Still not over his frequent strip club visits

[preraph]

Um, you spend a lot more than $20 at any strip club. You put 20s in the g-string and if he's getting lap dances, it's a lot more money. He would be spending hundreds.

[Superchicken]

Hi Cilatro,

 

 

When I first started reading the few posts from you, I felt bad for you.

However, the more I read, the more respect I lost for you.

First, you cry poor that your H is "Wasting" (Which you are 100% correct) money on strippers, but then make a dumb ass comment that you want to go to these places as well, and do the same crap.

Yes, dumb ass comment, why ?, instead of freaking (Yeah, I'm pissed now) trying to sort out your problems, you instead have wild sexual thoughts about guys "Junk", and putting money down there.

Oh, but wait, you have a kid, and of course, you can teach your child what course of action "You" took as an "Adult" (Yeah right).

You made such remarks about revenge, and revenge is the worst form of response in situations like this.

 

 

How about you go back to the issues in hand, and get back some of the respect you just blew off.

You say you would like to do stripping, man, what the hell is wrong with you ?. What's next, drugs ?, drinking ?, Prostitution ?. No ?, well ask all the poor souls walking the streets now.. Yeah, they also needed a little extra cash as well. But I'm sure as your kid grows up, you will tell the kid, "It was just for fun, to get back at "your dad".

 

 

Yes, your H is a moron, and I would bet my chicken feed, that he's cheating.

You don't buy condoms without a reason. Buying means, not only intent, but a plan to execute (Which I'm sure he has). The reason I say this, is that he bought a freaking BOX. Not one or two, as someone that is thinking of cheating would do.

Box means, he's confidant in doing the acts..

 

 

As some have suggested, take strong action, and toss him out. Castration is an option, but, you need to be in control, as you don't have it at the moment.

Act your age, and take this situation seriously.

You have a problem that is and will affect the rest of your relationship with Captain Bozo.

 

 

Please, just because he is a sleaze bag, doesn't mean you need to fall to his level.

Have a little dignity, and respect for not only yourself, but the child you have introduced into this earth.

 

 

 

 

Good luck, because, man, your really going to need it !.

 

 

Ted.

Edited May 12, 2017 by Superchicken

[Cilantro]

Hi Cilatro,

 

 

When I first started reading the few posts from you, I felt bad for you.

However, the more I read, the more respect I lost for you.

First, you cry poor that your H is "Wasting" (Which you are 100% correct) money on strippers, but then make a dumb ass comment that you want to go to these places as well, and do the same crap.

Yes, dumb ass comment, why ?, instead of freaking (Yeah, I'm pissed now) trying to sort out your problems, you instead have wild sexual thoughts about guys "Junk", and putting money down there.

Oh, but wait, you have a kid, and of course, you can teach your child what course of action "You" took as an "Adult" (Yeah right).

You made such remarks about revenge, and revenge is the worst form of response in situations like this.

 

 

How about you go back to the issues in hand, and get back some of the respect you just blew off.

You say you would like to do stripping, man, what the hell is wrong with you ?. What's next, drugs ?, drinking ?, Prostitution ?. No ?, well ask all the poor souls walking the streets now.. Yeah, they also needed a little extra cash as well. But I'm sure as your kid grows up, you will tell the kid, "It was just for fun, to get back at "your dad".

 

 

Yes, your H is a moron, and I would bet my chicken feed, that he's cheating.

You don't buy condoms without a reason. Buying means, not only intent, but a plan to execute (Which I'm sure he has). The reason I say this, is that he bought a freaking BOX. Not one or two, as someone that is thinking of cheating would do.

Box means, he's confidant in doing the acts..

 

 

As some have suggested, take strong action, and toss him out. Castration is an option, but, you need to be in control, as you don't have it at the moment.

Act your age, and take this situation seriously.

You have a problem that is and will affect the rest of your relationship with Captain Bozo.

 

 

Please, just because he is a sleaze bag, doesn't mean you need to fall to his level.

Have a little dignity, and respect for not only yourself, but the child you have introduced into this earth.

 

 

 

 

Good luck, because, man, your really going to need it !.

 

 

Ted.

 

Opinions are like *******s. Everyone has one.

 

As for "wasting" money on strippers? Remember, that's why I said I was looking for people to take me to those places, so I could have the experience without dropping much of the money. I've done this before (although not by explicitly reaching out to guys to do this for me, but just happening to be around the kind of people who gave me $1s to give, or bought me a lapdance, or bought me drinks; usually friends of friends I went with), many years ago.

