Guilt pulling me down, how to move ahead? [Update:Divorced and further contact after]

[ahmed8xm]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/480013-wife-cheated-me-having-affair

 

 

Read this

 

it will help you to understand

 

that how your husband is feeling right now

 

this man was also from india

[Mrs. John Adams]

No you wouldn't have.

 

 

You would have tried a few more times, and if you still got the same results back, then you would have given up.

But, lets face it, you, me, and so many more would have tried for dear life, to not lose everything without a bit more of a fight.

 

 

However, Deepremorse, your FINAL deal breaker, for most spouses at least, is the fact you got caught while "Still" in an "Active" Affair.

Its one thing to confess, come clean, and allow the spouse to determine the direction he takes. You may have had a chance.

But, its another to keep doing what you were doing, and keep disrespecting him, his family, and his manhood.

You admitted you would have continued the affair if not caught, but hey, you really, and truly loved your husband hmm.

 

 

But, he couldn't take it anymore, and did what he needed to do, to regain what your took from him. He again, can walk with his head high.

 

 

Leave your spouse alone.

If, and that's a slim chance, he ever decides to make any contact, then you may believe you have another chance with him.

But, until then, leave him alone, and restart your new life.

Remember your mistakes, and carry them always so you don't do them again.

 

 

Ted.

 

Ted..

 

I said to John I will do what you want me to do and I understand you have to do what is best for you. I will leave and ask for nothing.... and then I held my breath...

 

I had already told my mom and she was already working with me and my mom is the strongest Christian woman I know. So her approach was from a biblical standpoint.

 

I meant what I told him... but I was scared to death that I had truly done too much... that he could never forgive me.

 

Thankfully I did not have to face the decision I feared. But I would have abided by his wishes. I knew I could go home to my parents. I did not want to ... but I knew I could.

 

You are right... I confessed... my affair was brief... and we had my mom to help us along. The stars aligned for us. The op in this story did things differently. And the stars have not aligned for her.

 

I hold out no hope for her relationship but what I am praying for is healing for her.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Deep remorse, I guess you are now coming to terms with the reality of your situation and are realizing the extent and depth of your transgression. This is good because you will not begin to heal yourself until you accept where and to what extent you went wrong in your choices and the actions that followed those choices. Apparently you mistook your husband's goodness for some kind of blind love for you where he would forgive any transgression on your part. In simple words you took him for granted. Well that error has cost you dearly.

 

On a more positive note the fact that you want to fight for him after he has divorced you is a good thing in my opinion. The thing is that fighting for him would mean that you would (a) learn to be contrite and show him this and(b) you would have to turn over a complete new leaf so much so that for your (ex) husband you would represent someone completely new and fresh.

 

I suggest as part of your penance you visit all the prominent Hindu shrines like Vaishno Devi, Tirupathi, Harifwar and others you may know of to exorcise yourself of your previously held faulty habits and characteristics so that you can actually turn over a new leaf in practice. It will call for a lot of emotional resources on your part but unless you undergo some sort of spiritual transformation from the old you, you can bet your bottom dollar that whatever else you attempt will be like scratching the surface to find the new you! Hope some of this helps you. Warm wishes.

[Deepremorse5]

Surely you see, Dr, that it was necessary for you to get caught for you even to have these repentant thoughts and feelings—how wonderful your husband is, how stupid your affair was, what a mistake it was, what a con-man your affair partner was, how sorry you are, etc. Now you don't care about your AP, but you certainly did then. And you weren't worried enough about this possibility then.

 

It took the finality of your husband's actions to engender this degree of sorrow in you. I agree that this is not true remorse, but still important is for you to see the dramatic swings between your states of mind at different periods.

 

I'll repeat again: It took the blow of your being caught for you to become sorrowful and introspective. But even now, all of your complaints are about your loss, dread of what will happen to you.

 

While I do not agree with hammering you with everything you "should" have done (it is obvious), I do think it is important for you to realize that it is precisely BECAUSE you were found out that you feel this sadness, anxiety and discomfort and you think that you appreciate your husband so much more than you did. What would you be thinking if you were not found out? You would be going on with life as usual, relieved that he did not find out about your affair. I doubt if you would be praising his qualities or confessing your sins to strangers.

 

There are some situations where I feel a great deal of compassion for wayward, but this is not one of them. All I see is someone who has been exposed and left and who still thinks that what she wants and needs should be important.

