Reliving your moments?

[Loneroo]

Had the most romantic day the other day. Went to a different town with the MM and we got sandwiches and laid out on an island in the rain and made out. It was wonderful.

 

But today he tells me ( after I text him and tell him how my day is going). He told me that him and his wife, who is also kind of a friend of mine, so I know her.., went and got sandwiches in the same town or later on the same island. And then he said that it wasn't raining, but he loves me...

 

Ok, how is this supposed to make me feel! I feel really used and so what important. Like he wanted to just really love it, or that I was just the appetizer. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I don't think he understand why I felt that way.. I tried to explain it.

 

Am I being stupid for letting this bother me? I just feel like he relived our special moment with her. You know I should have any special moment with him. So I feel like I can't even complain. Should I tell him?

[aileD]

You are right to feel used because you are being used.

 

What did you expect? He's married.

 

Don't you want more for yourself?

[FoundMyStrength]

As others have said on your earlier thread, this MM sounds like a narcissist. Narcissists are self centered and selfish with little to no empathy. They care only about their own needs.

 

Honestly, it sounds like he gets off by (a) using you as a warm up and then rubbing your face in the fact that he then does the same and more with his wife, and (b) rubbing his wife's nose in it by taking her to the same places as you and, as you mentioned in your other post, having sex with her right after fooling around with you.

 

And he must be doing it on purpose. It's highly unlikely his wife happened to have the same exact idea for an outing a few days later. The odds are low.

[Overtaxed]

You are right to feel used because you are being used.

 

What did you expect? He's married.

 

Don't you want more for yourself?

 

ROFL; I'm sorry, not laughing at your situation OP, yes, it's terrible, and this man does sound especially cruel.

 

But, what did you expect? Honestly ladies, what do you expect when you get into this situation? You're basically letting the MM know, from your actions, that your a "sidepiece", did you expect him to treat you otherwise? His wife is the "main", he'll drop you in a heartbeat if she finds out or he thinks he losing her. You're not that important to him.

 

And, if he's anything like my sick group of friends, he's showing pictures of you and your TXTs to his buddies over beers. I'm going to be with a few of the guys I know who do this next week, I'll see if I can grab a screenshot of their phone. They see your messages/pics, show them to us, and laugh at you.

 

Get out of this situation, in your case especially, this man is using you and playing you like a fool. Men who are married aren't looking for the love of their lives, they're looking for someone who's fun in bed and lets them do things their wives won't. Yes, there are exceptions, and, some of the stories here, might be those exceptions. Your's isn't one of them. This man is your typical male AP, you need to get away fast and hard and never look back.

[RecentChange]

Because you don't come first.

 

He had that special moment with you. And with his wife he will share many special moments, birthdays, holidays, anniversaries.

 

"Other Woman" is a second class citizen - is that what you want for yourself? That is what you have chosen.

[Birdies]

What a ****ing creep. He's not even trying to make you feel important or loved (let alone actually loving you). Dump this POS on his ass and let his wife have his narcissist ass.

[yogachic]

I would feel very upset to... it was a special day and place to you with him & he just destroyed that memory the two of you made by doing the exact same thing with his wife...

[gettingstronger]

I don't think this is affair related- I think this is he's a mean jerk related-

Playing both of you- her, secretly behind her back while at the island- you, right in your face. He's troubled- run.

[Loneroo]

I'm going to tell him right now... I don't deserve this. You all are right.

[Birdies]

I'm going to tell him right now... I don't deserve this. You all are right.

 

And then BLOCK him from your phone and email! Otherwise he will just try to reel you back in, but he's a mean jerk and you deserve better.

[aileD]

I would feel very upset to... it was a special day and place to you with him & he just destroyed that memory the two of you made by doing the exact same thing with his wife...

I'm sorry. I hope your post is sarcastic, because if it's not it's just really odd to me how this can be a rational thought

 

"He destroyed that memory ...by doing the same thing with his WIFE"

[travelbug1996]

He didn't care that sharing that info would you would be hurtful to you. He only cares about himself.

 

He don't give a dayum about his wife either. He just has more invested with her. If he did, he wouldn't be out being a man whore.

[whichwayisup]

Had the most romantic day the other day. Went to a different town with the MM and we got sandwiches and laid out on an island in the rain and made out. It was wonderful.

 

But today he tells me ( after I text him and tell him how my day is going). He told me that him and his wife, who is also kind of a friend of mine, so I know her.., went and got sandwiches in the same town or later on the same island. And then he said that it wasn't raining, but he loves me...

 

Ok, how is this supposed to make me feel! I feel really used and so what important. Like he wanted to just really love it, or that I was just the appetizer. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I don't think he understand why I felt that way.. I tried to explain it.

