The Verdict is In.....................

[DepressedWaiting]

Good point.

 

But if if were that bad being with that "old hag" I'm sure he would have rather divorced. I'm sure he is quite comfortable staying married to her... but of course that was when he had you on the side.

 

So, who knows...

[whichwayisup]

Well I'm glad he is no longer having his cake and eating it too.

 

It's not worth ruining life. He knows it's over now and in his mind I'm sure, just the thought of you telling all to his wife is enough to freak him out.

 

The best revenge is live well, be happy and don't give him ANY type of thought. He's not worth it.

[New_Wife]

Marie,

 

I am so glad this turned out this way. Not that you are hurt, I'm sorry for that - but Girl, you deserve so much better than some asshat who can't make you his one and only. It's clear that this guy has way too high of an opinion of himself to use another human being (or 2) for his personal ego-stroking.

 

Please please please take some time to reflect on your actions - not to beat yourself up - but to figure out how you managed to settle for things that you know were well below what you deserve. See if you can find the places where you should've said "oh hell no" and gotten out. Otherwise, the tendency can be to jump right into another relationship that is either the same as, or worse than, the disaster you just left.

 

No woman deserves to be some guy's 1/2-enough. Not the wife, not the mistress - nobody.

 

You go get some pedicures, a cute haircut/color, a new outfit, and spend some time taking very very good care of you for a bit.

[Marie1973]

Depressed

 

No he rather stay with his "old hag" & keep his money. I always asked him if he was so miserable why

would he stay. His response was "it''s cheaper to keep her". He also said that he travels every week &

would make the trips as long as he could.

 

There is no way that he's get a divorce & lose 1/2 his money, god for bid. I never met an individual

that was so materialistic in my life. Everything has to be Versace, Rolex, well know names, etc.

 

Here he thinks that makes him better than everyone else, but i got news for him. He's on the same

level as the rest of us.

 

Funny how i'm only 32 years old & I have 3x as more liquid cash as he does, being 53 & making the money he does. Its not what you make, its what u you save. & $$ doesn't make u any better than anyone else.

 

Yes I deserve much better than him, i know that for a fact!! NO ONE deserves to be treated the way he treated me, NO ONE! I kinda feel sorry for his wife, having a cheating, lying husband like she does.

I don't envy her 1 bit!! Just happy that i didn't end up with him , he would have done the same thing to me.

Once a cheater, always a cheater in my book!!

[DesertDweller]

Hey Marie, thank you for being brave enough to share your story with us. I don't understand how a man can claim to love us and then just discard us. I don't think a woman could do that to a man. I guess men and women are different. Women are better. Ha-ha. Stay strong!

[New_Wife]

'Atta Girl.

 

I think the caution here is: when he comes back, and he will come back - you have to keep that resolve. He probaby won't come back on his knees - most likely some sort of 1/2-azzed fishing expedition into your ability to resist him. Something noncommittal to make you go 1/2 way. As others have suggested - have NOTHING to do with him. If he's laying bleeding on the road - call for help as you step over him to walk away. That kind of hard core.

 

Again, please be extra sure to take care of yourself during this. Remember, the best and only revenge worth having is to go on and have a wonderful life in spite of the Bozo's who try to mess with it. Please keep us posted as you heal and get stronger.

[fanou22]

So now what happens to the money that he gave you to save?

 

I have been following your story. Anger is good for now. Hurt will come later.

In about 2 weeks at the most he will try to get you back.

None of us can tell you what to do at that point but if you don't want to go back to that R, you should not have any kind of contact with him (none whatsoever).

 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Marie1973]

Hello Fan -

 

No there will be be no hurt anymore. I take a lot but once i get to a certain point, i'm done, fed up & there is no more pain. You kinda get used to getting hurt, & one day, it doesn't hurt anymore. Well i'm at that point now. Passed the pain, now its all anger. The 8th time he was supposed to leave I was fed up, this is the 12th time. So I'm wayyyyyyyyyy passed that stage.

 

NO i don't think he will try to contact me anymore. He better not anyway!

He wants me to think that its not bothering me, so he won't call. But i know it is tearing him up inside. I know him better than that. NO i will not have ANY contact with him what-so-ever. When I break up with men, that's just my way of doing it, I never want to see or speak to them ever again.