 

No, I say accept the reality of what you did and how your husband has reacted. If you are truly remorseful, then you will agree that this is the consequence that you have earned and you will embrace it as your due. You will be glad that you have the opportunity to reflect and recall all the things that you have lost in your marriage and with your husband. You do this for yourself, not as a ploy to get him back. You wish him the best in your heart then you go back to living your own punishment, which is simply the pain and heartache of your loss - but with one more ingredient: humility.

 

Appreciate everything you have mentioned in this post. Truth is I am still struggling with my emotions and am not coping well to the situation.

I dont write much about my husband here, mostly because I have no idea what he is doing. I want to be there with him and take all the burden. I know my pain is nothing compared to what I did to him and I will forever regret my actions.

[Deepremorse5]

Hi Deep remorse, I guess you are now coming to terms with the reality of your situation and are realizing the extent and depth of your transgression. This is good because you will not begin to heal yourself until you accept where and to what extent you went wrong in your choices and the actions that followed those choices. Apparently you mistook your husband's goodness for some kind of blind love for you where he would forgive any transgression on your part. In simple words you took him for granted. Well that error has cost you dearly.

 

On a more positive note the fact that you want to fight for him after he has divorced you is a good thing in my opinion. The thing is that fighting for him would mean that you would (a) learn to be contrite and show him this and(b) you would have to turn over a complete new leaf so much so that for your (ex) husband you would represent someone completely new and fresh.

 

I suggest as part of your penance you visit all the prominent Hindu shrines like Vaishno Devi, Tirupathi, Harifwar and others you may know of to exorcise yourself of your previously held faulty habits and characteristics so that you can actually turn over a new leaf in practice. It will call for a lot of emotional resources on your part but unless you undergo some sort of spiritual transformation from the old you, you can bet your bottom dollar that whatever else you attempt will be like scratching the surface to find the new you! Hope some of this helps you. Warm wishes.

 

Since I have the entire day to myself I am watching few videos.

[Just a Guy]

Hi DR, what ate these videos about? I would still recommend you visit some shrines as this will be therapeutic for you. While at these holy places ask the Almighty for forgiveness for your transgressions and for strength to face the future. You will need all the help you can garner including spiritual to help you along the way. Warm wishes.

[LivingWaterPlease]

ten characters

Edited May 14, 2017 by LivingWaterPlease

[Grammie]

I am sorry for the pain and hurt you are going through.

 

You are getting hit hard by people here and I find that sad. People saying you should have done xyz, ummm....people, its happened. She can't UNDO the past. Stop all that stuff. She cheated. She got caught. She IS paying the price.

 

She regrets her actions. That is so clear, it blows my mind that people don't see it. She is hurting - for herself and her husband. Telling her she is selfish, implying she is a horrible person who doesn't deserve happiness, etc...how cruel. She KNOWS. She is LIVING it.

 

how about giving her hope that she will go on and find love again? how about supporting her by recommending counseling and working on herself vs condemning her to a life of sadness and self inflicted misery? People MAKE MISTAKES - people make BAD choices. Doesn't mean she doesn't deserve to have a life with happiness. She came her and admitted what she did. That alone shows remorse.

 

The condemnation is ugly...the kicking a person while she is down is mean spirited. Telling her she deserves to feel bad is just mean. So glad none of you who are judging her have ever made a bad choice.

 

Deepremorse, I hope you can forgive yourself. I hope you can work on you and learn more about you and why you entered into an affair. That is between you and a counselor. You will one day find happiness again. YOU ARE ENTITLED to happiness, no matter who bad choices you have made. You didn't kill anyone. You hurt someone - someone you loved. Doesn't make you a criminal or a bad person - just that you made a bad decision. You will get through this rough time. You will come out a stronger person. You will find happiness again. Cheating doesn't make you a horrible person. Cheating doesn't mean you should live your life alone, in an gutter and not have joy in your life again.

 

I wish you luck on your journey and hope you do forgive yourself for being human and making a bad decision.

[Grammie]

you are going to fight for a man you cheated on with an ex lover....who is divorcing you....and wont even speak to you.

 

How do you plan to fight? I mean...he wont talk to you...he went straight to a lawyer and filed for divorce when he found out you cheated with your ex boyfriend.

 

What do you intend to do?

