Needing support - hitting rock bottom - hurts but knowing it can't get worse!

[Jemima1234]

I have had a dawning tonight. As I sit here hurting by something my xMM has done again- I realise it's time to accept the worst - that actually he doesn't love me enough, that I am not enough and never will be. That he hurts me because he doesn't care enough. That He is a priority to me but I am an option to him!!!

 

And it hurts. And I have cried lots. And part of me wishes the pain away. But another part of me says to accept it, to grasp it and to deal with it. Because the good thing is he can't hurt me more than this - it may hurt for a long time but no new hurts - it can't hurt more?

 

Does this make sense? Am I being crazy? Or actually making progress on my journey?

 

I have so much to enjoy in my life - why do I let this steal my joy? I have amazing children, a great job, a lovely family and brilliant friends!!! I am going to grieve this - day at a time - while beginning to live again and enjoy what I have!! Hold me to this please

[norudder]

Youre not crazy. it makes sense and it sounds like youre on your way to clarity. keep up the positive self affirmations too, remind yourself youre better than to let yourself be hurt , especially if/when the doubts come. *hugs*

[deadsoul]

Unfortunately rock bottom might be what you need to see this relationship for what it really is...

 

And you deserve better. Focus on you and your happy. Then nothing he does matters.

 

Take care.