 

And as for the money, it wasn't that much & I invested a lot of money decorating the apartment & this will replace my losses!

[Mz. Pixie]

Yeah, keep the money!

 

I'm proud of you Marie. You did it. Now, keep your resolve because I'm 99 percent sure- he will come back or try to.

 

You sound like you have alot going for you. A man would be lucky to get you- go out and find one that deserves you!

[Marie1973]

:-)

 

Thanks Ms. Pixie

Everyone is actually sooooooo proud of me.

My mom has been running around the house dancing & cheering these passed 2 days.

She makes me laugh so hard .

She is sooooooooooooooo funny, such awesome parents i have.

 

No, i'm 110% sure that he won't call me ever again. He tries to act like a tough guy & like it doesn't

bother him. He's just gonna get hung up on if he does try to call anyway, so why bother.

 

Yes, i have A LOT going for me. I have a GREAT family, FANTASTIC PARENTS, great friends, good job, money saved, 2 beautiful nieces, 1 gorjeous nephew, etc.

 

I will find someone who deserves me. I'll keep u all posted when i do! :-)

[billybadass36]

There's a book that a "friend of mine" read when she just got out of a relationship with a married guy. It's called "He's Scared She's Scared". I don't know who the authors are, but it's an eye opener for people that are in or getting out of relationships with unavailable people...be they maritally unavailable or otherwise, e.g., geographically unavailable, etc. It's a decent read about commitmentphobia and stuff like that. This friend of mine had been a serial dater and finally figured out that she may have commitment issues because of the choices in men she was making. I read parts of it, and it made some sense.

 

Trust me, this guy's going to try to get back in your pants. If 60 days go by without him trying to make some kind of rendezvous with you, I'll be shocked all to hell.

[Marie1973]

HE HAS A BETTER CHANCE AT SEEING GOD!!!!!!!!

[Mz. Pixie]

I agree with BBA, he will most likely try to come back. I used to post on a forum where alot of OW's posted. Almost all of them try to come back.

 

Mine did, and he got turned down. It sure felt good but I wasn't in love with him. You have been. Prepare yourself so that you'll be strong.

[Marie1973]

Jolie

 

Hello Thanks for sharing your story. I feel sooo bad for you!

I am strong now because I am so fed up already. Everyone has their

own point to how much they will put up with. I reached mine a few months ago. You will reach a point, where u don't feel the pain anymore & you won't care what happens anymore, I did. & if feels GREAT!

 

My MM will no longer treat me like sh*t & lie to my face anymore. There are so many lies I know that my MM doesn't even know I know! He used to say that he's going to prove to me that all men aren't the same. WELL, all he proved to me was that he was WORSE than any of my ex's.

 

I deserve so much better than that & so do u. You should not let a man treat you like that, who does he think he is?

 

Try to be strong, u will be surprised how great inside u feel. Don't let any man do that to you , they aren't worth it!!!!!!. Please find the post i put up last week that LadyLR wrote to me. You have to read it, it might help you.

 

Feel free to PM me if u would like. I would love to help you in any way I can. & that goes for anyone else out there!

[Marie1973]

Depressed -

 

Wow, I kinda know what u mean.

Let us know how things go when u do, i'm really curious.

 

OH, I am done posting here about my MM, there is nothing more to say.

& i am moving on with my life!

 

If any of want to PM me, feel free.

I'd be more than happy to help you guys through it & be strong!!

 

 

Here is an article that I found over the weekend about how married men are. I felt like I was reading "My" life story with my MM....................

Please take the time to read it:

 

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Seduction-of-a-Married-Man&id=6846

 

 

So please PM me if u feel the need,

 

I'm done posting here!!

 

THIS CHAPTER OF MY LIFE IS NOW CLOSED FOR GOOD!! :-)

[RecordProducer]

Marie, I feel for you and am very sorry for your pain. I can imagine how you feel.

It must hurt you that he said he'd let you know about his decision as if you're hanging on a hanger for him and will patiently wait for him to make up his mind.

 

You should move on in any case. It's possible that he will change his mind. I am still surprised that he decided to stay with his wife who he doesn't love and didn't choose the woman he loves. It mind change though. I am not giving you any hopes, but anything is possible. However while you may continue to hope with no good reason, he may just be getting over you.

