resetonlife Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 (edited) I am engaged and we have hit a brick wall. We moved out of state and only relied on each other. We use to spend a ton of time together use to go on dates and things were wonderful but now my fiancé has gotten involved in a network marketing company and allllllllllllllll of her time is being put into it which is now limiting the time she has for me and her kids. Her hope is to be able to retire the both of us so sacrifice now so that she can be more present in our lives later. The additional piece to this is that one of the people that is also in the company is a gentlemen that I haven't cared for from day one. She was told that he had gone to jail for human trafficking, ive seen where he recruits people to buy weed from him at these corporate events and before finding out about those things I already had a bad vibe about him so I didn't want her dealing with him at all. Time goes on and she says she's still going to go to meetings with him so I had also said that I didn't want the kids (her kids) around him and she took them anyway. I had told her I didn't want him at the house (her house) and she told me he would be coming to the house. It turned into a major argument where she said I was trying to be possessive and controlling I tried explaining to her over the last several months that I'm feeling neglected because every moment of her free time is spent on the company and not our relationship so I just stopped arguing because I began feeling like it was pointless. The kids are her kids but i have been helping to raise them for the past three years so in my eyes I should have a say in who they are around, although her house isn't mine we are suppose to be moving in together in the next several months so I don't want to have to deal with someone in the house that I don't want to be around. She told me that bottom line he isn't going anywhere and that she isn't going to stop the business (which I didnt ask her to) and that it was up to me to figure out how to deal with it because she's not cheating just trying to work this mlm company. One negative on my end is that I don't go anywhere I don't do anything but devote every bit of my time outside of work to her and her kids so parts of me wonders if I need to just start getting out more so that I'm not hounding her for time. Would really like help on how to handle. I want to be supportive but not ignore my feelings in the process Edited May 8, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 Since she is your FI I think you can given an ultimatum -- him or you. When she picks him out of spite, thank your lucky stars that you dodged a bullet & say a prayer for her kids. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 What makes you so sure there isn't something else going on between your F and the OM? Every man on this board who has discovered their SO was cheating say's there's no way she's cheating and then,,,,,guess what they discover. She has told you where you stand in her priorities with reference to the the OM and the MLM job. Is that what you want to base a marriage on? If you're determined to see this through, go to a MC to see if there is something a MC can say that will convince her...also remember, most counselors are mandated reporters (in the US) and if she has exposed her kids to someone such as a sex trafficker, she could lose the custody of the kids...maybe this will open her eyes. Were it me, knowing what i know about how hard a M is when all the pieces fit fairly well....I'd be packing my bags here.... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 Would really like help on how to handle. I want to be supportive but not ignore my feelings in the process Since we live in a (relatively) civilized world, we've come to ignore our instincts when they try to tell us something. But the reality is that fear, concern, suspicion and dislike are there for a reason. Honed over tens of thousands of years, these senses warn us when we're about to take a wrong step. So listen to your gut and what it tells you about this guy. And don't ignore your concerns when your GF picks his presence over your objections. Something going on here and I certainly wouldn't get married until I knew what it was... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
caveman621 Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 Network marketing company? What is that? This comment might get deleted but....Amway? My sister became a zombie for many years due to that. Her entire personality changed. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 Where is her judgment - why is she inviting a man who has been convicted of HUMAN TRAFFICING and selling drugs into her home and her life?? Especially because she has children in the home. I understand that you are invested in this woman, you have spent several years with her and you have a relationship with her children. But, I would be done. This would be totally unacceptable for me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 Please report this to Children's Services in your area. Also call - https://humantraffickinghotline.org/about-nhtrc/what-we-do This man has NO business being around those children! It may even be a parole violation. Check that out. Never pass up the chance to protect a child. Shame on that mother! If you have any doubts about what you should do read this poem by Rumi. Poet Seers » The Way Things Should 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 Agreed. We don't know all the details of the situation, but I think the question you should be asking yourself is not whether you should stay with this woman, but whether you need to call child protective services. This guy sounds like bad news and if she's bringing him into the home, around the children... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted May 10, 2017 Share Posted May 10, 2017 Dude, honestly you have no say in her or the kids. I would bounce. Or do you like playing free babysitter while she's out banging some dude? And what about these kids real dad? Where is he? Link to post Share on other sites
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