 

Am I being stupid for letting this bother me? I just feel like he relived our special moment with her. You know I should have any special moment with him. So I feel like I can't even complain. Should I tell him?

 

He is putting you in your place, letting you know that what you have isn't as special to him as it is to you. It hurts to read I'm sure but from what you've said it seems he's put you in a box and opens that box when he needs an ego feed and some TLC from you, then when he's done he puts you back in the box and shuts it up until he's ready to open it again.

 

He is using you. You're investing way too much into him. He's married, living life with his wife and has you on the side. He's happy as a King! Obviously you're not happy so your choices are tell him how you feel and then sit and listen to him lie/make excuses/lead you on until you believe/accept what he tells you and then the whole cycle starts up again... OR you can tell him to shove it up his butt, end your affair and realize you deserve a man who will love only you.

 

It's bad that you're friendly with his wife, it makes it double betrayal. When this blows up, and it will eventually, I hope you're ready to own your part in choosing to have an affair with a friends husband.

[LivingWaterPlease]

 

And, if he's anything like my sick group of friends, he's showing pictures of you and your TXTs to his buddies over beers. I'm going to be with a few of the guys I know who do this next week, I'll see if I can grab a screenshot of their phone. They see your messages/pics, show them to us, and laugh at you.

 

Get out of this situation...you need to get away fast and hard and never look back.

 

 

First paragraph of above: Don't you want more than these sick (your words) friends for yourself? Birds of a feather...

 

Second paragraph: Why not take a moment to think about your words and what they could do for you.

[imsosad]

These are not your moments. Not his wife's either. This all revolves around him, you are means to an end. My guess is, he gets a kick out of bringing you both to the same place. He feels manly, having 2 smitten women. Also, he feels he has one up over both of you, mainly his wife. He knows something she doesn't and he likes that.Plus, he takes you there but then makes sure you know you're second best and nothing special.

Why do you allow yourself to be so obviously played ?

Why be his tool for getting an ego boost?

He sounds like one troubled man with bad intentions.

[Friskyone4u]

I'm going to tell him right now... I don't deserve this. You all are right.

 

Telling him means nothing if you keep making yourself available. It is truly amazing how intelligent women on here time after time are someone "side piece" and get confused when they do not get treated like a princess. And then keep coming back for more.

Keep doing what you are and you will have a very lo0nely existence

[Overtaxed]

Telling him means nothing if you keep making yourself available. It is truly amazing how intelligent women on here time after time are someone "side piece" and get confused when they do not get treated like a princess. And then keep coming back for more.

Keep doing what you are and you will have a very lo0nely existence

 

Exactly.

 

Don't tell him ANYTHING. Ghost him and never look back. You want to "tell him" so you get closure, or so you can make him feel bad and realize what he's losing. To try to get him to fight for you. None of those are what's going to happen. You'll never get closure, he's not going to feel bad (in his mind, he was very clear that you're the sidepiece, and has no reason to be upset about it, IMHO, he's probably right, you just don't see your position here), and he's not going to lose you if you do that, he'll use his words to twist you back up and you'll wind up in bed with him again. Then be back here next week wondering what happened.

 

I tell women on here all the time, look at his actions. Because that's what men value, and that's what tells you and us what people actually MEAN, not what they want you to believe. If you call him/talk to him and say "It's over", but then meet up with him again later that week, he's going to realize your words mean nothing. Just like his words mean nothing.

 

Take action. Ghost this a**hole and never look back. Don't contact him ever again, don't smile at him if you see him, don't acknowledge he exists. He will very quickly get the hint "It's actually over" and move on. Anything else, you're leaving openings for him to come back into your life and continue to throw it away on a relationship that means nothing to him and far too much to you.

[elaine567]

May 9th

I feel like I'm just the flame to add to his fire with his wife. That I turn him on so he can go be with her and do the things he wants to do but with her.

 

It developed over 8 months and only recently, like a couple weeks have gotten more physical.

 

Well now he feels guilty and is pulling away a but, and says we can still meet and be close but cant touch private areas or kiss neck or be passionate. Now the things we were going to do, he's going to go do with his wife. After I gave him the ideas and turn him on when he's with me.. He told me tonight there going to look for the G spot and he's going to make her cum.. I shouldn't be jelous cause he's not mine...

 

Had the most romantic day the other day. Went to a different town with the MM and we got sandwiches and laid out on an island in the rain and made out. It was wonderful.

 

But today he tells me ( after I text him and tell him how my day is going). He told me that him and his wife, who is also kind of a friend of mine, so I know her.., went and got sandwiches in the same town or later on the same island. And then he said that it wasn't raining, but he loves me...