 

I already said I don't trust him when he says he never physically cheated so I'm not disagreeing with you on that part BUT I must admit that the BOX of condoms part is because at that particular grocery store (which is literally right next to a strip club), the minimum package for condoms is a 3pack. And heck, they didn't even have that when I was there last week, as they were sold out of the 3packs and only had 6packs or higher. I know because I've done a fair amount of market research on the products sold there and the manufacture dates, when I was investigating and piecing together what likely happened. Maybe where you live is different but around here most places don't sell singles, you can only get singles as freebies at the health clinic or swingers club. In fact, I carry a 3pack on me too in recent months, spread out between 2 different purses and a coat pocket. (and yes he's found them, has asked where the others are, and yes part of why I did it was to scare him and have him think I was/am at risk for leaving him)

 

And again. Bwahahahahahahahahaha how some of you prattle on about how "bad" revenge is and how "criminal" making a joke about putting on a private strip show for money is (even though there's entire establishments built on the premise of charging money to see stripping, duh), yet you suggest castration. Haha right. Yeah I get you were joking, but still, so was I earlier yet I get reamed out by others.

 

But that's okay, I respect (even though you no longer respect me apparently) that you have a negative opinion of me now instead of just feeling sorry for me. To each their own. It's not like I regard being felt sorry for to be something very commendable or dignifying anyway. Yes I'm insecure and trying to feel tough. I think the phrase is "I'd rather be a dick than a doormat"?

Edited May 12, 2017 by Cilantro

[PinkPampies]

"The best revenge is massive success"

-Frank Sinatra

[MrsSimpf]

I've read your post and I've read the responses. I think it makes me as sad as you may feel about his lying to you and your other concerns. I'm sure I'd feel the same if faced with possible cheating. Nowhere in your responses and the other people's responses, however, do I read about what's best for your children--truly, what's best for them in all of this? Please let me encourage you to continue the counseling, make your children and family a priority before the division in your marriage affects your children. While not in favor of divorce, a time with less money and more happiness in the home can sometimes be worth it. If you're not happy with the counselor you have had, I can recommend other resources that provide free options and would be happy to do so. Sending prayers for you and your family.

[Cilantro]

"The best revenge is massive success"

-Frank Sinatra

 

Yes. I agree. So does your idea of "success" consist of staying a faithful good girl to a probable former cheater (who, if he did cheat before, will likely cheat again)?

 

Or perhaps your idea of "success" consists of being a betrayed spouse that's further victimized/punished by the legal system, by paying $1000s a year in spousal support to the (probable) cheater spouse? And ending up in foreclosure or homelessness because one just doesn't have enough money at a thankless dead end job to pay even basic bills let alone legal expenses, 50% pension, and spousal support?

 

(Somehow here I'm imagining one of those Willy Wonka memes haha)

 

Please do enlighten me here on what "success" in my situation looks like to you. Oh please do.

[Cilantro]

I've read your post and I've read the responses. I think it makes me as sad as you may feel about his lying to you and your other concerns. I'm sure I'd feel the same if faced with possible cheating. Nowhere in your responses and the other people's responses, however, do I read about what's best for your children--truly, what's best for them in all of this? Please let me encourage you to continue the counseling, make your children and family a priority before the division in your marriage affects your children. While not in favor of divorce, a time with less money and more happiness in the home can sometimes be worth it. If you're not happy with the counselor you have had, I can recommend other resources that provide free options and would be happy to do so. Sending prayers for you and your family.

 

