kel224 Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 I met a girl from a dating app. We went on 2 dates in the last 3 weeks that I felt went well. She seemed so enthusiastic to get to know me and told me she had fun at the end of the first date. She even seemed a little nervous at the start of the 2nd date. I was really into her myself and thought there was solid potential, so after the second date I texted her that I had fun with her and would be up for seeing her again next week. She replied with "I'd like that", and then invited me to walk in the park with her dog one day. So all seemed to be going well, but when I asked her if Tuesday evening would be a good time to meet up she never responded. It's been 4 days now, so obviously she's not just busy. Between dates, we'd both take several hours to reply. She even went 1-2 days a couple of times, but would still show enthusiasm and make effort to keep the conversation going when she did finally respond. But 4 days of silence isn't a good sign obviously. I'm frustrated and was pretty bummer for a couple of days, but I'm shifting my focus back to meeting more women again. I sense that this isn't uncommon and that she might've just lost interest for whatever reason. We're not facebook friends, but I did find her profile and saw that she got divorced sometime in the past year. It just reverted back to her maiden name a couple of days ago (around when we were planning date #3), so I suspect it just recently got finalized. So maybe she's also just dealing with her own set of issues that take precedence. I'd totally understand any of the above scenarios but just wish she could've said something. I'm planning to give it a few more days and might send a final text asking if she's still interested in meeting up again sometime. I figure the worst that could happen is she still doesn't reply. Thoughts?
Miss Spider Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 Looks like another ghost sighting. It's very common for people lose interest in each other in the first few dates. But just to be sure, I guess you can ask her one last time. But why wait a few more days? It's not like she'll miraculously start feeling it because a few days have gone by 2
Titanll Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 Cookies cracks me up! Ghost Adventures! Hard to say OP. She could be busy, she could be with another guy and any scenario between. I would try contacting her again and then move on.
hercules22 Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 for sure she is dating multiple people her focus isnt just on you she probably has some sort of interest but hasnt fully locked her interest into anyone whoever she is going out on dates with
SoThatHappened Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 Same exact thing happened to me with a recent divorcee. She's not ready to be dating. Period. You'd likely just be a rebound anyway. Look for people that aren't freshly out of a relationship or marriage. Trust me, I've seen this before with more than one woman. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 If you haven't heard from her in a few days ONE final text would be OK. Just limit it to one. If she doesn't respond, give up & move on. Sorry. 4
OatsAndHall Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 If you haven't heard from her in a few days ONE final text would be OK. Just limit it to one. If she doesn't respond, give up & move on. Sorry. Yup... One more text and move on if she doesn't respond. And, to be honest, try to avoid reading into things if you run into things like this in the future. I know that it's difficult but just look at the behavior that's being displayed and nothing else. I have been ghosted before and I would get very anxious trying to "figure things out". I felt much better when I took a step back and said to myself "okay, she hasn't responded in awhile, I don't know what's going on and I don't care. I'll try to contact her one more time and see what happens." I'll buy into the "I was busy" explanation if a day or two goes by without a response. But not four days. Especially given the availability of text messaging. It doesn't take much effort or time to respond with to a text message. 1
ChatroomHero Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 I am a big believer for taking the message she is intentionally sending. You are 'no response in 4 days important' to her. If you reach out again I am not sure what you would even accomplish other than setting yourself up for another fade on her part. 3
Author kel224 Posted May 11, 2017 Author Posted May 11, 2017 Yea, sent her a last text just asking if she's still up to hangout sometime. Not putting much stock into it anymore though, definitely agree it's not worth my mental energy at this point. We shall see if the ghost re-awakens... 3
Gaeta Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 Happens all the time with online dating AND off line dating. Under 3 dates it's just about checking each other out and we owe nothing to the other party. Go back to dating and remember to not put any meaning or hope in a woman you have not dated past 3 dates. After you've gone through 3 dates than it'll be the 3 months test, then the 6 months test and so on. Until you have agreed to exclusivity any relationship can end just like that.
Author kel224 Posted May 12, 2017 Author Posted May 12, 2017 Happens all the time with online dating AND off line dating. Under 3 dates it's just about checking each other out and we owe nothing to the other party. Go back to dating and remember to not put any meaning or hope in a woman you have not dated past 3 dates. After you've gone through 3 dates than it'll be the 3 months test, then the 6 months test and so on. Until you have agreed to exclusivity any relationship can end just like that. Yea, I understand these norms of dating. I don't feel like she owed me much after a couple of dates and a few weeks of chatting. Just wish she hadn't lead me on telling me she wanted to see me again and inviting me out right before ghosting. That's why I got my hopes up and started getting more invested. She didn't respond to my last-ditch effort text ("still up for that stroll sometime?"), so it's case closed meow. I felt a little silly after sending it but I'm glad I did just to be sure. "She's not ready to be dating. Period." She did make a few references to the past year being really difficult for her. So I'll go with this one, if only to protect my ego!
Author kel224 Posted May 19, 2017 Author Posted May 19, 2017 --UPDATE-- If anyone is perusing this thread still-I got a text from the ghost today. It was along the lines of "I've been really busy with school/work, when do you go on vacation?" It was nice to hear from her again, but this is nearly 2 weeks after I sent the 'last ditch effort' text. Haven't decided yet how to proceed. Sounds like she wants to go out again.
