Falling in love not an option with my "nomadic" behavior?

[cblso]

I'm starting to think that I'm all alone in the way I am about life. When I mentioned "nomadic", I did not mean it in the context that I move around a lot as in traveling from place to place. What I mean is that I'm constantly moving from one experience to the next, and always searching for what else is out there so that I can "experience" it whether it's good or bad; and then finally one day I will seek out what it feels like to die and leave my life behind (yea, kinda morbid, hear me out).

 

So growing up I caught on that "life is too short" to not live it fully. Perhaps it was the many self-help books (I read a lot) or the media or my own personal curiosity that has led me down this road all of my life. I'm now 39, single, healthy, independent, and successful, which has allowed me to live this "nomadic" life of mine easily and without much worry. I'm constantly looking for new things to do in life, whether it be traveling to a new place, learning how to fly, meeting new people, owning a new toy, making a difference in someone's life, and/or running a half-marathon; not to mention dating people from all walks of life. Whatever it may be, I'm constantly looking to try out new things to simply "know what it feels like" to try them. Seems I do things for emotional reasons, as in I emotionally want to know what it feels like to be "that" or do "that".

 

Since this forum is about relationships, I'll keep this thread about relationships. Please understand that I do this with all aspects of my life whether it be my career, my car, my home, my toys, etc. I always learn and absorb as much as I can about every new thing that comes my way and when I'm done or there is nothing left, I move on to the next thing.

 

Before you start to misunderstand me as someone who is arrogant or selfish, allow me to share other aspects of my life. I have a wonderful relationship with my parents and siblings, as well as my friends and co-workers, plus the Teams I work with. I'm outgoing and enjoy being around people and very social. I love to go to social events and meet new people. I love meeting people and learning more about how different we are and the beauties behind all of that. I love to engage people and strike conversation wherever possible. I'm very aware of people's emotional state and I pay very close attention to body language so that I don't offend anyone during conversation when I'm asking too much about who they are. Of course, when they engage me, I'm never afraid to speak up and keep it real. I'm very respectful and do not wish to harm another person emotionally or physically.

 

This leads me to dating and women, and hence my reason for this post. I have dated many women from casually to serious and with each person, it's always been a new experience for me. Whether I was dating someone older, younger, smarter, bigger, sexier, skinnier, nerdy, and/or slutty, it was for the sake of just learning what it was like. In every relationship, I've always been up front and honest in sharing that "I've never dated anyone like you and am very curious". My intentions were never hidden and I've been very honest. For the most part, many have come back and said I'm quite eccentric and peculiar but a few of them have taken it negatively and for those, it was short-lived and understandable. A lot of the women found this very refreshing as I had zero expectations going in. I simply went into the dating relationship out of curiosity and was myself from the start til the end. I wanted everyone I dated to be themselves so that I could experience who they truly were. Half of the relationships were ended by me and the other half was by the women themselves. For the majority of them, the parting ways was mutual and happened with little resistance. Sometimes I did feel that they were doing to me the same thing I was doing to them; just in it for the experience. Maybe they were dating me for my personality or race or height or stature or whatever. Regardless, I was perfectly okay with it.

 

As of late, I feel like the next thing is to "fall in love" and I worry that taking someone to that level and then my realizing that I'm done "falling in love" and want to call it quits is not a very nice thing to do. I'm not out to hurt anyone thus I always make my intentions clear from the get-go. Because of this, I've been avoiding the whole idea of falling in love with someone. It's a self-destructive thing. I want to know what it feels like to fall in love but I'm afraid of the chance that I may not find it meaningful or I may simply not be capable of love given my nomadic behavior and will only truly hurt someone in the end. I don't know what it feels like to fall in love cause it's never happened to me or perhaps I may have and didn't notice. Either way, I realize that falling in love is a wonderful thing and a horrible thing if things go south. For this reason alone, I'm afraid to date to that level.

 

Maybe this is my destiny, maybe this is the life that I have built for myself and I should just accept this fact or try to change, but I'm not sure if I can change or want to change. Perhaps I'm chasing happiness (whatever that is) or the elusive unicorn that will never exist. I've thought about so much and played out so many scenarios in my head that I'm spinning all the time. I just know that I don't want to hurt anyone and for that reason alone, I'll stay single and just continue about my life as it is without ever crossing that line. Life has so much to offer that I'm sure I can fulfill myself with everything else. Who knows, I may be overthinking it.

