Giving myself permisison

[wmacbride]

It's good to have a sense of humor about things and you're right.....totally absurd.

 

But being here and interacting with OWs I get to see the other side too....i can now see how this girl had the audacity to talk to me like I was some sad second rate has been. The fantasy that her and my H had built up was completely real to her. Especially since she was a single OW I think.....the fantasy he created was like reality to her because she didn't have another life.

 

So yeah, it's completely absurd and hilarious to get that email from her, but now I can understand it a little better.

 

I really believe that you can reach a point where you can either choose to laugh about certain parts of the affair, or you can let it eat away at you.

 

Glad to see that you chose the humor.

[KatieLaw]

Hate her. She was trying to poach my H though she hardly knew him. She made it clear she wanted a husband and decided mine would be great. He did not want to be poached or even go to bed with her.

 

She made a fool of herself in front of all her co-workers and acted like an animal in heat in public. She fell down drunk and must have had an interesting flight home.

 

More than ten years later she is still single and is now obese. I'm glad because she may have to give up her home-wrecking career.

[LedHead21]

Right.

 

Not once was there any sort of apology for her part in the affair. Like I didn't exist as his wife, and she was the love of his life just sending him off to some barren wasteland where love isn't capable of existing and I needed instruction so he didn't shrivel up and die without her

 

High school much? Oh wait, she was just a few years out of HS so.,.,,.....lol

 

Same thing here. When I went through my crazy discovery phase I reached out to her on 2 separate d-days. Something in me wanted her to bite back..but that just made her re initiate contact with my H. Cowards.

[Love me do]

If you are a bs, how do you feel about the ow/om in your situation?

 

I'm asking because I have finally reached a decision. I am going to stop feeling guilty about the depth of my dislike for her.

 

I have tried to have an open mind and heart when it comes to her, but I just can't do it anymore. I am sick of being hard on myself for how I feel towards her.

Maybe if you can explain why you'll find the answer to youf first post. Why was it important to you to have an open mind and heart toward her? Why did you feel guilty about your dislike?

 

It took a long time to get to a place of healthy animosity for me, too. I think maybe allowing outrage means you're finally valuing yourself and realizing you owe nothing to people who hurt you. Acknowledging OW will poison your world if you give access with this open mind nd and heart; she did that once before, remember? Even giving the time of day to her perverse world view is diminishing to you.

 

OW made me into someone I am not, but I finally just said that's her problem and doesn't affect me. I am no longer interested in what she thinks or says and don't need to straighten her out. I don't know or care what she thinks or does and need not apologize to anyone for feeling that way.

[maria76]

I'm usually quiet, but I have to chime in on this one because I think I deserve an honorary award too...

 

The OW in my story is writing a book about the affair... Yay! I guess I'll have hundreds of pages about their "undying love". She is, in her words, exercising her freedom of speech right.

 

Of course she will be leaving some minor details out... like the car romps, the public sex or the skype masturbation sessions... or the fact that he was married. Oh, you know... minor details like that, because her family wouldn' be too pleased and/or proud of her if they knew them. And of course she'll be saying it's all fiction! She's a good girl like that... always willing to spare other people's feelings!

 

I think I'll be exercising MY freedom of speech at her public reading sessions... I'm going to love meeting her family! Not so sure she will though.

 

Hey, maybe I should offer some illustrations for the book?... I have some very nice pictures she could use. I also have some very interesting footage for the movie adaptation... Maybe we could do a semi-private video session... I think her family and I would have a blast watching it! Should I bring the popcorn?...

 

Oh, fun times!... not.

[Midwestmissy]

It is hard to find empathy for someone who was 50% complicit in negatively affecting my financial future, putting me in a position where I might see my kids on a schedule, not every day, and force said kids to sleep under a roof with someone who had caused all this. If you put my family at risk, I'm not going to be able to drum up happy feelings for you.

 

What eased the rage was when I asked my wh what he thought about the obs and their pile of kids, he said he never gave them any thought. He had no animosity or jealousy or dislike, they just didn't cross his mind. Just like I didn't when he was off with her. He didn't want a relationship with her he wanted the affair. But she wanted to leave her bh and be with my wh.

 

Wh says the obs & family never crossed his mind unless he was getting them tickets to a sports game or something. They were in a box in his head that was probably marked "buzzkill". I may have meant the same to her, or I may have been a speed bump on the road to her new life. It's all pretty painful and unfair, right? The only contact I ever had directly with her was when wh was swearing it was emotional only, not physical, and since she shared that secret with him, wanted the 4 of us to get together to discuss. I couldn't believe the nerve. I didn't respond ever, but what I wanted to say was "if you're so elevated and open to such discussions, so progressive and good and transparent and honest and caring, why didn't we have a conversation about all this BEFORE you started sleeping with my wh? That would have had more positive impact on me."

 

Bottom line: selfish. So I can be selfish in disliking her for how she contributed to my pain.

[aileD]

I'm usually quiet, but I have to chime in on this one because I think I deserve an honorary award too...

 

The OW in my story is writing a book about the affair... Yay! I guess I'll have hundreds of pages about their "undying love". She is, in her words, exercising her freedom of speech right.

