How people really fall in love

[Mysterio]

I think all this think tank methodical ways of falling in love does not happen for the most part.

 

I go by observation and talking about it with real people. From what I have seen with family and friends. Most people stumble into love. All the Tinder/Match etc. They are fine, but for the most part. Romantic love is very hard to create.

 

It feels like this to me. The man charms a woman into being his GF. The Woman charms the man into being her BF. Or its mutual attraction which is rare.

 

We are all on here thinking for the most part, that we are doing something wrong and trying to find ways of having love in our lives. Most of us are 20 to 50 some thing. People embarsed to be mid 20's and dating for the first time. There is nothing to be ashamed about. Some of us will find love later in life. Some of us who get it early will have it taken away from us.

 

I really think that most people will go through ups and downs in love. Nothing in life is steady.

 

Anyways in your view. How do people really fall in love from your point of view.

[todreaminblue]

i think falling in love is really indvidualistic and isnt predictable i agree with you can happen any time any age anywhere..i believe true love however does involve a mutual reciprocal feeling..either grown over time or organically there from the beginning if that isnt there it isnt really a love that is true or long lasting........deb

Edited May 2, 2017 by todreaminblue

[avvril3000]

i dont agree about the convincing. ive dated some men who tried the convincing with me, they were attracted but there was something missing, maybe chemistry, maybe genuine care for them, maybe the feeling of needing to be with them, or not liking who they really are as a person.

 

i think falling in love is still being attracted to them, not just physical, but who they are inside, despite their short comings or faults and still thinking they are the greatest thing ever.

[Popsicle]

I go by observation and talking about it with real people. From what I have seen with family and friends. Most people stumble into love.

I completely agree. Whenever I fell in love in the past, it was always due to happenstance or just plain luck. There was never any planning of it or conscious effort, nor was I sitting around hoping and thinking about it. And is part of the reason why I don't have much faith in me finding someone in OLD. That is contrived.

[MajesticUnicorn]

Honestly this is something I have been thinking about a lot lately.

 

Of course I want that serendipitous love, meeting and connecting by happenstance and it developing into genuine romance.

 

That's why sometimes I think I should just give up on Tinder/Bumble/OLD and try to allow it to happen more organically...

[GunslingerRoland]

I think about the couples I know and none of them really fit into what you are talking about, with one person being super interested and having to pursue or convince the other. I know a couple where one was slightly more interested and it took a couple of dates to get them to a more equal footing, but nothing extreme.

 

Are you basing this observation on people you know or romance movies?

[Mysterio]

My observations are on my friends.

 

MO and MM met through work and they were both pushed together, because MO co-workers did not want GJ to get inroads with MM for what ever reason and they pushed MO on MM at a social.

 

MK and JC. JC was aware of MK. At first she had to back off because MK was dating some girl. Then he broke up with her. Then JC had a shot at MK at a social.

 

CF and DT. CF is DT's ex back in the 90's. She was separted and looked him up on Facebook. She pursed him, even though she was still married and to this day there is no legal divorce, bcause CF's ex husband is not playing ball.

 

Those are some examples.

[mikeylo]

You can't convince someone to love you. There has to be some mutual interest, attraction for it to evolve into something more. Love is slow. Infatuation is fast and fails fast as well.

[stillafool]

 

It feels like this to me. The man charms a woman into being his GF. The Woman charms the man into being her BF. Or its mutual attraction which is rare.

 

 

 

 

For me it has always been mutual attraction. I wouldn't want a man who I have to charm into being my BF. I have always needed him to want me as much as I want him or it doesn't work for me.

[Mysterio]

Whats the definition of mutual attraction? How does it differ from opposite sex friends.

[stillafool]

For me, it always started with being physically attracted to each other, followed by liking each other's personalities, sense of humor, common interests and similar goals in life. Of course we would have to be highly sexually compatible to keep my interest. But always initially it started with being physically attracted to each other.

[BlueIvy]

I think people fall in love by some type of mutual attraction, and then they like each other's personality and then it just happens over time. Or you can like someone's personality then start to like them and then love comes.

 

But it has to be some type of attraction there. With my ex, I always felt like there was mutual attraction but we never acted on it. Then he asked me out and then we spent time with each other and I liked his personality. I then started to like how he smells and felt so happy with him.

[whatnot]

Love is not found. It is built.

