JessicaHRea Posted May 6, 2017 Share Posted May 6, 2017 (edited) My husband met while we were working together and it started off great. We really didn't have many problems until he started to let his ex girlfriend come over, wash her clothes and so forth. Then things really got out of hand when he started renting the house our while were dating to a woman who had 3 kids. It didn't go over too well and said that we needed to be on a trial separation. While on this separation, he had pulled a knife out on me because of me talking to other guys said that it shouldn't have happened. To speed up the process, when we got married, we were having problems then because I had a miscarriage and it sent us to marriage counseling, it helped a lot. Then fast forward to having kids. Even before we were having kids, my husband would always bring up the "d" word. We were so happy that we were having kids and with the second kid who was born with a cleft lip and palate just kind of made it a little worse on us as a couple. After two of the kids, my husband has basically threatened me with a drill, and he has threw me against the shower glass door which he broke. Fast forward to now, I have a co-worker at work who's attracted to me and he also has a girlfriend who's always having some type pain going on with her as he says. I'm attracted to him, I have actually went to his house and just to hang out. Somehow my husband found out that me and the other guy had been talking and I told him that nothing has happened and he doesn't want to "lose me." There are things he may or may not do around the house because he's always busy doing something else that doesn't really evolve the kids. I love him dearly, he's here when I need him, he has been here through our ups and downs and through my breakdowns. I have been snapping at him on and off after the kids have been born and I just don't know what else to do. I just feel like I'm in a love triangle. Edited May 6, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator privacy ~T Link to post Share on other sites
lostgirl87 Posted May 6, 2017 Share Posted May 6, 2017 Ummm. I think your bigger and more important issue is the physical violence/threats of violence!! Once is one time too many but you stated it's happened a few times. The instances you described are scary. Focus on that. That should be addressed first. As far as this coworker, stay away. You said he has a girlfriend- don't make an already complicated relationship worse by having an affair with someone from work AND who is already involved with someone else. To me it sounds like you are missing attention, love and acceptance in your marriage and that's what you enjoy getting from your coworker. It's easy and carefree. You feel like you have someone you can talk to and enjoy spending time with. You have some issues in the marriage- that's clear. Address those. Don't make things harder for yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
deadsoul Posted May 6, 2017 Share Posted May 6, 2017 your husband is abusive. I think any actions on your part towards other man could get you or him hurt so I would just leave it as just thoughts and no actions. Is he abusive toward the kids too? It's easy for me to sit behind a computer and say, "Get out, you can do so much better." but it's what I want to say to you. Get your home life straightened out before starting something else. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted May 6, 2017 Share Posted May 6, 2017 You are playing with fire. You have a husband with violent tendencies and you are about to enter, if you have not already, in to a physical affair with another man. Now what do you think is going to happen when you get caught, and the overwhelming majority do get caught. You better get yourself the hell out of this "triangle" you have going on before you get yourself or your husband or your co worker hurt. If you want you OM, then get a divorce. You're not going to probably get any cheerleading here to have an affair which it seems like what you are looking for. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CM71 Posted May 7, 2017 Share Posted May 7, 2017 I would definitely not get involved with this guy. How do you trust someone who is willing to cheat on his girlfriend? You don't want to be the other woman either. If you end up,single their are plenty of single guys out there. Infidelity leads to many problems, including guilt within yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
FoundMyStrength Posted May 7, 2017 Share Posted May 7, 2017 What the above poster said a million times over. Your husband has threatened you with a drill and thrown you into a shower door. He has violent tendencies and, unchecked, tendencies like that only escalate over time. His language of not wanting to "lose" you may be what every man says in this situation, but there are dangerous undertones when a man has shown violent behavior. You will be putting yourself, this other man, and perhaps even your kids in danger if you pursue this. As others have said, this rarely ends well or is kept a secret. Especially since your husband already knows about him. His eyes and ears will be wide open. If you are unhappy with your marriage, there are other ways out. You can always pursue this man afterwards. For now, seek out counseling, the advice and support of friends and relatives, and truly consider if your marriage is a safe place for you to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessicaHRea Posted May 7, 2017 Author Share Posted May 7, 2017 your husband is abusive. I think any actions on your part towards other man could get you or him hurt so I would just leave it as just thoughts and no actions. Is he abusive toward the kids too? It's easy for me to sit behind a computer and say, "Get out, you can do so much better." but it's what I want to say to you. Get your home life straightened out before starting something else. He's not abusive to the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted May 7, 2017 Share Posted May 7, 2017 You need time alone to rebuild your confidence and ability to trust yourself. You do not need to leap from the arms of a toxic relationship into a new relationship with a bunch of added stress and confusion attached. Put thoughts of this romance aside and instead try to talk privately to a counselor about options for help getting out of your current situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessicaHRea Posted May 7, 2017 Author Share Posted May 7, 2017 Thank you all, I have thought about going to see another counselor again. Of course, if I do that, he'll think I'm somewhere else. I haven't really talked to my co-worker since I have been out of work on disability because I had surgery. I'm still snappy at my husband. He's constantly playing Pokemon now and it drives me crazy. He doesn't do certain things for the kids such as changing them when they need to be and making sure that they have their food before him. He's not abusive to the kids and in fact when I see him actually being fatherly to them, it makes me fall in love with him all over again, but as far as having a communication problem, I agree we do, but sometimes it's just hard to talk to him because there are things back in my head of the things he has said in the past that just haunts me and worries me. Even when we are at his parents' house, they don't think nothing of him doing anything wrong by sitting there on his phone. I may do it from time to time, but I am actually watching my kids when I'm at his parents' house. He doesn't even go to family functions with me anymore that has to do with my side of the family and that's not good (he has a job and I understand, but when he's not working, I don't understand). It just makes me mad. It's hard to tell him what I am feeling unless I write it down. I even wrote him an 8 page letter telling him things because he still thinks I'm still talking to that one guy and I'm not. I guess I'm just confused. Link to post Share on other sites
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