 

This man ...is finished and disgraced. He wants nothing more to do with you. Why dont you get yourself together....pick yourself up...improve who you are...leave him alone...and get on with your life?

 

I truly do not understand why you are still insisting that you will fight for him.

 

What part of... he doesn't want you at all... do you not understand?

 

Why would you fight for someone who does not want you?

 

Had my husband said i am divorcing you...i want nothing to do with you...I would have respected him and walked away.

 

How is it hurting you what she decides to do? You yourself cheated - yet you are condemning this woman like she is a criminal! Why do you care if she chooses to fight for her husband? How does it affect YOU?

 

You don't know what he does and doesn't want -- unless you have spoken to him. He is hurt and right now doesn't want to talk to her. But you have no idea what he may choose in a month, 3 months, etc. WHY do you need to continue to kick her? I don't get that. SMH. Just wow. I mean, you posted this:

 

But...when I was your age...I had an affair. You can imagine how I broke his heart...and we had two little kids.

 

Had john not given me the gift of reconciliation...and I suspect had we not had those babies...he would not have....

 

So you broke your husband's heart (and almost destroyed your children's lives) but that is okay in your mind...but this poster should go live in a hole and walk around with a Scarlet A on her chest? Why the hypocrisy?

[Mrs. John Adams]

How is it hurting you what she decides to do? You yourself cheated - yet you are condemning this woman like she is a criminal! Why do you care if she chooses to fight for her husband? How does it affect YOU?

 

You don't know what he does and doesn't want -- unless you have spoken to him. He is hurt and right now doesn't want to talk to her. But you have no idea what he may choose in a month, 3 months, etc. WHY do you need to continue to kick her? I don't get that. SMH. Just wow. I mean, you posted this:

 

 

 

So you broke your husband's heart (and almost destroyed your children's lives) but that is okay in your mind...but this poster should go live in a hole and walk around with a Scarlet A on her chest? Why the hypocrisy?

 

perhaps when one comes to a thread they should read the entire thread before they start attacking other posters who have been here throughout the duration of the thread. It is only common courtesy and respect to READ the thread and understand where the posters are coming from.

 

You have NO idea what i have recommended for this woman....and you obviously do not know my story

 

If your intent was to come here and throw stones at those who have been trying to help...you have succeeded in showing you do not know who the target is.

Edited May 15, 2017 by Mrs. John Adams

[understand50]

How is it hurting you what she decides to do? You yourself cheated - yet you are condemning this woman like she is a criminal! Why do you care if she chooses to fight for her husband? How does it affect YOU?

 

You don't know what he does and doesn't want -- unless you have spoken to him. He is hurt and right now doesn't want to talk to her. But you have no idea what he may choose in a month, 3 months, etc. WHY do you need to continue to kick her? I don't get that. SMH. Just wow. I mean, you posted this:

 

 

 

So you broke your husband's heart (and almost destroyed your children's lives) but that is okay in your mind...but this poster should go live in a hole and walk around with a Scarlet A on her chest? Why the hypocrisy?

 

Grammie,

 

I think you do need to read the whole thread. You have to remember, that many here are trying to help but sometime must show hard truths. In this case, Deepremorse5's, husband is not talking to her, and has made it clear that he is going to divorce her. Add that they are from India, a much more traditional country then our own, you USA? EUR?, and she is in a tough spot. What is the view of many here is for her to let her husband go, work on herself to see why she did, and also work on her family relationship, and family honor. This is huge in India.

 

She is not going to get him back. She is not going to be able to fix this, and not bring shame to her self and family. The best thing she can do is accept the outcome, and then work to become a better person. No one believes that she is a evil person. She just did a bad thing, and now must face it. It will be ruff, but she can get though it. The only hope she has of making this better is doing just this. Her husband has stated he would talk to her after the divorce. It maybe just to tell her off, or much worse. In this society, I fear for her safety. It could also be a test, but we will see. I just do not hold out much hope, and Deepremorse5, really needs to know reality right now. Her life may depend on hearing this and heeding our advise.

 

I wish you luck....

[Deepremorse5]

Surely you see, Dr, that it was necessary for you to get caught for you even to have these repentant thoughts and feelings—how wonderful your husband is, how stupid your affair was, what a mistake it was, what a con-man your affair partner was, how sorry you are, etc. Now you don't care about your AP, but you certainly did then. And you weren't worried enough about this possibility then.

