LDR. Pregnant. Communication problems. Weird WhatsApp behaviour. See details.

[GoldenR]

Swizzy,

 

You keep saying how "we discussed having a threesome blah blah blah", but let's be honest here....you only mention a MMF threesome. Not many straight guys are like, "Yes!!! I get to have a threesome with another guy and my SO! Awesome!!!". And in line with that, you don't seem to thrilled about it either. I think it's more like she wants a MMF threesome, and you just went along with it, probably because you feel like if you say no, you could lose her, or she'll be very unhappy if you say no.

 

What this says is that she wants sex with another man. And you agreed to it (out of insecurity).

 

This relationship is doomed. You're not enough for her, and there's really nothing to can do about it, bc the dynamic of your relationship is already set with her as alpha female, you as a security provider.

 

This whole thing.....you're getting what you asked for when you foolishly agreed to open your bedroom up to a second male party.

[alsudduth]

Swizzy,

 

You keep saying how "we discussed having a threesome blah blah blah", but let's be honest here....you only mention a MMF threesome. Not many straight guys are like, "Yes!!! I get to have a threesome with another guy and my SO! Awesome!!!". And in line with that, you don't seem to thrilled about it either. I think it's more like she wants a MMF threesome, and you just went along with it, probably because you feel like if you say no, you could lose her, or she'll be very unhappy if you say no.

 

Honestly, my first thought when I first read this thread, is that he envisioned a threesome being MFF vs MMF and probably didn't even consider that his fiance would want another M vs F.

 

I get a double standard vibe from the OP. I feel like if she had instead said "I have this friend (F) that we should have a threesome with, I want to watch you F#@! her, that we wouldn't even be seeing this thread as he'd be busy in bed with two women.

 

I could also be totally wrong, but that's the vibe I get.

[understand50]

Dude, man up, just say no......

 

You going to have to say no a lot in the coming years with her. You now share a child, and it best interests will need to be first.

 

I wish you luck....

[justwhoiam]

Swizzy (rest assured you're not in a LDR, so this thread doesn't even belong in here),

 

Does your name mean you have an intoxication problem? That'd be enough to worry about with your kids at home and another baby due in July.

 

Here's my random thoughts:

1) You can't complain about a 7-month pregnant woman's readiness to talk to you (a pregnant woman can wake up, especially in her last pregnancy months, try to roll out of bed and just feel like crying...)

2) Add to the above she's on meds for depression already

3) Have you ever gone to one of her visits with therapist/psychiatrist? Have you ever talked to her doctor?

4) Can you trust leaving your kids + newborn in her care only?

5) How do you expect her depression to develop once her first baby comes around? Did you consider things could turn worse?

6) Have you ever considered getting someone to be with her at least for the first three months just to make sure nothing bad happens in your home?

7) If you haven't done any of the above, then maybe it's time for you to start feeling responsible, before it's too late, and with priority over any sexual thought (sorry I have to mention this, but better safe than sorry)

 

GoldenR really nailed it:

she wants sex with another man.

[...]

You're not enough for her, and there's really nothing to can do about it

More questions for you:

A) How do you feel about not being enough for her?

B) Are you insecure about your own assets?

C) Is she satisfying for you sexually? Or you need something out of the couple too?

 

What I found extremely odd is that she targeted a man, and her only question is if you agree to it. As if the other man were fine without a doubt about having sex with a woman while her man is watching in the room, or with a man touching him and/or being either active or passive with another man. This is not every heterosexual man's cup of cake. But please, forum members, correct me if I'm wrong.

[Swizzy]

My partner and I have been together for only a year. She's 38 and i'm 28. She's very active in sex and obviously has enough experience to know what to do in bed. Even though I'm younger and only been with one woman for the last ten years, apparently I'm the best she's ever had.

 

Examples: She's never had so many orgasms back to back, she often cries after climaxing because it's so intense, and I make her feel and do things she never has before (outdoors, wellness saloon, anal, lingerie, bindings, swallowing etc.). Once, she even came under one minute from just giving her head.

 

But she always wanted to expand our sex life with other people (couple watching, small orgy, threesomes), starting with an mfm threesome.

 

It was all part of a fantasy and we talked about it for a while. Now that our relationship has become complicated, we have so many problems, she decides to finally make this fantasy come true.

