Fell for my ex again whilst loving my bf

[Sophie111]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm new here so I'm not sure if I post my thread at the right place.

And yes, I know it's a bit of a luxury problem, but still, it keeps me awake at night. :-(

Here's my story:

8 years ago I was in a relationship with an expat, let's name him Shane.

We were madly in love but we also knew he had to return to his home country one day. Following him wasn't an option for me. I came out of a painful break up with the father of my child and my daughter was still very young. I didn't want to pull her out of her comfort zone again. For several reasons it wasn't an option for Shane either. Maybe years later it would, but not back then.

 

Anyway, Shane and I broke up. Still in love. But unable to be together due to the distance.

 

I thought I would never fall in love again. But I did 2 years later. And omg, it was wonderful! Funny enough my new bf had a lot in common with Shane. He's handsome, popular and they even like the same things. Only his financial situation and his home situation are very different. As a social care worker with 3 kids he's in a totally different situation than Shane, who's very succesful in his well payed job. Even my own situation is very different from my partner's. I've never had financial problems and owe my own business. But despite that, my partner and I had the happiest time. The kids get along well and we were on cloud 9 for a crazy long time. :-)

 

Shane and I always stayed in touch. Altough it took a while - which is normal, I think - we even managed to become friends.

After several short relationships and some fooling around, he also found a new love and was happy with her. We met again and Shane also met my partner. The 2 of them got along very well.

 

But after almost 3 years, our relationship went through a rough time due to several reasons. A few of them had to do with financial troubles of my partner. Things went downhill pretty fast since then. I still really loved my bf so the whole situation was killing me.

One night I was chatting with Shane. We chatted for hours cause that never changed: we don't talk that often, but if we do, time flies.

It was such a nice chat and it made me forget my problems, so the day after, we Skyped again. And that's where I started to realise I was falling for Shane again.

 

I never told him. But when we met again irl, months laters, we ended up in bed.

I felt awful afterwards. Guilty towards my partner and scared because Shane told me he still compared every woman to me and I knew that the spark in me was also alive again...

Yet, I broke off all ties with Shane. Because, I really, really still loved my bf too!

But one day, after a terrible row with my partner, I booked a plane ticket and went to Shane's home city. He was the only one I wanted to see, I can't even explain why.

 

We met, we talked, we kissed... .

 

Afterwards the same feelings of guilt were killing me. But at the same time, I felt great and had the energy again to work on my relationship.

Once again I broke off all the ties with Shane. And things went uphill at home.

 

But we still have mutual friends and one of them told me 3 weeks ago that Shane will be in the country for his job next month. And that he will come to a party my friend and her husband are giving. And that Shane asked about me and would love to see me.

Since then, I've been losing sleep over this and I can't stop thinking about him. I so want to see him. But at the same time, I don't.

Because it started to dawn on me: if Shane was living in my country, if there wasn't a distance issue, would he be the man I would leave my partner for?

And if I did, how stupid would that be? Cause I have to face it, I've been together with him for about a year. So of course there was also love involved. But to be honest: real love is what I feel for my partner. And really, we work on it and sometimes I remember what made me fall in love with him. But this is the reality of a long term relationship. We both are very busy, we have 4 kids together, so no, it isn't easy to find time for each other.

Of course it's always fun & games with Shane now. It isn't reality!

 

But apparently I never really fell our of love with Shane. And of course I know that the grass is always greener and that eventually, that spark would cool down or perhaps dissapear if we could or would start a 'normal' relationship. But that ain't going to happen and in the mean time, the butterflies always come alive again... .

 

So now my biggest question is: to meet or not to meet? And if I don't, what is going to be my excuse? Part of me wants to be honest. Cause I'm getting so sick of this. :-( I know the feelings will come back once I see him. And part of me wants to tell him the truth. But he's in a relationship, apparently he's happy with her...who am I to come with such a story then?

But it can't go on like this...Cause I also miss him as a friend. And when I make love to my bf, I fantasize about Shane...that's so sick... . :-(

Altough I'm getting more and more convinced that one can love 2 persons at the same time... .

Any advice? And oh, I apologize for the mistakes. English isn't my mother tongue.

[d0nnivain]

You don't love your BF is Shane is still in your heart & more importantly in your bed. Stay away from him if you love your BF. If you want to be with Shane break up with your BF. There is no middle ground. You have to make a difficult & painful choice.