Propose already!

[lilmjshorty]

Where to start... Me and my boyfriend have known each other since we were 15 and we dated a while when we were 16 then broke up and got back together when he was 17 and i was 3 months from 17. Anyway we've been together since then and he will be 20 in a month and i'll be 20 in about 7 months. We met through friends since we went to differen schools. Anyway, he used to talk about us getting married when we graduated high school and.. hmm.. that was over a year ago. He gave me a promise ring two christmases ago, in 2003. Okay well we never got married and graduation was well over a year ago, okay thats ok we'll wait until i graduate my 2 year community college. Well yeah I have a problem with not knowing when we're getting married, is that not sensible? We have some arguements over it because he gets mad cause he wants to do it on his own when he's ready and i get frustrated because i can't stand not knowing when it will be. So about 5 days ago i decided to try this new thing where i won't talk about getting married with him for about five months, until after christmas, just to give him some space about it. And also because he told me he was planning on proposing to me around christmas time, after an arguement we had about 3 months ago. So i told him about this plan that i have to keep my mouth shut about it and he says that he thinks thats a good idea because it gets on his nerves and hes told me that before. So tonight, about 3 hours ago, HE ASKS ME what i would think about getting another promise ring this christmas... and i said umm... why not an engagement ring and he said "At this point in time I'm not ready to get married" and he said that "he doesn't think he can handle that right now" and so it went on and got up and said "I don't want to talk about it it pisses me off" and acted like he was leaving (we're at my parents house which i live with) but he just went and turned off my computer then he came back over to me and we talked for a while without him yelling. Overall i just can't figure out what will make him ready and whats bothering him, i've tried to find out and he just gets mad at me and won't talk about it. Good god i'll be graduating in about 9 months and we've been together since we were freshmen in high school so what the hell. I love him more than life itself and i know he feels the same about me but i don't know what to do at this point... don't you think we should atleast be engaged and what should I do to cope with this.

[Outcast]

Nobody should marry until they've passed the age of 25.

[ziggue]

You are still pretty young and so is he. At least he has given you a promise/comittment ring. That shows he is comitted to you and that he loves you.

[flybeotch7]

The first thing I want to say is that I'm in your situation. I have dated my b/f for 3 years, we've talked about marriage, and nothings come of it. I am also young (23) and he is 25. He graduated college 2 years ago and I'm currently enrolled with a few more years to go. I think that our boyfriends problem is that at this point in their life, they are in that "transition" stage between being a mature adult and a wild kid who enjoys hanging out at the bar. Unfortunatley for us, women tend to mature faster and begin looking for these things (commitment/etc.) earlier than men.

 

As I've written in past posts, my boyfriend doesn't even want to go out to the bar anymore because he says he's "gotten over" that scene, so I'm stuck here waitting for the next step (which hasn't came).

 

I read in someone else's post that they kept nagging their boyfriend to propose, that when the time came...it wasn't the romantic setting they always invisioned. All I'm saying is that guys need time to think these things out. Its painful for us to wait since we want it so bad. Maybe someone else can help with this.

[Grinning Maniac]

No one should get married until they've achieved at least ONE, if not all of their major dreams in life. Me for example, I'm going into the video gaming industry after college. The word marriage would not even be in my vocabulary until I have successful developed my "dream game". By my estimate, that will be in about 11 years. I'd be about 32. Marriage sounds nuts to me and I see no real reason for it...but if I ever got hitched, that would be an acceptable age, IMO. But 25? Hell no. That sounds like a nightmare. Why would you want to get married before you can make something of yourself? Why try to change your life so dramatically, when you're still probably living in a ****ty apartment and eating Ramen from time to time?

 

God forbid you get stuck with a crotchrat at that age... Kiss those aspirations goodbye. You've got poop and vomit to dispose of. Hurrah.

 

Catch your dreams before "life" gets in the way.

[loony]

Grinning Maniac is so right! People who are so young don't imagine what they are missing out when they settle down so soon.

[LucreziaBorgia]

You may want to ask yourself why getting married is more important to you than the relationship itself. It sounds like you just want to be married, and if you can't find happiness in your relationship unless you are - then its time for the relationship to end, because your boyfriend is not ready for marriage and having been pushed toward it for so long there is pretty much no chance he ever will be (with you, anyway).

[Grinning Maniac]

I've never understood why there's such a big emphasis on marriage. If you're really happy in your relationship, why do you *need* to get married? I can understand if you both parties *want* to for whatever reason, like perhaps they want to have kids and bring them up in a "stable" enviroment. I can see the logic there.

