jane74 Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 ok some advice please, i started dating this guy last year i broke up with him 6 months later as found out his engaged Christmas time we started seeing each other again and we have spoke about marriage what we want in life and told me if i get married he wants still see me so i replied what if you get married he said im not getting married but if i do i still want to see you i do love him and hes told me he loves me too, ive tried leaving him dating others but they never work as think of this engaged man all the time hes in his 40s so am i hes fiance is in 20s and all i keep thinking about why would he do this when he has a young girl on his arm i do go through thoughts am i being used he never phones me always texts not every day though and once i deleted his number as never heard off him in 5 days but its like he knew as that day i received a text he still has gifts i gave him last year and still kept photos of me i deleted all mine last year hes fiance did find out about me last year but had no proof so took him back and she said shes caught him cheating 3 times now why keep coming after me if hes getting married i need some advice what to do to please dont make me feel bad ive tried leaving i just need understand what is he playing at, i hate not hearing off him ends up with me in tears hes also recently told me hes not with her no more which i know he is still with her but why lie about her when he knows i know about her and also once he told me go find a nice single man and when i did all he said to me hows he going have you been intimate with him loads of questions and goes on about hes not a jealous man just wants me happy but took me to his house same night he questioned me Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 Sorry hon... He is a player He just wants an extra woman and you are it if you keep on. You need to delete him from your life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 He's a POS. Protect yourself...you're likely gonna end up with a disease. He's told you he lies. He's told you he will always cheat! Who cares if he says he's getting married - or not... he's a cheater who harms women. Why would this be remotely attractive to you? IF I were to have sex with someone like that - knowing those things about their lack of character would cause me to throw up on them. Seek help to gain some solid help with expectations - and raising the bar for standards of decency. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Horton Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 I can see how some OW convince themselves that their MM truly loves them(they don't BTW) and that he's just trapped in his awful marriage cause of the vengeful wife and the innocent kids and the never ending bills and the Disney world vacation that's already planned this summer and the mother in law who's sick and the family dog that has worms and so on and so on, but this guy is not even married yet and he already has excuses lol. He has no viable reason to not be with the woman he wishes to be with if that's what he actually wants. So what gives? Why is he stringing you along before he even has anything anchoring him down to this future wife of his? Your AP is really a piece of work, most MM at least wait until they're married before they get themselves a mistress, but this guy is already planning in advanced to have somebody(that'd be you) perpetually at his beck and call for the rest of his married life. I know I wouldn't wanna sign up for that life if it were me in your shoes. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 He has a fiancé, which means that he is not available to you. And even if he was available, why would you want to be his "fiancé" when he is likely to have another woman on his arm and in his bed. He has shown you what kind of man he is... Best to let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 He's a serial cheater and isn't planning to stop anytime soon. He has a girl half his age and that's still not enough for him. I could say he has a problem, but so does his fiancée and so do you, for even giving this fool the time of day. Have you reflected on what is it about you, that makes you think that being the mistress of a serial cheater is the best you can do? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 He keeps coming after you because you're game and he knows it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Overtaxed Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 He keeps coming after you because you're game and he knows it. Yup. Sorry hon... He is a player He just wants an extra woman and you are it if you keep on. You need to delete him from your life. And yup. You are offering up sex, and he's not going to say no when all it takes is some kind words and a drink to get you there. This would come under the heading of completely typical male behavior when they have a woman into them that they don't care about. And no, he'll never "let you go" why would he? His goal is sex, you're giving that to him, so, from his perspective, it's a great deal. He'll make that deal for the rest of his and your life if you let him. You want to see how he really feels? Tell him "Nothing physical until you break it off with your fiance". You'll find out real quick who he values more. And, sadly for you, it's likely to be the fiance. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 He's a user. He is lying to his fiancee and you. He is not even properly committed to his fiancee if he says he will not get married. Whatever he says to you is to keep you on the hook so he can play with two women (or possibly more). No decent man would do this. Actions speak louder than words. He is lying, cheating, hiding you, leading you on. If you pull yourself out of this situation and give yourself time to get over him, you will find you are able to look outwards at other guys again. While you are still emotionally attached, you will feel as though he is the only possibility. He isn't. There are decent guys out there who will not hide you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jane74 Posted May 3, 2017 Author Share Posted May 3, 2017 (edited) hi everyone thanks for the reply's he came down last night to mine he never comes to mine usually he done bit of diy for me gave me a present the sex wasnt that good last night though not like usual but i cant help myself if i tell you abit about myself i dont know if this why im attached to him i was abused from a early age sexually physically and mentally than i met my ex lasted 11 years was domestic violence than stayed single for 9 years met someone else lasted 4 months than met him and than met another it didnt work and back to him ive tried walking away from him i really have and when i meet someone knew i think about him he shows me alot of attention i have abandonment issues i been told that ive been in therapy too its not worked for me and also why is he telling me find someone else and he wants me happy Edited May 3, 2017 by jane74 added Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted May 3, 2017 Share Posted May 3, 2017 and also why is he telling me find someone else and he wants me happy That one is easy. He does care for you at some level, not saying love at all, and he knows that he is short changing you by keeping the affair going. So part of him wants you to find someone that you can be with in a real relationship. I did it, most MM's do I think. It will be easy for him to find another girl on the side, so if possible he wants you to find someone and he will feel less guilty about stealing the years away from you. Which is what an affair usually is. At some level, you are stealing time from a woman that you let fall in love with you. At some level you are using her because you know your not leaving your wife. Anyone with some conscience is going to feel guilty for that if it lasts too long. I have let women fall in love with me before when I knew I was not in love with them. At some point you just have to stop doing this, because it eats at your soul... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted May 3, 2017 Share Posted May 3, 2017 Did you ever go to counseling for the abuse? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jane74 Posted May 3, 2017 Author Share Posted May 3, 2017 thankful and yes i did have counselling it never worked for me he told me yesterday hes booking a day off work soon and is taking me out for whole day and have a meal out we have never had a meal there is another guy i was chatting just friends nothing else he knew about this guy and all i get off him is how far you got with him etc and goes on about how hes not a jealous guy but why ask if ive been intimate with him (btw i let this other guy go as not fair on him wanting something i couldnt give him but he dont know ive let him go) i also have a adult son hes 2 years younger than his fiance but he helping him with stuff too now Link to post Share on other sites
Origin Posted May 3, 2017 Share Posted May 3, 2017 I hope you can stay away from him, you'll get hurt in the end. If you do not stay away it will all blow up in your face on day and it will hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted May 3, 2017 Share Posted May 3, 2017 thankful and yes i did have counselling it never worked for me he told me yesterday hes booking a day off work soon and is taking me out for whole day and have a meal out we have never had a meal there is another guy i was chatting just friends nothing else he knew about this guy and all i get off him is how far you got with him etc and goes on about how hes not a jealous guy but why ask if ive been intimate with him (btw i let this other guy go as not fair on him wanting something i couldnt give him but he dont know ive let him go) i also have a adult son hes 2 years younger than his fiance but he helping him with stuff too nowYou are having sex with a man who has never taken you out for a meal? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jane74 Posted May 4, 2017 Author Share Posted May 4, 2017 You are having sex with a man who has never taken you out for a meal? he usually buys take aways and eat at his, he only lives in a shared house has one room he fiance lives with her dad i have a 4 bedroom house didnt have sex straight away with him took 3 weeks before i did but now its all time i go to his but does come see me at mine when we dont have sex he started offering help with decorating bit of diy stuff around my house lately Link to post Share on other sites
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