 

I know the timing is questionable. She said she loves me and it's just sexual desires. As far as sex with another man, she doesn't believe anyone can top my sex game. The possibility, however, excites her, which makes her even more hornier. I'm not going to lie, the thought of her getting even more off, turned me on.

 

She introduced me to him recently, we had pretty good conversations and drank. Dude was respectful and cautious and my girl didn't do anything without checking with me first.

 

It was a weird experience. I enjoyed the intensity, the dominance, the fight over control between me and him. We both had our momentum with her, more or less. Sometimes she responded more to him, then she'd come back and I was in the "lead".

 

However, I'm not sure, and I'm afraid to ask her, but I wonder if she liked what he did more and why.

 

How can I tell if she's enjoying it more? She's certainly seemed like a total different person, unlike I've ever seen her before.

 

At least now she isn't hiding anything from me.

[ExpatInItaly]

The threesome isn't even close to the bigger issue here. (And I say that having participated in a few MFM threesomes myself - full disclosure) You will figure out soon enough if she enjoyed him more than you.

 

To look at the more serious concerns: You lost your wife a very short time ago, and I am truly sorry for your loss. It sounds to me like you have not grieved but instead tried to find a woman to help distract your mind and fill in that painful void. I say that without judgment, to be clear, as I too lost a partner some years ago and the pain was horrific. My coping mechanisms were flawed, to say the least.

 

You are now about to bring another life into the world with a woman who doesn't even live with you. You don't have a stable relationship. What are you planning to do? She doesn't seem to want to live with you, either. How are you two going to parent in this situation?

[anika99]

So you have been with this woman for one year and your wife died a year ago. What is up with that? Was your gf in the picture somehow before your wife died? If not then it sounds like you jumped into a relationship with the very first person to come along. She spends every weekend at your house. And you say you have kids. Kids who just lost their mom a year ago and you brought this flaky woman into their lives almost immediately.

 

I'm sorry you lost your wife but I don't think you handled your grief in the healthiest way and little thought was given to your kids and now their is going to be another baby. I think you should get counselling to help you properly grieve. I doubt that this new woman is actually going to be around for long and I think your kids probably need some extra care and attention.

[BaileyB]

So you have been with this woman for one year and your wife died a year ago. What is up with that? Was your gf in the picture somehow before your wife died? If not then it sounds like you jumped into a relationship with the very first person to come along. She spends every weekend at your house. And you say you have kids. Kids who just lost their mom a year ago and you brought this flaky woman into their lives almost immediately.

 

I'm sorry you lost your wife but I don't think you handled your grief in the healthiest way and little thought was given to your kids and now their is going to be another baby. I think you should get counselling to help you properly grieve. I doubt that this new woman is actually going to be around for long and I think your kids probably need some extra care and attention.

 

Without a doubt, people cope with grief in different ways and there are some loses that are so unimaginable, that it exhausts an individual's ability to cope. That seems to be the case here. My father did something similar when my mom passed, he attempted to distract himself from the grief he was feeling by jumping into another relationship almost immediately. However, in this case, to say that the new relationship is unhealthy is an understatement. And, the worst part of this is that there are children involved.

 

OP, I am very sorry for your loss. But, I suggest that you find a good counsellor who can help you to deal with your grief and support your children. This is a mess - you are bringing another child into the world with a woman who will not be a stable or healthy partner for you (or your children). You have a lot that you need to deal with and you can't avoid the hard stuff forever.

[Swizzy]

The threesome isn't even close to the bigger issue here. (And I say that having participated in a few MFM threesomes myself - full disclosure) You will figure out soon enough if she enjoyed him more than you.

 

To look at the more serious concerns: You lost your wife a very short time ago, and I am truly sorry for your loss. It sounds to me like you have not grieved but instead tried to find a woman to help distract your mind and fill in that painful void. I say that without judgment, to be clear, as I too lost a partner some years ago and the pain was horrific. My coping mechanisms were flawed, to say the least.

 

You are now about to bring another life into the world with a woman who doesn't even live with you. You don't have a stable relationship. What are you planning to do? She doesn't seem to want to live with you, either. How are you two going to parent in this situation?

the pregnancy was obviously not planned and it's way too early but we're trying to make the best of it and make it work. she's moving in at the end of the month, so she does want to move in with me.

