Propose already!

[Grinning Maniac]

Originally posted by lilmjshorty

Well for one you guys are crazy. If you love someone then why not get married?

 

1) Because there are more important things in life to worry about when you're 20.

 

2) Because if two people truly love each other, getting married won't really give them anything that they don't already have. Aside from legal perks of course.

 

3) Because marriage is risky business these days for men.

 

Originally posted by lilmjshorty

Why not be able to have kids with the person you love more than anything in the world?

 

Because at that age, kids can very well get in the way of actually having a life. Then again, I don't think the concept of having kids will interest me at any age. I'd rather just be a mentor to a few. I'd get to pass on my knowledge and make a difference, without the whole baby vomit and teenage angst thing. But this is personal preference, of course.

 

Originally posted by lilmjshorty

And for those of you who say that having kids ruins your life that is ridiculous and obviously you've never really been in love.

 

Well, you've got me there I guess. But what does being in love have to do with it? In love or not, a child adds extra responsibility and work that is unnecessary when you are first starting out on your own. Love doesn't stop time or put more hours into your day... Does it?

 

Originally posted by lilmjshorty

For those of you who think your "dreams" and your parties and YOU are more important than your family then you are one self-centered jerk.

 

Well...actually...yeah, they are more important. Maybe not partying, but those other two, most definately. How can living out your dreams be less important than a "family"(ie wife + kids) that does not even exist yet? Marriage and fatherhood are far from my ultimate goals in life... Perhaps you should think about how many middle aged people there are who go through depressions over not being able to do what they wanted in life before getting tied down with "family".

 

Yup...I'll definately take designing video games at 23 over having a family at 23.

[weekell75]

Hi Guys,

 

I would watch getting too excited when your boyfriend starts asking you about marriage, etc. Don't get your hopes up!

Our 1st year anniversary was coming up, and my BF started hinting. Serious hints like :'what size is your ring finger?', 'would you like gold or white gold?', 'what kind of dress would you wear?', 'I suppose my savings will be going towards our reception?','you will find out how much I love you when we go away to celebrate our anniversary'. Lots of this kindve stuff. I was BESIDE myself with excitement. I knew we were meant to be together. So, the night of our actual anniversary, we were in this gorgeous restaurant in Edinburgh. My BF was growing increasingly nervous (I thought!), and I thought 'this is it!'. He even brought me out to a secluded balcony at the restaurant with our champagne....

He never asked. I was devastated. I told him all his hints and what he had been telling me up till that weekend, and he couldn't deny it - anyone would've thought the same.

Since then, I have learned not to take anything marriage related that comes out of his mouth as a SURE THING. He will ask when he asks. I haven't really been the same since our trip to Edinburgh. My confidence isn't the same. I get jealous. I found out that I don't know for sure what is going to happen from one day to the next, wheres I thought, post-edinburgh, that I knew where we were going.

It isn't a nice feeling, but maybe I needed that reality check.

So please, girls. don't get excited whenever he asks you about marriage stuff. He is probably thinking about asking you, yes, but 6 months on from that...incident... he seems no nearer to asking me as he was then.

[New_Wife]

To the OP,

 

You should absolutely push him to marry you. In fact, I think the best method here is gunpoint. Borrow a friend's .38, or if that's too big a .22 works well at close range, but penetration is iffy, so it might just bounce around inside the skull for awhile if you have to use it - but I digress*.

 

First thing to do is insist that if he REALLY loved you, he'd have already taken a knee, produced at least .75 carat VS2 clarity platinum princess cut, declared his undying devotion, rented a prop plane to fly overhead and spell out your name in the coulds, whisked you away on a horse-drawn carraige, and begged you with tears of passion, wearing his leather breaches and cutaway tunic - to PLEASE, oh GAWWWD, PLEASE Be my WIFE!???

 

Then, you would have fallen into his massive heaving arms, listened to the pounding of his strong loving heart, and rode off in the carraige to live happily ever after!

 

That's true love right there!!! What's wrong with him that he doesn't see that right? The Bozo!

 

Further, he should've already picked out the names of your 2.4 children - preferably all ending in "ie" or "y" for cuteness, maybe even all starting with the same letter of the alphabet. He should have purchased your Barbie Dream Castle on the hill, gotten an amazing job so you don't have to ever work, set up your regular manicure, and obtained an AKC Reg Golden Retriever pup & a maid.

