I'm 44, She's 31, any tips for winning her over?

[matt1162]

I met a wonderful young lady at a support group for bipolar depressives. We seem to have a lot in common but I'm concerned that she looks at me as an old man. I keep my weight and physical condition as best as I can. I do some weight training and at 5'9" I only weigh 165 lbs. with a decent amount of muscle. I guess I'm trying to make myself look as young as possible even though my hair is thinning in one spot. Do you guys think age is an obstacle? Are there things I can do to make myself more appealing besides maintaining a decent looking body?

[amaysngrace]

Bad idea to hook up in a therapy setting, in fact in many mental health facilities even outside friendships amongst patients are discouraged.

 

I'm not sure why exactly I just know it's frowned upon.

[jjgitties]

I would say just be yourself. See what happens.IMO the age difference is not that big. It's not like she is an 18 year old. Good luck shmo

[preraph]

13 years is a pretty big age spread. Look, all you can do is be yourself and see if she likes you that way. You can't make someone attracted to you. There's no magic wand. She will either think of you as a old guy she isn't attracted to or she will think of you as an interesting man she wants to know better. Good luck. Do get advice from leader of the group. I would think this would be against the rules.So ask.

[GemmaUK]

I would advise against getting any closer to her.

It's a support group, it's not a dating meet up group, not even a hobby group.

 

She clearly hasn't shown any romantic interest in you - I'm sure you would be mentioning it if she had.

If she does think you are an old man and you ask her out or show too much interest then this could quickly become very awkward for her which may manifest in her dropping the group - something which she is attending because she needs or wants to for her own reasons.

 

Give her some respect and consideration and leave her be.

[Mrin]

It all comes down to whether she is attracted to older men. If she is, you have a chance. If not, no way in Hell no matter how good you look.

 

I tried dating a 31 year old (I'm 45). She is gaga over older men so that wasn't an issue. Me still being so fresh out of a yuge breakup - that's the issue.

[elaine567]

Your age may or not be a factor in her decision to date you. Some women like older guys others don't, some women will find you attractive others won't, but the more pressing issue here I feel is is the fact both of you are in group therapy for Bipolar.

 

Having Bipolar herself may be enough for her to cope with, without getting involved with a guy, who by your own admission, has "severe" Bipolar Disorder.

She may be very friendly in your group therapy sessions, but getting into a relationship with you may just be a step too far for her.

 

You need to consider your own mental health too, are you stable enough to cope with another Bipolar sufferer in your life every day, with all the stresses and strains that is probably going to put on you?

Be very careful.

[missdixie3333]

I agree with PP- bad idea to try to hook up in your therapy group.

 

 

It's icky to me that you're focusing only on the physical differences. The things you mentioned- your build, going to the gym, your hair, etc- they're very shallow and not what a (good) woman cares about. Yes, we want you to care about your appearance, but this won't win any woman (worth keeping) over. The more you focus on this, the more insecure you sound about yourself and insecurity is a no-go with most women.

 

I'd be more focused on your commonalities. How is the conversation? Can you find things you like to do together? What about your goals? Your goals? Her goals? Also, she may have different desires in terms of relationships than you have. I'd focus more on this than your physical appearance. Make sure you both are on the same page.

 

 

By the way, I have never been attracted to 'pretty' guys because I know that usually underneath it means they're stuck on superficial crap. Maybe young, silly woman are attracted to this, but it never lasts and it's never meaningful. The sexiest men elude confidence and have a certain 'air' about them that tells a woman they can take care of them. I don't mean a woman needs a man to take care of them, we don't, but even women that are independent appreciate a man that has a 'take charge', confident attitude.

 

 

If you develop this confidence, you don't have to limit yourself to women in your therapy group.

[avvril3000]

i'm not so sure on approaching her at the support group

 

but in terms of the age difference, i'm with a guy 13 years older than me. i'm 32 and he is 45, so pretty much the same. The relationship is wonderful. I dont see him as an old man at all... in fact sometimes he seems younger than me. I love him very much.

[mercy]

If you're in the same support group its a no-no. Be careful you may be asked to leave the group. In that setting sharing confidences, struggles and weaknesses, it just isn't the place to find a date. It's inappropriate.

 

Concentrate on you, use the support group for what it's meant to be...support.

[GunslingerRoland]

Not to jump on the bandwagon, but the therapy group sounds like a way bigger deal than the age difference.

 

You can't go back in time to take better care of yourself for the past 44 years of your life, but going forward, make sure to use sun screen and moisturizer.

Also try to dress sharp...

[matt1162]

I understand everyone's concerns about the group therapy situation. However, we've socialized outside of therapy. That's sort of what gave me the thought that there is potential for us as a couple. I know I could be supportive of her emotional needs. One thing that I do bring to a potential woman is the ability to provide an empathetic ear when she needs to let off some steam.

[Shanex]

13 years is a big age gap but both of you are adults, it's not the issue here. Neither imo to meet in a therapy group, however:

 

You need to consider your own mental health too, are you stable enough to cope with another Bipolar sufferer in your life every day, with all the stresses and strains that is probably going to put on you?

Be very careful.

 

Yes. My thought too before reading Elaine's post.

 

Suffering from Bipolar is often a roller-coaster of emotion, so adding someone in your life that share the same illness could go wrong in many ways.

 

I just read OPs new post above, it's good you have socialized outside of the group, I personally know a few Bipolar persons and some being together for years. I really couldn't tell the difference between a non mentally ill couple and them. But be aware that their emotions like yours are amplified by the illness. It's hard to handle.

[Titanll]

I understand everyone's concerns about the group therapy situation. However, we've socialized outside of therapy. That's sort of what gave me the thought that there is potential for us as a couple. I know I could be supportive of her emotional needs. One thing that I do bring to a potential woman is the ability to provide an empathetic ear when she needs to let off some steam.

 

I would give zero f*#Ks about where you met. You can provide that empathetic ear as she can provide that for you.

 

The age difference isn't even close to being an issue. If she's ok and you're ok with it, no problem.

 

As far as tips for winning her over? That's all up to you...