Do "things" attract people/start conversations

[ZA Dater]

I am sure when this topic was read the moderators went onto red alert (hoping this thread will survive and I will survive with it

 

 

I guess its an honest question, how much stock is put into material things for the following

 

 

1: Starting a conversation

2: Attracting people

 

 

Note I am not saying things should be the sole reason to talk to someone or like them but do they actually help? I also know this a touchy subject in many respects.

 

 

My own experience is they can help but they don't get you over the line, i.e actually get you a date. There are some who believe they absolutely do work and yes I think for some they can but as someone who has lived a fairly un ordinary life in terms of experiences of the nicer things in life I can tell you that a nice car will help you get a conversation but nothing more.

 

 

I know some people derive confidence from nice things which I guess can help remove any sort of shyness or timid personality traits.

 

 

Its probably a good idea to own up to the fact all of us are superficial to lesser or greater degrees.

[d0nnivain]

Things can provide openings. In college, some guy started talking to me because I was reading the NY Times. I started talking to another guy because he was wearing a t shirt emblazoned with a certain team logo; I was wearing a shirt for their arch rivals. I told one guy how much I loved his '67 Mustang.

 

 

Things shouldn't be the basis of any relationship but they can provide the opening.

[Dtrain2EtOWN]

You hopefully gain complexity with age. I cut the tags out of my clothing because they grate on me. I don't give a dooty "who" you are wearing. I think basic Chuck Taylor's look cute on anyone AND I perceive, superficially, the wearer to be open and kind. So what is your question?

[Popsicle]

I think you are right that they can be conversation starters but they don't get you a date.

 

On another note, I've heard that having a friendly dog that you walk and bring out around people is one of the best conversation starters. My friend, who struggles with meeting people, just told me that last week and I think preraph made a thread saying the same thing.

[preraph]

Yes, and that dog will be there when most of the dates have come and gone.

[basil67]

Get a nice car. Wait for women to talk to you. Trust me, this works. One of the hardest stages of getting a date is getting a woman's attention. Unless you are very good looking, anyway. A nice car gets all sorts of attention.

 

The thoughts I have when I see a guy in a nice (flashy/fancy/expensive) are not flattering to him. Yes, I will confess that it's shallow of me to presume, but showy men simply don't appeal to me.

[whatnot]

Get a nice car. Wait for women to talk to you. Trust me, this works. One of the hardest stages of getting a date is getting a woman's attention. Unless you are very good looking, anyway. A nice car gets all sorts of attention.

It doesn't have to be nice...just different and interesting. Unfortunately, different and interesting usually equals $$.

 

I really don't believe captaining your own 150' yacht, flying your own Baron or Learjet....and having a puppy attracts women. Nah...no way. Just the puppy.

[preraph]

I have always loved cars, but I am from the muscle-car generation so sixties muscle cars is what I love to see, which is rare. When I was in high school in the suburbs, all there was to do was drive around from Sonic to some other burger joint and cruise, so cars reached a real height in importance. Back then, a nice car would make me swoon. My crush drove a white '68 Mustang fastback with a red stripe and red seats that folded all the way back for parking. I spent so many nights keeping an eye out for that car that if I ever see anything close it brings it all back.

 

One bf had my favorite car, a '69 Charger Rt, purple.

 

So yeah, I can still be impressed by a great car, but it depends what type. I'm not into boxy high performance high-end cars at all. I think if you're going to spend a load of cash on a car, it should at least also look good.

 

I also love motorcycles...horses. I guess I just like transportation, hmm.

 

That said, the only guys I dated who had cool cars were in high school in the sixties when it was nearly impossible NOT to have a cool car because they were mostly all cool compared to the run-of-the-mill family car today. It's not a necessity. If it was that important, I'd just buy my own, but the last 20 years I've opted out of muscle and into comfort and thrift.

[whatnot]

The thoughts I have when I see a guy in a nice (flashy/fancy/expensive) are not flattering to him. Yes, I will confess that it's shallow of me to presume, but showy men simply don't appeal to me.

 

It's how he "wears it". :-)

 

Money doesn't necessarily equate to ego.

[whatnot]

The richest man in America still lives in the same 3 bedroom/2 bath brick rancher in the mid-west that he bought 60 years ago.