 

It took the finality of your husband's actions to engender this degree of sorrow in you. I agree that this is not true remorse, but still important is for you to see the dramatic swings between your states of mind at different periods.

 

I'll repeat again: It took the blow of your being caught for you to become sorrowful and introspective. But even now, all of your complaints are about your loss, dread of what will happen to you.

 

While I do not agree with hammering you with everything you "should" have done (it is obvious), I do think it is important for you to realize that it is precisely BECAUSE you were found out that you feel this sadness, anxiety and discomfort and you think that you appreciate your husband so much more than you did. What would you be thinking if you were not found out? You would be going on with life as usual, relieved that he did not find out about your affair. I doubt if you would be praising his qualities or confessing your sins to strangers.

 

There are some situations where I feel a great deal of compassion for wayward, but this is not one of them. All I see is someone who has been exposed and left and who still thinks that what she wants and needs should be important.

 

No, I say accept the reality of what you did and how your husband has reacted. If you are truly remorseful, then you will agree that this is the consequence that you have earned and you will embrace it as your due. You will be glad that you have the opportunity to reflect and recall all the things that you have lost in your marriage and with your husband. You do this for yourself, not as a ploy to get him back. You wish him the best in your heart then you go back to living your own punishment, which is simply the pain and heartache of your loss - but with one more ingredient: humility.

 

Back of my mind I always knew my husband will find out. He always knows what is happening within me. Also after the first time we had the PA, I was over whelmed by guilty conscience. I remember my husband asking me if anything is bothering me. I avoided my ex bf after that for a week. But we were working together in a project. It was always those old memories of us working together flooding my conscience. I drowned in those thoughts and put my judgement and most importantly my husband aside. Now I am paying the price.

[Deepremorse5]

I am sorry for the pain and hurt you are going through.

 

You are getting hit hard by people here and I find that sad. People saying you should have done xyz, ummm....people, its happened. She can't UNDO the past. Stop all that stuff. She cheated. She got caught. She IS paying the price.

 

She regrets her actions. That is so clear, it blows my mind that people don't see it. She is hurting - for herself and her husband. Telling her she is selfish, implying she is a horrible person who doesn't deserve happiness, etc...how cruel. She KNOWS. She is LIVING it.

 

how about giving her hope that she will go on and find love again? how about supporting her by recommending counseling and working on herself vs condemning her to a life of sadness and self inflicted misery? People MAKE MISTAKES - people make BAD choices. Doesn't mean she doesn't deserve to have a life with happiness. She came her and admitted what she did. That alone shows remorse.

 

The condemnation is ugly...the kicking a person while she is down is mean spirited. Telling her she deserves to feel bad is just mean. So glad none of you who are judging her have ever made a bad choice.

 

Deepremorse, I hope you can forgive yourself. I hope you can work on you and learn more about you and why you entered into an affair. That is between you and a counselor. You will one day find happiness again. YOU ARE ENTITLED to happiness, no matter who bad choices you have made. You didn't kill anyone. You hurt someone - someone you loved. Doesn't make you a criminal or a bad person - just that you made a bad decision. You will get through this rough time. You will come out a stronger person. You will find happiness again. Cheating doesn't make you a horrible person. Cheating doesn't mean you should live your life alone, in an gutter and not have joy in your life again.

 

I wish you luck on your journey and hope you do forgive yourself for being human and making a bad decision.

 

I appreciate every comment given here. I have been lurking in this forum for a month before I started posting. I have fair idea about various regular members commenting in my thread. Few comments of some regular posters may seem harsh but I have seen them give valuable suggestions and viewpoints in other threads. I need them all at this point as I am doubting my own sense of making judgement.

 

BTW thanks for your kind words.

[Deepremorse5]

Hi DR, what ate these videos about? I would still recommend you visit some shrines as this will be therapeutic for you. While at these holy places ask the Almighty for forgiveness for your transgressions and for strength to face the future. You will need all the help you can garner including spiritual to help you along the way. Warm wishes.

 

Mostly about working on yourself after affair. I have gone through various threads here and going through different links and materials shared.

Thanks for the plan. Even my parents suggested me to go out. I need few more days to actually be a functional human being. All these excess emotions have taken a toll on my health.

