OW writing a book about the affair...

[mercy]

 

 

 

After I found out everything, she had the nerve to tell me she was my friend and that loved me very much. I have a different definition of love, but hey... what do I know?... Afff!

 

Well of course she's your friend and your h's too! I mean she's done so much for your h that she's writing book about it. The pure raw insanity of it all.

 

Does she know you have all the dirty you need to destroy her? And she still plans to write a book? I'll never understand the pictures and videos but I guess that's another thread.

 

Sometimes you have to laugh at the stupidity of it all.....

[PegNosePete]

But am I supposed to respect those who show me no respect? She gets to do what she wants with no regards to my feelings and I should regard hers?

For someone who claims to just want to be left alone, you're certainly putting a lot of effort into NOT leaving HER alone.

 

It's got nothing to do with respect. You're never going to speak to her again, right? So why do you care what she says or does or what her family thinks of her?

 

Sorry, you're deceiving yourself here. If you tell her family then it will be pure revenge. She writes a book about you, so you turn her family against her.

[Mrs. John Adams]

For someone who claims to just want to be left alone, you're certainly putting a lot of effort into NOT leaving HER alone.

 

It's got nothing to do with respect. You're never going to speak to her again, right? So why do you care what she says or does or what her family thinks of her?

 

Sorry, you're deceiving yourself here. If you tell her family then it will be pure revenge. She writes a book about you, so you turn her family against her.

 

well actually ...if the ow writes the book....SHE is willing to risk the possibility that her family will find out and come to their own conclusions.

 

At that point...if the BW tells them the story is not fiction....it is all on the ow

 

I am not a lawyer...but i wouod even think that if the OW proceeds...there could even be a possible lawsuit against her either by the WH or the BW.

 

I am not a big fan of revenge....but i could see sueing someone in this kind of situation.

 

I have a saying ...Revenge may make you feel better for a little while but it can also destroy you.

[PegNosePete]

I am not a lawyer...but i wouod even think that if the OW proceeds...there could even be a possible lawsuit against her either by the WH or the BW.

But she doesn't want a lawsuit, her only objective is to reveal the OW's true colours to her family. And to have nothing more to do with the OW. Which of course are entirely contradictory statements.

 

I have a saying ...Revenge may make you feel better for a little while but it can also destroy you.

Yep, my point exactly. Pursuing this course of action seems to be entirely about revenge. There is no practical benefit to the OP to destroying the OW's relationship with her family. Even if OW deserves it and is already on her way to doing it herself by writing this book, there is absolutely no benefit for the OP or her marriage.

 

I'm also not sure why so much emphasis is being placed on the OW but no mention whatsoever about her husband. What does the husband have to say about all of this? Or is he simply keeping his head down and waiting for it to blow over? It's probably better for him that the OP is mad at the OW rather than mad at him, after all...?

[aileD]

Who cares.

 

I exposed OW to her family (and friends and landlord and whomever I could) and continued to keep them in the loop on every horrible thing she did to me and my family.

 

In my opinion if she didn't want people to know then she shouldn't have done it. It's not like I was lying or making things up. It was all stuff she chose to partake in.

 

And before you say it- I exposed my WH to his family too.

[wmacbride]

PegNosePete, I don't want revenge. If I wanted revenge, I would have told them already. She begged me not to and I've kept my end of the bargain. I am respecting her request because I really don't want to mess with her life.

 

But am I supposed to respect those who show me no respect? She gets to do what she wants with no regards to my feelings and I should regard hers? I am an understanding person, but I am not a doormat.

 

She's been spared of consequences all her life, mostly because people feel sorry for her. I do too, believe me. But she's not sorry for me.

 

Why feel sorry for her? She wasn't forced into an affair. She chose her path, eyes wide open.

 

I admit I'm surprised that she thinks she's going to giving book signings and that her tome will be popular, or even picked up by any publisher at all. She hasn't even written it yet, and trashy novels are a dime a dozen. It does speak to her level of arrogance and lack of touch with reality.

 

I can give you a bit of pragmatic advice. If she self publishes it, and tries to sell it through sites like Goodreads, Amazon, etc., and you feel like she invading your privacy, complain to the company. There is a high chance they will refuse to carry it. My oldest daughter started writing this way, and it takes a lot of time and work to be picked up by a publisher and achieve a measure of success. Do you believe this woman will be willing to put in that kind of effort?

 

I know it's frustrating, and she has some nerve. This being said, I really believe that, unless she is already an author, all her chest thumping is over nothing. It's just her way of trying to absolve herself of any responsibility. She'll try and blame it all on her mm ( your wh). If she is as spoiled as you say, that will come through in her writing, and she'll just end up making herself look really foolish.

