Confession.....? Remorse?

[deadsoul]

This might sound horrible - but I regret confessing my affair. I wish I had not and just fixed myself and my marriage instead.

 

All it did was cause a lot more problems than good. Clearing my conscience wasn't worth it IMO. It caused my wife to spiral out of control and have a revenge affair and likely destroyed our marriage.

 

It would (and is) something I would live with the rest of my life, but if I had to do it over again, I would not have confessed and threw it in the closet of skeletons and instead worked towards fixing myself and what led up to the horrible events.

 

That might not be the best universal advise, but for my situation, I think it would have been better.

 

I get this. I do. Sometimes I wish the same... but on the other hand, I feel like I'm owning my ***** and I needed to do it to begin healing myself. I hate what I did to my family though. That's hard. But it's the consequences of my actions. I didn't do it to clear my conscience though. I did it because I couldn't live a lie anymore and I felt, in my case, that I had to take responsibility for my bad choices.

 

But I completely get and understand the not confessing side of it. And if anyone thinks not confessing is easy, it isn't.

 

Which brings me to my next comment... Thisguy21...

 

 

"You are acting like a POS of a person and I hope your husband finds out on his own and you get kicked to the curb. That is where you are headed either way. So I hope for your husbands sake he finds out who and what you really are and he leaves for greener grass. It's no more then you deserve at this point."

 

How is this helpful? Would you say something like this to someone face to face? Are you projecting anger from your own life onto LL?

 

I know I should ignore comments like these, but do you always kick a person when she's down?

 

A lot of people have come on here and given LL some things to think about, some of them may not be easy to read. But to wish someone gets kicked to the curb because that's what she deserves isn't helpful. It's so easy to be a jerk behind a keyboard and anonymity. Thanks to those who choose not to do so.

[Friskyone4u]

I get this. I do. Sometimes I wish the same... but on the other hand, I feel like I'm owning my ***** and I needed to do it to begin healing myself. I hate what I did to my family though. That's hard. But it's the consequences of my actions. I didn't do it to clear my conscience though. I did it because I couldn't live a lie anymore and I felt, in my case, that I had to take responsibility for my bad choices.

 

But I completely get and understand the not confessing side of it. And if anyone thinks not confessing is easy, it isn't.

 

Which brings me to my next comment... Thisguy21...

 

 

"You are acting like a POS of a person and I hope your husband finds out on his own and you get kicked to the curb. That is where you are headed either way. So I hope for your husbands sake he finds out who and what you really are and he leaves for greener grass. It's no more then you deserve at this point."

 

How is this helpful? Would you say something like this to someone face to face? Are you projecting anger from your own life onto LL?

 

I know I should ignore comments like these, but do you always kick a person when she's down?

 

A lot of people have come on here and given LL some things to think about, some of them may not be easy to read. But to wish someone gets kicked to the curb because that's what she deserves isn't helpful. It's so easy to be a jerk behind a keyboard and anonymity. Thanks to those who choose not to do so.

 

Slight T/J. There's one WW on here who deserves to be kicked to the curb because of her arrogance. It's not LL.! If you're reading on here you will know who I am talking about.

 

LL has to make a decision. Time for us "advisors" to let her be. I'm not optimistic for her. But lets hope I'm wrong. I believe she's had contact in early May, if not I apologize, and lover boy is due back anytime now. If she hasn't confessed after all this advice, it ain't happening, and the affair will go on until she is caught.

[deadsoul]

Slight T/J. There's one WW on here who deserves to be kicked to the curb because of her arrogance. It's not LL.! If you're reading on here you will know who I am talking about.

 

LL has to make a decision. Time for us "advisors" to let her be. I'm not optimistic for her. But lets hope I'm wrong. I believe she's had contact in early May, if not I apologize, and lover boy is due back anytime now. If she hasn't confessed after all this advice, it ain't happening, and the affair will go on until she is caught.

 

I don't know who that is, sorry.

 

Maybe LL has made a decision... and as she came for advice and may or may not ultimately confess. But whether or not she takes advice or not is her choice.

 

Either way LL, I support whatever decision you make and I know it isn't an easy one.

[road]

This might sound horrible - but I regret confessing my affair. I wish I had not and just fixed myself and my marriage instead.

 

All it did was cause a lot more problems than good. Clearing my conscience wasn't worth it IMO. It caused my wife to spiral out of control and have a revenge affair and likely destroyed our marriage.

 

It would (and is) something I would live with the rest of my life, but if I had to do it over again, I would not have confessed and threw it in the closet of skeletons and instead worked towards fixing myself and what led up to the horrible events.

 

That might not be the best universal advise, but for my situation, I think it would have been better.

 

This has worked for many where years later the affair never was found out

by the BS. However...................................

[road]

One of the saddest things I read or hear from cheaters is that they regret confessing. Not that they regret the affair, but they regret confessing. Your really cannot change either confessing or the fact that you had an affair, but the thing you regret is confessing.

 

On rare occasions this man has a great post.

 

I think I will be using this quote from time to time.

But will claim it as own.

[BluesPower]

OK I just do not get it...

 

Everyone is banging on saddad for the weekend sex fest that he had. OK I get it, bad stupid move on his part. And I get that he cheated first, and I still get that it was a bad move on his part.

 

So His wife has a how many month actual affair banging some loser for who knows how long. And I know that SD still believes that her affair is not going on anymore, I mean he has GPS on the phone that he monitors, so maybe he is right.

 

Now HIS wife is saying that it is all his fault. Because he cheated she had to go bang this guy for how ever many months.

 

Guys this is BULL****.

 

She sounds like a woman that has checked out of the relationship or is still having some type of affair.

 

She is not even sorry that she did it in any way. She wants to work it out because she does not want the lose the money that he makes.

 

I am just saying...

[deadsoul]

Or maybe it means the cheater regrets confessing because of the hurt we've caused our spouses. Of course we regret the affair. But when we see how the consequences of our actions affect the people we love, it seems normal to feel that regret. I know I do at times.

 

I know. The response will be, so don't have the affair.

 

To which I will regret I did that every day for the rest of my life.

 

And I will continue to choose each day not to make those choices again.

[understand50]

Or maybe it means the cheater regrets confessing because of the hurt we've caused our spouses. Of course we regret the affair. But when we see how the consequences of our actions affect the people we love, it seems normal to feel that regret. I know I do at times.

 

I know. The response will be, so don't have the affair.

 

To which I will regret I did that every day for the rest of my life.

 

And I will continue to choose each day not to make those choices again.

 

Deadsoul,

 

We are hijacking LL thread, but your point is valid. Confessing does seems to cause much pain and hurt, and what if I only did not say anything? My point of view as a BS, but and a person in general, is that the damage is there, it is happening to me and I just do not do not know it. I think, despite what everyone says, cheating will come out eventually. IF one is really remorseful, letting the other know that they harmed them, put them in danger, and lastly looked for sexual and the emotional release outside of the vow of marriage is the only way to go. It is the Honorable thing to do. It is the moral thing to do.

 

You get a lot credit for confessing, and I hope your husband realized the courage, guts, trust and love it took for you to do this. Only a WS that has love for their BS, will confess, and let the cards fall as they may. It is the first weight that a BS can put on the scale when deciding if you should give a 2nd chance. I know from your story you confessed, because you did not want to live with a lie, and thought you could not. I think you also loved your husband, in that you were willing to tell him what you had done. If you were just indifferent to him, you would have kept it to yourself. Give yourself a little credit. I hope you are doing well.

 

I wish you luck....