 

But if that's not the case, and yet you're still insanely happy with the relationship, apart from the guy not wanting to marry right now (if at all)...why do women generally act as if the man is thereby saying:

 

"You are an ugly miserable c*nt and I'm looking to leave you soon anyway. Bend over, beyotch."

 

Yeesh. Sometimes things really aren't that complicated. Why does there always have to be something "more"? You should be thankful that someone loves you instead of getting all jittery. If it's about appearances to friends...**** em, really. Isn't your relationship about the two of you? Statistically, half of the "married friends" will end up in divorce court anyway. If you're happy, cherish that. Protect it. Relish it.

 

You really don't know how long either of you have on this planet. Why stress things worrying about some status or milestone? If you're happy, stay happy. Some people don't ever get "happy".

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Outcast

Nobody should marry until they've passed the age of 25.

I would take it one step further OUTCAST and say the age of 30 is perfect for marrige for both sexes...

[wizdom]

DON'T PUSH YOUR BOYFRIEND TO GET MARRIED. I HAVE BEEN WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR 8 YEARS AND I AM 21. WE WANT TO BE MARRIED TO EACH OTHER BUT WE BOTH AGREE THAT WE NEED TO GET OURSELFS TOGETHER FINACIALLY AND FINISH SCHOOL BEFORE WE GET MARRIED AND BECOME ONE. BECAUSE IF YOU COME INTO A MARRIAGE WITH HARDSHIPS THAT CAN LEAD TO PROBLEMS WHICH IF YOU DON'T HAVE GUIDANCE FROM GOD IT WILL LEAD IN DIVORCE AND THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT.

 

YOU ARE ONLY 20 YEARS OLD. NOW ASK YOURSELF THIS QUESTION DO YOU HAVE THE SLIGHTEST DESIRE TO DATE SOMEONE ELSE? ALSO ASK HIM. IF YOU DO YOU TWO NEED TO TAKE SOME TIME OFF AND SEE WHERE YOUR LOVE IS REALLY AT. I CAN TELL YOU THAT YOU GUY PROBALLY FEELS REALLY PRESSURED AND BY GETTING MARRIED THAT HIS LIFE IN ESSENCE IS OVER. IT;S A GUY THING. HE MAY ALSO FEEL THAT HE HAS MISSED OUT ON HIS PARTY YEARS BY BEING TIED DOWN TO YOU AND MAY BE TRYING TO SAY I NEED SOME SPACE, BUT GIVING YOU REASSURANCE THAT YOU ARE THE ONE HE WANTS BY OFFERRING TO GIVE YOU ANOTHER PROMISE RING. I THINK IT SHOWS ALOT OF LOVE B/C HE DID GIVE YOU THE FIRST RING MOST GUYS HIS AGE DON'T WANT TO COMMIT TO ANYTHING AND HE HAS COMMITTED TO YOU. I THINK YOU NEED TO BACK OFF AND LET HIM COME TO THE REALIZATION THAT HE WANTS TO MARRY YOU AND CAN'T STAND TO SEE YOU WITH ANYONE ELSE. YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM MARRY YOU BUT YOU CAN PUSH HIM AWAY BY BRINGING IT UP EVERY 5 MINS. LET HIM BREATH BE YOU KEEP BEING YOUR IRRISTABLE CHARMING SELF AND HE'LL BE DOWN ON ONE KNEE IN NO TIME.

[centered]

Wizdom, is your caps lock key is stuck?

[laRubiaBonita]

Originally posted by Outcast

Nobody should marry until they've passed the age of 25.

 

Ditto

Originally posted by alphamale

 

I would take it one step further OUTCAST and say the age of 30 is perfect for marrige for both sexes...

ditto............especially MEN!

[lilmjshorty]

Well for one you guys are crazy. If you love someone then why not get married? Why not be able to wake up every day and see the person you love right next to you? Why not be able to have kids with the person you love more than anything in the world? No I'm not saying its gonna be perfect because I know marriages take work, a lot of it. And for those of you who say that having kids ruins your life that is ridiculous and obviously you've never really been in love. I don't want to get married for the status or anything like that I want to because I love him and that should be all that matters. Yeah i understand that we should be financially stable but honestly... who is financially stable EVER? I'm graduating college in may so I don't want to get married until after that but I'd like to be engaged so that we can atleast be planning the wedding for the year after or even later. For those of you who think your "dreams" and your parties and YOU are more important than your family then you are one self-centered jerk.

[loony]

Originally posted by lilmjshorty

For those of you who think your "dreams" and your parties and YOU are more important than your family then you are one self-centered jerk.

Sweetie, someone who throws accusations like "self-centered jerk" around while people with more experience are trying to explain their point of view and helping you is probably not ready to get married yet. You should try to work on your communication and social skills because that's what marriages are based on, not only eternal love.

