oceansaway Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 Moving on myself but pass few days have been hard...for some reason. My xmm had never been big into social media. Neither have I. But lately he has been changing his profile picture A LOT. It appears every time I post something...he is posting. He has posted more in the last two months of NC...then in 5 years I've known him. Maybe I am just looking for clues. Don't know because I NEVER use to look at his social media stuff (because he never changed things). He continues to take selfie photos. Guess he is looking for the ego boost. I have made all my posts private so he can't see anything now. TRYING TO MOVE ON...IT'S SO HARD. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 You can change your settings so you don't see his posts. He is probably trying to get you to notice him. These are still breadcrumbs. You are not truly in NC if you are looking at social media and trying to analyze what it means. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 Checking social media means you are NOT NC. Why do you still have him? Block him! From my experience people post more selfies when they are newly single or dating someone new. In the end it all means nothing. Block and be done with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FoundMyStrength Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 Yes he's likely doing this for your benefit. Like others have said, if you're truly committed to moving on, you'll block him on social media. If you can't bring yourself to do that -- I know it's hard, and it took me a while to get to feeling okay about blocking him -- take a good long social media break. Temporarily deactivate your account. Remove the app from your phone. Install a website blocker. Do what you need to to get space from him. He's already proven he has nothing to offer you as long as he's married. Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 Gretel, see my breadcrumbs? He's trying to get you to communicate with him through smoke signals and social media. You change a picture, he changes a picture. He's screaming for your attention and validation. Deactivate your social media. The problem with blocking is he can just create another account and cyberstalk you. Or set all settings to private, and take all pictures down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oceansaway Posted May 8, 2017 Author Share Posted May 8, 2017 Gretel, see my breadcrumbs? He's trying to get you to communicate with him through smoke signals and social media. You change a picture, he changes a picture. He's screaming for your attention and validation. Deactivate your social media. The problem with blocking is he can just create another account and cyberstalk you. Or set all settings to private, and take all pictures down. I just did that. I changed all my privacy settings so he can't see anything anymore. I was never a cyber stalker but found myself checking his page A LOT lately because of all his changes. I need to stop doing that and move on. It is just a hard few days lately. I was doing Good! I know it is just the ups and downs of moving on. It will take time Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 Just unfriend him. No more drama. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RewindRomancer Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 oceansaway, he is sending out smoke signals. He's trying to get your attention, trying to send you signals that he is still available. Block him, delete him, change everything. It's that important. You'll never stop lurking if you don't. Not healthy, darlin'. Link to post Share on other sites
deadsoul Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 I think it's best to stay off social media. I've taken that break with a few "sneaks" to see what friends have been up to, but I realized just how addicted I was. You'll be true NC when you stop checking his profile. And then things can start to get better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jah526 Posted May 11, 2017 Share Posted May 11, 2017 I think it's best to stay off social media. I've taken that break with a few "sneaks" to see what friends have been up to, but I realized just how addicted I was. You'll be true NC when you stop checking his profile. And then things can start to get better. Yup. I'm having a lot of trouble breaking this addiction. Finally deactivated my FB account. Here's an article I just read about the science behind this: https://mic.com/articles/105346/can-t-stop-facebook-stalking-your-ex-blame-science The part that stood out to me: But here's the problem: Constant fulfillment of cravings make it almost impossible to wean off of them. It's partly biological, Lisa Bobby, clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Life Coaching, told New York magazine. "Having any contact at all — seeing a picture, or reading a text — it gives you a surge of endorphins." I even get a hit seeing his car in the parking lot at work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