Thank you very much for your kind words. Also, thank you for having empathy instead of judgment. I agree, the children are a big consideration in this. I have tried to say this before, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears with some of the other posters, but I cannot afford divorce, and divorcing will be most detrimental for the children's basic needs. Not just emotionally (although I do feel a 2-parent household is best if possible), but financially too. Neither of us can afford to live on our own with kids, let alone pay spousal support and/or child support on top of that. If I have to pay childcare for several kids on my dead end salary, I will literally end up foreclosed and homeless...which is obviously bad for the kids, and may even result in them getting taken from me and sent to foster homes, possibly separated. No, welfare is NOT an option. I make too much money apparently...despite my money struggles. My in-laws might take in the kids since they do everything they can for them, but I know they likely would just leave me to fend for myself (which means me being separated from my own kids, including the youngest who's still nursing). I say this because a few months ago when my husband hid some pretty big stuff from me, my mother-in-law tried to rugsweep, deny his involvement, and then actually got angry AT ME when she realized that her son had in fact been behind it. And then started throwing around threats to take me to court if I don't let her get the grandkids in the event that we divorce. I can only imagine what she'd do if I divorced her darling son over infidelity: blame me? Gaslight me into having me think I'm just "paranoid" and erroneously "jumping to conclusions" about any supposed cheating? False accusatory slut shaming...falsely claiming I was the one cheating not him? Prude shaming?...falsely claiming I didn't "serve" him good enough in bed? Yikes. So yes, long story short, the kids are better off staying in the home they're at, with cordial roommates as parents, than ending up in a broken home with two separated bum parents. Also, we get along fine in terms of raising the kids and caring for them. It's just the trust issues concerning the topic of flirtations and sexual lust. Again, I know the only way I can get over his strip club visits or possible/probable cheating is if I give myself a hall pass to do the same. Then I can get it out of my system and move on, either to reconciling with our new counselor (by then the playing fields will be even so I'll finally feel ready to reconcile), or by separating romantically while still living under the same roof as co-parenting roommates. But sucking it up will NOT help me move on, but cause me to go crazy. I already have diagnosed depression and anxiety as a result of my husband's sketchy, inappropriate behaviors. I do NOT want to see myself end up in a mental hospital, away from my children. That would definitely not be best for them at all.

[Cilantro]

via Imgflip Meme Generator

 

<a href="https://imgflip.com/i/1oxwk6"><img src="https://i.imgflip.com/1oxwk6.jpg" title="made at imgflip.com"/></a>

 

Haha here we go.

[RecentChange]

I thought you quit your job?

[Cilantro]

I thought you quit your job?

 

Huh?

 

I'm in the process of trying to get out...as soon as possible. The job is toxic, a bad fit, consumes all my free time--depriving my children of having a hands-on mother, something I'm not even all that good at--hence my lackluster teacher evaluations this year and lack of achievement with getting students' standardized test scores up, and it doesn't even pay enough to boot. I've been jobsearching for over a year now and it's been very humbling and mortifying. Even bottom level office assistant jobs have turned me down...probably because my office experience is from well over 10 years ago, or because they deem me overqualified. I've had several employers ask me why a teacher with a Masters degree like me wants this job. I'd love to divulge all about how I desperately need a change from teaching, how toxic the district is (not just for me but for many, hence the extremely high turnover rate at my school district), how I haven't had a raise in 6 years, and how the job is contributing to my home life falling apart, but of course I can't say that stuff. Some people suggest I tell them at least the stuff about how I don't feel teaching is a good fit for me and how I haven't gotten a raise in 6 years, but I even feel awkward and unprofessional just saying that, because technically it would mean saying something negative about my current job...a big no-no, from how I was raised.

 

Maybe I *should* work at a strip club...not as a stripper of course, but as a server, bartender, bouncer, cashier, etc. I mentioned that before, and how I do have bartending and waitressing experience. But again, all that is from nearly 15 years ago, before I got into teaching. Plus I'm getting old, and I've put on some weight, so not sure what strip club would hire me as a food/drink service worker, especially since I can only imagine those jobs are harder to get than being a stripper/dancer (which I definitely am not cut out for at all, again the age/weight gain thing but also, I can't dance and I can't sell myself out of a paper bag! haha. And I wouldn't want a job that I can't be proud enough to admit to people or my family about haha.)

[PinkPampies]

Yes. I agree. So does your idea of "success" consist of staying a faithful good girl to a probable former cheater (who, if he did cheat before, will likely cheat again)?

 

Or perhaps your idea of "success" consists of being a betrayed spouse that's further victimized/punished by the legal system, by paying $1000s a year in spousal support to the (probable) cheater spouse? And ending up in foreclosure or homelessness because one just doesn't have enough money at a thankless dead end job to pay even basic bills let alone legal expenses, 50% pension, and spousal support?

 

(Somehow here I'm imagining one of those Willy Wonka memes haha)

 

Please do enlighten me here on what "success" in my situation looks like to you. Oh please do.

 

I was married to a cheater. Began while I was pregnant with my twins. Carries on the rest of the marriage. He was also abusive.