 

You should not see him, in my opinion. He should know that he has lost you forever. The last option you can resort to is to pretend that you have found someone else and let him know when he calls you. He will call you sooner or later, because he has certain feelings for you (I don't know how strong, but he is very much used to having you in his life). I think you should tell him you're doing great and are dating some wonderful guy. If you show him how much you're hurting, that will just give him an inspiration to pull your leg (which I don't think you would let him any longer though).

 

But IMHO your only hope is to make him jealous. But please, if you have decided to move on, just do so. The little hope may help you during the time of getting over him, but don't be in a limbo as before. You deserve so much more than he can give you. You're a successful, loving, young woman, I am pretty sure you're attractive and sexy and you can do much better than this. Good luck, hun!

[Marie1973]

Hello

 

Record, I'll be ok. Yes, my heart is broken & it does hurt, but I'm doing pretty darn good. Better than i thought. It's going to take time, time heals all!

 

I have to move on with my life. & if my MM chooses his money over me, there's nothing that I could do about it! I have to accept that he loved his money more than he loved me!!

 

There will be no telling his wife, there will be no trying to get him jealous, non of that. I think i hurt more than enough for the both of us.

 

I'm going to get bashed for saying this, but .................I wouldn't want to hurt someone that I love in anyway. & yes I still & always will love him.

I think me leaving him hurts him enough.

 

I guess, just like the song says "SOMETIMES LOVE JUST AIN'T ENOUGH!"

[New_Wife]

Originally posted by Marie1973

I'm going to get bashed for saying this, but .................I wouldn't want to hurt someone that I love in anyway. & yes I still & always will love him.

 

 

Not gonna bash you. If we could go back and unlove buttholes, I'm sure we all would. Dang, I can think of a few right of the top of my head I'd like to edit how I felt about because after the truth came to light - I felt like an idiot for buying into their BS. Sometimes all you can do is learn from it.

 

However, you won't always love him. Hopefully, 10 years from now when you're happily involved in a one-on-one relationship with a wonderful man who loves you & admires you for your strength and resolve, this guy will be a memory of the journey you made to happier times - and nothing more. It's hard to picture that right now, I'm sure, but it can happen.

 

Like I said before, take really good care of yourself right now. Surround yourself with your support, and consider IC. I'd hate to see you fall into another relationship after healing from this one, with some bozo who's gonna expect you to share him too (with wife, work, whatever).

[RecordProducer]

Marie, don't get fooled by the endorfine days - the first few days after the break up (or any loss in our life). Right now you're numb and you think about him very often, but with neutral feelings. Very soon that will change. Just warning you. And you will have changes of moods and feelings. Be prepared and don't let it catch you in a trap!

 

It's not about money. He fears that if he leaves his wife, his children, friends, and family will judge him, plus, yes, he will financially lose, his life will become a mess and finally he can't be sure that you will be what he will need for the rest of his life. He is reluctant to lose a lot for one woman that he can have anyway... her love, body, company, support, etc. But now you took the milk away from him so it's new for him and yes, he is most likely missing you a lot. Or will in the future.

 

Yet if he doesn't change his mind, it still doesn't mean that you were never important to him. You were together for only 2 years or so. He knows that love fades away, turns into bad states, etc. I believe that if he thought that he could always and forever be happy with you and feel like he does now, he would seriously CONSIDER leaving his wife.

However you've probably had lots of arguments because of this particular issue and that also left some bitter taste in his mouth.

 

Do you think that if you would tell his wife, she would leave him? Honestly (and selfishly), if I were you, I would do that.

[Marie1973]

Hello

 

Yeah i'm sure it will set in sooner or later. But i have to be strong!

If it was meant to be, it would be! But I guess his love for me wasn't as strong as mine was for him.

 

& Yes with my MM, it is all about the money. He always was concerned about being able to support me & our kids in the future, from day 1.

 

Yes we have been together for 2 years & 9 months (tomorrow Aug. 6) & the love has never faded, not even a smidget, it actually got stronger & stronger with each day.

