's the prettiest of them all, she's so smart, they'll be together someday? Of course he does. Learn to recognize these things for what they are, an economic exchange, you're trading sex for his compliments and attention. If you're good with that, and good with the life of another woman being destroyed if she finds out, proceed. Otherwise, wake up and smell the reality; so many of you are being played for fools it makes my head spin.

 

There are, for each W involved in an A on this site, literally 100's of single guys who would really like to date you, and who can and maybe will invest enough into the relationship to fall in love and give you the fantasy you actually want. Choose one of them; even if you have a 10% chance of that single guy being the "right one" it's a dramatically better percentage than you're going to have with married men.

[Life lessons]

You are posting on a board with 70000 members with plenty of different opinions, many cheated upon, cheaters, lurkers and popcorn brigade egging on and waiting for the explosion. So you will and have heard plenty that you do not like or agree with. You are also speaking to 70000 strangers who don't have a clue of who you are or where you are from. If you were a male posting it would of been a lot worse and the thread would of died a death.

 

With regard to having to wait a couple of months for a transfer, you have said that you could speak to the OM's company and have him moved from dealing with your company. Have you put that into action.

 

Yes, I can definitely speak with his company and that may be what I decide to do if their plans are to send him back within the next couple of months. I really didn't want to go this route because I didn't and don't want to cause even more trouble.

[Life lessons]

Hi again Lifelessons, I found this post reading through your posts:

 

 

"I disagree because the OM waited over 3 months, with me. We did speak a lot and Looking back, i realize it was an EA we were having, but none the less, some men do wait several months. Maybe That is a rarity!? I don't know how typical that is considering that was my only A. I never gave any inclination to the OM that we would be physical, but maybe he kept the EA going, knowing that things would/could eventually change."

 

Your exclamation mark after the word rarity indicates to me that if it is a rarity as indicated by you question mark it would make you thrilled. If so this is you elated by being a catch worth the wait. This confirms my idea that your desiribility was in need of a stroke.

 

Also you write that you didn't give any indication that relationship would turn physical but I disagree. Im sure you didnt think so but we men smell a weak stalling prey miles away. This confirms my idea that you just dont know how male female relationships fully work.

 

You are going home happy that you exchanged a gold nugget for a piece of mirror. It will take time for you to realize that...that you were always gold selling yourself cheap.

 

p.s. For the record that which you call a rarity is not. Also being friendly to the opposite gender may mean to them that you are fair game even though you 'give' no indication of it. You are one more example of it. Truly regenerated women learn not to be friends with the opposite gender but keep it all to a minimum.

 

BTW, Lifelessons, my opinion now is that if you are weak for the OM and want to be in the fantasy some more, go for it, enjoy it. Don't tell your husband either if you don't want to. Be free, enjoy your freedom, your newly found sense of being beautiful, irresistable, unforgettable. I pray to God that he help your husband find out so that he can decide what to do and not be a prisoner of your illusions.

 

Geez....me and those darn exclamation marks!!!!! I use them wayyy to often, as I've been told and as I've pointed out. Each time I use them certainly is not with the intention of me being excited....it's more of me "expressing"...not necessarily excitement but expressing the sadness, happiness, etc. - all emotions. I really have to work on not using those!!

 

Again. Some of you (you included) read way to much into some statements.

 

Sorry you feel that way in regards to being friendly with the opposite sex. In my profession, I don't have a choice but even if I did, I would still be the friendly person that I am. Male or female. That doesn't matter to me! I'm certain you may be correct and some men may view my kindness as flirtatious but I can assure you, I've always made it clear...if it came up....that it is strictly kindness on my part.

 

No! I don't want that fantasy with OM any longer! I want to be free of OM! Yes, it did bring excitement but I do realize that none of that was real...it was all a lie....I get that!

[Life lessons]

Sorry LL but with all you have on your plate, having him transferred is a minor distraction unless you are holding something else back regarding his job.

 

The reference is in regards to me transferring to another location. His job is sales, so therefore I don't know what his company will do.....or even if they have a replacement. This whole thing is a huge mess!! I do speak with his manager directly, when things are set up, so I will know in advance when OM will be in my area.