 

So, yes, I did stay faithful only because it is not in my nature to seek revenge. I raised my kids, I started my own business. I became successful. Emotionally, monetarily, physically, everything.

 

Eventually, I became indifferent. That's when I left him.

 

Now he is a broken man. And I am thriving.

 

Your pain right now is showing in the form of anger. You're posting to strangers on the internet for help. We are trying to. I survived.

 

And because I stuck to my moral guidelines, I am truly happy.

 

You don't have to try and make him miserable in order to make yourself happy.

 

So there you have it.

 

I hope you find strength and resilience.

Edited May 13, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[NTV]

.....I'm really torn. Part of me hears everything you said and wishes I had a woman just like you. That's also the part of me with a raging hardon. Hot for teacher? You take the cake. If my wife would drive me to strip clubs and convince chicks to dance on me and her for half the normal rate. ..? There is no limit to the extent of fantastic things we could accomplish.

 

The other part of me is the responsible father. The part that says no matter how jacked up your hubby is, someone should model adult behavior.

 

And I can get where you're coming from. As a teacher, you've essentially been that model for other kids for who knows how many. Why should you be the only responsible one?

 

But your kid is YOUR kid. And how do you want them to grow up? That's the standardized test here. It's not about you or him anymore.

 

Then the part of me that is the horn dog creeps back in. And if you lived anywhere near me and we're willing to be the designated driver...? Oh yeah. Hard on for the ages.

 

I'd make Shakespeare references here 8s you were an English teacher. Lol.

 

Just saying that I get where you are and where you're coming from and I hope you find the strength to be the model parent for your kid even through all this crap.

[Cilantro]

.....I'm really torn. Part of me hears everything you said and wishes I had a woman just like you. That's also the part of me with a raging hardon. Hot for teacher? You take the cake. If my wife would drive me to strip clubs and convince chicks to dance on me and her for half the normal rate. ..? There is no limit to the extent of fantastic things we could accomplish.

 

The other part of me is the responsible father. The part that says no matter how jacked up your hubby is, someone should model adult behavior.

 

And I can get where you're coming from. As a teacher, you've essentially been that model for other kids for who knows how many. Why should you be the only responsible one?

 

But your kid is YOUR kid. And how do you want them to grow up? That's the standardized test here. It's not about you or him anymore.

 

Then the part of me that is the horn dog creeps back in. And if you lived anywhere near me and we're willing to be the designated driver...? Oh yeah. Hard on for the ages.

 

I'd make Shakespeare references here 8s you were an English teacher. Lol.

 

Just saying that I get where you are and where you're coming from and I hope you find the strength to be the model parent for your kid even through all this crap.

 

Thanks hun. And I think I can still be a responsible parent but still accept dinner dates to strip clubs after work. I am very good at compartamentalizing. If anything, I affect the kids more when I come home feeling bitter, burned out on life, and depressed, holed up for hours ranting or reading online about infidelity advice and trash talking on forums all my naughty fantasies of cheating on my husband or getting dry humped by Black Zorro and Irish Cop at the strip club's male revue night lol. Staying late at work because I'm spending time alone in my empty biology classroom reading & ranting online about infidelity. Either way I still come late, whether I'm the unhappily faithful chump or the one getting the same lustful thrills that my husband got throughout last year. Oh and then going home to bitterly lash out at my husband because I'm raging with insecurity at how there seems to be an unfair double standard in our house. It would be less time consuming to just go do my thing at the club after work and come home! Probably cheaper too...considering all the money I've spent on therapy (hasn't worked) and my food addiction that crops up in times of stress and depression.

 

Where do you live? Or even if you live far...Id love to talk more. Thanks again for reaching out. Your stuff about hit for teacher really put a smile on my face, so thanks. For once I'm actually feeling kind of confident about being a teacher instead of feeling held to unfair strict standards.

[Cilantro]

I was married to a cheater. Began while I was pregnant with my twins. Carries on the rest of the marriage. He was also abusive.

 

So, yes, I did stay faithful only because it is not in my nature to seek revenge. I raised my kids, I started my own business. I became successful. Emotionally, monetarily, physically, everything.

 

Eventually, I became indifferent. That's when I left him.

 

Now he is a broken man. And I am thriving.

 

Your pain right now is showing in the form of anger. You're posting to strangers on the internet for help. We are trying to. I survived.

 

And because I stuck to my moral guidelines, I am truly happy.