 

We only had 1 fight that i could recall & it was over something ridiculous, but besides that fight, no i could honestly say that we never fought. We ALWAYS had a great time, no matter what we did. We could sit in an empty room & just stare at each other & we would have a ball. I never had that before!

 

We didn't even fight about him not leaving. He would just break my heart at the end of every month when he didn't leave & then he would push it another month & we just continued. I never gave him hell about leaving. Yes we talked about it, but i NEVER screamed at him or anything like that.

 

I'm not sure if his wife would leave him if she found out. She's living a very comfortable life with them just existing.

 

& no, I am not going to tell her. Him having to live the rest of his life in his miserable marriage will be hard & enough of pain. I wouldn't hurt him like that anyway.

 

I'm not out for revenge in any way. What we had was really special, he knows that as well. Neither of us will ever find that again!

[RecordProducer]

I completely understand what you're saying and it's really strange that he chose to stay with his wife. But it's not over until it's over. He may change his mind when he realizes that he doesn't have you. Just keep NC.

How old are his daughters? Do you think he really told his older daughter or is it possible that he's just pulling your leg? Cuz if he did, that's a good sign for you. That's one step further in your favor, don't you realize it? But only if he really did tell her..

 

By the way, before I believed that MM only wanted sex on aside, but then somebody on LS wrote that he is in love with his OW yet will never leave his wife. Did you read it? (I hope that post was genuine)

[RecordProducer]

Originally posted by Marie1973

I honestly dont believe him when he said he told his daughter first either.

He wouldn't have that hanging over his head the rest of his life.

 

If you don't trust him and think he lies to you about important things then how can he be Mr. Right, Marie? You knew he was a liar and cheater. Don't you think that fact would be hanging over your head if you were together for the rest of your life?

I am sure he's in love with you, but some men don't want to sacrifice for love, they don't value love as most important thing in life.

It's a problem that he values money too much. Many men do leave their wives for the OW. Just tell him you've found someone else when he contacts you and you'll see that he won't like it. It will make him think that he might lose you forever.

[newbby]

rp,

marie has said that her mm knows she posts in here, chances are he reads everything she writes and that other people write to her.

i believe marie is going to get over this man, she sounds like a woman who doesnt swing too much, when she was with him she gave it her all, and i think she will give it her all to move on too.

anyway, she already knows he will come crawling back at some point, they all do, they come back with more lies.

if she feigned being with somebody else and moving on, he would become more determined to break her down, and it would be hard for her to resist if it was just a lie. they become more persistent, more charming etc, that is what mine did when i said never again and talked about dates i was going on, because i wasnt truly over him, he eventually wore me down, but nothing had changed.

now i am really seeing what a complete a**hole he is, as i had given him the chance to be friends and move on from the past, which he should have jumped at, or even not be friends but leave things amicably, he was satisfied with neither, his ego needed to know he could still have me.

if she really moves on, she wont look back, that is the best goal.

[Marie1973]

RP-

I think it might be over, if he was going to leave, he would have left by now.

I gave him 1 FULL year. His daughters are 18 & 17. The 18 year old leaves for college the end of August, so she will be out of the house. I don't think that he really told his daughter, that would be so stupid of him & he's not a stupid man. (i take that back, he is stupid for letting me go - Heheh) She would tell his wife. So yes I think that was a lie, but can't say it 100%.

 

No my MM didn't just want sex on the side. He could get that anywhere, in bars, etc. He would get it there, rather than in work where he is in such a high position, he wouldn't take the chance.

 

He hasn't lied to me in the whole 2 years 9 months I've been with him that i know of. I'm just saying that he lied to me that he would leave his wife, he actually promised me that & swore to GOD & he lied when he said that he would never hurt me. He broke my heart & thats not right. There is 1 other thing that I think he lied to me about that i found out this passed week, but i'm only 90% sure, not 100%.

 

P.S. You guys were right, the anger stage is over & i'm in my next stage.

But can't talk about it on here. Someone might be reading what i'm writing!

 

What's that saying......"If you love someone set them free,

if they come back to you, it was meant to be"??????

[Marie1973]

Don't get me wrong, I would NEVER go back to being the OW.

 

The only way that I would even think about going back to my exMM is if he did finally actually leave. That is that only way!!!

 

I deserve SO MUCH better than to be the OW!!