[Deepremorse5]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/480013-wife-cheated-me-having-affair

 

 

Read this

 

it will help you to understand

 

that how your husband is feeling right now

 

this man was also from india

 

 

Thanks for sharing the link.

[Deepremorse5]

 

No, I say accept the reality of what you did and how your husband has reacted. If you are truly remorseful, then you will agree that this is the consequence that you have earned and you will embrace it as your due. You will be glad that you have the opportunity to reflect and recall all the things that you have lost in your marriage and with your husband. You do this for yourself, not as a ploy to get him back. You wish him the best in your heart then you go back to living your own punishment, which is simply the pain and heartache of your loss - but with one more ingredient: humility.

 

I have already informed his lawyer that I am not going to fight the divorce. Also I am not going to take anything from him after he made a generous settlement offer. Even though I had a job with good salary, I haven't contributed much in terms of valuable property we share. He was always the main earner. So I have refused to take anything in the divorce settlement. I have only asked for few things mostly related to our wedding which I want to keep. He has agreed to those.

 

I have already mentioned to his lawyer that after divorce I will fight for him and be the person he always wanted me to become. Mrs JA raised a question why after divorce. I feel this marriage is in shatters after I strayed and he might have a feeling that this wedding in the current state is a burden for him. Even though I want this marriage to survive but I know it's impossible. Also I can't wait to be a better person and then fight for him. By the time I become strong he would be long gone. I am sure I will find strength during the journey itself. I am not sure what I am doing in right or wrong. But I have put my heart into making things right for everyone involved.

[Superchicken]

So I see you as an "Old" beaten up classic car.

Its good you decided to go down to bear metal, and rebuild yourself with new parts (Please, NO Silicone !).

 

 

I hope the new model remembers its heritage, and most important, the history it had to get to where it is.

 

 

Ted.

[Deepremorse5]

Man, I would love to have a beer with your husband. I can only imagine what he told your AP to make him disappear within 24 hours. It 's like your husband is Jason Bourne.

 

He is a business strategist so he must have planned something for him as well.

[aliveagain]

He is a business strategist so he must have planned something for him as well.

 

This is what is so confusing to me. Your husband has gainful employment with a great future, he is handsome, even your girlfriends want to date him and still that wasn't enough for you? You have an affair with some ex boyfriend(they are ex boyfriends for a reason)that leaves you hanging out to dry when your affair is discovered and skips town to pursue an arranged marriage rather then be with you. This guy you chose over your husband would rather take his chances with someone he doesn't know then be with you, really? There is something very wrong with your logic. You need to figure out what will make you happy girl so you don't destroy anymore relationships. Why are you punishing yourself when things are going so well for you?

[JohnAdams]

I have already informed his lawyer that I am not going to fight the divorce. Also I am not going to take anything from him after he made a generous settlement offer. Even though I had a job with good salary, I haven't contributed much in terms of valuable property we share. He was always the main earner. So I have refused to take anything in the divorce settlement. I have only asked for few things mostly related to our wedding which I want to keep. He has agreed to those.

 

I have already mentioned to his lawyer that after divorce I will fight for him and be the person he always wanted me to become. Mrs JA raised a question why after divorce. I feel this marriage is in shatters after I strayed and he might have a feeling that this wedding in the current state is a burden for him. Even though I want this marriage to survive but I know it's impossible. Also I can't wait to be a better person and then fight for him. By the time I become strong he would be long gone. I am sure I will find strength during the journey itself. I am not sure what I am doing in right or wrong. But I have put my heart into making things right for everyone involved.

 

 

 

Let me offer a small shimmer of hope. After my wife's affair, I felt our marriage as we knew it was over. However, we reconciled, never separated, never divorced. For a long time, I felt the marriage needed some type of ending to properly begin the new marriage. So possibly your husband needs an ending before he can start something new. Perhaps if the stars align, the new beginning could be with you.

[Deepremorse5]

Let me offer a small shimmer of hope. After my wife's affair, I felt our marriage as we knew it was over. However, we reconciled, never separated, never divorced. For a long time, I felt the marriage needed some type of ending to properly begin the new marriage. So possibly your husband needs an ending before he can start something new. Perhaps if the stars align, the new beginning could be with you.

 

Even though I want to take the positives out of your comment, I know it's going to be very difficult for me. Mrs JA had actually pointed out that the major factor in reconciliation was her confession. I am at a disadvantage here.