 

I'm dealing with my grief in my own way. It has nothing to do with my current relationship, those are two separate worlds. My gf has brought a lot of quality back into my life and into my children's life, despite her communication problems and her the fact that she wants to keep ****ing other people.

 

But ever since we started the threesome thing, she's been way more open and forthcoming. it's like she was holding back who she was all this time and she can finally be herself now and she appreciates my "support".

 

What are your experiences in mfm? did it improve your relationship or worsen it? and how could you tell if the other man was better than you?

[Swizzy]

The threesome isn't even close to the bigger issue here. (And I say that having participated in a few MFM threesomes myself - full disclosure) You will figure out soon enough if she enjoyed him more than you.

 

To look at the more serious concerns: You lost your wife a very short time ago, and I am truly sorry for your loss. It sounds to me like you have not grieved but instead tried to find a woman to help distract your mind and fill in that painful void. I say that without judgment, to be clear, as I too lost a partner some years ago and the pain was horrific. My coping mechanisms were flawed, to say the least.

 

You are now about to bring another life into the world with a woman who doesn't even live with you. You don't have a stable relationship. What are you planning to do? She doesn't seem to want to live with you, either. How are you two going to parent in this situation?

what are signs to tell if she's enjoying him more than me? please help

[ExpatInItaly]

the pregnancy was obviously not planned and it's way too early but we're trying to make the best of it and make it work. she's moving in at the end of the month, so she does want to move in with me.

 

I'm dealing with my grief in my own way. It has nothing to do with my current relationship, those are two separate worlds. My gf has brought a lot of quality back into my life and into my children's life, despite her communication problems and her the fact that she wants to keep ****ing other people.

 

But ever since we started the threesome thing, she's been way more open and forthcoming. it's like she was holding back who she was all this time and she can finally be herself now and she appreciates my "support".

 

What are your experiences in mfm? did it improve your relationship or worsen it? and how could you tell if the other man was better than you?

 

I'm a woman so that question is rather moot.

 

Threesomes are a fun addition to our sex life. The men who join us are friends/acquaintances of my partner, so he introduces them to me, and I have the final say over whether or not I feel comfortable with said men. A complete stranger would make me uncomfortable so I ask my man to think of someone he knows and considers a decent person. I have done so both with my current partner and a previous one.

 

I would say it's an enhancement, but certainly not a necessity. I can take or leave threesomes, so they're thus very occasional. We are already very open with each other about fantasies and desires, and I look at the extra man as a s*x toy, of sorts. (for lack of a better term) My man is still number one when we do this, and the other man is certainly participating but he's not my primary focus.

 

If she is consistently paying him more attention than you in the act, then it's pretty safe to say she's enjoying him more. If she keeps bringing up the threesome idea and seems insistent on doing it again and with some frequency, then it's also safe to say she is the type who isn't going to be satisfied with just you. In both relationships in which I've done a MFM threesome, I wasn't the one who tabled the idea first. My partners asked if I had interest in threesomes in general, and when I said I would be curious to explore a MFM scenario, they both quite willingly agreed to give it a shot. If I'd sensed any hesitation or discomfort, I wouldn't have gone forth with it, nor would I have mentioned it again. I stress the fact that it's not something I feel I need to do; my man's feelings come first. It's not worth compromising his feelings for a sexual whim.

 

I very much get the sense that you don't love this MFM situation and only agreed because she wanted to and you don't want to lose her. That rarely works out well. If you're not comfortable with it and don't want to do it, don't. That will only make your relationship worse.

 

But I have to return to the point that threesomes aren't the biggest concern here. You're focusing on the wrong issues.

Edited May 26, 2017 by ExpatInItaly

[BaileyB]

My gf has brought a lot of quality back into my life and into my children's life, despite her communication problems and her the fact that she wants to keep ****ing other people.

 

It is possible to find a woman to be a part of your life who would communicate with you and not want to keep ****ing other people. Why you find this acceptable, is beyond me.

[Chilli]

Weren't you posting just yesterday about your threesome sex life and her being 38.

[Chilli]

It is possible to find a woman to be a part of your life who would communicate with you and not want to keep ****ing other people. Why you find this acceptable, is beyond me.

 

Me too , Haven't met too many gf's that would want or let me f@ck with with other women as well her.

And if l even wanted too then l'd obviously not be too in love with her would l.

Tbh , if l was you l'd throw her using ass out the door that fast it;d spin and go find myself a real women.