Dumped over email how to move forward...

[nasc88]

Well, then just believe his reasons (be them true or not - don't waste your energy analyzing every word he said. That's the reason he could give you and we know people just give what they have, considering their emptyness or fullness) and try to find peace over the fact you had a closure, and now you just need time to heal.

 

I'm not saying it's easy... I'm just saying you've already crossed some items out of the "Breakup recovery" list (if there is one), so you can move to the next step.

 

All the best!!!

 

 

mon. you have so many valid points. I do believe that I understand what happened and why (IF he's telling me the truth).

 

I've been focusing on working out, eating healthy and just working on me. I want to feel good about myself again and find things to be excited about. I don't know what those things are. I'm just hoping to find something to be interested in again.

[penelopeanne]

mon. you have so many valid points. I do believe that I understand what happened and why (IF he's telling me the truth).

 

I've been focusing on working out, eating healthy and just working on me. I want to feel good about myself again and find things to be excited about. I don't know what those things are. I'm just hoping to find something to be interested in again.

 

this is inspiring and i need to keep reminding myself to take care of ME.

i keep spending so much time trying to figure out a riddle that cannot be solved.

i feel like i am wasting so much energy on this person.

[nasc88]

this is inspiring and i need to keep reminding myself to take care of ME.

i keep spending so much time trying to figure out a riddle that cannot be solved.

i feel like i am wasting so much energy on this person.

 

I will be honest my biggest fear is that somewhere in the back of my head I'm hoping some day he's going to change his mind and come back. Perhaps when his schedule changes he'll change his mind. I think this constantly in the back of my head and fear that I'm just putting off the true heartache for another day. Does that make sense? Does anyone else do this?

[penelopeanne]

I will be honest my biggest fear is that somewhere in the back of my head I'm hoping some day he's going to change his mind and come back. Perhaps when his schedule changes he'll change his mind. I think this constantly in the back of my head and fear that I'm just putting off the true heartache for another day. Does that make sense? Does anyone else do this?

 

i guess i have felt that from time to time. mostly, for me, i have been waiting for some validation. i want him to own up to things a bit more.

he was such a coward!

at this point, i don't think i would want him back.

but i was leaving the door of possibility open by still sharing our movie accounts or engaging a bit online.

now i have been silent.

it helps.

i keep attaching to the little things that were good but overall i was riddled with anxiety because of him.

and i find him to be so immature.

so the immaturity is a big big turn off and i am trying to focus on that.

we live in a small town and its crazy that we havent been face to face since the week before the break up (mid feb!) but i know the time will come.

not sure how i will handle it, but i must start putting myself FIRST

[nasc88]

So I tried to go out on a date last week. IT WAS HORRIBLE. Which lead me into a downward spiral of "what if? what didn't it work out? why didn't he like me enough to try?" Which I know is a pity party no one needs. When does it get easier? When do you move on? When do you have the desire to reengage? This is much tougher than I thought it was going to be...

[springy]

Maybe it's too soon to date. Don't try to force it before you're ready. As for the thoughts - do you see any improvement since the initial breakup? Were you feeling "ok" before the date? Might have just been a brief setback/trigger for you because your heart isn't ready yet.

[knabe]

Give yourself time to date. Do you and friends right now.

 

I'm a few years older than you, and I agree that things do seem bigger at 40+ than they did at 20. At 20 I wasn't always dating with a purpose. I think as we get older we just aren't going to waste months on something that isn't special to us.

 

A man I was with for a couple of years ghosted on me. I got the real truth when I was doing the pathetic google search thing and saw his wedding announcement. Ugh

 

I called him on it, but I wish I hadn't. In then end, even though I was "right," it just made me feel worse and made me seem psycho.

 

"Calling people out" for things as simple as not scheduling a first date seems to be all the rage right now. I think it's adolescent. When people show you who they are, believe them and shake off the dust. Do we really think WE are going to be the ones to make them see the light? There's no such thing as closure. That is what we tell ourselves when we don;t want to let go.

 

I thought I'd NEVER trust or love or even want to look at anyone else ever.

 

I was wrong. I'm getting married next year

[nasc88]

Maybe it's too soon to date. Don't try to force it before you're ready. As for the thoughts - do you see any improvement since the initial breakup? Were you feeling "ok" before the date? Might have just been a brief setback/trigger for you because your heart isn't ready yet.

 

I was definitely anxious. I also spent the whole time comparing him to my ex. I also noticed he was active online dating again today (he hadn't been for like a month but was on there today) and that also made me crazy. I know I probably need to give myself time first but it just really really sucks. The date was awful which probably didn't help. It just made me wish he hadn't broken up with me and things had worked out. I know you can't have what's not possible.

[nasc88]

Give yourself time to date. Do you and friends right now.

 

I'm a few years older than you, and I agree that things do seem bigger at 40+ than they did at 20. At 20 I wasn't always dating with a purpose. I think as we get older we just aren't going to waste months on something that isn't special to us.

 

A man I was with for a couple of years ghosted on me. I got the real truth when I was doing the pathetic google search thing and saw his wedding announcement. Ugh

 

I called him on it, but I wish I hadn't. In then end, even though I was "right," it just made me feel worse and made me seem psycho.

 

"Calling people out" for things as simple as not scheduling a first date seems to be all the rage right now. I think it's adolescent. When people show you who they are, believe them and shake off the dust. Do we really think WE are going to be the ones to make them see the light? There's no such thing as closure. That is what we tell ourselves when we don;t want to let go.

 

I thought I'd NEVER trust or love or even want to look at anyone else ever.

 

I was wrong. I'm getting married next year

 

Wow! Congrats that is great news that you are getting married and encouraging as well that we hopefully can trust/love again. I really hope I can get to the point where I am no longer wishing him back. I really didn't think it was going to be this tough but it is. It really really is.

 

I really appreciate your response and agree that the best thing for me to do would be try and just move on and realize if he didn't care enough about me to try and make it work it's not meant to be. That's tough though.

 

Congrats again! I'm glad you were able to heal and find happiness.

[GeekLover]

So I tried to go out on a date last week. IT WAS HORRIBLE. Which lead me into a downward spiral of "what if? what didn't it work out? why didn't he like me enough to try?" Which I know is a pity party no one needs. When does it get easier? When do you move on? When do you have the desire to reengage? This is much tougher than I thought it was going to be...

 

I did the same thing. I wasn't looking for anything serious-I knew I had nothing to offer. But I wanted to get out there and connect with other men. I wanted to just feel like I was moving my life forward. I did not have good experiences. Most dates I finished feeling terrible and I discovered they were doing more harm than good.

 

I have since stopped and have really started to focus on myself. My best date is with myself...going out and having some drinks and lunch and doing work on a patio.

 

The only relationship I want right now is with myself and that's ok with me.

 

Oh...and I'm 7 months NC, so it does get better eventually.