 

Ok, how is this supposed to make me feel! I feel really used and so what important. Like he wanted to just really love it, or that I was just the appetizer. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I don't think he understand why I felt that way.. I tried to explain it.

 

I am not too sure why you are so upset as he already told you he is using you to get some new ideas and put some passion into what he has with his wife.

 

Why are you putting up with this?

If you are going to put yourself at risk by having an affair, you should at least get some genuinely good times out of it.

This is NOT "love", nothing like it.

[freengreen]

He not only played two women exactly the same but also tells you that he did AND has a nerve to sum it up with a 'i love you'...

 

You must know the next course of action from you.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Overtaxed, you didn't answer my post. Not sure if you saw it or not but will repost if you didn't.

[Overtaxed]

First paragraph of above: Don't you want more than these sick (your words) friends for yourself? Birds of a feather...

 

Second paragraph: Why not take a moment to think about your words and what they could do for you.

 

I use the term "friends" loosely. These are work associates who I have to interact with as part of my job. I avoid it as much as I can, but, sometimes I have to deal with them in social settings. I don't have any "friends" really; I have people I associate with, but that's typically for a specific goal. I've always found that male/male friendships turn toxic pretty quickly, complaining about the W, the behavior I describe above, "measuring d**ks" trying to outdo one another financially.. I just don't put much "value" in friendship because I think, for the most part, it's a self-serving thing for the people involved. I have a few close male friends from my HS/college days and talk with them a few times a year, that's all I need.

 

I don't get the meaning of your "second paragraph" statement, could you clarify?

[LivingWaterPlease]

I use the term "friends" loosely. These are work associates who I have to interact with as part of my job. I avoid it as much as I can, but, sometimes I have to deal with them in social settings. I don't have any "friends" really; I have people I associate with, but that's typically for a specific goal. I've always found that male/male friendships turn toxic pretty quickly, complaining about the W, the behavior I describe above, "measuring d**ks" trying to outdo one another financially.. I just don't put much "value" in friendship because I think, for the most part, it's a self-serving thing for the people involved. I have a few close male friends from my HS/college days and talk with them a few times a year, that's all I need.

 

I don't get the meaning of your "second paragraph" statement, could you clarify?

 

The second paragraph that I was referring to were your words to OP, "Get out of this situation...you need to get away fast and hard and never look back."

 

I suggested that those words might be words that would help you, yourself, out. In other words, you need to get out of your friendship situations where men are laughing at unfortunate women they're having affairs with.

 

In the above you clarified you've used the term "friends" loosely. However, whether they are friends or not they are engaging in sick behavior in that they are using people and mocking them behind the people's backs.

 

I would walk away from any group who was doing this, even if it was my boss (I don't have a boss, but just saying). This is lowlife type behavior and to endure it has a bad effect on you. People become like that which they see, hear, etc. You will become like these men if you continue to spend time with them, especially when they do this type thing.

 

Let me give you an example. And this is cautionary to the OP, too, and all women.

 

A year or two ago there was a BH posting a lot on the infidelity and OW threads both. He posted he had friends who talked about and showed pics their OWs had sent them and laughed about the photos and the women in this group setting behind their backs. When confronted about being a part of this type of mocking behavior by tolerating it he was very defensive.

 

And he continued to frequent the OW threads appearing as if he was offering support.

 

Anyway, long story short, ends up he, a BH posting that he was trying to reconcile with his WW, "fell into" an EA with one of the OW he was "supporting" who was posting on LS. I watched it unfold right here on LS. This woman was hurt badly by this BH who had led her on.

 

Now earlier, this BH had warned the OWs about this type of man and most likely thought himself above infidelity. But, due to the bad influence of his friends, he became the same as they.

 

People become like those they hang out with. Even if those guys aren't friends of yours, when you listen to this bs they spout, they are having an influence on you whether you realize it or not.

 

So, when I noticed you post "ROFL" at OP it seemed to me you have already adopted a somewhat condescending attitude toward women. Seems to me you are vulnerable to take advantage of some nice young lady. Not saying you will or you have, just that you're putting yourself in a dangerous position as you hang out with these condescending-type people.

 

When they begin talking like this or in some other sleazy way, you can make the choice to walk away if you have the courage to do so. Otherwise, you're just like them and may, in fact, become one of them as the poster from a year to two ago did.