 

My sister found love...the first time....with a playboy. Marriage lasted 2 years. Then she met a guy at work. They were friends for a couple of years before they found themselves have feelings for each other. It actually surprised them both when that happened. They've been married 35 years now.

 

 

As for myself.....I was too scared of losing myself to marry the only woman I ever truly loved. The one I did marry was as scared as I was. And so it's been ever since.

Edited May 4, 2017 by whatnot

[GoodOnPaper]

They were friends for a couple of years before they found themselves have feelings for each other.

 

I think that's how it should be - at least I've always considered it the ideal for me. Unfortunately, it always seems that once you are "friends", a woman considers you asexual. Finding a woman who actually changes her mindset about that is a 1-in-a-billion shot.

[Inya]

Hi there

 

Anyways in your view. How do people really fall in love from your point of view.

 

Falling in love happens suddenly, intensely, beyond control, developing quickly and its not a voluntary process. Its all about chemistry. Dopamine increases in your brains pleasure center everytime you see or even think of your special person, and you become an addict ridding an emotional rollercoaster.

 

Im still wondering how the hell that happened ???

[Mysterio]

My conversation is more about observation of how people fall in love. I look at my parents and I feel for them. Its more about practicality than some big deep love.

 

If one of them passes. I could see the other one finding some other person to love and not have the passing of the spouse detouring them away from love.

 

Falling in love happens in different ways. What is love. I was walking in the park with my female friend JC a couple of years ago. She is a very attractive woman from my eyes. We get along. I felt like hand holding and wish I could make out with her and them some. Is it love. We get together every couple of months. So like 5 times a year if I had to time frame it. We are both single and childless and 10 yrs apart. I know what it is between us and for me. Its a friendship on my side with a little lust. She does not feel the same way. She looks at me more as a friend. If she liked me more. She would reach out to me a bit more and we would be together more. We both talk about being single and finding someone. I am probably a bit more physically attracted to her looks, more than her personality.

 

Contrast to this woman that I met at my Gym. She was an instructor there. She is a great looking woman. I am drawn to her personality a bit more than JC. Gym Woman is Warm/Sweet/Sharp and Adroable and thats the type of woman I would want to be with in the end. Gym Woman is married with a child and I can't go there. So the only way it would work is if Gym Woman were to get divorced and came my way again.

 

So Recapping Gym Woman's personality is the draw first. The Looks secondary. JC's looks is first and her personality is secondary. Both ways would work. Its just that Gym Woman would have to be single and its more harder for me to around Gym Woman, when I run into her. JC is a bit more easier now, but I don't feel JC and I would work well in the long run Where I feel there is something special about Gym Woman. So I use Gym Woman's charcter as a blueprint.

 

Also. When I look at myself and had to describe myself. I am more like a Ritchie Cunningham from Happy Days. Or Paul Williams who plays a detective from The Young and the Restless or Fred from the Scooby Doo cartoons. I am more Introspective/Detective mode 90 % of the time. So it may drive my woman a bit crazy. I like to know why things are the way they are. So if a co-worker does not care for me. I want to know why and it has to make sense.

 

Bottom line. For me Mysterio. I feel like the character traits is a way to go. More than the looks/lust route.

[Chilli]

Geez l dunno ,l don't think mutual attraction is rare at all,no way.

That's exactly how it's happened for me.

And fast.

There is love at first sight , not all happens that way l guess but love at first sight does happen, did to me.

[Mysterio]

Once again. I feel like there are variation in people getting together. I feel like my parents. My Dad was the driving force not my Mom. My friend DT. its his GF -CH that got them together. DT did nothing but let it happen.

 

My ex P Mc from high school. She pursed me. I did not know she liked me and it sparked me into liking her.

 

TK was also tailend of High School. That was mutual and is still special to my heart. It was magic and it was a basic love at first sight, but we were too young to make it last.

 

So my Post is the various ways and what works for some, may not work for others.

 

For me its a woman coming towards me and making the effort. That relationship works better, than when I am the driving force of getting together. In the past. I can see where my lust blinded me from the character of the women.

 

Today I am way more about the character of the woman than the looks although both are almost neck and neck. The Character of content of the woman will win in the end. Basically for me. She has to come off to me as Warm/Sweet/Sharp/Adorable and affectionate towards me, before I would show any interest in her. It can't be I just find her hot and thats it