Guilt pulling me down, how to move ahead? [Update:Divorced and further contact after]

[Just a Guy]

Hi Deep Remorse, I am sorry to disappoint you with what I have to say next but I think that you need to hear it. The thing is that from all accounts your husband has some firm boundaries and a very strong ego which will not allow him to soften his stand towards you and engage with you in a second romantic relationship. Whatever little straws he throws out seem like lifelines to you and you cling to them hoping that they will get you back with him. Sadly, that is not the case. Since you two were at one time married, I get the impression that your husband has residual feelings for you and these manifest themselves as a display of care and concern for your welfare. Put simply, he would not like something tragic to happen to you. However, you have been extrapolating these little acts of consideration on his part as something much greater than they are. He has told you unequivocally to start dating others. Why would he tell you that if he had any intention of getting back with you? From everything that you have written about him, he would ensure that you were cocooned from the attentions of others if he thought that he wanted to get back with you. He would not be encouraging you to date others.

 

Sadly, you are misreading the little cues he is giving out and in the long run you are going to hurt yourself very badly. I am reminded of a Country and Western song sung by Willie Nelson titled,"Blue Eyes crying in the Rain". One stanza in it goes 'Love is like a dying ember, only memories remain'. This rings true in your case as far as your husband's emotions go. You have had a lot of time to adjust to the reality of your situation but you seem stuck in a groove. It's like one of those old LP records where a groove has gone faulty and the needle keeps jumping back and replaying that one line over and over again. I am surprised that your parents have not counselled you to let go and move on. They must see how you are torturing yourself. I get the impression that the final nail in your coffin of your marriage will be driven in when your ex husband finally ties the knot with someone else. I think that is when you will realize that it is finally over. I hope he does do so and spares you the torture of living on false hopes. I am sorry if this is something that you do not want to hear but sadly it seems to be the reality of your situation. I really wish you the very best in your life as you move forward.

[Deepremorse5]

You are right. He has moved away both mentally and emotionally way too far for me to reach him. I have taken up more responsibilities at work to keep me engaged and distracted. I am having these flashbulb memories of us that keep bugging me. But I still want to fight for our relationship till the end. I have nothing more to lose. I have lost everything I had.

Edited November 24, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redacted quote ~ V

[Mind-Chants]

I think this is his way of getting back at you. "Being there for you but still not there for you".

[Deepremorse5]

This might be my last post here. He has started dating someone @ NYC. Last 2 to 3 months, he was kind of dropping hints all along (I mentioned in one of the previous posts about him dating someone) and finally I saw in facebook. He was tagged in a photo with a girl and she called him her soulmate. Asked him directly, he confirmed. That makes sense now as last time we became intimate was around July. After that he has visited many times but we only met once or twice, no sex. I also felt he was trying to avoid me.

I am sad but proud of myself for how I took the news. It's been a week since he confirmed about her. I have cried a little but mostly I have carried myself quite well. I hope I will move on. Trying to focus on my work. Also I am planning to adopt a baby girl from an orphanage. I always wanted to be a mother. We had plans for one biological kid and one adoption. I felt this is the right time for me to adopt and raise a child. I hope everything will work out for me.

 

Thanks to all who have been part of my journey here.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Deep Remorse, all the very best to you for the future. I am sure you, too, will find someone to call your own. I would think that you would be very eligible given your position in your father's company plus the fact that you are unencumbered. Divorces in India are not the dreaded death knell for second chances as they used to be a generation ago. Warm Regards.