feeling low after social media trigger

[norudder]

Im embarrassed to be posting but need a place to put this and get a little support. I saw exmms wife at an event last year that I attended with friends not expecting she would be there at all. I didn't go to the event this year, it wasn't even on my radar. But a coworker did and was sharing pics. Sure enough his wife was in them. Its triggered some feelings and Im trying to cope. I can't even identify them all. Some residual shame. Jealousy or insecurity. I don't know. I heard his voice all day in my mind remembering when he said he wished there were an amalgamation of her and I. Such a devaluation. Such a rejection of my personhood.

 

I know secondhand they are separated still and he's out of country for work for the rest of the year. Im glad I won't run into him. Im not in touch with him. Ive been doing well in general getting on in life. I don't want to be with him. She doesn't either. And even though it feels/felt like rejection or that she was getting the "real love" I wasn't I know that's not true either. He "loved" each of us for whatever service we were providing. He said her for taking care of house/kids and me for listening (and of course sex Im sure though he wasn't bold enough to say it). It hurt to see him so upset by yet forgiving of his wifes own affairs instead of realizing it was time to move on.

 

She probably felt as devalued or more and is why she shut him out. She seems happy with life and is over him while he pines for her and I wasted so much time being an idiot on his hook.

I guess it triggered curiosity or fear that he's going to change but it will be for her or that I wasn't as good as her. She's an impressive woman, smart sexy and rich, and I couldn't help comparing. I know its not healthy or worth it.

 

My sister was visiting and just left too. I have no family or particularly close friends here which i know was part of feeling sad. if i werent coparenting i would move.

 

I know this will fade just needed to not feel.so alone with the feelings. Thanks.

[Telemachus]

Seeing that picture triggered feelings and memories. It didn't trigger actions contrary to your life value and purpose. No matter how sad or regretful you feel right now, you're future is up to you, and you have great capability.

 

Whatever may seem to be lacking in your personal connections, you won't find that connection you need or seek here on this site or on the site where you saw that triggering image. Log off, shut down, and go out for a walk or a cup of coffee. Life's better in three dimensions - that's where all the people are.

 

Most of us online right now are spambots and scammers in other countries.

Edited May 8, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Jezebel4]

Two things:

 

1. You are human, your feelings are nothing to feel less than about

2. You are loved, please when things are difficult, know that you are loved

[FoundMyStrength]

Not sure if I have much in the way of advice, as I'm in a similar boat of shame after a similar type of trigger, but I did want chime in with support and a virtual hug.

 

The previous poster's advice #2 helps me when I feel this way. I try to reach out to friends and family, the people who know me warts and all, and know that this doesn't define who I am. It also helps to put it in perspective. I try to remind myself of my many years of acting honorably and with integrity, of the positive relationships I've had, of the people who do love me for, as you put it so well, my personhood. I think it can sometimes feel like we're tainted forever by the affair, but we are all so much more than this one small piece of our lives. Hang in there.