[amberlily]

Originally posted by lilmjshorty

Well for one you guys are crazy. If you love someone then why not get married? Why not be able to wake up every day and see the person you love right next to you? Why not be able to have kids with the person you love more than anything in the world? No I'm not saying its gonna be perfect because I know marriages take work, a lot of it. And for those of you who say that having kids ruins your life that is ridiculous and obviously you've never really been in love. I don't want to get married for the status or anything like that I want to because I love him and that should be all that matters. Yeah i understand that we should be financially stable but honestly... who is financially stable EVER? I'm graduating college in may so I don't want to get married until after that but I'd like to be engaged so that we can atleast be planning the wedding for the year after or even later. For those of you who think your "dreams" and your parties and YOU are more important than your family then you are one self-centered jerk.

 

Your name-calling response here is a perfect example of why you're surely not mature enough to be getting married. You came here asking for opinions - though I guess you didn't "get" what it was you were hoping to hear, so you resort to calling respondents "crazy" and "self-centered jerks." You have a lot of growing up to do, which is expected when a person is only 20 yrs old.

 

Marriage isn't all sunshine and roses and the thrill of waking up to one another every morning. Unless a couple have secure, stable careers, it can be a nightmare and a lot of tension and stress that can erode a marriage. How do you know you're even going to be able to find a decent job once you're done college? Many college grads, in today's market, have to resort to lousy jobs because it can take forever to break into the field of their choice. Having a decent home isn't free. Having children isn't free. What will you do if neither can find a job that has health insurance? Do you know what it costs to have a baby, or have a difficult pregnancy/delivery if you don't have health insurance? Or the baby has health issues after he/she is born and has to remain hospitalized?

 

Just because a young couple dates doesn't automatically mean it's expected they'll marry. If your BF is the same age as you, I'm glad he has the sense not to rush into one of the most serious commitments you can make. Most young people who marry at a young age, they end up divorced because they wake up one day and realize they didn't really "live" before they settled down, or they didn't have enough relationships to be able to really know (not only themself) what kind of partner they wanted to spend their life with.

 

At age 20, you can't possibly even know yourself - you're still in a stage of learning and growing and evolving as a young adult.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I love him and that should be all that matters.

 

Then why are you pushing so hard to be married? Its not that he doesn't love you, its a simple matter of not being ready to make that lifelong commitment with you.

 

He isn't ready to be married. Period. If you keep pushing him when he's not ready, and continue to make marriage a higher priority than the actual relationship you do have, you WILL lose him.

[loony]

Originally posted by amberlily

Your name-calling response here is a perfect example of why you're surely not mature enough to be getting married. You came here asking for opinions - though I guess you didn't "get" what it was you were hoping to hear, so you resort to calling respondents "crazy" and "self-centered jerks." You have a lot of growing up to do, which is expected when a person is only 20 yrs old.

Word. The same what I have just posted.

[wizdom]

Me personally i can't wait till I get married to my boyfriend of 8 years. Your right you'll never be total finacially stable but you can be better of than you are right now. Me and my husband (I call him my husband becasue we are getting married) have a daughter together and it's hard finacially. We both still live with our parents because it's saves us money to take care of our daughter. We Plan on being married in the next two years to give me time to finish school and pay off my debt. that works for us. If you feel your ready to be married and so is your boyfriend them by all means do it. You have to live your life and not worry about what others think of you. The only thing that is stopping you is your boyfriend. maybe he is not ready yet. whatever the reason is don't pressure him because you'll only push him away. and there is nothing wrong with you wanting to get married just take your time he's not going anywhere.

[lilmjshorty]

Right right... and its ok for yall to say i don't know **** about anything?

[lilmjshorty]

Either way... I wasn't calling anyone names I was pointing out the fact that anyone who loves themself more than anything or anyone is self-centered and is usually a jerk to other people because they think they're better. Also thanks for the positive responses, thats why I came here.

[lilmjshorty]

Originally posted by amberlily

Marriage isn't all sunshine and roses and the thrill of waking up to one another every morning.

 

Sorry to be back here again but did I not say "No I'm not saying its gonna be perfect because I know marriages take work, a lot of it" in a previous post?

[lilmjshorty]

I wanted to say something and I typed a big thing and forgot to sign in so it erased it.

 

It was pretty much saying how much we've been through together... and how I wasn't asking for anyone to advise me on whether or not i love this guy, i was trying to find someone in a similar situation or someone whose been through this to tell me how to deal with waiting on him to propose. How to not nag him about it, how to make me feel like its his idea once he proposes... so thanks to those of you who actually know where i'm coming from, and the others of you, thanks for reading i guess.

[crmpuffqts]

Hi all.