 

No mortgage troubles, late electric bills, bounced checks, gas leaks, health insurance overages, co-pays, coinsures or out-of-network charges, no cable bills, leaky faucets, chicken pox, snotty noses, breast mastitis, cecarean sections, layoffs, firing, unemployment, welfare, Special Needs or Ugly children for you! No no no! Our starcrossed young lovers will skate above it all on a lovely pink cloud of Love Love Love (note, all capital 'L's); with babies delivered by storks, the formula fairy regularly stopping by, and all free water, sewer, gas, electric, mortgage, insurance, and medication due to the untimely death of a distant (but surely evil) relative and large inheritence.

 

*que large orchestra creschendo*

 

Finally, you will never age, wrinkle, sag, gain weight, color your hair, break a nail, get a hemmerroid, or even so much as a pimple. You will truly live happily ever after.

 

___________________________________________

 

Or, you could grow up first, marry later. Huh. Wonder which is reality?

 

 

*If you don't like digressions, never read my posts.

[weekell75]

Er...ok.

 

(what does 'The O P' mean, anyway?)

 

I was kindve looking for a helpful reply, you know, maybe some advice.

But, that said, it was worth a read, if not just for sheer entertainment value.

[New_Wife]

Original Poster.

 

If you're looking for advice, you've already gotten it. I suspect what you're really looking for is validation for a pisspoor decision.

 

If this guy is truly the love of your life - he'll still be the love of your life 5 years from now. That's the kicker about life.

 

What is it you're so afraid of by waiting until he is ready too? Because from where I sit, you calling everyone else selfish makes no sense. Your boyfriend tells you - clearly and honestly - that he is not ready and here you are pushing your will and trying to find ways to manipulate him to do what you want him to do against his will. Who's really behaving selfishly?

[weekell75]

Firstly,

 

Having just read over what I originally wrote, I don't see me calling anyone selfish. I was merely telling of my experience about wishing things to go faster than what they were, and warning people not to make the same mistake that I did. Thats all. And I have learned to sit back and enjoy him, like I shouldv;e done in the first place. I thought the whole point of this forum was to talk about your experiences, and try to say what you learned from them, so that other people don't make the same mistake.

Maybe I was wrong...?

[New_Wife]

I could have sworn the original poster called all of us selfish. If you are not the original poster, but a later poster, you have my apologies for the poster-confusion. (Good grief, if I use the word poster one more time, my brain might implode)

[weekell75]

Ya know what, I quite grudgingly like you...not sure why but I do.

Whatever you do, don't say the 'P' word again.

At the risk of sounding creepy, can I ask what age you are?

[New_Wife]

early 30's.

 

I sometimes grudgingly like me too. Most times not, though.

[lilmjshorty]

For one how do you know that i'm calling you a name instead of merely making a statement, this is the internet so how do you know my intent. For two you have no reason to assume that i think life is perfect because you don't know what i've been through in my own life. Just so you know I have been raised by my grandparents because my dad walked out on me and my mom and my mom hated me because of what he did to her so she decided she just wanted to raise my older brother and had thought about having an abortion, I met my dad when i was 17 years old he said he didn't even know I was alive. My boyfriend has been through a similar situation in which he has never met his dad nor does he know his full name. Yeah great everyone has it rough sometimes. We both grew up with crack-addicted mothers and deadbeat fathers... both of us. Yeah I may've had it a little better since i had a steady home with my grandparents but that doesn't mean i didn't get affected by what was going on. Point is we both grew up hard and fast and if i didn't know without a doubt in my mind that i wanted to marry him then i wouldn't even consider it. I'm ready right now, he may take a year or two, i know he loves me and i didn't come here to get criticized about my age. Like i said in a previous post, I came here to find someone who is maybe going through or has been through a similar situation that can help me in dealing with waiting on him to be ready. But love... theres no doubt about that. We've had time away from each other to learn what love definitly is not and we've been through a lot in our relationship as far as working at it and loving each other no matter the situation. So if you have advice for my original post, feel free to share it, if not go ahead and say what you want just because you had a bad experience.

[New_Wife]

Down there Cowgirl! My life experience has nothing to do with the fact that I read your original - and a fair bit of your follow-up - posts. My life experience (good, bad and indifferent) simply tells me that you are an immature young lady with a lot of life yet to have before you start stomping your feet and demanding a committment on your time schedule.