 

Of course she will be leaving some minor details out... like the car romps, the public sex or the skype masturbation sessions... or the fact that he was married. Oh, you know... minor details like that, because her family wouldn' be too pleased and/or proud of her if they knew them. And of course she'll be saying it's all fiction! She's a good girl like that... always willing to spare other people's feelings!

 

I think I'll be exercising MY freedom of speech at her public reading sessions... I'm going to love meeting her family! Not so sure she will though.

 

Hey, maybe I should offer some illustrations for the book?... I have some very nice pictures she could use. I also have some very interesting footage for the movie adaptation... Maybe we could do a semi-private video session... I think her family and I would have a blast watching it! Should I bring the popcorn?...

 

Oh, fun times!... not.

 

 

Omg. Seriously. Seriously?!??!??

 

I would either:

 

A: write my own book called The real truth behind (the name of her book)"

 

B. Write a few paragraphs telling the real story and make thousands of copies and put them between the pages of every book in every bookstore I can find. Mail some to me, I'll cover my area.

 

C. Show up at book signings and ask questions.

 

Side note: Is her blog public? I'd love to read it. And comment. Lol

 

 

The NERVE!

Edited May 5, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[somanymistakes]

Is it a fictional romance novel that doesn't bear too much resemblance to reality, or is it some kind of 'self help' "What I learned about romance" thing? because that would be pretty ridiculous...

Edited May 5, 2017 by somanymistakes

[maria76]

Omg. Seriously. Seriously?!??!??

 

I would either:

 

A: write my own book called The real truth behind (the name of her book)"

 

B. Write a few paragraphs telling the real story and make thousands of copies and put them between the pages of every book in every bookstore I can find. Mail some to me, I'll cover my area.

 

C. Show up at book signings and ask questions.

 

Side note: Is her blog public? I'd love to read it. And comment. Lol

 

 

The NERVE!

(Sorry for the thread jack!)

 

aileD, yes, seriously!

 

Before the affair she told me she wanted to write a book about "hurting for love". Guess she got her wish.

She wrote a novel before about a romance between an innocent girl (supposedly herself...) and one of the guys from Thake That.

The boys band, Take That, yes. That's how mature she is.

And no, she's not a teenager... she's 36 years old.

 

She paid for the whole thing and got the book published. It was a flop, but it was published, so I'm betting she plans on doing the same thing again.

 

Believe me, any of your three options has crossed my mind. More than once, I have to admit. Thing is... I don't want to do any of those things. I really just want to live my life peacefully. I don't want any drama, just no more alarms and no more surprises. I've never hated or resented anyone and I hate feeling like this towards anyone. It makes me feel bad about myself.

 

But I'll attend the reading sessions. That is guarenteed. If she has the nerve to publish it, she'll have to have the guts to face me and look me in the eyes while reading it out loud. I will not make it comfortable for her. And I WILL disclose everything to her family.

 

Regarding her blog... Oh, I'd love for you to read it! It was priceless! She compared herself to a good bottle of vodka... intoxicating, burning, passionate and earth shattering. Me?.. She considered me a glass of O'Porto wine, nice and sweet, but inconsequential. In her words, after trying vodka, you can't go back to O'Porto wine. "After all... vodka will always be vodka".

 

Unfortunately, she took it down after our last conversation.

When he arranged the meeting with her, he didn't tell her I would be going too. You should've seen the look in her face!

And she wasn't too pleased either when he told her they were selfish, disgusting and despicable during the affair, and how much he loathed himself and her for what they had done.

 

I still have some screenshots of the blog, but they're in portuguese...

 

And thank you so much for the offer to help. It felt like a warm hug! I've read your story and I read your advices. I have a lot of respect for you. For what is worth, I've got my fingers crossed for you.

Edited May 5, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[mercy]

Should I bring the popcorn?...

 

Oh, fun times!... not.

 

I think I'd be to stunned to eat it! The horror!!!! I cannot even imagine! But in all the horror of it you had me cracking up! Just you showing up at the book signing....omg

 

Have you spoke to a lawyer about the book? I would.

[maria76]

Is it a fictional romance novel that doesn't bear too much resemblance to reality, or is it some kind of 'self help' "What I learned about romance" thing? because that would be pretty ridiculous...

Somany mistakes, it's a romance novel. Probably a cross between "50 Shades" and "Sex in the City"...

 

And as for her learning anything about this whole mess... I doubt it. This was not her first rodeo and I doubt it was the last. Her story in quite sad, really, and I feel bad for her because of it. Life was not fair to her, but that was not my fault. I didn't deserve her contempt. Supposedly, I was her friend... I have to come to terms with the fact that she played me too.

 

But ask her and she'll tell you she was just innocent and naive. And I know she believes it too. All she ever did was "for love"... why should she care? All is fair in love and war, right?

Edited May 5, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
see below ~T

[William]

Need to do a review so I'll close this up. In advance of that review, I'll remind members of two things:

 

1. Take a look at the top of the forum this thread is in and read this:

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/announcement-site-wide-individual-group-berating-policy-78.html

 

2. The infidelity forum is for members who are in an active affair with someone else or who have a spouse/partner who is suspected of or in an active affair with someone else. It is a peer to peer forum and not intended to replace paid professional help and members should never hold themselves out as professionals in any field to dispense advice on LoveShack.org.

 

The thread will return to open discussion presently. Thanks!