Erik30 Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 --UPDATE-- If anyone is perusing this thread still-I got a text from the ghost today. It was along the lines of "I've been really busy with school/work, when do you go on vacation?" It was nice to hear from her again, but this is nearly 2 weeks after I sent the 'last ditch effort' text. Haven't decided yet how to proceed. Sounds like she wants to go out again. Hard to say, maybe she felt guilty about ghosting you. She also basically ignored your question. I wouldn't be surprised if she's "too busy" to go out with you, from now till you go on your vacation... But if she does want to hang out again, she's probably not that interested anymore, but might want to give it one more shot.
Miss Spider Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 --UPDATE-- If anyone is perusing this thread still-I got a text from the ghost today. It was along the lines of "I've been really busy with school/work, when do you go on vacation?" It was nice to hear from her again, but this is nearly 2 weeks after I sent the 'last ditch effort' text. Haven't decided yet how to proceed. Sounds like she wants to go out again. See that she's resurrected now that she's bored. I know how she feels. You should be insulted. If you proceed, be aware you will continue to be strung along. Not that that typically stops OPs 2
kendahke Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 (edited) --UPDATE-- If anyone is perusing this thread still-I got a text from the ghost today. It was along the lines of "I've been really busy with school/work, when do you go on vacation?" It was nice to hear from her again, but this is nearly 2 weeks after I sent the 'last ditch effort' text. Haven't decided yet how to proceed. Sounds like she wants to go out again. People treat you the way they feel about you. Everyone is busy, but they have :30 to spare to send a "got your text/under the gun/still want to see you/I'll call you soon". That took me less than 15 seconds to type that. 2 weeks after the fact? She's not interested enough to where you don't come off looking/feeling foolish. I'd return the ghosting favor and keep it moving. Edited May 19, 2017 by kendahke 3
SwordofFlame Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 Another possible explanation. Things didn't work out with the other guy(s) she was dating and now she has no one else to date, but you at the moment. Do not pretend like nothing happened and continue to date her. Move on. 3
SoThatHappened Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 Yeah, your turn to ghost. Nothing will come of this. I stayed in contact with a woman whom I tried to date that mirrors what this girl is doing exactly. She still sends me a text every 7 to 10 days that means nothing. I decided enough was enough and found an amazing girl. You should do the same. Next. 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 Another possible explanation. Things didn't work out with the other guy(s) she was dating and now she has no one else to date, but you at the moment. Do not pretend like nothing happened and continue to date her. Move on. Yeah, your turn to ghost. Nothing will come of this. I stayed in contact with a woman whom I tried to date that mirrors what this girl is doing exactly. She still sends me a text every 7 to 10 days that means nothing. I decided enough was enough and found an amazing girl. You should do the same. Next. Essentially this. No one is too busy to send a quick 30-sec or less text back in a timely fashion. 1
preraph Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 Don't send another text until she answers that one. She probably is dealing with personal issues that are so much more important than a new relationship. So do nothing. If she eventually contacts you, she will surely say what was going on.
fmfan08 Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 See that she's resurrected now that she's bored. I know how she feels. You should be insulted. If you proceed, be aware you will continue to be strung along. Not that that typically stops OPs Follow this advice and RUN FOR THE HILLS. Seriously, just meet other women, be it on a dating website, etc. I've learned to not waste my time anymore and girls who like you and want to see you will make it EASY for you. OP, please don't waste time on a girl who isn't going to make time for you. 3
caitlinf33 Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 Gonna agree with one of the previous posters. She was likely juggling a few different guys, things didn't pan out and since she had a good time with you (you just weren't top dog) she's now come back to you. I hate to say this but I am guilty of doing this once or twice in the past year where I have gone back to texting a guy after something fell through with someone else, because I needed some attention and knew a nice guy that would give it to me. Sounds awful, and I am vowing now not to do that agin. Not right to play with peoplés emotions. Don't play into her game. If a girl is really interested, she will text you back right away, not wait two weeks to do it with a lame "I was busy" excuse. 2
Author kel224 Posted May 22, 2017 Author Posted May 22, 2017 I think you all have pretty sage advice. Since it had been like 2 weeks without hearing from her, I'd already written her off and focused elsewhere. I did reply to this recent message after several hours just being factual saying when I'd be on vacation. I dropped any expectations of anything going anywhere with her, so I figured I'd reply but leave it up to her to move things forward this time. It's been like 2 days now with nothing back. This time, it's slightly annoying but I don't feel bummed out like I did last time. Not sure what her motivations were, but I feel like she might've replied out of guilt and perhaps just to see if I was still an option. I saw a link to her blog that she posted on facebook. From her blog posts, I realized that she was still married until just a couple of months ago (instead of a year ago like I'd thought). That's gotta be rough, so I'm sure she's not ready for a relationship anyhow. I think at this point if she does ever reply again, I'll ignore it or be really direct to see what's up/what she's looking for (one of my goals after my last relationship ended=more direct communication and less avoiding uncomfortable talks ).
Author kel224 Posted May 22, 2017 Author Posted May 22, 2017 If a girl is really interested, she will text you back right away, not wait two weeks to do it with a lame "I was busy" excuse. Actually, this is all I need to remember. The "busy" excuse is ridiculous anyhow.
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