StillHurtin Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 I have been laid off from my job for the last 2 weeks. Every day H wants me to come out and have lunch w/ him. The drive there, back home, and lunch takes 2 hours out of my day. I don't mind going out and having lunch w/ him a few times a week but I have been going out there every single day he is working (M-F). Today I just wanted to stay home and get some housework done. He called and asked me if I was going to come out and have lunch w/ him today. I told him that I wanted to stay home and get some work done around here. I just didn't feel like getting ready and running to town. He said "Fine, that is all I wanted to know." and hung up! I called him back and he wouldn't answer. A few seconds later he called and I asked him what was wrong. He said not to bother coming out for lunch. I had my fun last night (went out to my brother and sil's for a few drinks) and not to bother coming out there. He is being a big baby and I am tired of it! He never wants to go out to my brothers and sil when they invite us out. In the last two years since we moved here he has gone out there about 5 times. He is always invited, but never wants to go. I want him to go and he says it's boring. I go out so our kids can go play and I get to visit w/ them. I always go do things w/ my H regardless if it's boring or not. We have met w/ his HS classmates three times this year and spent all weekend w/ them. I am tired of going to his HS reunions but I go. I am bored, but I go. Why can't he go w/ me to my brother and sil, it's only for a few hours, not the whole weekend. Am I wrong for not wanting to go out and eat lunch w/ him every single day? It's not like I don't want to go see him, I just rather stay home and not go out there every day. This is my time off from work, I don't want to run to town all the time. Since I am laid off anyhow should I just take advantage of this time until I go back to work to go have lunch w/ him? I want to do what makes him happy. Link to post Share on other sites
zuir1 Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 First off I think its great that you do everything for your husband. Not many women do what you do. But I think you should talk to him calmly and tell him what you think. He might get upset and mad so you have to be ready for that and not take it the wrong way. Hope for the best and expect the worst...hope that helps Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 you're going to have to set some boundaries and then reinforce them. Tell him that you do enjoy having lunch with him from time to time when you are able to do so, but sometimes, it just doesn't work into your schedule. It doesn't mean you love him any less, just that you've got some pressing deadlines to deal with at home and you'd appreciate it if he would respect your needs the way he wants you to respect his. as for going and visiting friends or family: one thing that has worked well in my marriage is separate vacations. I know DH doesn't want to have to go home with me or visit family everytime I want to -- and to be honest, I really don't want him tagging along because that means I cannot enjoy myself with them because I'm so worried about fulfilling his needs -- so we've agreed to not force the other to go along. There are exceptions, though: If he knows the drive will be too much or that I'll need moral support, he offers to go; when he really needed to go see his mom (when she was alive) but balked at driving to Alabama alone, I'd offer to go. Otherwise, it's best to not have to be stuck doing something neither of you really don't want to do. As selfish as this sounds, it's the best compromise I've found because both parties are happy at the idea of not being stuck doing something they don't want to do. Just make sure that if he gets out of visiting your family, you have equal opportunity to get out of visiting his friends, otherwise it stays one-sided. Link to post Share on other sites
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