Dtrain2EtOWN Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 Bumble. I am girl. Normally I swipe right if a guy is interesting, that is, refrains from the use of phrases like 'half glass full" "positive outlook" "no drama" "living life to the fullest" or "(insert they, he, she) is my world" "separated" "just seeing what is out there." And he is cute i.e. I can discern he has character and there is nothing in his appearance that causes cringe, including plastered smiles, professional shots, macho shots (celebrity, girls on both cheek, microphone headset, vehicle, or hand horns with or without tongue.) Slim pickings these days so I am tossing cute and character provided no cringe. Ultimately, I craft an opening mini paragraph to one whom was mutual and met the aforementioned vetting criteria. I stating he has a sweet face and his pics are endearing because they depict how I feel when forced into a look into the camera and smile picture. Stated "Law intrigues me" (<-- him, lawyer and compliance is an area I have developed expertise around in my own profession). A blurb about my stance on Washington to spare us both if views differ. I closed with my appreciation for the breed of dog. I so wasn't going to google and after two sensible failed attempts to spell dauchsen I through in a phonetic. The dog I didn't omit because I needed a plus in my underwhelmed state and that breed is hilarious. Also necessary because I do have my own dog and giant bengal cat. They are mine and I adore them but I am highly allergic and it's a problem I wish I didn't have. Dogs are happy and slobbery and they just want to say hi. They don't know that my lungs are filling up with bluck and my skin is evolving into an unsightly maculopapular rash. I don't bother going there so that cuts out a chunk of dudes. Vetting the dog because I have to. He responds back Hi Soandso. How is your evening going? I unmatched him. I am not looking for a critique to my opening approach. I have been doing this for three years and I have always endured that stupid question. Pis*ing rainbows invariable ensues and I don't void rainbows. I do meet people who are quite capable of skipping that formality. That is what feels natural to me. But the older I get the less I see of this type. Yes, I know that they are chasing younger pu%sie and I don't count.This is across the board rainbows or not. Hence I am trying to settle and I am hoping I am grateful that I did. My question is do you guys feel taken aback if someone doesn't ask you how your day is as a lead in? How different and exciting can a day in the life of an adult be? The only answer I think of is "nothing to speak of'. Meaning no car wrecks, diarrhea, flat tires and like yesterday and the decades before I took a shower, ate three meals, went to work, fed the pets, and pulled the flyers out of the mail box. I am not a bitch really. I just feel that bull****e question should not be interjected when I gave him a dozen other things from which to draw on. Lastly, and this I do swear, drop dead with a PhD and I am still over it before the question mark. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 (edited) Whoa. I think you're being too heavy. In the beginning, people just want to be light and have fun. Edited May 5, 2017 by Popsicle 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 (edited) Haha, last time l was on a dating site, every damn women on there all said those exact same phrases - to the letter, puke ! And oh add too, l love my family and my kids and l love to laugh. Think if l ever go on one again l'll look for the damn chick that hates her family, just to be different Edited May 5, 2017 by Chilli 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 (edited) . A lot of guys on these apps are looking for casual type deal" or talking to multiple and engaging a thoughtful or more interesting conversation than "hey how are you" is far too much effort for them. I'm Know there are plenty who like that kind of conversation. I don't. I like it to be concise as possible before we meet. Edited May 5, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 I just don't think you can judge character from one opening line. You are cutting out a big variety of chances. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dtrain2EtOWN Posted May 5, 2017 Author Share Posted May 5, 2017 Whoa. I think you're being too heavy. In the beginning, people just want to be light and have fun. What about what I want? And again I was asking for what you need and not a critique of my approach. There is nothing fun about my day and frankly I don't find how hearing about his day is going to be fun either. Nevertheless you did answer the question. So thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 It's called small talk. It's a social norm to help conversation open. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dtrain2EtOWN Posted May 5, 2017 Author Share Posted May 5, 2017 I just don't think you can judge character from one opening line. You are cutting out a big variety of chances. Right. But would you respond by ignoring my introduction and asking how my day was going? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dtrain2EtOWN Posted May 5, 2017 Author Share Posted May 5, 2017 It's called small talk. It's a social norm to help conversation open. Yes and I don't need help. Clearly I am not at a loss for words. Since I gave real content could he let go of asking about my day and worked with that? Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 Yes and I don't need help. Clearly I am not at a loss for words. Since I gave real content could he let go of asking about my day and worked with that? I don't know, I think it's too much for an intro. Save that for the date. Online dating is about chit chat and making plans. Deep discussions should be saved for after you meet and are getting to know them IMO. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 (edited) I think the people on dating "sites" like pof, match, OkCupid would be more likely to appreciate a long intro. The guys on OkCupid are frankly too long winded for me off the bat. But some people enjoy that rapport or need it to build comfort before meeting. The "apps" like tinder and bumble are supposed to go more just short, text-like convo. convenient and fast-paced...casual. The backtracking is to take it down a notch Edited May 5, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 (edited) The guys on OkCupid are frankly too long winded for me off the bat. I feel the same. [] People want to start light and then get deeper later. Not start deep right away. You have to work up to that even if you or I may want "deep" it right now. You know, you just start with a basic hello, just the same as you would if you met on the street. A profile is a very detached way of getting to know someone anyway. Edited May 5, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redacted quote of deleted post ~6 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 I agree that asking about how your day went or how are you in some form is pointless and doesn't make for good initial dating app conversation. More adept guys would have picked something from your initial message and inquired about that. That's what I would have done. I know you didn't ask for feedback about your opening message, but it is a bit much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dtrain2EtOWN Posted May 5, 2017 Author Share Posted May 5, 2017 (edited) [] I am not attracted to what I see anymore. Further a complex set of circumstances leaves me literally in isolation most of the time (parents dead, workforce saturation with no transferable skills, underemployed with a mortgage, 15 years of sobriety and no going back into AA , brother drinks and hates me. Survival is a high priority and has been for almost a decade. The reality is I can't answer the question genuinely. It is their discomfort that is premature. I know that one good guy would make the world of difference. I just want someone who will play in the ocean with me and watch Colbert. In spite of the fact that I am an embarrassment on paper I have a ball Monday through Friday on my two hour shift. I am enthusiastic and playful and exceptionally good at what I do. A solid guy and the mini work-shifts would balance the scale enough to make sense of existing. I appreciate you all. I will take it under advisement and use it if I can. Thank you all. Edited May 5, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redacted quote and response to deleted post ~6 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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