 

If she writes it as fiction under a pseudonym, likely no one will know the bs involved is you. If she writes it under her own name and you feel it's invading your privacy, speak to a lawyer.

 

As it stands right now, she's an entitled spoiled brat who never had to take any responsibility for her actions. I have a feeling her literary dreams are nothing more than a spin off of that. After all, she's just so special that everyone wants to read about her life:lmao::lmao: ( she's a legend in her own mind )

[Lady2163]

I've been working on a writing project and when I met with a lawyer about self publishing on Amazon, he advised me to make composite characters and change certain details. It will be part of a disclaimer.

 

And I hate to say it, but depending on how she plans to market it, what audience she plans to target, it could sell very well. As is evidenced by these forums, there are a lot of Others and a lot of Betrayeds. It is all a matter of will she make it all about her and in a diary format with only first person narrative or will she make it about how to survive or spot an affair?

 

First person narratives are often ridiculously self centered. The writer has a grandiose opinion of themselves and as a reader, unless this is a cultural favorite of yours, people don't read from page one with an awestruck, admiring mindset.

[maria76]

For someone who claims to just want to be left alone, you're certainly putting a lot of effort into NOT leaving HER alone.

 

It's got nothing to do with respect. You're never going to speak to her again, right? So why do you care what she says or does or what her family thinks of her?

 

Sorry, you're deceiving yourself here. If you tell her family then it will be pure revenge. She writes a book about you, so you turn her family against her.

 

Seriously, PegNosePete??

 

I've known about the affair for over a year now. I did nothing to her and I didn't engage her.

 

She had a blog. She dedicated me songs, had posts about me, posts about him... you name it, she did it.

 

She came to my house to have sex with my partner. Not satisfied with that, she happily agreed to videotape the whole thing... more than once, I might add. She stole things from my house, like underware and shoes. Did I mention she was my "friend"? Yeah, she was. She even told me she loved me... go figure.

 

I got a kidney infection that nearly killed me. I went from 133 to 95 pounds in two weeks, with temperatures over 104 degrees. Doctor told me it was a "foreign bacteria"... Could it be sexually transmitted? Sure. Oh, she has a Masters degree in Public Health. She's no fool. She should know better.

 

Then she started posting all over the place... again. Always passive-aggressively, of course. There were messages, too.

 

That's when we spoke to her. Husband's idea, by the way. Anyway... We told her we wanted her out of our lives. We also told her that we would speak to her family if she persisted. She begged us not to.

 

What have I done so far? Spoke to her once. And I was polite, too. I was respectful, didn´t make a scene. It was not an easy conversation, but it was cordial.

 

There's probably several other things I could tell you... there were so many.

 

Now, don't get me wrong. She didn't do it by herself and she had a very willing party. But as I recall it, I asked advice regarding something the OW is doing, hence the focus on her and what I should do about her.

 

No, I don't want a lawsuit.

 

I don't want revenge. But hey... I might be wrong. You tell me, since you know me so well.

 

Yes, I want her out of my life. I didn't want her in it to begin with.

 

I'm not doing anything to her.

 

So... How much more do I have to put up with before I'm allowed to do something without it being revenge?

 

I told her to do what she thought was right. She told me she was, in her words, "exercising her freedom of speech". I told her to consider her options because that right works both ways. She begged me not to. I told her it was up to her and that I was more than happy to leave her alone, if she extended me the same cortesy.

 

You're entitled to your opinion and I give it due respect. My friends know me. My family knows me. They know my character. You want to see it as revenge? That's your perrogative. My conscience is crystal clear and at the end of the day, that's what I have to live with.

[maria76]

Your life is not a joke. That doesn't mean you can't laugh at her if she's doing something ridiculous.

 

Yeah I kept the names more subdued because there are ow/om on this site that have made changes and warrant respect for becoming better people etc. Etc.

 

But yeah, otherwise I'd still be listing possible titles. Lol. Believe me I haven't stopped thinking of them.

 

Thank you, NTV. Really, thank you. Laughing is good. It lifts the weight out of things for a bit. Felt good to laugh about it!

[maria76]

Well if she does write the book at that point you can disclose that it is a true story and get the last laugh... not really ... there is nothing to laugh about

 

Yeah... what a blast, isn't it?...

[maria76]

I've been working on a writing project and when I met with a lawyer about self publishing on Amazon, he advised me to make composite characters and change certain details. It will be part of a disclaimer.

