Not sure if he's playing games with my head??

[maidofhonosety]

Here is my situation:

 

There is a man at my job who is very very attractive. I used to think that he was way out of my league and because of that, I originally didn't have any thing for him.

 

Well, when we first started to "notice" each other, it all happened because we would just run into each other and our eyes would "lock". I mean "LOCK" and we'd just stare into each other's eyes breifly. That happened often and then we started talking to each other a few months after these incidents happened.

 

It started out innocently. He would just ask me how things are going. And many times, he'd ask me ,"How are YOU doing"... he would always emphasize the "you" part. Then we'd always have a huge smile on our faces as soon as we'd notice each other. He would wave at me from afar... as soon as he'd see me.

 

While all this went on, I had begun to develop feelings for him. I didn't want the feelings there but I could NOT get this guy out of my head! After a while, we kind of started flirting. But not exactly 'alone' or directly, but we'd give each other these glances from afar. Kinda like he was communicatiing with me through eye-contact. We'd flirt that way, but never openly because we were at work of course. But it seemed like our little secret between the 2 of us. There was definatley sexual tension there... at least on my part... not sure of his.

 

So he had invited me to join the gym in town. He asked me why I never go to the gym to workout. He said that he'd be happy to show me everything and go with me when I wanted to. I did go with him once but I didn't have much time so he showed me things briefly. When I left, he looked me in the eye again and said thank you. For what??? for my little bit of time i spent with him? Still unsure at this point.

 

I haven't gone back again -yet- but he asks me constantly when I am working out again. I always say that I don't have the time. He stopped asking me about that then, but then he started to ask me personal questions. Like where I live and other things. He constantly asks me how school is going. I told him that I am almost done and that I found a position in the feild that I went to school for.

 

He is constantly congratulating me and asking how excited I am. And he repeats everything that I have told him in our previous conversations. So at least I know that he listens to me when I talk to him.

 

The only thing that I have a problem with is that I am very very into this guy and I have told him that I am. But with all the positive signals that I recieve from him - I haven't gotten any response from him whether he is into me or not?!? He hasn't told me anything about being interested. I just figure it out through his body language and eye contact and his actions. and also his compliments he gives me.

 

I would like to start something with him but I don't really know how he feels. I told him that I am very very interested in him - but nothing - he hasn't told me anything! He just continues to email me sometimes, compliment me, stare at me, ask me how my day is going, flirt with me, tell me i am beautiful... i just don't get it!

 

Doesn't he seem interested? Or... what is going on here? Does he want to take it slow? Does he not want his emotions involved? I am not sure what the deal is.... HELP! maybe he has someone at home??? help! Thanks!

[elijahBailey]

I'm really tempted to comment on what this guy is thinking, but before that, I think you should really find out if da guy's married or committed. I'm not sure if he's either one of the two, but I'm willing to wager that he's at least the latter. Find out from your friends if he is....

 

The situation is really different if he's in a commited relationship than if he wasn't. If I should make a guess, I think he is, and he's getting a rise out of the current situation with you.

 

No matter... I think you should be more cautious at your end, cos just reading what you've written, you're pretty deep into this. I know we're not immune to crushes, and it's pretty natural to have one. But more often than not, crushes move toward obsession, and that's when you can't get the other person out of your head. I don't have a solution for that cos I'm been in situations like this before, and, I know, it's tough!! But recognising that you're in one puts you in a much better situation than if you were ignorant about the whole thing.

 

And... this may be what you want to hear.... he's attracted to you.... at the very least. A guy doesn't do what he does and not have some feelings involved. But do yourself a favor.... check out a little more on his background. I'm not getting good vibes on this. But I do wish it works out for ya

[whichwayisup]

I have a feeling he is seeing someone or is already married.

 

Start asking him questions. Where he lives, what he likes to do, what are his hobbies. Come right out and ask if he's available or not. Also, tell him you're not into being someone on the side so if he is seeing somebody else or is married, it won't work out - End of story.

 

Good luck and keep posting!

[maidofhonosty]

I have asked my friends if he is interested or involved with someone and they aren't sure either. They only know him through me and this is the first that they've actually "noticed" him.

 

But they all have seen the things he does and they see him staring when I am not looking. They are actually the ones that brought this to my attention. I had already had the feeling that he was interested but they enhanced that sense in me which got me REALLY interested becasue at that point I was no longer halucinating his attention towards me. It was actually a reality once my friends noticed it as well.

 

Well, I will do more investigating to see whether or not he is involved with another woman. Other wise if it sounds like he is, what do I do from that point on? I can't get this guy out of my head. I have even gone on a date with a guy I dated in the past , one that I hit it off really good with thinking that it would take my mind off of him but it didn't work.

 

If he's NOT involved with anyone... then why won't he tell me what he thinks of me? I get really good vibes from him everytime I see him or speak to him - does he just "assume" that I "know" he is interested? I am going on vacation for 2 weeks and I won't see him. Hopefully that takes my mind off of him but hopefully my vacation isn't ruined thinking of him all the time.

 

He told me before the trip "I hope you have fun! Are u excited? when's your last day? when are you leaving?"

 

He always seems to care about my well-being. Not sure what to think.... thanks guys - for your help and advice!

[elijahBailey]

Originally posted by maidofhonosty

Well, I will do more investigating to see whether or not he is involved with another woman. Other wise if it sounds like he is, what do I do from that point on? I can't get this guy out of my head. I have even gone on a date with a guy I dated in the past , one that I hit it off really good with thinking that it would take my mind off of him but it didn't work.

 

oh dear, it's sounds like an obsession to me now. I really don't have a solution for this. But I have a suggestion that you may consider. You did mention you're going on vacation soon, so before you go.....

 

Find out from some one if he's seeing someone. If you're unable to do that, find out from him! No, you don't need to make an idiot out of yourself. Say something more indirect, like "hey I really wish you could come with me on my vacation, but, dang! it's just too bad that you're already seeing someone". Watch his reaction! OR "Damn I really like you!! but it's just too bad you're already taken! " Watch his reaction! ( caveat: doesn't work on players. They keep a poker face. If they're thinking of cheating on their relationships, you probably can't smell half a dead rat! )

 

My guess if that you'll find out he's taken. The reason for that is that he's showing all the signs and haven't yet asked you out. THEN, if you so finds out, make full use of your trip to get over it. I know, I know.... it sounds so darned simple, and I feel like the 'doctor' who charges 5cents in the Peanuts strip. But I don't see any other way out.

 

I do empathize with you on this, because I've been in situations like this. I probably should say 'am still in'. I not asking for no help cos I don't want nothin' to happen. It's draining at times even though I never cross the line. I'm mad at myself, mad at the fact that I can't rein in my feelings. And I can't leave cos the job's payin' me too well. If I have Aladdin's lamp, I would wish that person to disappear out of my life. But I guess we all struggle with our own humanity. Good luck