Would men look at my financial situation?

[johngalt1149]

A real man will be covering your bills anyway and in the long term helping you recover financially at the very least with advice. I'm old school, but my wife of 30 years never worked.

[carhill]

I prefer a woman keep me in a manner I'm accustomed to.

 

No worries OP, you'll do fine. Remember, always be attractive and never be unattractive. All the rest falls into place.

[Sweetfish]

I read in the forum here, that 2/3 of the relationships end for financial reasons.

 

So, theoretically if I have a relationship with someone and let's say I stay with no job for year, he would dump me?

I realize here that it depends on the man (some would stay with me, others not at all), but has this happened to anyone?

 

Most men earn the most money in the US.

Most women are the consumers.

 

That is not to say there are not women who make more money than men. This is happening more often as men and women work side by side in the work place

 

With the economy, poor planing, early marriage, bad fiscal moves. Its very hard to focus on the relationships when debt starts to pile up and the demands to keep up with the "Jones"

 

My point of view is that most men and women still keep the same roles generally... I think the pressure of women taking on the role of wife and worker and a mother is too much and the pressure of a man to provide are becoming greater and greater.

 

To work 40hr and take on the role of a woman is simply too stressful.

The dynamics have changed and many men are use to seeing their mothers take on these roles and expect this from a partner. Many women expect men to take on the role like their fathers and provide..but don't account the surge in inflation in this day and age...and it requires two people to own a decent house now a days, along with 2 cars and all the creature comforts brought into the household.

 

Inflation, social media, and changes in society have placed a great pressure on men and female dynamics from childhood to adulthood.

 

Biologically, most men do not find wealthy women attractive... it does not get them sexually or mentally aroused. It may kills the sense of a man being a provider and actually you can lose him much easier if you out earn him in my opinion.

 

A woman's fiscal status may not be important to younger men.. but some older men may be more focus on this... but your looks will generally (not always) acquire a man that is more fiscally secure.

 

It just depends on what type of relationship you want and who you are as a person. If you can fit into the traditional style relationship with another man you will be fine, but again you may want this relationship now and as you find a job that demanding, the relationship dynamics may change and depending on the man he may become comfortable and get complacent.

 

Example you may move in with him. He may work and provide and you may cook and clean and etc. You may get a 40hr a week job and now both of you are working 40hrs a week jobs and with his complacency, he may expect you to fulfill the cooking and cleaning still. He may feel he earns or works harder than you so he may refuse to compromise. Now add in a child into the mix and now he will be required to produce more or cut back. He may not. who knows?

 

The dynamics have now changed and this can put a wedge in relationships.

[CptInsano]

What about love?

 

That is a relatively new viewpoint, maybe about a century old. Or to be honest: My mother married for love, and because my dad had potential. My grandmothers married for a bit of love, but mostly for upward mobility.

 

I believe it must be the main reason why 2 people have a relationship.

 

Let me explain one thing: If I have a relationship and if he looses his job, this is not a reason for me to dump him...

 

This is because I am cool.

 

There are many reasons why people have a relationship, and I personally refuse to judge them, because I'm really not in their shoes. And yes, it is different if you already are in a relationship with somebody, of course you support them. In fact, it enables you to take more risks with your career, because it's almost like a form of unemployment insurance.

 

But, I wouldn't enter a long-term relationship with somebody who in a pinch couldn't have my back financially. To me that aspect is something that is also core to a relationship. If this mutual reassurance becomes one-sided it just doesn't fell like a team to me.

[d0nnivain]

What about love?

 

I believe it must be the main reason why 2 people have a relationship.

 

Let me explain one thing: If I have a relationship and if he looses his job, this is not a reason for me to dump him...

 

 

Love does not conquer all.

 

 

You are also changing the Q.

 

 

Your 1st inquiry was will you be able to get a BF because of your unstable finances. The answer is most men won't rule out starting a relationship with you due to that.

 

 

In an established relationship, the dynamic changes. I did not break up with my BF, now husband, when he lost he job. I helped him find a new one. He doesn't dump me in the years my business has bad years / cash flow issues but I do have more than a year's living expenses in a special bank account just in case. Plus when business is slow we cut back. It's about money management.