 

You don't have to try and make him miserable in order to make yourself happy.

 

So there you have it.

 

I hope you find strength and resilience.

 

Thanks but I'm sorry, my opinion here, but I don't see your story as successful when it meant staying with a cheater all those years. So you stay with a cheater, then finally divorce him after you're worth a lot more money? How's that alimony or spousal support bill workin out for you? Who's really the winner in that situation?

 

As far as morals...to each their own. Your morals didn't condone cheating, even in the name of revenge, evening the playing field, or seeing your vows as already broken and voided by him. My morals are very different. Example, I believe it's wrong and dirty to eat pork products, whereas you might think a hot dog wrapped in bacon on a warm summer BBQ day is A-okay. Likewise, my friend is 100% against premarital sex (still a virgin at 41) but you or I may feel differently for ourselves. I can tell you that I do not see evening the playing field or pursuing an open marriage to be a moral dilemma. One sided cheating yes, but not 2 sided. I can also tell you that I have been in similar situations before years back, albeit not with someone I married and/or had kids with, and during times I didn't cheat back or even hook up for a long while after our breakup (always initiated by HIM even after I put up with him for so long), I felt like garbage. I didnt feel happy or confident about morals. I felt miserable! In other situations when I did rebound or halfway cheat (if you can even call it cheating, given the timing), I honestly got over my pain and obsession that much quicker.

 

I have my mental health to worry about, and the need to stay mentally stable for my kids. I can't afford to wallow deeper into depression (and yes I see therapists for it, billed to my credit card), literally or figuratively, because I'm holding myself back with double standards. Maybe staying faithful to a cheater in those interim years made you feel better about yourself, but that's not me.

[NTV]

No worries lol I'm from the southeastern us. Not sure us going on a joy filled joint adventure would be in the cards given my current circumstances but it would be fun to fantasize. Map quest a bunch of swimming lakes and skinny dip in every one a state has to offer--yeah stuff like that is fun to think about.

 

Regardless, what's the reason you're looking to stay married because both those options you say you have didn't include that. I'm sure you've considered it. Have you totally ruled it out?.

[Cilantro]

"The best revenge is massive success"

-Frank Sinatra

 

One other thing. I find it very ironic that you quote a cheater himself when you are giving me advice about cheating. Everyone and their Grandma (haha literally speaking), knows that Frank Sinatra was a total ladies man with a Madonna whore complex. Barely had sex with his wife and was even quoted once as saying he saw her to be more of a mother figure than anything, yet he was always going behind her back with Marilyn Monroe and other slutty bombshell actresses of the time. Just the fact that you would quote a Madonna whore complex cheater on a threat like this shows me that you didn't think anything bad of yourself staying with an abusive cheater.

[Cilantro]

No worries lol I'm from the southeastern us. Not sure us going on a joy filled joint adventure would be in the cards given my current circumstances but it would be fun to fantasize. Map quest a bunch of swimming lakes and skinny dip in every one a state has to offer--yeah stuff like that is fun to think about.

 

Regardless, what's the reason you're looking to stay married because both those options you say you have didn't include that. I'm sure you've considered it. Have you totally ruled it out?.

 

Actually, I already stated it. Divorce is too expensive and long story short would result in me losing my home and then my kids as a result. Also, my husband is a good dad, we get along fine aside from the occasional bitter battles concerning his strip club dalliances last year, and he helps around the house with things I could never figure out on my own. I can see myself in a cohabiting coparenting roommate type situation before I can see myself fully divorcing, at least with my current job situation. Now omce I get a job that actually pays something, or I win the lottery, or I move to a state where I won't get screwed over with a no-fault divorce payout, yeah then I'll have more options. But in the interim I don't think my crap job situation warrants me being faithful to someone who's not faithful to me. No siree.

[PinkPampies]

It sounds like you have it all figured out then.

 

Good luck to you

[Superchicken]

You claim you started flirting after you found out about your H attending strip joints.

Somehow, I reckon, that's (As the butchers call it) Baloney !.

You doing it here so fragrantly, so its clear you both have issues.

 

 

NTV makes a comment (Well put I may add ) and off you go.

 

 

Nothing wrong with anything you said, if you were single, but your still married.

Until that part of your life is fixed (Either repair it or get out), its bound to end in misery for all.

 

 

You don't seem to go past a certain point and resolve the issues.