 

And I hate to say it, but depending on how she plans to market it, what audience she plans to target, it could sell very well. As is evidenced by these forums, there are a lot of Others and a lot of Betrayeds. It is all a matter of will she make it all about her and in a diary format with only first person narrative or will she make it about how to survive or spot an affair?

 

First person narratives are often ridiculously self centered. The writer has a grandiose opinion of themselves and as a reader, unless this is a cultural favorite of yours, people don't read from page one with an awestruck, admiring mindset.

 

The bolded part... Considering what I know, I believe this to be the case, yes.

 

Despite everything, if she wrote about surviving or preventing an affair, I don't think I'd trigger over it this much.

 

Yeah, it'd still be hard, but at least she would be helping other people.

[maria76]

Well of course she's your friend and your h's too! I mean she's done so much for your h that she's writing book about it. The pure raw insanity of it all.

 

Does she know you have all the dirty you need to destroy her? And she still plans to write a book? I'll never understand the pictures and videos but I guess that's another thread.

 

Sometimes you have to laugh at the stupidity of it all.....

 

Lmao!

 

Yes, she knows.

Yes, she does.

Yeah... I can't understand it either, but that's just me. Different strokes, for different folks, I guess.

 

Thank you. I'm trying to...

[maria76]

Why feel sorry for her? She wasn't forced into an affair. She chose her path, eyes wide open.

 

I admit I'm surprised that she thinks she's going to giving book signings and that her tome will be popular, or even picked up by any publisher at all. She hasn't even written it yet, and trashy novels are a dime a dozen. It does speak to her level of arrogance and lack of touch with reality.

 

I can give you a bit of pragmatic advice. If she self publishes it, and tries to sell it through sites like Goodreads, Amazon, etc., and you feel like she invading your privacy, complain to the company. There is a high chance they will refuse to carry it. My oldest daughter started writing this way, and it takes a lot of time and work to be picked up by a publisher and achieve a measure of success. Do you believe this woman will be willing to put in that kind of effort?

 

I know it's frustrating, and she has some nerve. This being said, I really believe that, unless she is already an author, all her chest thumping is over nothing. It's just her way of trying to absolve herself of any responsibility. She'll try and blame it all on her mm ( your wh). If she is as spoiled as you say, that will come through in her writing, and she'll just end up making herself look really foolish.

 

If she writes it as fiction under a pseudonym, likely no one will know the bs involved is you. If she writes it under her own name and you feel it's invading your privacy, speak to a lawyer.

 

As it stands right now, she's an entitled spoiled brat who never had to take any responsibility for her actions. I have a feeling her literary dreams are nothing more than a spin off of that. After all, she's just so special that everyone wants to read about her life:lmao::lmao: ( she's a legend in her own mind )

 

I wouldn't say she's a spoiled brat. Life didn't treat her kindly and she did have a traumatic childhood. Not that she was abused or mistreated, but she had a terrible accident and suffered severe losses, both physical and psychological.

 

That was not her fault nor was she responsible for any of it. She didn't deserve any of it. Nobody does.

 

Because of that, her family protect her from the world. I understand that. But because of that, she has a hard time considering other people or even empathising with them. And she has no notion of the consequences or implications of her actions.

[wmacbride]

I've been working on a writing project and when I met with a lawyer about self publishing on Amazon, he advised me to make composite characters and change certain details. It will be part of a disclaimer.

 

And I hate to say it, but depending on how she plans to market it, what audience she plans to target, it could sell very well. As is evidenced by these forums, there are a lot of Others and a lot of Betrayeds. It is all a matter of will she make it all about her and in a diary format with only first person narrative or will she make it about how to survive or spot an affair?

 

First person narratives are often ridiculously self centered. The writer has a grandiose opinion of themselves and as a reader, unless this is a cultural favorite of yours, people don't read from page one with an awestruck, admiring mindset.

 

There are thousands of self published books, and just as many people waiting to take advantage of people who self publish.

 

If nothing else,t he ow in this situation may well end up dishing out fairly chunk of change for the ego boost of seeing her work "published" ( there is a reason they call it "vanity publishing"). She'll have to pay for an editor, and she'll either have to market it herself of pay someone to do so for her.

 

OP, go on Twitter sometime and you'll find thousands and thousands of self published titles being promoted. Even if this woman does what she says, it will most likely get lost in the shuffle, and your "payback" to her can be knowing that she'll be getting a kick in the rear when her book is a flop.

 

I get these types of titles all the time for review. About 90 percent of the time, they aren't marketable.