[LivingWaterPlease]

I use the term "friends" loosely. These are work associates who I have to interact with as part of my job. I avoid it as much as I can, but, sometimes I have to deal with them in social settings. I don't have any "friends" really; I have people I associate with, but that's typically for a specific goal. I've always found that male/male friendships turn toxic pretty quickly, complaining about the W, the behavior I describe above, "measuring d**ks" trying to outdo one another financially.. I just don't put much "value" in friendship because I think, for the most part, it's a self-serving thing for the people involved. I have a few close male friends from my HS/college days and talk with them a few times a year, that's all I need.

 

I don't get the meaning of your "second paragraph" statement, could you clarify?

 

i posted an answer but guess it's waiting moderation. Not sure why that's happening but have been having that issue lately and never have before.

[AutumnMoon]

I use the term "friends" loosely. These are work associates who I have to interact with as part of my job. I avoid it as much as I can, but, sometimes I have to deal with them in social settings. I don't have any "friends" really; I have people I associate with, but that's typically for a specific goal. I've always found that male/male friendships turn toxic pretty quickly, complaining about the W, the behavior I describe above, "measuring d**ks" trying to outdo one another financially.. I just don't put much "value" in friendship because I think, for the most part, it's a self-serving thing for the people involved. I have a few close male friends from my HS/college days and talk with them a few times a year, that's all I need.

 

I don't get the meaning of your "second paragraph" statement, could you clarify?

 

 

 

I found this incredibly sad.

Friendships are some of the most important types of relationships there is. don't need many, only need one or two good ones, can make a world of difference to life.

[Overtaxed]

The second paragraph that I was referring to were your words to OP, "Get out of this situation...you need to get away fast and hard and never look back."

 

I suggested that those words might be words that would help you, yourself, out. In other words, you need to get out of your friendship situations where men are laughing at unfortunate women they're having affairs with.

 

In the above you clarified you've used the term "friends" loosely. However, whether they are friends or not they are engaging in sick behavior in that they are using people and mocking them behind the people's backs.

 

I would walk away from any group who was doing this, even if it was my boss (I don't have a boss, but just saying). This is lowlife type behavior and to endure it has a bad effect on you. People become like that which they see, hear, etc. You will become like these men if you continue to spend time with them, especially when they do this type thing.

 

Let me give you an example. And this is cautionary to the OP, too, and all women.

 

A year or two ago there was a BH posting a lot on the infidelity and OW threads both. He posted he had friends who talked about and showed pics their OWs had sent them and laughed about the photos and the women in this group setting behind their backs. When confronted about being a part of this type of mocking behavior by tolerating it he was very defensive.

 

And he continued to frequent the OW threads appearing as if he was offering support.

 

Anyway, long story short, ends up he, a BH posting that he was trying to reconcile with his WW, "fell into" an EA with one of the OW he was "supporting" who was posting on LS. I watched it unfold right here on LS. This woman was hurt badly by this BH who had led her on.

 

Now earlier, this BH had warned the OWs about this type of man and most likely thought himself above infidelity. But, due to the bad influence of his friends, he became the same as they.

 

People become like those they hang out with. Even if those guys aren't friends of yours, when you listen to this bs they spout, they are having an influence on you whether you realize it or not.

 

So, when I noticed you post "ROFL" at OP it seemed to me you have already adopted a somewhat condescending attitude toward women. Seems to me you are vulnerable to take advantage of some nice young lady. Not saying you will or you have, just that you're putting yourself in a dangerous position as you hang out with these condescending-type people.

 

When they begin talking like this or in some other sleazy way, you can make the choice to walk away if you have the courage to do so. Otherwise, you're just like them and may, in fact, become one of them as the poster from a year to two ago did.

 

I hear you, and I agree with you for the most part. I do my absolute best to stay out of situations where this kind of stuff can happen, but, unfortunately, it's part of my job to work with these types of people (rich/powerful men).

 

I will admit, I do have a somewhat condescending attitude towards women, but I have that same attitude towards men, so it's not like I'm singling out a group. I kind of feel like most of the OW out there are like a 65 year old guy who has a 20 year old girlfriend. His friends are all going to look at him and kind of laugh behind his back "dude, she's after your money". And we'd look at him and think "how can you be so blind". Well, that's exactly how I feel about a lot of the women who post their stories here, you're not seeing the reality of the situation, just like the gold digger is after the old mans money, the AP for a lot of these women is just after sex. And they, just like the older guy with his hot 20 year old GF, just don't see it. People who intentionally deceive themselves make my head hurt; if you're going to get into an A, or if you're going to marry a trophy wife, expect that they are there for reasons other than "love".

 

I'd NEVER put myself "above" doing this. I know I'm fully capable of it. The only reason it hasn't happened to me is because I'm careful to avoid situations where it could happen. But I'm 100% capable of doing this, and watching my wife torn apart by my stupid decisions. So please don't take me as holding myself above, I'm not.