 

You have gotten plenty of very good advice on your original post, but since it is not verbatim what you wanted it to be, you dismiss it and insist that you will wait for the "right" advice. I then poked fun of you. If you can't see that for what it is, step slowly away from the computer and head on down to a GED prep course, Darlin'. You're gonna need it.

[weekell75]

Hey New_wife,

 

I had a feeling you were around the same age as me.

So whats your story? I am presuming from your nickname you have recently got married. Any advice?

And how come you 'most times not' like yourself? You seem very confident and acrticulate....

[lilmjshorty]

GED prep course? What does that mean? I'm guessing from your other posts that your being sarcastic, otherwise I'm in college right now... I'll be graduating in may of 2006.

[lilmjshorty]

By the way... I don't think "No one should marry until their 25" is good nor fair advice. If people actually considered that I am mature and I'm not some naive kid then maybe we could get somewhere. Give me a little credit, after all, you don't know me.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Originally posted by Outcast

Nobody should marry until they've passed the age of 25.

 

Agreed.

[New_Wife]

lilmjshorty,

 

You may very well be a mature person for your age. But what seems to happen is that as you go through the next few years, you change. Not so much that you are more or less mature, but as you experience things, find out more about who you are and what you like and dislike, you find that you are a very different person than you thought you'd be. Just as an example - I was firmly rooted in one political party in my early 20's. I was idealistic, and wanted to see the world as it should be. As I grew, and moved into a higher tax bracket - not to mention overcame some self-placed obstacles - I had some changes in how I felt about certain things. I won't go into the politics and make everyone nauseaous, but suffice to say - it's a very safe example of how life moved me to find a completely different point of view than where I started. I don't think you really get a good grip on your adult self - bot directionally and idealistically, until you've been out in the world for awhile.

 

weekell75,

 

I like myself fine. I was being silly. Yes, I got married about 4months ago to a wonderful man. I'd originally met him about 1/2 of my life ago, and disliked him immediately. I thought he was a skinny little twerp, and he thought me a mouthy b1tch. We'd heard about each other over the years through a mutual friend, but never really gave it much thought. We were reintroduced a few years back, and this time, he was obnoxious and mouthy, and well, I was too. He said, and I quote "You walked in with that azz and slinging attitude left and right - I fell in love." We dated for a couple of years, then he took a knee.

 

Having been previously married - I was a bit nervous. Having never been married - he was too! We were engaged 6 months, and went to premarital counseling the whole time. This, I think, is the best advice I can give anyone!!!! We had some really good preventative emotional medicine there and hammered out some agreements before we ever said I do. Also, we learned how to fight clean - which is an art - at best.

[crmpuffqts]

Girl, hate to butt in and we don't know each other, but I like you.

 

Don't know you, but I like you. Every post I have read of yours, you sound so down to earth, and wise.

 

Just thought I would be honest and share my feelings.

[weekell75]

Woohoo,

 

New_wife is gonna get a big head!!

Lets call this the New_Wife Fan Club!! Lol!!

[New_Wife]

Laughing here. Well, at least a big head would match the butt. It's good to have symmetry, right?

[Outcast]

By the way... I don't think "No one should marry until their 25" is good nor fair advice. If people actually considered that I am mature and I'm not some naive kid then maybe we could get somewhere. Give me a little credit, after all, you don't know me.

 

Well the quote is

No one should marry until they're 25

 

Every one of us who has passed the age you are now felt exactly the same way you do now. You can't see yourself from our point of view because you're not here yet but you, too, will look back at your current age some years from now and realize that you thought yourself mature but still had a long way to go. And you will realize what a mistake it would have been to get married so young.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

I live in a christian community and the girls here all seem to get married by the time they are 22 and having all their babies by the time they're 25. It's hard to find people my age who have kids still in elementary school.

 

I shake my head. I think they just want to have sex and because of their beliefs, they don't just have sex, they get married. Their husbands work in either one of the factories or are farmers. They work at the supermarket and don't work after they have kids.

[New_Wife]

Idaho? Utah?

[Outcast]

Don't think Idaho or Utah are in Canada. She's in Alberta, I'll bet (Canadian equivalent of the Bible Belt LOL)

[wizdom]

YOU DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

[New_Wife]

Originally posted by Outcast

Don't think Idaho or Utah are in Canada. She's in Alberta, I'll bet (Canadian equivalent of the Bible Belt LOL)

 

 

Doh!

 

Making note to self to read more carefully!

 

(will probably lose note)