[Whoknew30]

This may be an unpopular way to look at it & I know it's difficult for you but she has ever right to write about her life experiences.

 

It's kind of how awareness happens...if people didn't write about affairs or addiction & or any other dishonorable things in life, how would authentic conversations & or healing for the wrong doers happen?

 

The details may be difficult to hear but if she stops even one person from repeating her mistake, then it's positive in the bigger picture. I know A are difficult but it's not only the BS that goes through it.

[NTV]

Wait wait wait..... ! Did you just say she stole your underwear?????

 

....we're they dirty at the time....?

 

Because if so...

 

 

Lmao! I warned you... now i cant help myself....There is gotta be the PERFECT name for her book!

 

'Dealing in Used Panties'

 

'The Case of the Stolen Bra'

 

'The Brown Streak that Wasn't Mine'

 

OMG Lmao I just can't stop... lol!!

[LivingWaterPlease]

What do you expect to accomplish by exposing her to her family?

 

I'm a BW and a BF (betrayed fiance). It wouldn't bother me a bit for either OW to write a book about either affair.

 

First off, I would never read it. And possibly never even know it was out there as I'd never go looking for a book written by someone about an affair they had.

 

Secondly, I would understand that even were such a book written it would likely be a lot of embellishment and exaggeration given the fact that the author is person who is prone to lie. So it's probably going to be fiction. I'd think most folks would realize that.

 

Thirdly, I doubt anyone will publish it. And if she's already self-published a book she probably realizes there's a lot of marketing to be done with such a book to recoup the initial financial outlay.

 

Fourthly, if she depends on her family to support her financially how's she going to get the money to self-publish?

 

If she uses a pseudonym then no one would ever connect the affair to your partner. If she doesn't use a pseudonym would that expose your partner? Meaning do others know about their affair?

 

Seems to me your partner is the one who should be concerned, if anyone. What does he have to say about the matter?

[maria76]

There are thousands of self published books, and just as many people waiting to take advantage of people who self publish.

 

If nothing else,t he ow in this situation may well end up dishing out fairly chunk of change for the ego boost of seeing her work "published" ( there is a reason they call it "vanity publishing"). She'll have to pay for an editor, and she'll either have to market it herself of pay someone to do so for her.

 

OP, go on Twitter sometime and you'll find thousands and thousands of self published titles being promoted. Even if this woman does what she says, it will most likely get lost in the shuffle, and your "payback" to her can be knowing that she'll be getting a kick in the rear when her book is a flop.

 

I get these types of titles all the time for review. About 90 percent of the time, they aren't marketable.

 

Thank you so much, Wmacbride. I'll try and remind myself of that. She has done all that before, so I'm betting she plans on doing it again. And yes, it was a huge flop, but it did get her her 15 minutes of fame. Did she learn anything from that experience?... I don't think so, but that's just my opinion.

[maria76]

This may be an unpopular way to look at it & I know it's difficult for you but she has ever right to write about her life experiences.

 

It's kind of how awareness happens...if people didn't write about affairs or addiction & or any other dishonorable things in life, how would authentic conversations & or healing for the wrong doers happen?

 

The details may be difficult to hear but if she stops even one person from repeating her mistake, then it's positive in the bigger picture. I know A are difficult but it's not only the BS that goes through it.

 

Whoknew30, I know she does. But that same right aplies to me, no? And with that right comes a responsability... If you're chose to do something, you have to be willing to accept the possible consequences of that choice. Your choices, your responsability. At least that's what my parents taught me.

 

I'm not robbing her of any of her rights. And it's not like I'm going to lie or anything. I have no need of that. I'm not sneaking around her back and I've been fair to her so far. But if telling the truth is the only way to get her to get a grasp of things, then that's what I'll do. I told her this much.

 

I understand she's suffering. I get that, believe me. I feel sorry for her and I empathise with her pain. But I'm not doing anything to her. I spoke to her once during this whole time and it was after almost a year of nonsense. Like I said, I was cordial and I did my best to be fair.

 

I told her we couldn't change what happened, but we could change the future. This is how she's changing her future.

 

Authentic conversations? I'm all for it.

The truth? Of course.

Healing? I'd be a complete fraud if I didn't believe in it. After all, my job requires that of me.

 

If she was at that place of awareness and writting a book that might help someone I don't believe I would feel so bad about it. Unfortunately for her and everyone around her, she's not. But I'm a believer in change and I hope she does. The ball is in her court.

[maria76]

Wait wait wait..... ! Did you just say she stole your underwear?????

 

....we're they dirty at the time....?

 

Because if so...