[MrPlop]

I believe it's rather common interests, yeah you can start talking about some random material thing, but if that person doesn't share the same passion / interest then the conversation it's not going anywhere. Designer clothes, cars, outdoor activities turn into sports topic, etc.

[preraph]

Express your interests, even if it's a bit contrived sometimes. Like you could carry a pool cue or a tennis racket to lunch with you and maybe someone who shared that interest would say "Where do you play?" Helmet for your bike or BIKE might get someone talking to you. Nice pair of cowboy boots or a big ring. A man wearing a bolo or just something you don't usually see, a pendant or something. Her: I like your necklace. Him: It's not a necklace. It's a tribal charm. Whatever gets someone's interest. Even a key around the neck would arouse curiosity and leave a person wide open to "key to your heart" flirts.

 

One of the most surprising things that got me and a friend attention one day that we weren't looking for (we're both in our 60s) was there's this bbq place that has the best fries so we got a huge mound of them on a beer platter to share and the take some home (it's out of town). And everyone that passed by stopped and commented on how were going to eat all those and mooch off us, etc. So hey, make a spectacle of yourself, by all means.

[Cookiesandough]

Things matter to the extent that they tend to reveal a lot about a person. For example, a guy driving a Lambo with 24 k spinning rims and an ice cream paint job would make me think he's a superficial, consumerist douche, and therefore not my type. Could be wrong, but it's just a negative association I make with it. Similar for someone driving a clunker, but honestly I'd be more inclined to overlook that than the former, particularly if it had character. It depends on the individual, I suppose, but things do attract. If I understand the Q correctly

Edited May 7, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Cookiesandough]

That's fine if he likes them, and if he attracts the ladies with them all the better for him! . I'm just speaking for myself when I say I associate negative stereotypes with people who have outrageously geeked-out luxury cars. I've never met one I particularly liked, and it seems shallow and superficial to me. We just have different values. I'm sure some men feel similarly about women who drop 2k on a pair of pumps, but if they make her happy and she can afford them, the more power to her. I'm sure it attracts some men. I just find it kinda nuts.

 

I'd just rather a man who drove a nice enough vehicle and gave the rest to charity.

 

No bad mood and didn't mean to offend . I was simply making the point that objects do attract, but only certain people.

Edited May 7, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[carhill]

Things can provide openings. In college, some guy started talking to me because I was reading the NY Times. I started talking to another guy because he was wearing a t shirt emblazoned with a certain team logo; I was wearing a shirt for their arch rivals.

Yeah, that happened to me this evening on the plane. We're boarding, lady dumps her stuff on my seat, apologizes, I tell her I'm in no hurry to stuff my old butt into that tiny seat, ask her about her tablet, bla, bla, we talk.

 

I told one guy how much I loved his '67 Mustang.

Yup, when I'm driving my 64 1/2, it's common to get questions and comments from women at the store, gas station, wherever. Probably because they don't see guys driving around every day in one. Last time was when I was hauling a 20 gallon propane tank in the trunk. If I own it, it earns its keep. Nothing is exempt.

 

Things shouldn't be the basis of any relationship but they can provide the opening.

 

Stuff is stuff. People value stuff in different ways and for different reasons and sometimes that plays into interpersonal relationships. Most of the time, IME anyway, it's a nice moment and then life moves on.

[CptInsano]

Yes, certain stuff will get you noticed, and possibly even get you a date. I used to be of the opinion that it this dynamic could only be a joke, but if you ever bought a somewhat flashy car, it is indeed true. But then again, the question becomes whether you would want a woman that bases her dating decisions on your mode of transportation?

[preraph]

^ I think if a woman is really into cars and not just the money to buy them, she will have at some point owned a nice car of her own. My interest in cars isn't monetary, for instance. My dad was a car nut. He bought cars that had been wrecked and fixing them up to resell was his hobby. We had '59 Cadillacs and well, just about every year Cadillac one time or another because he loved driving them, and we had a '66 Jaguar XKE, an Avante (loved how it looked), a '30s Cord, Mustang, T-Birds, just about everything over the years. I came from the best era for cars, so together with having exposure to so many nice ones, it's just natural for me to love the cars, but I have never restricted my dating to guys with money at all, in fact, just the opposite.