[wmacbride]

op,

you're getting lots of advice, but keep in mind that each person is an individual, and your bh has his own reasons for "going dark" with you.

 

Also, you are a ws, but that doesn't automatically make you a horrible person, forever doomed to cheat and be miserable. By all means, work on yourself to figure out why you cheated and why you were wiling to risk your marriage, as discovering the reasons is so important. This will allow you to learn better behaviors for the future.

 

Just don't let this taint the rest of your life. At some point, you will have to find a way to forgive yourself. You have a lot to offer, and the bright side of all of this is that you have an open mind and are willing to accept responsibility for your actions and learn from them. Some ws never reach that point.

[Deepremorse5]

This is what is so confusing to me. Your husband has gainful employment with a great future, he is handsome, even your girlfriends want to date him and still that wasn't enough for you? You have an affair with some ex boyfriend(they are ex boyfriends for a reason)that leaves you hanging out to dry when your affair is discovered and skips town to pursue an arranged marriage rather then be with you. This guy you chose over your husband would rather take his chances with someone he doesn't know then be with you, really? There is something very wrong with your logic. You need to figure out what will make you happy girl so you don't destroy anymore relationships. Why are you punishing yourself when things are going so well for you?

 

I am still looking for answer to this question. When I had everything a girl would dream of having,why did I sabotage it.

[Mrs. John Adams]

my husband has stated many times...had we separated or divorced .. it would have been forever.

 

And it could be that your husband also feels the same way.

 

There are couples here who divorced and then remarried...most had children... before the infidelity... so there was a permanent tie to each other.

 

You have no children. You have a good job. Your husband immediately filed for divorce. He has handled this situation with no emotion... it has almost been like a business transaction. He speaks to you through a lawyer. He refuses to see you.

 

He does not want anything to impede the divorce. He does not sound like a man who will be willing to reconcile. He sounds like a decisive man who has been shamed and disgraced in his culture and he is removing you from his life.

 

Dr....I cannot predict the future... but I know what my husband has said to me. If we separate or divorce... it is forever....

 

Dr you need to face reality. You needs to prepare for a future without this man. You need to look inside and figure out who you are and what you want to be and how you can improve as a person and be a better wife.

 

I don't think you are a bad person... I think you made a bad choice. You need to figure out why you made that choice.

 

You seem to be searching for that answer... and I am encouraged by that.

 

Sometimes life is difficult. But if we learn from the lessons we have been taught we can become better and wiser people.

 

I think You are a person who will learn from this and become better. Your glimmer of hope should be placed in you... not in either of these men.

 

I said to my mom... I have two men in my life... and neither one wants me. I imagine you feel very much like I did. Devastated and rejected....frightened and hopeless... and very alone....

 

And I had one person to blame... me

 

Hang in there dr...

 

I also want to say I try very hard to be as honest as I can and I will confess I mostly comment on waywards threads because I can relate. I feel tremendous compassion for you and I know how you are hurting. I don't say things to be mean or harsh... I tell you what I think will best reach you and help you to heal and move forward.

 

I could sit here and tell you the things you want to hear but they won't help you. I have spent a lot of time here with you... why? Because I believe in you. When I leave a thread it is because I have given up trying to reach the op. I think you are truly trying and I commend you for it. No one here wants you to fail. We want you to come out of this a better person.

 

I know you want your husband... I truly know how that feels. ... but I want you to look at this realistically .. your chances are small... and if he does come back to you ...I will be rejoicing for you.

Edited May 15, 2017 by Mrs. John Adams

[JohnAdams]

my husband has stated many times...had we separated or divorced .. it would have been forever.

 

This is very true. Had we separated or divorced it would have been forever. Partly because I felt it was giving a green light to date. To have separated or divorced for me would have been like throwing gas on a fire. I had to be pretty sure I wanted to burn it down before proceeding.

 

 

 

This also caused an ending without an ending. A new beginning without a beginning. A continuation that did not seem like a continuation.

 

 

We all approach infidelity different. Your husband is choosing immediate divorce. We chose to try to work it out while still together.

 

 

I agree with Mrs. JA, I see little hope for reconciliation in your case. All things are possible, but it is not looking good. Even under good (as if there were any) conditions, it is very hard to reconcile after infidelity.

Edited May 15, 2017 by JohnAdams