Chica80 Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 Today has been a hard day. I feel like I'm on LS every five seconds because it's the only way I feel I can stop myself from texting or thinking about him. Went to therapy this morning. Went for a walk met a friend for coffee.....but it's there. I try to tell myself the things that will stop me from reaching out. I know if I make it through this I'm ok on the other side. Just today seems annoyingly difficult. (Because I had a hard day the other day. Difficult family stuff that I would usually talk to him about) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
deadsoul Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 You will make it through. Keep fighting, as it's the addiction talking... Try not to fight the feelings as much. Let yourself feel them, but not act on them. You even recognize what's triggering it for you. That's good! It sounds like you are doing such positive things to help you, that's awesome! Don't give up the fight. You can do it!! Exercising helps me a lot. Even if it's just walking around the block 10 times, it helps me. Every time you are able to get yourself through it, you will grow stronger. Do not give in. I promise, it gets easier. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chica80 Posted May 5, 2017 Author Share Posted May 5, 2017 Thanks....gym is a good idea Going to go now. Link to post Share on other sites
lostgirl87 Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 (edited) I'm sorry you're having a difficult day. How long has it been since y'all ended? Or is there a link to your story? I'd love to read it, if so. I don't really have any advice b/c I'm an effing mess but don't reach out and undo all the progress you've already made. When I try not to reach out to someone I usually tell myself "they don't want to talk to you or they'd find a way to reach you". Then my pride chimes in and says "oh hell no we ain't texting anyone!" And it gets me through that difficult moment. It's stupid but for me, it works lol. I don't have anything more long term or legit right now-- sorry! Edited May 5, 2017 by lostgirl87 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Fran85 Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 I wrote down a list of all the cringey comments that I overlooked during the "foggy" period when he could do no wrong in my moon eyes. I knew these comments were obnoxious when he said them but I just didn't care then. Now I do. I find that when I read them when I'm in a rut, I have a much more objective perspective on how manipulative and disrespectful some of his comments were. If comments don't work for you, write a list of the disrespectful actions. Whatever it takes to remind yourself that you've actually dodged a bullet (unlike his wife). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chica80 Posted May 5, 2017 Author Share Posted May 5, 2017 You can find my story on old threads. I'm ashamed to say last contact because last time I said last contact. It's not even that I'm mad at him or he did something. I'm just effing annoyed with myself. Like WTF girl get it together. With my friend today we were talking about somethings. She was saying how when we're ashamed of things within us things we do we hold it in are silent. That keeps us trapped in our shame and in our same cycle. It's not getting better only deeper and more normal if that's even possible. And each time the ante is upped and the stakes get higher. Ugggghhhhh!!!!! I just want to scream. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 Talk to us about your family stuff. We'll be here for you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 As someone said on my thread: no new contact means no new hurt. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chica80 Posted May 5, 2017 Author Share Posted May 5, 2017 (edited) Talk to us about your family stuff. We'll be here for you Thank you for this....I have support. It's just he was one of my "people" My therapist, A really good friend, and him. Who I talk to about all my stuff. I have good friends and my parents. It just was/is different. BUT í don't want to give him this much importance anymore or this much space. So I didn't reach out and it's why I've been obsessing. Edited May 5, 2017 by Sunshinechica 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IwasJeannie Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 I'm right there with you, my friend suggested today that I tell myself several worst case scenarios...he's moved on to a new woman, he never cared, whatever worked to get me mad intead of sad. They're huge possibilities anyway so it's not really a stretch when you think about it. Maybe he wanted someone without feelings, easier to manage. Anything and everything you can think of to get you through each moment. I think about the day he pops back up and I'm sure he will. My fantasy is when he does it will be when I'm much stronger and my pain is gone so I can either laugh hysterically or not even bother to reply. I'd love to let him know what the silence feels like but you know what? Even if he doesn't care like you do and isn't hurting as much and he never knows what he did to you, at some point in the future you simply won't care about him. It doesn't feel that way now but it's true. The only thing that helps with grief is time. You can fill your days, go to the gym, go out with friends but you're still not going to feel like you. It just takes time. I was at a work dinner tonight and of course there are people there who are having affairs so they're the topic of conversation but all I could think about was how someday it's going to blow up in their faces too. I couldn't even muster up jealousy that they still had each other. I felt sorry for them that they're carrying on like it'll go on forever. We know better, this will make us stronger and wiser and we will survive it. As much as it doesn't feel that way and I can tell you I'd love more than to just curl up in bed and never get out, I won't let him do that to me. I was too good for him, he doesn't deserve me and he's her problem... Big hugs Hun, you can do this. In the long run you'll be so much better off for it. He's just a man, a man who cheated on the woman he promised not to that to and lied every single day. You don't want that, you're better than that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 I re read through his texts where he was selfish and couldnt care less about me. I think of all the times I was in pain because of him and he never cared, I compare him to people who actually care about me who wpuld come back knowing that i am hurt. All these tricks have kept me in NC for over 6 months now. Well, he still dosnt care. But I am sure in no time I will get to his mark and beyoned it. Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 Just want to send you a hug (((sunshinechica))). Remember, recovery is non-linear. Good days, bad days, peaks and troughs - unpredictability. I'm nearly two years out now, and I still experience these extremes. I had an absolute shocker on Tuesday - wracked with guilt, remorse and self-hate - including thoughts of OW, couldn't concentrate on anything but my own grief. I could barely get out of bed and took about 5 attempts to even tie my shoelaces (seriously). Three days later and I'm chatting away with my colleagues and looking forward to a game of golf this weekend! When you are going through a bad phase, as you are right this minute, it's difficult to appreciate that it was ever, or ever will be any different. You feel stuck. But the brain has an amazingly plasticity, and I have a great feeling that you will be a different person again next week. I hope so with all my heart! Keep posting! 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chica80 Posted May 5, 2017 Author Share Posted May 5, 2017 Just want to send you a hug (((sunshinechica))). Remember, recovery is non-linear. Good days, bad days, peaks and troughs - unpredictability. I'm nearly two years out now, and I still experience these extremes. I had an absolute shocker on Tuesday - wracked with guilt, remorse and self-hate - including thoughts of OW, couldn't concentrate on anything but my own grief. I could barely get out of bed and took about 5 attempts to even tie my shoelaces (seriously). Three days later and I'm chatting away with my colleagues and looking forward to a game of golf this weekend! When you are going through a bad phase, as you are right this minute, it's difficult to appreciate that it was ever, or ever will be any different. You feel stuck. But the brain has an amazingly plasticity, and I have a great feeling that you will be a different person again next week. I hope so with all my heart! Keep posting! ((((((Hugs)))))) back 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Origin Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 Try and block the number, that helped me a lot, at least when it came to obsessing over "text messaging". Also find something to read if you can, anything, mine is coming to this forum and reading different stories. Keep strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chica80 Posted May 5, 2017 Author Share Posted May 5, 2017 Try and block the number, that helped me a lot, at least when it came to obsessing over "text messaging". Also find something to read if you can, anything, mine is coming to this forum and reading different stories. Keep strong. Thanks. Feeling better today. A friend gave me a book Daring Greatly. Plan to read that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 Today has been a hard day. I feel like I'm on LS every five seconds because it's the only way I feel I can stop myself from texting or thinking about him. Went to therapy this morning. Went for a walk met a friend for coffee.....but it's there. I try to tell myself the things that will stop me from reaching out. I know if I make it through this I'm ok on the other side. Just today seems annoyingly difficult. (Because I had a hard day the other day. Difficult family stuff that I would usually talk to him about) What does your therapist tell you to do to stop the obsessive thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwatching Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 Hey sunshine, Those times are hard for sure and I don't think any of us get out of the woods on that one for quite some time, it crops up for me still I admit. I'd recommend expressing the hell out of it in any way that you can - your friend I think is spot on, the suppression of it makes us feel ashamed and it spiralls us into self hate, so definitely don't do that!! Anything that you can do - boxercise (pretending whatever you're punching and kicking is whoever you want it to be or about whatever you want it to be is great and helps to make you feel empowered), or any sport for that matter, painting, singing appropriate songs, talking to friends who can just 'hold that space' for you, dancing, ranting on here, seriously, anything that gives you relief. I hope you're having a better day 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Origin Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 Thanks. Feeling better today. A friend gave me a book Daring Greatly. Plan to read that. I ended up reading your story after i made that post, i was slightly curious cause i can see the pain. Surprisingly your story is a little similar to mine, minus the marriage(but then so are all these stories here, very similar to each other). Try reading a book called "Greatest Salesman in the World". It sounds weird but the book is more on selling and learning about yourself and your life. It is very powerful. I recommend you start at Chapter 8 "The scroll Marked I". Google "Chapter 8 The scroll Marked I" and it will pop right up. Read one scroll and see if you like it, just one, it wont even take 5min. The writer wrote 10 scrolls that can help you cope and rediscover yourself. They are very powerful. I started at Chapter 8(Scroll 1) and i read 1 scroll per day, it helped me greatly. EXAMPLE: Chapter one talks about good/bad habits and how you have to change those. For me a bad habit was to constantly obsess over my phone awaiting a text massage. That was bad, unhealthy for ME so i needed to change that bad habit into a new good habit. That's why i said block his number, its a small change but its a start. It teaches your brain to relax for a moment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chica80 Posted May 5, 2017 Author Share Posted May 5, 2017 What does your therapist tell you to do to stop the obsessive thoughts? I had more important issues to discuss w therapist than MM. (The family situation that is currently happening and has been) that took all my time yesterday. I discuss him in therapy dynamics etc. But yesterday other things were more prevalent. Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted May 6, 2017 Share Posted May 6, 2017 Obsessive thoughts suck/ hope tomorrow is better for you! Link to post Share on other sites
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