deadsoul Posted May 11, 2017 Share Posted May 11, 2017 Yup. I'm having a lot of trouble breaking this addiction. Finally deactivated my FB account. Here's an article I just read about the science behind this: https://mic.com/articles/105346/can-t-stop-facebook-stalking-your-ex-blame-science The part that stood out to me: But here's the problem: Constant fulfillment of cravings make it almost impossible to wean off of them. It's partly biological, Lisa Bobby, clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Life Coaching, told New York magazine. "Having any contact at all — seeing a picture, or reading a text — it gives you a surge of endorphins." I even get a hit seeing his car in the parking lot at work. Wow. Great article. The memes that were in it were funny too. But kind of scary true. Someone brought up OM's name to me today and I think I felt that "hit" But luckily I didn't get all upset about it, I "felt the feeling" and then moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted May 11, 2017 Share Posted May 11, 2017 My ex MM started some big things on my birthday on social media albeit he Never wished me. A little message would be much easier than all this. BUT Who knows if its for me or he has gotten into 'love' with someone else. Why should I look for his smoke signals and give into him?. Its not even a proper effort and his ego expects huge results from miniature efforts. ( I know I sounded equally egoistic, but that is what I thought in my new NC days) Now, its more like: Even if he did everything right, nothing here was really right anyway. I am glad he behaved the way he did else I would have been trapped in fantasy for long. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted May 11, 2017 Share Posted May 11, 2017 I have deleted all my social accounts. Although it was because of him at first, I now realise how much time i was spending with a 6 inch screen rather than whole wide world. Felt like I bashed two addictions with one blow. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
FoundMyStrength Posted May 11, 2017 Share Posted May 11, 2017 My ex MM started some big things on my birthday on social media albeit he Never wished me. A little message would be much easier than all this. BUT Who knows if its for me or he has gotten into 'love' with someone else. Why should I look for his smoke signals and give into him?. Its not even a proper effort and his ego expects huge results from miniature efforts. ( I know I sounded equally egoistic, but that is what I thought in my new NC days) Now, its more like: Even if he did everything right, nothing here was really right anyway. I am glad he behaved the way he did else I would have been trapped in fantasy for long. My xMM did the same on my birthday and Valentine's Day. But I'm where you are now. Sometimes you really have to ask yourself, is this what he expects my life to come down to? To seeing his itty bitty breadcrumbs, having them somehow validate my existence, and then jumping back into what was literally the worst experience of my life? Screw that. My attitude now is, go ahead, pull up my profile picture and j*ck off, little man. Whatever makes your life seem just a tad bit better without actually putting in any effort. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted May 11, 2017 Share Posted May 11, 2017 My xMM did the same on my birthday and Valentine's Day. But I'm where you are now. Sometimes you really have to ask yourself, is this what he expects my life to come down to? To seeing his itty bitty breadcrumbs, having them somehow validate my existence, and then jumping back into what was literally the worst experience of my life? Screw that. My attitude now is, go ahead, pull up my profile picture and j*ck off, little man. Whatever makes your life seem just a tad bit better without actually putting in any effort. .... seems we were always ballsy than our MMs, but we needed to learn this part of the lesson.. and we did * fist bump* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted May 11, 2017 Share Posted May 11, 2017 My xMM did the same on my birthday and Valentine's Day. But I'm where you are now. Sometimes you really have to ask yourself, is this what he expects my life to come down to? To seeing his itty bitty breadcrumbs, having them somehow validate my existence, and then jumping back into what was literally the worst experience of my life? Screw that. My attitude now is, go ahead, pull up my profile picture and j*ck off, little man. Whatever makes your life seem just a tad bit better without actually putting in any effort. I just LOVE this! Lol! Lately when I wonder if he is thinking about me, I quickly remind myself, "So what if he is? He's not DOING anything about it if he were. Same ol' crap as during an affair...just more escape into fantasy land. What a waste of a life. Just...so...weak!!!!!" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author oceansaway Posted May 27, 2017 Author Share Posted May 27, 2017 So I completely made my profile private for a few weeks now. He can't see a thing thus he has stopped posting and changing his profile picture every other day since I have gone dark. I guess he was just trying to get my attention. Didn't work...and I'm staying silent and remaining in the dark. I find it much more peaceful without him 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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