blackendangel13 Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 Not quite sure where to post this but here goes. Friday night I went to a party at my best friends house. At his house I met this guy. He lives about 4-5 hours from me. Now I have been burned lately in the relationship department and I told him this. Not to mention, I have started down the road to getting my ex back, which I know will take a long time if it happens at all. So the night goes on, we hit it off great and he asks if he can kiss me. I said sure whatever. We tried sleeping at my friends house but everyone was being super loud and it was 8 a.m. and we had not slept yet. So I took him home to my house to sleep. To make a long story short, I ended up sleeping with him. I have never in my life had a one-night stand before and am starting to feel bad about it. I hadn't gotten any lovin in a long time. I made him lunch and after spending the day with me he went back to my friends. I was actually a little happy to see him go because I felt like crap and really needed to get some sleep. I saw him that night and he got my number before leaving to go back home. He called me last night and I don't know quite how I feel about the whole thing. At first I was actually comfortable with the fact that it was a one-night stand because he lives so far away. I know it will never work out that way with my present state of mind. By Sunday I was actually starting to feel bad/weird about the whole thing and even contemplated sending him a text message. But I didn't because I don't want to get any sort of attachment to him. But from his phone call, it sounds like he has developed some serious attachment. He wants to know all about me and what I like/don't like etc. We talked for almost 2 hours last night on the phone and he said he'd call again tonight. I have reminded him several times that he lives far away and I am not interested in that. He said that I need to be open to what life has in store for me. I totally am, but I am not ready for a relationship with anyone right now. I hate being a heart-breaker. Do you think his enthusiasm will die down in time? He is talking about me coming to visit him already. Usually I am the one who gets confused about feelings. I have been completely honest with him with the exception of telling him flat out he was just sex. I am sure he knows this though, he wanted it more than me. Any kind way to discourage him? Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 You will just have to tell him that at this time you are not interested in dating him and that you don't want him calling you or dropping by to see you. He is interested and if you want to keep him away then you are going to have to be blunt. If you don't he will see it as hope. He won't be that hurt as you really didn't date and only had sex one time. He feelings should move on to someone else pretty soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 He fell pretty deep pretty fast. He might see you as * the one * but you are not ready. Have you entertained the possibility of reconsidering and learning more about him in case you later felt you both might be able to have something ? Right now you are not ready. But maybe for now he can be your friend. He did alot for being a one night stand. What things do you like about him ? You said you both talked for quite along time. What did you learn about him ? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.positive Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 Hell get the point after a while . he just really liked the sex Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackendangel13 Posted August 2, 2005 Author Share Posted August 2, 2005 He is a sweet and nice guy and we share a lot of the same interests but he lives so far away that I don't want to do this. Nothing is worse than getting attached to someone than to see them go so far away. Not to mention, my car won't make it that far and I will not be affording plane tickets anytime soon. He has called me four times already. I think I need to miss a few calls. I have told him I am not interested in dating him. Well I said "anyone" but made it very clear that I wanted nothing to do with such a long LDR. He is just saying things that make me know he is in over his head. We were talking yesterday and I was joking about the fact that my legs are still sore and he said "Good than that should hold you over until I see you again". Now I think I have to agree with Mr. Positive and hopefully he is right. This guy sees me as somewhat crazy and hmmm whats the word.... I will say uninhibited. I am a little wild and I think that intrigues him. Hopefully the reality of the distance will kick in soon. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 sorry to say this, but sounds like another booty call disguised as a potential LDR. Since you're so unwilling to even start, screen him off like you would any telemarketer Link to post Share on other sites
fundamental Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 Originally posted by elijahBailey sorry to say this, but sounds like another booty call disguised as a potential LDR. Since you're so unwilling to even start, screen him off like you would any telemarketer Just because it's a one night stand, why do people always assume the man thinks it's just the booty call. SHE thought of it as a booty call and wants nothing to do with him. If he was smart, he would find someone more available. Link to post Share on other sites
volumecorps Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 Most guys are horrible at taking hints, even very broad ones which you have given him, like the thing about the LDR.... but they're absolutely brilliant at picking up on things that can be interpreted as a "go ahead." Case in point...when you tell him your legs are still sore, he'll take that to mean that he's one of the best you've ever had (which may or may not be true) and figure that you're interested. The two hour conversation is another reason why he'll keep it up. Guys are also used to hearing girls talk about getting back with their ex's and sometime's even their current boyfriends. If he's anything like me, that talk goes in one ear and out the other if I've just slept with her. He does sound like a nice guy and I know you don't want to break his heart, but it's pretty hard to do the whole "just friends" thing after a one nighter. If you're really not interested, it sounds like you'll flat out have to tell him, in no uncertain terms...."Look, the sex was great and I enjoyed our time together. but quit calling me!!!!...like Marshbear said. ...Or you could just screen him out like elijahBailey suggested. Unless he's a stalker, he'll eventually quit calling. Only two options I can think of if you really want to lose this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 Originally posted by fundamental Just because it's a one night stand, why do people always assume the man thinks it's just the booty call. SHE thought of it as a booty call and wants nothing to do with him. If he was smart, he would find someone more available. that's precisely why LDR would work out in his favor. Booty call or not, it sure sounds like he's after the sex. I said 'sounds like' cos that's what it is, but hey, he could be the odd one out. Don't matter, she's not interested anyways.... Link to post Share on other sites