 

 

Lmao! I warned you... now i cant help myself....There is gotta be the PERFECT name for her book!

 

'Dealing in Used Panties'

 

'The Case of the Stolen Bra'

 

'The Brown Streak that Wasn't Mine'

 

OMG Lmao I just can't stop... lol!!

 

Lmao!

 

You're full of surprises, NTV. I'm used to reading your posts and you're usually very serious and straightforward. Is that a hint of humour I'm seeing here? Be careful, you have a reputation to uphold. Some people might actually start seeing you as nice. Lmao!

 

With all due respect... You, sir, have a very devious mind. Thank you for bringing normality back into my life!

[maria76]

What do you expect to accomplish by exposing her to her family?

 

I'm a BW and a BF (betrayed fiance). It wouldn't bother me a bit for either OW to write a book about either affair.

 

First off, I would never read it. And possibly never even know it was out there as I'd never go looking for a book written by someone about an affair they had.

 

Secondly, I would understand that even were such a book written it would likely be a lot of embellishment and exaggeration given the fact that the author is person who is prone to lie. So it's probably going to be fiction. I'd think most folks would realize that.

 

Thirdly, I doubt anyone will publish it. And if she's already self-published a book she probably realizes there's a lot of marketing to be done with such a book to recoup the initial financial outlay.

 

Fourthly, if she depends on her family to support her financially how's she going to get the money to self-publish?

 

If she uses a pseudonym then no one would ever connect the affair to your partner. If she doesn't use a pseudonym would that expose your partner? Meaning do others know about their affair?

 

Seems to me your partner is the one who should be concerned, if anyone. What does he have to say about the matter?

 

I hope she stops inserting herself in my life.

 

Regarding your points, they're worth consideration. Thank you for the input. So...

 

I don't have to read her book to know it exists. The news will be published in the local newspaper. How do I know? Happened before.

 

I know there is going to be embelishment. Again, how do I know? I've read her previous book. At her request, by the way. I was friends with her at the time of her first book, I got to see the whole process first hand.

 

She doesn't care about the trouble. She's got nothing better to do (and no, I'm not being bitter. Just stating a fact). She has been planning to do this for a very long time, she told me that herself. She went looking for it and again, she told me that herself too. A couple of months before the affair began. Coincidence? Perhaps...

 

She comes from old money. Family money. That's how she will do it. How do I know? She told me that too.

 

She won't be signing it under another name. She's quite proud if her accomplishments.

 

My partner intends to speak with her family. He says he's willing to take responsability for his actions, so he plans on doing it himself.

[wmacbride]

She sounds like a real flake.

[Whoknew30]

Whoknew30, I know she does. But that same right aplies to me, no? And with that right comes a responsability... If you're chose to do something, you have to be willing to accept the possible consequences of that choice. Your choices, your responsability. At least that's what my parents taught me.

 

I'm not robbing her of any of her rights. And it's not like I'm going to lie or anything. I have no need of that. I'm not sneaking around her back and I've been fair to her so far. But if telling the truth is the only way to get her to get a grasp of things, then that's what I'll do. I told her this much.

 

I understand she's suffering. I get that, believe me. I feel sorry for her and I empathise with her pain. But I'm not doing anything to her. I spoke to her once during this whole time and it was after almost a year of nonsense. Like I said, I was cordial and I did my best to be fair.

 

I told her we couldn't change what happened, but we could change the future. This is how she's changing her future.

 

Authentic conversations? I'm all for it.

The truth? Of course.

Healing? I'd be a complete fraud if I didn't believe in it. After all, my job requires that of me.

 

If she was at that place of awareness and writting a book that might help someone I don't believe I would feel so bad about it. Unfortunately for her and everyone around her, she's not. But I'm a believer in change and I hope she does. The ball is in her court.

 

She sounds absolutely dreadful!

 

You should tell her family bc of how she's behaving but it could backfire, once you take her actual fear away, what else would she be capable of after?

 

What a crappy situation for you...good luck

[Maddieandtae]

Marie I hope the book never sees the light of day. I must be very naive because I've read books about affairs and it never crossed my mind the story most likely was based on someone's real life experiences. That really bothers me, I don't want to financially contribute to someone's pain. There is more than one side to every story told:(

[LivingWaterPlease]

Thanks for your reply, Maria! I notice you're from Portugal and that may explain the difference in what you may expect. Here where I live no one from old money would dare write such a book and attach their name to it. And the family wouldn't finance it because it would be a blight on families' reputation. Guess that's what surprises me most, that her family would finance such a book that has her name attached to it!

 

So sorry you're having to endure this. Just awful.