Broken Engagement

[Superchicken]

It's amazing how I can go from one day to the next and feel so much worse. Yesterday I was feeling good. This morning I woke up thinking about her (think I had a dream or two with her in it) and am feeling down and struggling. It's one of those days where I feel it not only mentally/emotionally, but also physically.

 

I just need to keep reminding myself constantly that she's not the sweet person that I fell in love with. Still NC and trying to stay strong.

 

Hence the word "Roller Coaster Ride" is used when dealing with ones feelings in these situations..

Don't worry, the roll of tickets for that ride, will finish in time.

You'll get off (No Pun intended) and enjoy life again.

 

 

Just hang on to the rails, and ride it out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ted.

[TotallyTigers]

Hence the word "Roller Coaster Ride" is used when dealing with ones feelings in these situations..

Don't worry, the roll of tickets for that ride, will finish in time.

You'll get off (No Pun intended) and enjoy life again.

 

 

Just hang on to the rails, and ride it out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ted.

 

Thanks, Ted.

 

Gotta say I appreciate the perspective you bring to this and the other threads on this board. It certainly is a rollercoaster ride and one unlike anything I've been on before. Gonna hold onto those rails for as long as it takes.

[Superchicken]

This is the best time to work on yourself.

Improve yourself in the areas you think you lack.

It may be cooking, knitting , basket weaving , whatever, but for me, it was Body building and boxing.

 

 

Go put on some extra muscle, and at the same time, improve your health.

 

 

However, if you want to sell your Hand made baskets in the future, please, don't ask me !.

 

 

 

 

Ted.

[TotallyTigers]

Well yesterday out of the blue she blocked me on Instagram and Snapchat. We're still friends on Facebook. I dont know why I let stuff like that get to me but it does. I know I shouldn't be looking at her posts anyway and I try not to, but just the fact that she consciously went and blocked me hurt.

 

She knows I'm on vacation with my family in Colorado....a trip she was supposed to go on with me. Maybe she was trying to get a reaction out of me and get me thinking about her. Well it worked. Again I know it's stupid that this upsets me so much but it really struck a nerve.

[TotallyTigers]

Today's her birthday. Thinking back to the big birthday weekend I planned for her a year ago, but not bumming as bad as I thought I'd be. I did send her a happy birthday text which she responded to and thanked me for. Yes I know not messaging her and staying NC is best, but it's something I felt like I should do.

 

In the last week while on vacation with family I think I finally started transitioning into the "acceptance" stage. I still have a long way to go, but letting go of that hope is a much different feeling.

[Superchicken]

Today's her birthday. Thinking back to the big birthday weekend I planned for her a year ago, but not bumming as bad as I thought I'd be. I did send her a happy birthday text which she responded to and thanked me for. Yes I know not messaging her and staying NC is best, but it's something I felt like I should do.

 

In the last week while on vacation with family I think I finally started transitioning into the "acceptance" stage. I still have a long way to go, but letting go of that hope is a much different feeling.

 

Man, you didn't even take ANYTHING everyone told you in the many previous posts.

So, your brilliant gesture, just screwed you back to square one.

Oh, did you remember HER screwing you over ?.

It seems NOT.

 

 

Man, waste of a week in NC.

 

 

What's next ?. You gonna call her and meet up ?.

Maybe give her an engagement ring ?. What you reckon ?, .

 

 

 

 

Ted.

[TotallyTigers]

I know you're right Ted. There's been no texting or other contact since I texted her happy birthday 8 days ago, and doing my best to keep it that way. Just felt like it was something I should do (yes I know it was stupid).

 

Almost 4 months now since she gave me the ring back and I've been making progress lately in simply letting go of the past. Haven't been thinking about her as much and have been staying occupied with work and a new girl that I've been seeing. Don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship yet, but I'm enjoying her company and seeing how things progress. I don't have the intense sexual attraction to her that I had with my ex, but I really like her personality and she seems like a good person.

 

Also, I'm getting a dog in a couple weeks, which I'm excited about and will also help to keep me occupied.

 

Based on my ex's Facebook activity it looks like she's going to be moving to accept a job position out of town, which I'm glad about. More distance between us the better. It's still crazy how much my life has changed in the past 4 months, but I've gotten back to my old routines from when I was previously single, and finally able to enjoy doing things again without constantly thinking/obsessing over her.