This going round and round is making me dizzy.

I getting off (Geez, now I'm doing it) at the next stop !.

 

 

Edit : Seems your saying that both of you agree to a status Quo, which if true, changes everything.

If this is true, then, your all fine..

 

 

Ted.

Edited May 13, 2017 by Superchicken

[NTV]

You claim you started flirting after you found out about your H attending strip joints.

Somehow, I reckon, that's (As the butchers call it) Baloney !.

You doing it here so fragrantly, so its clear you both have issues.

 

 

NTV makes a comment (Well put I may add ) and off you go.

 

 

Nothing wrong with anything you said, if you were single, but your still married.

Until that part of your life is fixed (Either repair it or get out), its bound to end in misery for all.

 

 

You don't seem to go past a certain point and resolve the issues.

This going round and round is making me dizzy.

I getting off (Geez, now I'm doing it) at the next stop !.

 

 

Edit : Seems your saying that both of you agree to a status Quo, which if true, changes everything.

If this is true, then, your all fine..

 

 

Ted.

 

I'll flirt with you too later Ted but not right now. You'd just see it as a reward for jealousy. I appreciate the kudos though.

 

Cilantro, which tastes good on just about everything, are you asking row permission to go out to a strip club too? If so, I don't see that strangers on the Internet can really hold the authority to grant it... are you asking for other options? We can probably help with that.

[SoleMate]

It's perfectly fine to tell interviewers that you're looking for a new job because there have been no raises for 6 years. That's not negativity, it's factual and public information. As a hiring manager, I would fully accept that reasoning and not ask for any more explanation.

 

As far as heading to a strip club for entertainment or work, of course it's a personal choice. I'd just say, go SLOW and make sure that you're doing only what you freely choose and adjudge to be the best thing for you and your children, not acting out of spite, as that could lead you to do things you'd regret. Heaven knows you deserve something better than what you have now.....and if you're sure you're going to find it in a strip club and know what you're doing, I am not the one to tell you No.

 

Wishing you better days ahead!

[Superchicken]

I'll flirt with you too later Ted but not right now. You'd just see it as a reward for jealousy. I appreciate the kudos though.

 

 

I think it will end up as a C@#k fight , as two roosters.... ah man, what am I saying.....

 

 

Enough !!>

 

 

Back to topic.

 

 

Again, if both their decisions are to continue as is, then its their life, and no one else's business.

But strange it took this long for it to come out.

 

 

Ted.

Edited May 13, 2017 by Superchicken
My gramma sucks, as does my spalling (That was a joke)

[Cilantro]

Update. I counted and tabulated based on some clever cell phone sleuthing I did with his phone (he only lets me see his phone because our more recent therapist instructed him to be transparent and let me see his phone, since the therapist could tell my husband was in the wrong). A total of 47 strip club visits in the last year and a half. 47.

 

None in recent months so maybe he's trying to do better but I am not one to just say "water under a bridge" about the past. The fact that he hid it from me, and then lied when I called him out on it. Who says I won't find out much later that he really did hook up with these strippers at least a few of the 47 times? He made it seem like there was only 3 visits, 2 with friends that I already knew about and 1 by himself where he claimed he wanted to cheat on me but instead got "stood up" by the stripper. Sometimes he went on a strip club bender, going to 2 or 3 clubs in a row. Usually during lunch when I was at work and paying for the kiddies to be in costly daycare. Sometimes on the way to work (night shift), during days he claimed he was needed in at work early and I had my annoyed suspicions then. One of the visits was during an evening when I was coming back from religious service (without him) and had a flat tire and had to wait in the cold for him to come rescue me. I got irate about it taking so long, and in my impatience on that blustery night started flipping out on him with accusations of strippers and cheating. It led to one of our biggest fights ever. Well, turns out my snarky remarks were right, he was in fact at a strip club earlier when I was waiting for him to help and that's why he couldn't hear his phone. Then 2 days later he went to another strip club for an hour on his way to his job...did I mention that night was Christmas? Yeah. I'm livid.

 

I think this calls for me to make a mother's day strip club visit. I'm owed it, especially since I chickened out of taking an Uber to the male strip club last night after my even more cowardly friend chickened out going with me. I'm also planning to finally check out the swingers club I've been fascinatingly researching for the past 7 months. Ladies night is only $15 + membership. I've already bought myself an annual membership online...so I might as well use it. I can always claim Im there just for the bar/club aspects and the voyeurism, don't mean I have to play, as I'll probably end up being too chicken to "play" anyway. But no guy makes a fool of me then expects loyalty in return. You get what you pay for...you treat me like trash, I give you back only a Dollar Tree item's worth of faithfulness.

