Ex boyfriend with Ex-roomie!!!

[Mscchick]

Okay I was seeing this guy for about 4 months and he never did anything for me. He didn't support me at all. He didn't even attend my college graduation, graduation party, or show any interest in my professional goals. He got to the point of never doing anything I wanted to do while I would do pretty much anything he asked in support of him.

 

Then there was my roomate. My roomate who didn't like me very much and who repeatedly called me names and treated me as though I was an idiot. Another roomate of mine told me that this girl was jealous of me. She said that my guy wasn't her type and yet she persued him later. She flirted with this guy with and I told him and all he did was defend her. I complained to him about how she treated me the entire time we were together.

 

Then over text message he basically broke up with me. He did an about face. 2 weeks later my then former roomie told me that they had been hanging out for " a couple of weeks" and liked each other. AAAHHH!!!

 

They really have nothing in common and I know she manipulated her self into the situation. She got a friend of hers to get my ex to hang with her friend. Now my ex claims ( and I believe that he truly thinks this) that it was a coincidence that my ex roomie showed up to hang out with him and the person who called him. He now tells me to let it go and although he told me he loved me that he was never "in love" with me.

 

I wrote her an e-mail and he responded to it defending my ex-roomie and threatening me and telling me to get over it. This was only a day after I found out. My ex-roomie told me the news with a smirk on her face and then she just left me sitting there.

 

I don't know what to do or to say? I think I've written enough to him though. How do I move on? I'm still so angry! This just happened a week ago. Help!

[New_Wife]

It seems like the best way to move on would be to ignore the whole situation as best you can. From the sounds of things, those two are better suited anyway & it leaves you free to find someone who will treat you better.

[crazy_grl]

Forget both of them. They sound like they deserve each other.

 

He didn't even attend my college graduation, graduation party, or show any interest in my professional goals. He got to the point of never doing anything I wanted to do while I would do pretty much anything he asked in support of him.

 

Why did you even stay with this guy? I don't think he loved you, and not because anything is wrong with you. It sounds like he's a jerk who isn't worth your love. He did you a favor by breaking up with you. Now you don't have to put up with him or do things for him. And the b!tch, I mean ex-roommate, thinks she got the best of you, but she helped you out by taking that loser out of your life. Now, thankfully, he's hers to deal with.

 

This might sound a bit messed up, but I'm happy for you that you're rid of them both. You should be happy for yourself too. Whenever you see her with her little smirk, you should have one of your own, because she's the one who seems to have gotten the s***ty end of this deal.

 

Now you can look for a guy who'll be there for you and treat you right.

[Mscchick]

Thank you sooo Much!!! I needed to hear that!!

[crazy_grl]

You're welcome. Don't let ridiculous people get you down.

[Mscchick]

They've only been hanging out for like 3 weeks and now he told me that they are in love and he took her to meet his family. He told me the same thing when we first got together. He also compared himself and her to Jesus saying that they were misunderstood. And he called me conceeded because I was making things about me. He said they would probly be together for a long time. Is he just saying these things to hurt me? I've now blocked him from writing e-mails. How do I stop feeling like trash and so angry and sad?

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by Mscchick

How do I stop feeling like trash and so angry and sad?

 

First, you laugh at the absurdity of him comparing himself and her to Jesus. That's f***ing hilarious! I can't even picture someone saying that without cracking up.

 

He sounds like a whack job. Either he doesn't know what love is or he's a manipulator. Don't concern yourself with that though. He probably is telling you all this just to hurt you. I know that it hurts, but you have to think about why. Why should it bother you that the two of them are going to be horrible people together for a very long time? Just remind yourself that it's better her than you.

 

Blocking his email was a good choice. Just ignore him from now on. If either of them say anything to you, just ignore it, smile and walk away. It's probably a lie or something meant to get under your skin. Don't bother yourself with thinking about why they're doing it. Some people are just jerks.

 

Worry about yourself and being the best person you can be. If you're happy with yourself and who you are, jerks like them won't bother you that much.

[Mscchick]

Yeah.... U r right ya know. Thanks for being supportive of a complete stranger. It's just crazy that you r more caring and supportive than these people that I spent all this time around. Thanks again. I'm really feeling better now. They can just go on and be miserable together... even if that lasts. Like I said he said the exact same things to me in the beginning...yet now he says he was never in love with me....eventhough he said so, (Over and over again and made me feel bad for not saying it back to him sooo easily sooo soon) but that he "loved me as a person", but how can you love someone even as a person you obviously don't trust or respect. I mean then what is love?.. Wow he really is a nut! Next time I'll see the signs and run like heck if I ever meet such a crazy manipulative guy.