 

Will continue to keep y'all updated....and again appreciate y'all's feedback and encouragement. This board has been amazing and a life-saver for me.

[Superchicken]

Its good to hear your back on track, and better news on nitwit going away for her job.

 

 

Can I suggest you learn how to cook. Because single dudes HAVE to know how to cook.

Unless your gay, then, its in their gene's (Just like their boyfriends hands).

 

 

Keep all of us posted.

Its a good inspiration for others in similar situations..

 

 

Good luck..

 

 

 

 

Ted. (I don't know how to cook).

[TotallyTigers]

Well after 16 days of NC I get a text from her at 11 at night saying "Are you still awake". I was already sleeping, but texted her back the following morning saying that I was already asleep when she texted. No response from her to that LOL.

 

Then last night, 2 nights after the random text, I get a call from her out of the blue. I kinda expected to hear from her giving that she's moving out of town (moving a couple hours away). As per her usual MO she was very friendly and basically acting like a complete 180 from the last few times we'd interacted. She told me all about her move and mentioned the few things I have left at her house. I told her I'd get my things from her, but we kinda left it open as to how and when I'll get them, with me saying I'd be in touch.

 

She's only in town for a few more days, but I'm thinking I may just not follow-up with her and let the stuff of mine that she has go. It's just a few souvenirs from our Disney trip (when I proposed to her), and I don't think it's stuff I really care to have anyway. Plus I really don't have any desire to see her or arrange any sort of meet-up. Even if I valued the stuff she has, seems like only bad things can come from us meeting up. Gonna stay strong and try to steer clear of her.

[shellybing]

I went through the same thing, almost identically last year. I had been dating him for 3 years.

 

It started with me finding inappropiate photos on an s&m site.

 

There are alot of people who will get on your back about snooping, but if you are in a long term relationship and there is a reason for looking, i feel it is appropiate. Especially, if there is a strong case for deciet and lies. I mean, how else will you find out the truth, and if you are marrying someone, and have a strong bias that something decietful is going on, then there is definatly an answer due. If all you are getting is lies and run around, then you have no choice but to seek the truth, and that means snooping sometimes. It is the sad truth.

 

For me, it ended with making him leave my apartment because he continued to blame me, and got so paranoid about his own cheating that he began blaming and accusing me, as a distraction tactic. He really just wanted to further his own need for deceit. I never cheated. He left when I finally gave into his repeated requests for an std check. He constantly made accusations of me cheating, and then requested an std check. I passed this request off for months thinking that it was ridiculous, given I knew I had not cheated and was clean. He packed his stuff and left a week after we listened to the results together. We called in the next day for the results and it was HIS test that came back dirty.

 

I am sorry you have dealt with this, but you are better off alone.

 

I had an entire wedding planned and prepared, and had already begun payments and buying items for the ceremony and reception. It was aweful to cancel it, but I was greatly relieved afterward. I definitely dodged a bullet there, as someone else mentioned.

 

It will take time to get over and re-gain trust, but it will come back.

 

It has been almost a year since I called off the wedding and moved out, I haven't started dating again yet. I tried for a bit, but I was not ready.

 

Take your time in trying to navigate this, but do not lose yourself. Tell yourself every day, that even though it hurts, it is not worth it, and everything was a lie.

 

I am getting better slowly. I no longer think about him, and I know that it was all lies. I know that it was never real.

 

All you can do is let it go, and hope for someone who gives you that kind of love genuinely and wholly.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Its good to hear your back on track, and better news on nitwit going away for her job.

 

 

Can I suggest you learn how to cook. Because single dudes HAVE to know how to cook.

Unless your gay, then, its in their gene's (Just like their boyfriends hands).

 

 

Keep all of us posted.

Its a good inspiration for others in similar situations..

 

 

Good luck..

 

 

 

 

Ted. (I don't know how to cook).

 

Interesting. I know how to cook very well and I am 100% heterosexual. I simply grew up in a home knowing that cooking wasn't a 'girl' only thing and so learned to be a pretty good cook thanks to my chef mom. I'm positive that it's not a 'gene' thing. I think it's more of a secure, creative thing. Been married 2x and date a few ladies and not one of them could match my skills.

[JS84]

How hard is it to not respond to someone's text....

[TotallyTigers]

Been a while since I posted, but just wanted to give an update. It's been almost 6 months since me and the ex broke up, and things have been going better for me. Do I still think about her and do I still hurt? Absolutely. But I look back on a lot of things that happened in our relationship now with a more realistic view of what we had and who she is.

