Women complain about guys only wanting sex, yet...

[E-Squared]

Some of them also happen to jump into bed with someone they happen to meet and only knew the person for a limited amount of time. I have never understood this. Is it because the guy is so charismatic that he charms the pants off her? I find it hypocritical how one minute she says that all guys only want sex and then the next minute she is jumping some guy's bones.

 

What's up with that?

[normal person]

My simple interpretation is this: lots of women like sex too, just usually not with everyone. They're typically a bit more judicious about who they sleep with than men.

 

Also keep in mind societal implications. There's not much of an issue with a man sleeping around. There's still a stigma attached to women who do it, so even if they want to, they're under the threat of guilt or shame to not to.

[lily999]

Women want sex too.

But after sex we want more than sex, but guy don't

[preraph]

Usually it's because she's had her eye on a guy and finally gets his attention. But yes, sometimes women just have sex to have sex with someone they are at least physically attracted to.

[grays]

I dont see any contradiction in that. Why would a woman having sex with someone early in the relationship make you think she didnt want more???

 

ETA: Why does this bother you?

[Shining One]

ETA: Why does this bother you?

I know this wasn't directed at me, but I can understand why it's bothersome. It used to bother me. Here's a situation from my past.

 

I started dating a woman. She told me early on that she likes to take things slow, especially physically. She prefers to wait several months before having sex. I respected her wishes and didn't push things along physically. At about 6 weeks in, she started dating another guy. She started having sex with him after the first or second date. The truth came out about a month later. It's very disheartening when you're the guy the rule gets selectively applied to.

[E-Squared]

I know this wasn't directed at me, but I can understand why it's bothersome. It used to bother me. Here's a situation from my past.

 

I started dating a woman. She told me early on that she likes to take things slow, especially physically. She prefers to wait several months before having sex. I respected her wishes and didn't push things along physically. At about 6 weeks in, she started dating another guy. She started having sex with him after the first or second date. The truth came out about a month later. It's very disheartening when you're the guy the rule gets selectively applied to.

THANK YOU! You actually saw the point I tried to make. It just seems odd how a woman will one minute say that she wants to take things slow. Then she'll complain about how a guy won't get her into bed. It's the same thing how when someone will be considered pushy if he tries to get physical at first, but if he takes his time, then it seems like he isn't attracted to her physically. It's like "Damn, what does she want?"

[grays]

Ok, so the problem isnt that she says she wants more and then goes ahead and has sex. The problem is that shes stringing you along and then having sex w someone else.

 

I cant find fault in a woman who likes sex and wants to be treated well by the guys shes having sex with. But I do agree its ****ty for her to hide behind the "i want more" line because she doesnt want to be with you.

[carhill]

OP, IMO better get used to it. Long life ahead. Feelings can be hypocritical and that's just how it is. Going slow with one guy is good for that moment and wild NSA sex with another guy is good for that moment. It all depends how she feels. Words are just the lubrication. To you it matters that 2+2=4, and always does. You think it should matter to her. It doesn't

[GoodOnPaper]

If there is anything that should go in one ear and out the other is a woman's general "complaint" that all men are after is sex. Taking that kind of thing seriously is probably the #1 "nice guy" pitfall - I wasted my whole singlehood doing that. What's important is how she acts interested or not interested in you. If you don't like playing the platonic nice-guy role, you don't have to. That kind of leads into the #2 pitfall - "Let's be friends". I always took that to mean that we had to start some type of BFF relationship after I had just been rejected - that really ramped up the pressure any time I thought about approaching any woman. No, it means "Let's be friend-ly".

[mikeylo]

Some do it because they believe that if they give a guy sex, he would have a relationship with her. So many stories about this but even then they fall for it.Maybe they need to come to LS before they see the guy

[E-Squared]

Ok, so the problem isnt that she says she wants more and then goes ahead and has sex. The problem is that shes stringing you along and then having sex w someone else.

 

I cant find fault in a woman who likes sex and wants to be treated well by the guys shes having sex with. But I do agree its ****ty for her to hide behind the "i want more" line because she doesnt want to be with you.

 

OP, IMO better get used to it. Long life ahead. Feelings can be hypocritical and that's just how it is. Going slow with one guy is good for that moment and wild NSA sex with another guy is good for that moment. It all depends how she feels. Words are just the lubrication. To you it matters that 2+2=4, and always does. You think it should matter to her. It doesn't

 

If there is anything that should go in one ear and out the other is a woman's general "complaint" that all men are after is sex. Taking that kind of thing seriously is probably the #1 "nice guy" pitfall - I wasted my whole singlehood doing that. What's important is how she acts interested or not interested in you. If you don't like playing the platonic nice-guy role, you don't have to. That kind of leads into the #2 pitfall - "Let's be friends". I always took that to mean that we had to start some type of BFF relationship after I had just been rejected - that really ramped up the pressure any time I thought about approaching any woman. No, it means "Let's be friend-ly".

 

Okay, having read through these posts, I wonder if someone actually excused or condoned that the woman had cheated because Shining One actually chose to respect the woman's "wishes," but instead she goes behind his back and spreads her legs for some other guy because her then-current boyfriend chose to respect her wishes about taking time for sex. At the risk of sounding sexist, women are such hypocrites about this.