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by Mscchick

Thanks for being supportive of a complete stranger. It's just crazy that you r more caring and supportive than these people that I spent all this time around.

 

Sorry to hear that. There are plenty of good people out there though. You had the misfortune of placing your trust in the hands of someone who wasn't deserving of it. Try not to hold it against other guys though.

 

And try reading up on books about what to look for and what to watch out for in a person.

 

Thanks again. I'm really feeling better now.

 

Glad I could help. I don't think I often do that.

[Mscchick]

After thinking about it and doing some research I realize that my ex is a classic emotional abuser. He displays virtually all of the signs and as the research says he won't stop and will do it until he admits that he has a problem and gets professional help independently. Emotional abuse, it seems, is just as bad as physical abuse and it will take a while for me to recover. Right now I"m kinda "damaged goods" because I suffered through constant verbal and some physical abuse. (Forced sex, sexual favors, and he put his hand around my neck)

 

Now.... my ex-roomie has been in an abusive relationship before and it seems that she has just manipulated herself into a really really bad situation again. I don't like her obviously, but I still don't want her to suffer. She's gonna be in some real trouble. I dunno.... I have alot of emotions going on right now. Dealing with infedelity, betrayel from a roomate and boyfriend and now realizing that I was being abused. It seems that he turned on me because I moved away and he couldn't control me or know my ware abouts anymore. It also seems that starting out too fast....(The I love u's, visiting parents, and suggesting a serious relationship within weeks).... were and are warning signs of the abuse and controlling that soon follows. Soon anythings will set him off and it will begin. In the begining he seems like the dream guy and in fact you feel flattered by his attention.

 

I kid you not! Look it up on the web. My ex is a classic emotional abuser. My instinct is to somehow get the word to my ex roomie after the "honeymoon" phase is over. Maybe an anonymous e-mail in a few months? I dunno? As weird as it may sound I honestly think that this may ruin her. I'm just a little uneasy about the whole thing because I know where she is headed. And because she may want to spite me she may stay in the relationship when it will become extremely destructive.

 

Part of me wants her to hurt like I did, but the better part of me knows that NO ONE and I mean no one deserves to go through what I went through. That's why I thought of doing something completely anonymous so that she can look up the whole thing and figure it out on her own.

[Mscchick]

Someone please say something about this

[westernxer]

Get yourself some help and forget about those two.

 

He's an abuser, she likes abusers... sounds like they were made for each other.

 

 

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by Mscchick

My instinct is to somehow get the word to my ex roomie after the "honeymoon" phase is over. Maybe an anonymous e-mail in a few months? I dunno? As weird as it may sound I honestly think that this may ruin her. I'm just a little uneasy about the whole thing because I know where she is headed. And because she may want to spite me she may stay in the relationship when it will become extremely destructive.

 

Part of me wants her to hurt like I did, but the better part of me knows that NO ONE and I mean no one deserves to go through what I went through. That's why I thought of doing something completely anonymous so that she can look up the whole thing and figure it out on her own.

 

I don't think there's much you can do for her. Obviously if she knows it's coming from you, she's going to think you're just jealous. If you do it anonymously, there's no way to know if she'll even look at it. If you do anything, send her some anonymous stuff right now. She could catch on that it's from you, and she probably won't pay any attention to it either way at this point. You know how good he is at convincing women that he's so wonderful. But maybe later on when troubles arise, you'll have planted the information in her head and she'll reflect back on it.

 

But don't wait around to send it to her. It's great that you want to help her, but for your own sake, wash your hands of both of them as quickly as you can. You're not her guardian and probably nothing you do will make her see him any differently. And most of all, there's even less you'll be able to do to make your ex see how bad his behavior is. Your efforts to help them will just be used against you to 'prove' how crazy and jealous you are.

 

So, in short, if you feel you must do something, send her some anonymous information on emotional abuse now. You'll have done everything you can at that point. Then don't even worry about whether you've gotten through to her. It's up to her to make her own mistakes.

[Mscchick]

Thanks Again.... I sent the anonymous e-mail. It was pretty plain and standard and just included some links. This guy seriously displays all of the signs. He just never hit me. But he did pin me down a few times. It's hard to live with though. Everyday is a challenge and I have to keep talking about it, but there isn't anyone here I can talk to right now. Each day does get better however. Anyone else with more encouraging words. I'd love love love to hear from ya.