 

Well, this is the short version for you all. I would love some feedback and criticism. Don't be afraid to be blunt and honest, you won't hurt my feelings. I'm looking for honesty from an outside perspective looking in. I know that many times when you are living it on the inside, it's hard to see what you're doing so being able to swallow what people tell you who are looking from the outside in is a good thing for learning about yourself and growing from there forward.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read my post, I apologize for the lengthiness and tried my best to keep it as short as possible.

[preraph]

You can fall in love and be nomadic, but chances are if this is your nature, you will either have to find someone who is also adventurous (and have money enough to support that life-style) or enjoy love while it lasts if it turns out that settling down and raising a family is not your primary interest. I remained single because I had other things I'd rather do in my first half of my life. But it just depends on you. If this is the thing that is the center of your being, I wouldn't give it up, but nor would I never fall in love -- but for me that didn't seem like a choice because I was too romantic and just had it in me to give.

[Cookiesandough]

Sounds like you are very driven bythat chemical rush of new experiences and so your interests are fleeting. Maybe find someone who incites that feeling in you always. A dynamic person who keeps you on your toes just enough that you feel comfortable, but not bored. Perhaps you could find home with them.

[cblso]

You can fall in love and be nomadic, but chances are if this is your nature, you will either have to find someone who is also adventurous (and have money enough to support that life-style) or enjoy love while it lasts if it turns out that settling down and raising a family is not your primary interest. I remained single because I had other things I'd rather do in my first half of my life. But it just depends on you. If this is the thing that is the center of your being, I wouldn't give it up, but nor would I never fall in love -- but for me that didn't seem like a choice because I was too romantic and just had it in me to give.

 

I know I can fall in love and that's what scares me the most. Because of my nature, I don't want to hurt anyone along the way. It's an internal struggle that I deal with every day. At this point I'm not willing to risk hurting anyone at my curiosity of love.

 

 

Sounds like you are very driven bythat chemical rush of new experiences and so your interests are fleeting. Maybe find someone who incites that feeling in you always. A dynamic person who keeps you on your toes just enough that you feel comfortable, but not bored. Perhaps you could find home with them.

 

Thank you, believe me I'm constantly looking for that person who can compliment my being. It's very hard and I sometimes wonder if someone exactly like me would be a good thing. Opposite do attract to some degree. I've been like this for as long as I can remember. Perhaps I've doomed myself to this life and I should just accept it.

[Titanll]

You have been in love before? No? How do you know that you can fall in love? Love isn't just going to fall in your lap just because you want to experience it.

If you have not experienced love by now, I doubt you will be doing anyone a favor by trying it out for a test run at this point.

[Popsicle]

Yeah, you can't just decide one day "Hey, I'm going to fall in love now".

It's not a box to check. Feelings don't work like that. You either feel them or you don't, and some factors are out of your control.

[cblso]

You have been in love before? No? How do you know that you can fall in love? Love isn't just going to fall in your lap just because you want to experience it.

If you have not experienced love by now, I doubt you will be doing anyone a favor by trying it out for a test run at this point.

 

I may have and not noticed, or I may not have at all. There's no real way to tell. If it's that tingling feeling and butterflies, then it's a no. If it's feelings of connectivity to others at deeper levels then yes. I've never really felt the true inner need to want to be with someone or someone to be with me. I'm never lonely nor experience loneliness. I'm certainly not doing any favors in this arena. I just don't want to hurt anyone knowing myself and my behavior.

 

 

Yeah, you can't just decide one day "Hey, I'm going to fall in love now".

It's not a box to check. Feelings don't work like that. You either feel them or you don't, and some factors are out of your control.

 

With your statement, I will let life play out and see what happens. How do you know that what you're feeling is love. I feel it from my family and friends very much so as they care for me a lot and I do them. However love for a significant other is most likely different.

 

Thank you for the responses so far, it's only validated my original notion of myself.

[mon.]

The very fact that you don't want to hurt anyone can be a proof that you're a "loving" person. I'm not sure there is such thing as "I'm not the kind of person who falls in love". I dare saying it'll happen to 100% of us all at a point in life or other - finding romantic love, I mean.

 

I might be romanticizing it too much, but when you really get to love a person deeply, you simply don't think sorrowfully about the things you might be missing out because you chose to live this love for them. There's always a change in life, you start adapting yourself and yes, you may start being a different self, but 1) it doesn't mean you'll have to give up everything you loved/were, true love doesn't do that and 2) this new self is usually a better self, so why regret it? <3

 

As the others said, you don't just wake up one day and decide you'll fall in love. It should flow naturally when you've opened yourself to it. We know you want it, as you mentioned dealing with this inner battle everyday, so now you just have to open up and stop fearing