 

You know, I want a woman's perspective on this. I want to see where they fall in regards to this subject.

[Lilyana76]

I think it comes down to how they feel about you.

 

If they are with you and saying they want to wait, then meet someone else and jump in the sack with them, then they just weren't that into you.

 

At least thats my two cents.

[d0nnivain]

It's a Mars Venus thing. Men need to have sex to feel loved. Women need to feel love to have sex.

 

 

So what happens is these women have sex with these guys. The women misinterpret the physical act for an emotional connection. When the reality that there is no emotional connection hits the woman in the face & she realizes she had sex with a man who doesn't love her, she cries that men only want one thing.

[CptInsano]

It's a Mars Venus thing. Men need to have sex to feel loved. Women need to feel love to have sex.

 

 

So what happens is these women have sex with these guys. The women misinterpret the physical act for an emotional connection.

 

I think women are smarter than that. Love is not required in many cases, it's enough that she finds you attractive and trusts you. Sex started very early in many of my relationships and the women were rather well aware of the transitions from "in lust", "in love" to actual love.

 

That being said, I lost my virginity to a woman who really just wanted to get laid.

[d0nnivain]

I think women are smarter than that.

 

 

I agree that woman in general are smart. What I'm saying is that the ones who cry the loudest that "men only want one thing" frequently mix up love & sex

[elaine567]

In "dating mode", most women are open to offers, as are most men.

Everyone wants the best deal they can get and will jettison one "relationship" for another, as who really can afford to waste time with no-hopers?

It is how dating works.

 

All's fair in love and war.

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

...are trite sayings, but true.

 

People in general can say one thing and go right ahead and do the exact opposite, it is not a "woman" problem it is a "people" problem.

 

I have never been a fan of putting restrictions, rules and time-lines around sex.

 

If it feels right and it works for both, then great, the couple can then get on with growing and developing the rest of their relationship... sex is a non issue.

 

If sex is going to become a bone of contention from the off, ie through withholding on her part or pressurising on his or vice versa, then that is IMO a very bad start to any relationship.

[CptInsano]

I agree that woman in general are smart. What I'm saying is that the ones who cry the loudest that "men only want one thing" frequently mix up love & sex

 

In that sense, yes I would agree. I see it as a subset of people who confuse attention with romantic interest and complain that the other side is non-committal, dishonest or calculating.

[doyathinkso]

Some of them also happen to jump into bed with someone they happen to meet and only knew the person for a limited amount of time. I have never understood this. Is it because the guy is so charismatic that he charms the pants off her? I find it hypocritical how one minute she says that all guys only want sex and then the next minute she is jumping some guy's bones.

 

What's up with that?

 

 

What's up with that is that you've got to start hanging out with a better class of woman.

[somanymistakes]

Women aren't all the same.

 

Men aren't all the same.

 

Not wanting to sleep with one person doesn't mean not wanting to sleep with anyone.

 

Not wanting a relationship that's ONLY about sex doesn't mean NEVER wanting sex.

 

Not wanting the guy you feel LOVE for to be only interested in sex doesn't mean not wanting the guy you actually want to be FWB with to be only interested in sex.

 

All gross generalizations are stupid.

[BryanSmiley]

It’s a grey area with people but it is interesting to get takes on this.

 

I experienced two quite different approaches recently in that I dated a girl whom wanted the security of being considered a Gf (by me) before the act of sex. Yet we did so within a few meets.

 

I more recently dated a girl whom I had sex with on the first date (to my utmost surprise) then express reservations about having done so so early – very conscious of how she was perceived - but was very reluctant with regards to labels and commitment even after a few months of very passionate sex.

 

Polar opposites almost.

[Shining One]

Okay, having read through these posts, I wonder if someone actually excused or condoned that the woman had cheated because Shining One actually chose to respect the woman's "wishes," but instead she goes behind his back and spreads her legs for some other guy because her then-current boyfriend chose to respect her wishes about taking time for sex.

To be clear, she didn't cheat. We were not exclusive at that stage. She just selectively applied her "no sex until a few months have passed" rule to me and not to the other guy.

[Redhead14]

Some of them also happen to jump into bed with someone they happen to meet and only knew the person for a limited amount of time. I have never understood this. Is it because the guy is so charismatic that he charms the pants off her? I find it hypocritical how one minute she says that all guys only want sex and then the next minute she is jumping some guy's bones.

 

What's up with that?

 

It's sometimes she really wants sex and feels "liberated" enough to do that if she is comfortable. But, more often than not, it's often about women with low-self esteem, poor boundary maintenance and thinking that if she has sex with a man, he will want to keep her . . . she tries to "sex him" into a relationship.

[BluesPower]

Bottom line...

 

If she is into you, you can't keep her off of you. If not then why date her?

[2011]

Some of them also happen to jump into bed with someone they happen to meet and only knew the person for a limited amount of time. I have never understood this. Is it because the guy is so charismatic that he charms the pants off her? I find it hypocritical how one minute she says that all guys only want sex and then the next minute she is jumping some guy's bones.

 

What's up with that?

Sex has to be the guy's fault. Women will say they don't sleep around but will do it anyway, and if caught out they'll say well i don't know we just ended up doing it, you know we just tripped into bed and he fell on top of me kind of statement, but in the same sentence saying, that usually doesn't happen.