fundamental Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 Originally posted by elijahBailey that's precisely why LDR would work out in his favor. Booty call or not, it sure sounds like he's after the sex. I said 'sounds like' cos that's what it is, but hey, he could be the odd one out. Don't matter, she's not interested anyways.... True. You know, blackendangel13 really shouldnt have a problem with this... he lives 4-5 hours a way. Should be very easy to get rid of him.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackendangel13 Posted August 3, 2005 Author Share Posted August 3, 2005 Well its official. This guy is head over heels for me. He called last night and put it all out there. Eventhough I told him that I needed/wanted to be single and wasn't interested in dating. Even after I said I have issues that only being single and alone can sort out. He said everything short of "I am in love with you" but did go there hypothetically. Man. He then said the ball is in my court to call him, but if I don't it he will most likely go crazy. He said a lot of nice things about me but he doesn't get it. He called me concieted for A) saying "we'll see" when he wanted to make plans for me to go there B) saying he could meet a great chick tomorrow and forget all about me (Yeah I am confused on this too). He also called me shallow for not wanting to date someone that lives so far away. He says he hears what I am saying about NOT wanting to be with him but its obvious he isn't. Lets weed him out like any telemarketer because telling him bluntly is obviuosly not working. At least he left the ball in my court to call him. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 He called me concieted for A) saying "we'll see" when he wanted to make plans for me to go there <shock> B) saying he could meet a great chick tomorrow and forget all about me (Yeah I am confused on this too). double <shock>!!! Did you check if his brain resides near his dick? sheesh, for cryin' out loud! Sayin' that to a girl? Next time tell him "yeah, you do that !!" He also called me shallow for not wanting to date someone that lives so far away. .... Lets weed him out like any telemarketer because telling him bluntly is obviuosly not working. you do that girl. He ain't worth it, and he sounds way too desperate. And he's nothing but baggage... Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 After carefully reconsidering your post and going on the assumption that this is the first time you met this man , and that he is head over heals in * lust * with you ( because he could not love in one night - love takes time to develop ) I have come to the conclusion that he is selfish and controlling and warning you about all of what is out there and trying to push you into something....blah blah. I think he is desperate. Steer clear Thought he might make a future prospect. ( wrong ) But you have to treat him like the Telemarketer and just say :" No Thanks and then hang up . Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackendangel13 Posted August 3, 2005 Author Share Posted August 3, 2005 It is creepy. Everytime I said how I felt about NOT wanting to be with him he got mad. I mean honestly, I am not the coolest chick in the world. In some weird f-ed up way, the more he compliments me, the more brutal and cocky I get. I can't help it. And this doesn't discourage him. He keeps asking how I feel about him and trying to force me to give him some hope and gets mad that I am honest. Ugh... I haven't had problems like this in a long time. I know he doesn't love me. Hopefully he will get over the sex and move on FAST. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 He sounds seriously f#$%$3ed up ! He seems to needy , pushy, ect. I can tell you that its not a good sign. He could end up being abusive later on. I recommend NC fast. If he violates your space then I would get a restraining order. Only of course , if you feel threatned and stalked. You DONT have to answer your phone. You DONT have to open your door. Anything related to this guy . Please let us know what is going on and hopefully you can rid yourself of this. Its a shame. At first it sounded sweet , Now it sounds kinda scarey. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 I don't get it. Usually guys flip out because they spend an inordinate amount of time wanting something they can't have; but this guy already, ahem, "bagged" you (sorry for being a tad crass). I think this guy just felt extraordinarily lucky. You're either well above what he normally gets in terms of attractiveness, or he's just really lonely and clingy. Indeed, stay away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackendangel13 Posted August 3, 2005 Author Share Posted August 3, 2005 I beinging to wonder if I have the golden ***** or something because seriously, is this not f***ed up? What guy would not have been happy to "bag" a chick and not have to talk to her again. Especially if (and here is the clincher) he is a musician. Would we not expect him to be the one to say "Thanks later" and never be heard from again? I feel like the man here! Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 Yup, you definitely have a gold-plated vagina. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 Gold Plated ! lol ! Well, you made quite the impression on him Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackendangel13 Posted August 3, 2005 Author Share Posted August 3, 2005 Anyone know where I can sell a gold-plated vagina? Its great for stealing mens' souls! Any bidders? Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 Are you certain that he is not bi-polar, manic, or suffering from another disorder / syndrome? Some people can form the deepest feelings, albeit most often of highly unstable nature. It might not be you at all, but more the men you are with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackendangel13 Posted August 3, 2005 Author Share Posted August 3, 2005 It makes me feel better about myself to say I have the gold-plated vagina but you may be onto something there. His parents aren't together. He said it was a bad break-up too. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 You can sell your Gold Plated Vagina on Ebay ! Link to post Share on other sites
pearlsasinger Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 I had the whole "I'm not ready for anything serious 'cuz I just got out of a relationship" talk with a guy and he said he definitely got what I was saying. But he obviously didn't because the next time I saw him he had roses for me. It was sweet but at the same time it was like oh sh*t, I'm in way over my head. I guess he was hoping he could change my mind? I finally cut all ties with him. I just told him things kept going way too fast and he understood because I had made my case from the beginning and through out, so all he could really do was accept it. If this guy can't accept it, that's his problem...you were honest with him from the beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
fundamental Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 blackendangel13, I think you like the attention from this maniac. Link to post Share on other sites
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