 

So as Carhill said, people like them for all different reasons. I like them because I like them, not because they spell money. I get chills when I hear the rumble of a late '60s Charger, and I can hear one coming. One time I was at the casino with my sister and we were just parking and I heard that rumble, looked around and saw the high tailfin of a Dodge Daytona behind me. I had never seen one in person before, even though they were from my era because they were a special racing package. Then there was another and another, and turns out it was a car show and people arriving.

 

Another time I was in a wave pool and real relaxed almost dreaming and I realized I heard that engine. When I left, there was a Dodge club gathering behind the pool in the park.

 

I love the sound of fighter jets, too, having grown up under a base. But I don't expect my date to have one, though one of my dates did. I was too unconventional for him though. But nice wings.

[CptInsano]

^ I think if a woman is really into cars and not just the money to buy them, she will have at some point owned a nice car of her own. My interest in cars isn't monetary, for instance. My dad was a car nut. [...]

 

Yes, this is a very different type of interest, one that is a lot of fun, and I would definitely like that in a woman, but it's not what I'm talking about in regard to material things.

 

I used to swap cars with my friends, one drove a Porsche, the other a BMW M3 convertible. It is stupid how much attention these created when I drove them. I've had to deal from kids trying to race me to women caressing the car at a stop light.

 

And I used to make fun of this dynamic, at least until I realized that some people take it dead seriously.

[whatnot]

post deleted

Edited May 7, 2017 by whatnot

[ZA Dater]

Interesting view points all. Some fine tastes in cars too!

 

 

My point really is, if one is shy perhaps things can boost confidence and give an in to a conversation at least.

 

 

This weekend I had think about this, if you have something interesting people will, well some will gravitate towards that which can be a conversation starter.

 

 

Yes, the object shouldn't be how you are defined but if you are a person who isn't really having much luck at dating them maybe a something is just what you need to start conversations. Be it a puppy or dare I say it a nice car.

 

 

One can stick ones head in the sand and say "oh well its superficial and materialistic" but as I am fast learning much about dating is those things.

[GunslingerRoland]

I think "things" can be a great conversation starter at a lot of different price levels. It could be as simple as a t-shirt with a band on it. Or something as fancy as a sports-car.

 

Sure some people are superficial. I mean we all are to some degree, we live in a consumer economy. So if you have a choice to date two people that seem basically equal and one has a Ferrari or a yacht, you'd might as well date that one right?

[central]

It works better for women, I think. A unique piece of jewelry or clothing will often get comments from other women, and sometimes men - and these don't need to be expensive pieces, either. My wife often gets such comments, as well as on her unique hair, and this leads to conversations. Me, I rarely get such attention even when I want it and have a "thing" that should lead to it.

[CptInsano]

It works better for women, I think. A unique piece of jewelry or clothing will often get comments from other women, and sometimes men - and these don't need to be expensive pieces, either. My wife often gets such comments, as well as on her unique hair, and this leads to conversations. Me, I rarely get such attention even when I want it and have a "thing" that should lead to it.

 

I think the issue here is that clothing styles for men are generally more muted. Sure, you can spend a fortune on watches, suits and shoes, but most people wouldn't recognize it unless they knew what to look for. (Certain larger cities and subcultures are an exception.)

 

Guys seem to express it more with their home and what is in their home, such as the big screen TV (size matters!) , the monster of a grill in the backyard, the boat, sporting equipment or the car.

[NTV]

Things do start conversation. They are one of many things that can. You don't have to upgrade from the beater to the corvette though. You can just spray paint a giant smiley face on the hood of the beater and name it the mad max. That's just as good.

[Kamille]

Things don't have to be expensive to start a conversation. They need to be unique or rare.

 

The ideal scenario is that these unique things help you express who you are. That way, they do two things: 1. they help you gain confidence (as you mention). 2. The people who approach you will automatically have something in common with you.

 

So the question is : what makes you unique, and how can you express that with "things"?

 

As an aside: I'm not a car person. Like, really not a car person. I understand that cars are a great invention, but I don't understand "being into cars". The guy I'm currently dating showed me his car, in this self-deprecating way. It's about as nondescript as a car can be and scratched on one side. It made me like him more . Basically, his car looked exactly like my car, back when I had one. Here is a thing that is unique to him that made us bond over our common utilitarian approach to cars.