Newlywed83 Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 Hi I have a coworker that I am beginning to think likes me but I am not sure. He is a great guy and I enjoy working with him. We email each other several times a week. Nothing serious just "hi, how are you doing" kind of stuff. He is always teasing me and finding reasons to touch me. He makes eye contact with me and smiles til one of us turns away. He told me I was his favorite person to work with out of all the people he has ever worked with and that he misses me when I am not at work. I admit I flirt with him because that is just my way of interacting with guy friends. The problem? I am married to the love of my life and I am starting to like the guy at work more than I should. I would never ever think of doing anything with this guy to ruin my wonderful marriage. I am afraid that I have been leading him on with my flirting. Should I tell him upfront that nothing will ever go beyond friendship? Am I reading to much into his actions? How should I deal with this situation? Link to post Share on other sites
SoftDrink Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 Originally posted by Newlywed83 Should I tell him upfront that nothing will ever go beyond friendship? yes. and mean it. there's no reason you can't get along at work, but stop the emailing and the childish flirting. that stuff doesn't belong in the workplace anyway. you are married now. act like it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 Tell him nothing. Don't cross that line. Flirting and enjoying that part of it is fine and normal...It's when you start feeling it and taking it to the next level inwhich you're almost there, is not a good idea. You're married to the love of your life and that energy you're putting into the male co-worker should be focussed into your husband. Does he know you are married? If not, start mentioning your husband in conversation. Slowly back off and don't flirt with him. Be more professional and aloof, and also stop the emails back and forth. It's innocent now but if makes a move on you suddenly or pours his heart out - HOW are you going to react??? This situation isn't a good one and could lead to something else that you're not intending. Think of your husband, his feelings and how he would react if he found out how you felt about this guy. Don't think he'd be too pleased... Good luck and keep posting! Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 I agree one does not shyt where they eat Link to post Share on other sites
SoftDrink Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 Originally posted by 933KJL I agree one does not shyt where they eat well, sometimes one does...but the point is that one should know better. pigs do it...interesting coincidence. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 Does he know that you are married? Don't you wear a wedding ring on your finger at work? I don't see no harm in flirting for the fun of it. As long as there is no line crossed and that you are not leading the other person on. And like what whichwayisup said. Slowly mention your husband in conversation while you are talking to him. Get it through to him that you are in a happy and healthy relationship. That will probably get him to back off. That's all you can do. Hopefully it will all work out. . Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 why does anyone think it's okay to flirt when you're married??? This is totally absurd. Some advice to dispense to a married person. Oh, it's okay to flirt, as long as you don't cross the line. It's okay to flirt cos it'll spice up your time at work..... Thing is, we all have feelings. And feelings is something that cannot be caged. You don't run it, it runs you.... You can't develop a crush and just switch it off; it just doesn't happen. Guess where a little flirting may lead to? Lemme see, the OP is starting to like the other guy more than she should. How did that happen? He flirted with her. Yup, and ...... she.... flirted...... back. It's really a no brainer. Sure, not all flirtations go down the same road, but, for someone who's happily married, you wanna risk it? Newlywed83, if you love your husband, ignore this other guy. You don't need no explanation with him. Whenever he tries to be cute, just change the topic to your family, your husband, etc. If necessary, act cold. Will he feel awkward? sure he will. But think about it, whose feelings take centerstage in your life, his or your husband's. Don't do this anymore. Spare yourself the agony of the impending mess. Focus all your energy back on your husband. I hope this works out for you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Newlywed83 Posted August 2, 2005 Author Share Posted August 2, 2005 thanks to everyone for posting. To answer your question yes he knows that I am married and we openly talk about my husband at work. Keep posting your comments. Link to post Share on other sites
SoftDrink Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 newlywed, i just have to say...you handle criticism much better than anyone else i've seen so far on this board. good for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear32 Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 I am starting to like the guy at work more than I should. This should be a red flag for you. You admit you like his attention and you are starting to have an emotional relationship with him. It is obvious that he likes you way more than as a friend. If you don't end it you could be putting the man you love and your marriage in harms way. Many a people have thought that it is just a little harmless fun and gotten very involved. It doesn't have to be physical. You better make it clear to him as well as yourself that things need to stop and we will just have a business relationship devoid of the flirting. The ice is pretty thin.... Link to post Share on other sites
Rosalind Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 Well I just didn't fall off the bananna boat...office flirtations go on every single day - and usually are quite innocent. I'm guilty of it myself - but I'm not the one who's MARRIED. And I have boundries, IMO it's not wise to date a co-worker...I've already said this on LoveShack 84,000 times. Here's what you do : take whichwayisup's advise, and do it starting TOMMORROW. I really don't want to see you posting in the OM/OW forum, hun. Rosalind Link to post Share on other sites
Author Newlywed83 Posted August 5, 2005 Author Share Posted August 5, 2005 hi. Once again thanks for the replies. I am going to stop the emails because I don't want them to turn into more than innocent hellos. And they probaly mean more to him. And just to let everyone know I do not keep the emails or flirting secret from my husband. He knows about everything except my sort of liking the guy. The flirting will stop because I do not want to lose my husband or make him feel unwanted. I may be young but I understand completely the commitment I have made and I will not break the vows I said with all my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Jolene Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 You can't develop a crush and just switch it off; it just doesn't happen. Guess where a little flirting may lead to? Lemme see, the OP is starting to like the other guy more than she should. How did that happen? He flirted with her. Yup, and ...... she.... flirted...... back. I agree. When you are married, you have an obligation to CONTROL YOURSELF! Unless, of course the two of you are swingers and have a different understanding. If your husband were to be watching from a distance, how would it make him feel to see you fanning your ego by flirting with this man. It is commong knowlege that a majority of marital affairs begin at the workplace, and this is precisely the start of one assuming you both stay employed there. Stop it! I love my fiancé so much, that I would not flirt behind his back or be interested in anyone else, because he makes me Sooooooo happy. Are you unhappy? If not...STOP. Or get counselling to find out why you need to be lured into flirtatious dynamics. Before it goes any further and while your loyal husband awaits you at home still. Link to post Share on other sites
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