 

 

 

 

 

You claim you started flirting after you found out about your H attending strip joints.

Somehow, I reckon, that's (As the butchers call it) Baloney !.

You doing it here so fragrantly, so its clear you both have issues.

 

 

NTV makes a comment (Well put I may add ) and off you go.

 

No. The only BALONEY here is YOUR post. How can you state how I was prior to finding out my husband was going to strip clubs or may have cheated, when you don't know me?? I was actually being honest when I said I never strayed or even flirted prior to finding out my husband was doing it. (Note: That's not to say I never strayed in past years before I met my husband, because yes there were times in the past I had a few revenge rebound flings. In college I also had a few revenge one-time hookups/cheatings in the months after my abusive live-in boyfriend cheated on me, him having a whole other girlfriend for a full month while dating me.) But with my husband, no I never did anything until he did. Yeah I thought about which guys were hot, mostly celebrities like Jamie Foxx or Ryan Reynolds, but I never flirted or stuff. It's not because I was prude or couldn't have eyes for anyone not my husband, no it was because I know how to shut off bad behaviors like a light switch. Again, I'm good at compartamentalizing. I know nice from naughty. But when I saw my husband didn't bother, then I stopped seeing the point in applying my force to keep my light switch in the "off" position. Please do not make assumptions about me.

 

And, I smell possible sexism or double standard here. You're acting like I'm so over the top flirtatious, "fragrant," and "off I go". Yet anything I said is pale in comparison to what NTV said, mentioning his hard-on and even the comment about cilatro tasting good. What, is it more "normal" for him because he's a man? Total sexism. I suspect my husband has some sexism too, even if he doesn't think he is, even if he doesn't want to be. Innate sexism might explain why he was angry that I had one single date (just a drink and an appetizer at a public cafe, with no kissing or sex at all) yet apparently doesn't think it's such a big deal that he went to strip clubs, where at mildest he had naked chicks grinding in his lap.

Edited May 14, 2017 by Cilantro

[NTV]

And I was hoping it was just cause I was funny... I'll have to try harder next time.

 

Wait this is next time? I thought I'd get more time to prepare.....

 

47 visits to the strip club is alot. That's like going once a week for a whole year. You're right to be angry. 20 bucks a visit is probably underestimating but that'd be at least almost a grand that could have been spent on the kiddo. That's a lot of diapers missing in action. Well, we know how diapers get used so... I guess dollar bills in butt cracks isn't so different.

 

And that time could have been spent with his family. That's a lot of time. At an underestimate of 30 mind a visit he could have taught the kiddo to read. Or given you a back rub. But I guess he was funding someone else's education so... at least he was supporting literacy.

 

I get where you're coming from. He showed zero loyalty so why should you? If it's okay for him it's okay for you. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. What goes in rotisserie duck is orange slices.... er, sorry guess I ran out of good ways to say it. I get it, though.

 

As far as the flirting? Sorry if that was too much. I know what it feels like to be betrayed. I know my self confidence took a huge nosedive. I wasn't trying to be sexist as much as build you up. In that first year, situational depression can make you feel insane, and every one I know that's been through it agrees... you need all the happiness you can find. So I guess I was just trying to help a little with that.

 

And if it helps the folks here know that I love a good joke. Especially fart jokes. Any time I can slip one out, it just can't be helped.

 

As far as going to a strip club yourself? I don't see why not. You aren't trying to build up the marriage. You don't owe him anything. It's something you want. Heck I think most adults enjoy a sexy person they find attractive wiggling crotch in their face. Long as it smells good, right?

 

I am not trying to talk you out of going. I don't have any investment in you improving what is probably only a legality of a marriage. I do want to see you heal from this.

 

When I found out my wife cheated on Ashley Madison.... yes, part of healing was me making an account to see what that website was all about. I didn't contact anyone from it or anything but I did see. And I don't think your desire to go is that much different. But I could be wrong. Let me know.

[PinkPampies]

Wowee. 47 strop club visits?! Your husband has issues. Have you thought about a separation agreement and not a full divorce at this point? It can be done rather inexpensive through a mediator.