Why am I in dilemma?

[confused1061]

Sorry for a long post....But please provide your views...

 

I'm 24 and the guy is 31. I was dating him for 3 months We had common interests and got along very well. We were both committed to each another although once when he went clubbing he told me he indulged in grinding and that night when we were to speak I was kept on hold for 45 mins so he could tell certain girls who were calling him that he was not interested in sleeping with them.

 

At the end of 2.5 months of our dating, we got intimate. A day later he wanted to see me under my building at 3am (nothing sexual just a gn - My parents are staying with me) but I told him I cant because I was unwell. Later he hardly called me and did not text me like he does usually. He later told me he was unwell. I didn't mind and said nothing. However, after his health recovered he hardly called me and replied to my texts with minimum words. One day, I told him I had something important to talk but that night he went to sleep and never asked me wat was it. We used to speak at night but he said he no longer wanted to do that and wanted to sleep (its another thing he went clubbing instead 4/7 days). I didnt raise any issue as sleeping early suited me too. He hardly ever initiated any contact and I had to always take the first step. Plus he no longer wanted to talk to me after he came home partying.

 

This pattern continued for two weeks then one day when we were discussing our future (on watsapp) I told him I want to be independent of my dad in the future. He got hurt (he is very rich and his parents are rich too). I apologised the same day realising I hurt his pride. He said he wants to party and not think about it. I tried calling him the next day but he didnt answer. I asked him if he wanted to talk about the previous day and he said no. A day later I texted him n we spoke random stuff. He later taunted me for the comment. I texted him my perspective. He didnt reply. I texted him the next morning but he was very cold. He stopped answering my calls and something happened two days later when I really needed him and when I asked if I could speak to him he was like I will call later. He didnt call or ask. I still texted gm to him everyday but after three days I got fed up and told him to treat me better. I told him he was dealing in an immature manner and I didnt expect him since he has strong relationship examples at home. I recd no reply. The next day I said sorry to him. He said he can’t date me anymore because I called him immature and said harsh things to me (all over a text message).

 

One week after the break-up he says he needs my help but after ten minutes he says it got sorted. I just replied an ok. Two weeks after the break-up he calls me at 2am and we talk. I apologise to him (I get none from him), he said he wants to get back but when he saw my watsapp pic which didn’t have his pendant on my neck he said I was a ‘piece of crap’. A week later, I texted him that thanks for playing with my emotions (no reply for him). A week later he sends me a love song link at 5am (I’m sure he was drunk). I told him not to do this again. A week later, he sends me an update on the stock he recommended to me. I just said thanks.

 

I don’t understand why is he playing with me? More importantly I cant understand why is it taking so long for me to get over him? We hardly dated but its almost two months after the break-up and I’m not over him even though I know he didn’t treat me well. I still want him back!

Edited May 13, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs ~6

[preraph]

He pretty much told you he just wants to party and not worry about stuff. He doesn't want to get into deep conversations or have a relationship that's going somewhere. He just wants to party. He's not about to settle down. He isn't apologetic, and you put up with way too much continuing to text him when he doesn't respond. He's treating you like crap and you're wanting more. it's nuts.

[Maldives]

Agree wth Prepath wth the above.

 

In addition the reason it's taking so long to get over him is because 1 u keepisode trying wth him a txt here or there and get disappointed which creates hurt feelings make sense?

 

No 2 we always want something we can't have u know reverse psychology. I think if you stop playing his game meaning stop responding it will set the precedent for a higher standard for you. He will then chase as you've noticed. but be careful as you've noticed as soon as you start showing him interest sending him messages he reverts back to his mind games and he backs off. Will he change ? It's not for me to say all i can go off is the information at hand and it looks highly unlikely you have to ask yourself is this the type of relationship you want? Does he make you happy or cause you pain? Your self esteem has taken a hit so he makes it hard when he gives you breadcrumbs.

 

Now is the time to set standards for yourself. In my opinion you would be better off without this commitment phoebe immature guy. Lol. I know its hard but have a good think what you want in a relationship and look for someone that brings those qualities in a relationship. This guy sounds like too much hard work meaning your doing all the work while he strings you along while he figures out what he wants.

[confused1061]

Thanks Prepath and Goodguy05... He is better to avoid.. I don't understand before the break up why he called me the love of his life to his friends.. and after the break up he said 99 per cent was my fault!

[Superchicken]

Hi Confused,

You have just dodged a very bad relationship.

You have been up and personal with a "Player".

His actions, and responses are that of one, and NOT of someone that loves you, or at least, has feelings for you.

 

 

If anyone can just shut off feelings for ones love, and move on, then, there was no love in the first place.

 

 

Obviously you have feelings, which is why your here, and I keep saying this, and man, it really sucks to say it, but women are more intelligent in these matters, and seek help (There are some male exceptions). Whereas most guys go out with mates, drink, cruise, and basically "Cave man" there feelings.

 

 

Your young, and you have years and years of "Natural selection" to do.

Do your homework, and let the right guy show "You", we are out there.

You just need to find us.

 

 

Ted.

[confused1061]

My ex bf who called me 'the love of his life' dumped me 2 months back out of the blue by giving lame excuses. I loved him alot and was very attached to him. I tried to have a talk but he didnt want to. Whenever, I start no contact he will give breadcrumbs.. I cant help n text him.. He is too arrogant to reply n egoistic.. Now I've had enough and want to get over him. Usually, in my previous breakups, I used to go to work and keep myself busy but due to some personal circumstances I have to stay at home for the next 2 months atleast. The weekends are the only time when I can step out for a few hours. When I'm at home I keep thinking about him or read about break-ups on blogs and my thoughts do what-if analysis or wonder how can I make it right or wonder if he will ever come back. I try working at home but it is also getting affected. Can anyone advice?

Edited May 12, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Threads merged ~6

[preraph]

Find something to do to stay busy. Meanwhile, if you wanted to, you could control your impulses. You have total control over you and no one else has any.

[d0nnivain]

When you start to think about him, do jumping jacks, or situps or something else physical you can do for a 1-2 minutes in your house. Clean like a madwoman. Just keep active.

 

 

It can be tough when you don't have the distraction of work but keeping busy remains the key

[Superchicken]

Cooking Classes, and learning how to cook, or become a better one.

This will take most of your time, and hey, maybe meet great people along your journey.

 

 

Ted.