Experiencing depression and anxiety again. But I can't talk to my family or friends.

[Gemini93]

Hello, this is my first time to post ever. I have been a reader, never a poster. But as a background I am a first year high school teacher. I am also the assistant cheerleading coach for next school year (already started all of my coaching duties). Thankfully this school year is soon about to wrap up. I am also in a long distance relationship. We dated for three years from high school to college. Broke up for two years and are now back together for almost a year in a long distance relationship. He lives 3 hours away, not that bad but still a good distance. (Yes very messy but well worth it)

 

I moved back home into my parent's house after college and began working at the high school in the next town. I moved back for two reasons 1) my father is a recovering alcoholic. So my 2 little sisters (17&20 (20 year old is attending the local community college) and mother needed me home to be present in this precious transition. 2) to pay back student loans and save some money by having a cheaper rent.

 

I work very hard at school and am there from 7am until sometimes 3am working. After work I come home and shower and go to bed. I have been going through this mundane cycle that I am slipping back into my old ways. I used to have a binging and purging problem that came hand in hand with my anxiety and depression. Lately these depression and anxiety symptoms I used to experience are resurfacing. I feel like I can cry at any moment. I feel tense and uneasy at all times. When I travel to see my boyfriend I become hyper aware of his attention.

 

Tonight I tried to talk to my boyfriend on the phone about my feelings. He began to get worried and asked if I could handle our relationship... As if things were to end between us if I couldn't. I became worried, dried up my tears and shut down. He immediately put the topic aside and didn't want to discuss it any further. I typed out three different messages to my best friend telling her I'm feeling depressed again. Like I don't care about what happens to me anymore. But I erased them all and never pressed send. Which led me to this forum...

 

I had to vent out. Even if no one responds at least I feel like I tried to say something to someone about what's happening to me.

 

I don't want to be depressed but I feel it encompassing me again. And I don't know how to stop it or get the courage to tell those close to me. I'm scared that it'll become too much for my family and best friend and boyfriend to handle.

 

Thanks for at least reading this far.

[whichwayisup]

Find a really good therapist who specializes in CBT to help you with your anxiety and depression.

 

Do yoga! It'll make such a difference and make you feel in more control and bring you some peace.

 

I'm not sure why your boyfriend assumed breaking up would be easier for you?

 

sorry that you're not feeling good right now. I'm glad you reached out for help and posted.

 

Make a list of all the things that are getting you down. (buy a pretty journal and keep it in your purse so you can write whenever you feel like it)

Make another list of all the positive things going on in your life, things and people you appreciate.

Make a list of changes you'd like to make that will help you feel less anxiety.

 

Write down what it is that's making you feel yucky.. Is it work? Having a long distance relationship? Stress at home?

[basil67]

Judging from what you wrote, your boyfriend gave the wrong response. Instead of worrying about you, he worried about the relationship. Kinda sounds like he made it about himself. I think that if he'd just offered his support, you wouldn't have shut down, yes?

 

Tell us more about this boyfriend. How long have you been together? Is the relationship currently a happy one? Or is it under stress at present?

[d0nnivain]

You have a job. Presumably you have health insurance. Get a therapist. As an adult child of an alcoholic you have stuff to work through that you don't even understand yet.

 

 

It's sweet that you are there for your sisters but don't lose yourself in the process.

 

 

Why are you typing messages to your BFF? You need to talk to this person not e-mail or text her.

[blenkins90]

I totally feel your situation. I was doing the same with my job when I first left college, and was so stressed out.

 

First off, the response your boyfriend gave you.....this is the exact opposite of the way he should be handling this situation. My ex-wife did this to me, and I'm so glad that we are not together today for this reason, because she had no idea what it meant to actually care about a person outside herself.

 

People who really care about you won't care about you "getting your stuff together". They just want you to be happy, and want to help.

 

Second, really, go see someone. The most important thing you can do in this situation is surround your self with people who genuinely care and have your back. It's totally worth it.

 

In fact, it changed my life when I was depressed. Even when my friends refused to get involved, to ask questions, to be there....paying a therapist (as weird as it seems) was the best choice I made.

 

The guy I was seeing flipped my entire perspective in 5 minutes.

 

Hang in there. Get people who care in your life. And remove the people who really don't, because they will only make it worse.

[Justyaaveraggurl]

Thanks for having the courage to share what's going on. Just getting things out has it own therapeutic benefits. It looks like you have been given some really good advice. There is two I really want to reiterate well maybe 2 1/2. One, definitely look into an organization called ACOA. This is probably the single most important thing you and your sisters can do for yourselves. It's a 12step program for Adult children of Alcoholics. There is definitely things going on in your life as well as your sisters as a result of the dysfunction an alcoholic parent can bring into the home. Second, Definitely get a journal and write, write, write. Get things out and don't hold anything in. Invest in a real pretty journal, personalize it. That's makes it more inviting to write in. Like I said getting things out even just by writing them down has therapeutic advantages. Last, and this is the half, don't ignore your boyfriends response. His self-focused comment " do you think you can handle the relationship" and dismal by changing the topic, to your attempt to reach out to him about something this serious and impactful in your life speaks volumes.

[whatnot]

It's ok. Perfectly normal. In my case....no one outside of a therapist office....can help when I'm in that space. Why? Everyone has an iron in the fire. They either don't want to see you hurting, are afraid for you (on top of you being afraid for yourself as well). You don't want to burden others with your problems. You don't want to scare other people. You love them. (and they love you). You're boyfriend is hearing the words you are using. He's not listening to your feelings. Doesn't make him a bad boyfriend (yet). No one untrained is able to help us with this. Sometimes....we just have to have outside help. End of story. And that help has to be the right help.... FOR YOU. You have to reconnect with you.

 

I don't know how mine does what he does (but it works).. I've seen other therapists through the years. With the others, there's always come a point, beyond which, they can no longer help me. With this man, that's never happened. he does NOTHING except to mirror back what I'm saying, mirrors it back to me so I can see it, and recognize it. It's the feelings he's listening to, not my words. And he's proven himself, time after time, that he's is a guardian of trust when it comes to my feelings. He would never use them against me. Judge me. He's not scared. He has no iron. He has my back.

 

With the right therapist, you don't have to know a gosh darn thing. You show up. And things get done.

 

PS: And if things aren't getting done...to your satisfaction....leave. Find another one. You're there for you. Not them.

 

Good help is hard to find. Period. Across the board. In every profession. But it's out there. For you.

Edited May 8, 2017 by whatnot