 

She moved about a month ago and now lives a couple hours away. I was happy to see her go at first, but then got hit with a bad round of depression shortly after. Guess it was the realization of it really and truly being over, and also me doubting whether I'll find someone else. Had some good talks with my counselor and started feeling a whole lot better soon after.

 

Since she moved she's been calling/texting me about once a week out of the blue. The couple times I've answered she's been all friendly, asking how things are going for me, telling me about her move, etc. I realize now that she's just someone who does not have the sort of boundaries that most people have. Guess that's why she stayed in contact with her ex's when she and I were together, and why she still reaches out to me now (when I wouldn't even consider calling or texting her). I know it's a Narc/love bomber thing where they continue to reach out for attention, validation, or whatever it is, but it only further goes to show me the issues that she has. It's been a real eye opening experience. My counselor says that if/when I get into a new relationship she thinks my ex will be relentless with calls/texts. She's probably right about that.

 

I've been "talking" with a few other girls, but not getting into anything serious relationship-wise. I realize I'm probably not ready for anything serious right now.

 

I also got a dog a few weeks ago and have been keeping busy with him, and staying busy with work.

 

Overall, I'm in a much better place than I was a couple months ago. I still have good and bad days. The worst are the mornings after I've had dreams with my ex in them. After I had the bad spell a few weeks ago I realized that I need to be honest with myself about the way I'm feeling. It's OK to hurt, and I shouldn't be in denial about the fact that I'm still recovering from this breakup. It's going to take more time, but I'll make it through in the end. By the same token, I've learned a ton from this relationship, and I'll be smarter and hopefully recognize the warning signs if I deal with a Narc/love bomber in the future. Thanks again for listening and for all y'all's support.

[Superchicken]

Good to hear your moving on.

However, I would be blocking, or at least asking her NOT to call you or talk to you anymore.

Its just going to keep you back longer from recovering from her.

 

 

Show her picture to your dog, and train it to growl.. Be fun to see...

 

 

 

 

Ted.

[TotallyTigers]

Been several months since I last posted, but wanted to chime in to provide an update. I've had absolutely no contact with my ex for 3+ months. Deleted her number, unfriended her on Facebook, unfriended her on snapchat....everything. Now that I'm no longer emotionally attached I look back on things and realize how lucky I am to be done with her. I would have been set to marry her in about 6 weeks, and I cannot imagine what sort of hell I'd be going through right now if we had somehow managed to make it that far. I only wish I would have seen through her lies and games and gone full no contact sooner. Everyone in this thread was right that it's the only way to really move forward. I was stubborn for so damn long, but I'm glad I've moved on and couldn't be happier to be in the spot I'm in now.

 

I'm in a new relationship now and things are going great. She's a friend of my younger sister and is about 5 years younger than me. I've known her for 20+ years and we started reconnecting this past summer, shortly after my ex moved away. We're in love and crazy about each other. She's a lot different than my ex (thankfully lol) and we have a great time together.

 

Just wanted to post again and let anybody who is going through a tough breakup know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and things will get better. I was so down after we called off our engagement and broke up last April that I didn't know what I'd do. It was the worst pain I'd ever experienced, and felt like it would never end. But I talked with my family and friends, and my counselor, and the awesome people on this board, and took it one day at a time. Sure enough, things got better, and the hold that my ex had over me dissipated. If you're going through a tough breakup just remember to keep your head up. There's someone out there for you. Oh.... and listen to the advice of the people on this board. GO NO CONTACT!

[CantTakeMySmile]

So awesome! Wish there was a LOVE button!

[Thingsfallapart]

This whole reminds me of my ex affair partner.

She had BPD.

It’s almost as though we were with the same women.

 

To the OP,

These women keep a rolladex if guys they go to when they feel depressed or upset to fill the void the have inside of themselves.

 

You have become another name in the rolladex.

 

These women will always come back but they are not coming back to you. They are always connecting with multiple ex’s and guys...

 

My affair with this women almost killed me. Honestly. Don’t let it go on for years and years for your mental health you need to cut your addiction to this women.

That’s what it is. An addiction. You’ll become a wraith and finally OD if you’re not careful and she will just move on to the next guy without a glance over her shoulder...

 

Take it from someone that has been exactly where you are and almost died because of it... I’m talking revolvers against temples...