 

I am new here. I am looking for a place where I can receive good advice about any and all relationship issues that may come up. As well as offer advice when I can. I browsed through here and this looks pretty interesting.

 

I am a mom to 2 children and am 33 years old. I have never been married. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we have lived together almost the whole time. After we met, it's like we couldn't get enough of each other and just stuck by each others side ever since.

 

We have a good relationship. We have some issues as i'm sure every couple does. My mom always told me that "Everyone has faults, you just have to find the one whose faults you are willing to live with". I love that analogy.

 

I want him to ask me to marry him. I am a good girlfriend to him. I cook for him, laundry and all. I know that is not what makes a good marriage, but that is what I enjoy doing for him, as well as that is what he likes in a woman.

 

What do I do? We have talked of marriage a little. He has asked me before what kind of wedding I would want if I were to get married. Other than that, it has just been little bitty hints here and there as to the 'if' or 'what if' type comments about marriage. I am not getting any younger, and have even thought of having kids with him. (Again, a comment that he has brought up about how he would like kids one day himself).... I am afraid of our ages though. Me being 33, and him at 38....Are we too old to make babies???

 

I just want to have the life that I have always wanted. A husband, and children with him. I am ok with being single, don't get that idea. I have a 13 year old daughter and 7 year old son that I have raised alone up until these past 2 years. But now that I have found who I would love to make that life with, I want a wedding!!

 

Ok, this is really long... I hope I can get some good advice. Thanks a bunch!!

[amberlily]

Originally posted by crmpuffqts

Hi all.

 

I am new here. I am looking for a place where I can receive good advice about any and all relationship issues that may come up. As well as offer advice when I can. I browsed through here and this looks pretty interesting.

 

I am a mom to 2 children and am 33 years old. I have never been married. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we have lived together almost the whole time. After we met, it's like we couldn't get enough of each other and just stuck by each others side ever since.

 

We have a good relationship. We have some issues as i'm sure every couple does. My mom always told me that "Everyone has faults, you just have to find the one whose faults you are willing to live with". I love that analogy.

 

I want him to ask me to marry him. I am a good girlfriend to him. I cook for him, laundry and all. I know that is not what makes a good marriage, but that is what I enjoy doing for him, as well as that is what he likes in a woman.

 

What do I do? We have talked of marriage a little. He has asked me before what kind of wedding I would want if I were to get married. Other than that, it has just been little bitty hints here and there as to the 'if' or 'what if' type comments about marriage. I am not getting any younger, and have even thought of having kids with him. (Again, a comment that he has brought up about how he would like kids one day himself).... I am afraid of our ages though. Me being 33, and him at 38....Are we too old to make babies???

 

I just want to have the life that I have always wanted. A husband, and children with him. I am ok with being single, don't get that idea. I have a 13 year old daughter and 7 year old son that I have raised alone up until these past 2 years. But now that I have found who I would love to make that life with, I want a wedding!!

 

Ok, this is really long... I hope I can get some good advice. Thanks a bunch!!

 

Hi there,

 

You really might be better off to start a brand new thread/post as opposed to adding this to someone else's, so that yours gets enough exposure.

 

To address your situation - hate to say it but too often, women are so quick to want to jump in and "play house" that there's not much incentive for a man to propose marriage - why? He's got a cook ,maid, personal shopper, sex kitten, companion, etc.

 

If you've been together after 2 yrs, why not bring up the topic of marriage - you've got to be able to communicate if you hope to have a marriage that lasts. Tell him your thoughts, your dreams...... he's the one you gotta talk to about all this to.

 

You're 33 ,he's 38 ..you'd asked if maybe you were both too old to make babies............well do you even KNOW if he wants to have babies? Have you discussed that? If you haven't, I'd sure have to ask why you haven't...considering this is something important to you. What if he doesn't want to have kids (other than the ones you have)?

[crmpuffqts]

Hi there.

 

Thanks for your reply. After posting here, I did a little more browsing and found that you are right and I posted a new subject. I am still learning how to browse around and find where I posted and how to find the responses!!

 

You are right about the jumping in and playing house and it not giving him a reason to get married. I understand what you are saying there. But this situation is what it is now, and I can't nor do I want to change our living situation. So I guess I got to deal with the consequences for that. Thanks for bringing it to my attention though. I hadn't thought about that point for awhile.

 

As for kids, he has said that he would like 2 more kids. We have talked a little about marriage. He actually asked me what I would want if we were to get married, such as JP or church.

 

You are right again though. These are things that I need to be discussing with him, I just thought that I would put it out here, and see what people have to say. I guess to get the ball rolling so to speak, and get me to talking!!

 

I believe this will help.

Thanks and have a good night.