adna89 Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 My mother in law is coming over for a visit ,she will stay about 15 days.We have had a history of arguing and problems ,so i am not that into her visit,but she has to see the kid,and now she is in the country so she will use this to stay wth us as well(she has been at her daughters for 15 days now) How can i make the days go by faster,how do i react if she tries to interfere in our marriage or life? my husband says nothing will happen when i ask him if he will react if his mom tries to do something negative...so he wont says "yes i will no worries":mad: Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 Since it is only 15 days I would keep my mouth shut and try to get along with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Thisguy21 Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 Suck it up and swallow your pride for a fortnight (i love when i can use that word). If you are on edge looking for her to say something negative, you will take everything negatively. Even comments that would roll off your back normally you will take offense to because you are on edge looking for a conflict. You need to adjust your mindset. That will be your biggest hurdle, not your MIL. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted May 5, 2017 Author Share Posted May 5, 2017 Suck it up and swallow your pride for a fortnight (i love when i can use that word). If you are on edge looking for her to say something negative, you will take everything negatively. Even comments that would roll off your back normally you will take offense to because you are on edge looking for a conflict. You need to adjust your mindset. That will be your biggest hurdle, not your MIL. I am ok with her,sometimes too ok,i am a calm person while she is very dominant and has to be the one that talks the most every time...so need to fight back agianst that Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 I am ok with her,sometimes too ok,i am a calm person while she is very dominant and has to be the one that talks the most every time...so need to fight back agianst that Honestly, you need to learn you can only control your behavior...if she's dominant, then NOTHING you do is going to change that. Unless she's actually abusive to you, who cares how she is, it's your H mother. Honestly by the way you're talking, I don't personally think your MIL is the issue, IMO it's you that's the issue. Insecurity can cause us to behave negatively & it seems your MIL makes you feel insecure & that's your issue to handle for yourself, don't blame shift it on to her. Good luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 My mother in law is coming over for a visit ,she will stay about 15 days.We have had a history of arguing and problems ,so i am not that into her visit,but she has to see the kid,and now she is in the country so she will use this to stay wth us as well(she has been at her daughters for 15 days now) How can i make the days go by faster,how do i react if she tries to interfere in our marriage or life? my husband says nothing will happen when i ask him if he will react if his mom tries to do something negative...so he wont says "yes i will no worries":mad: The most revealing thing about your post is the verbage you have chosen to use, It has set the tone...at least in my ears...that you seem to harbor resentment toward your MIL....and I can understand that if you have a history... So my recommendations are to remember that you control you....15 days in the scope of things is not that long...and if you reach out to her with respect and kindness...she most likely will reciprocat. It sounds like she lives in a foreign country...and her visits are not often. She is coming to see "the kid"....her grand child....part of her son. Whether you like her or not...she loves your child. SO perhaps if you try to make this visit as upbeat and memorable as possible...not necessarily for her...but for you baby. You dont say if you work outside of the home or if you are taking time off to spend with her. But plan some fun things ...like trips to museums or the zoo....it will help the time go faster and give her the opportunity to share some special moments with your child. You dont have to do something every single day...that can cause stress... Keep your meals simple...one pot meals are tasty...without tremendous preparation time...and it also alleviates stress. Basically grin and bear it....and save the complaints about her until after the visit. Dont put yourself in the middle and make your husband choose a side. You both love the same people...let that motivate you to make it a happy time. Put them first and yourself last. You might even find that if you make the first move toward peace...she will follow. Best of luck to you... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 adna, here is an article on reacting/responding. Hope it helps. MIL's can be a pain but as grammas they're great! https://zenhabits.net/respond/ Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 so need to fight back agianst that I'd find reasons, especially during Week 2, to be out of the house. Plan something with friends, volunteer at a shelter, just stay busy. Loved my MIL (no longer with us) but she had a cleaning fetish that drove me crazy. You'd take one drink from your glass, set it down and it would be gone. I did a lot of hiking when she was here ... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thisguy21 Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 I am ok with her,sometimes too ok,i am a calm person while she is very dominant and has to be the one that talks the most every time...so need to fight back agianst that No you don't need to fight back. I've done that with my MIL, guess what the outcome is... Nothing changes. I wasted energy and have even gotten myself into trouble with my wife about some of the things I've done. Basically i turned a small issue into a big one. That's not going to fix anything or change her in any way. It just causes more drama. Drama that is easily avoided. "So i need to fight back against that" is the mindset i mentioned that you need to change. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 Wasn't your MIL just here in February or were you worried about this visit back then? You know she's difficult to say the least. Still it's two weeks. For the sake of your kids, suck it up, bite your tongue & deal. Treat yourself to something like a stress relieving massage after she leaves. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 Perfect time to start a project, so some yard work or run errands Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 I'd find reasons, especially during Week 2, to be out of the house. Plan something with friends, volunteer at a shelter, just stay busy. Loved my MIL (no longer with us) but she had a cleaning fetish that drove me crazy. You'd take one drink from your glass, set it down and it would be gone. I did a lot of hiking when she was here ... Mr. Lucky I must have been your mother in law:lmao: Honestly I am ocd...and it is just one of those things you have to tolerate.... I think I am a good MIL...and I hope my sil and dil agree. My MIL was perfect. Honestly...anything can be tolerated for two weeks expecially when it is not often. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 My ex MIL was the ultimate witch from hell, she was rude, nasty and loved to tell you that everything you did was wrong. I despised her with a passion. The feeling was mutual I'd say. I tried my very best to avoid her when she came to visit- I'd volunteer to do extra shifts at work, make my appointments when she was due, arrange to meet up with my own mother, anything I could think of to avoid the old hag. Losing her was the best part of the divorce!! I don't suggest you divorce to avoid your MIL though, just avoid her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 I must have been your mother in law:lmao: Honestly I am ocd...and it is just one of those things you have to tolerate.... There was a stain on our dryer (scratch and dent sale item ) and, in trying to remove it, she scrubbed the settings label off. To this day, I don't know which cycle is "delicate". Still miss her though... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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