 

 

I would not stay with a man who acted frivolously with money & I would expect to be dumped for being reckless if I didn't curtail my spending when times were lean

[Springsummer]

A real man will be covering your bills anyway and in the long term helping you recover financially at the very least with advice. I'm old school, but my wife of 30 years never worked.

 

 

I concur with you!

 

I don't consider a man who expect a woman contribute equally is manly.

 

However, I think a woman needs to be prudential with money, aka not to spend recklessly. and she is trying to better herself. and not trying to take advantage of a man.

 

I think as long as she is a good woman, a real man shouldn't concerned about her current financial situation.

 

This topic is not really personal to me. as I have to support myself anyway. I can't count on anybody. I can't be with anyone just so that I can take advantage of him financially.

[victoria88]

"That is a relatively new viewpoint, maybe about a century old. Or to be honest: My mother married for love, and because my dad had potential. My grandmothers married for a bit of love, but mostly for upward mobility."

 

 

A million of people can tell me:

-People do not fall in love;

-People do not marry because they are in love;

-Love does not last forever.

 

I am not judging anyone, I respect your opinions and I am glad I can read different opinions here. However there is one thing which is typical for me and will always be this way:

-UNTIL THE LAST DAY OF MY LIFE I WILL BELIEVE IN LOVE.

 

I will not excuse myself, I will not change and I WILL NOT GIVE UP on my convictions. I have always been romantic and I will always be.

 

Two concrete examples of love lasting for more than 30 years:

1) Kurt Russel and Goldie Hawn (no marriage here)

2) Tom Hanks and Ritan Wilson (marriage here)

 

p.s. If someone wants to share about the woman he loved and still loves (or the man she loved and still loves) please do so...

[CptInsano]

A million of people can tell me:

-People do not fall in love;

-People do not marry because they are in love;

-Love does not last forever.

 

I didn't say that people don't fall in love, they certainly do, and so have I. My point was that in the majority of cultures in the world the long-term relationships and marriages have a very strong economic component to it. Whether it is a basis to support children or the previous generation, it simply is part of the overall concept. And that doesn't mean that you don't love your spouse, it just means that your selection of a partner is based on more than just chemistry.

[d0nnivain]

However there is one thing which is typical for me and will always be this way:

-UNTIL THE LAST DAY OF MY LIFE I WILL BELIEVE IN LOVE.

 

 

That's sweet.

 

 

Nobody here said love was a bad thing or suggested that love is not important.

 

 

However, love & money are vastly different things. Even if you are in love, if you are with somebody whose attitudes toward money conflict with yours, love will go away fast. You also can't live on love. Somebody has to pay the bills.

 

 

The best way to make sure money doesn't ruin your relationship is to talk about it. DH & married later in life. Neither of us had been married before but we were in vastly different places in our lives, especially financially. We got a pre-nup & I think it was one of the smartest things we ever did because with input from lawyers & accountants we were forced to spread out all the numbers so everybody knew everything -- the mortgage (mine); the student loans (his); the investments; etc. Because we had our 1st big uncomfortable conversation about money before we got married, it's never been a taboo subject even in hard times -- like when he lost his job -- or in the lean years when my business is not doing well (like right now).

 

 

It comes back to communication. I don't care how much you love somebody, hiding things from your SO or having everything turn into a fight will damage a relationship, rich or poor.

[kendahke]

What about love?

 

 

When credit card companies, utility companies, insurance companies begin taking love as a mean of paying off debt, then that'll come under consideration.

 

There isn't enough love in the world to stop collection agencies from blowing up your phone.

 

If the person and I are dating, then love hasn't entered into the equation yet because I'm still getting to know them, so love really has nothing to do with a dating situation, unless that person is unstable in that area, too and jumps full bore into "love" with someone they hardly know.

[road]

It would depend how hot you were....if you were really hot, they wouldn't care.

 

Attractiveness comes first with the majority of men. Who am I kidding....all men.

 

As a man, I want a woman that I find attractive. Her income is not what draws

in though her inability to get a job, hold a job are two red flags to send me running. Another red flag is to not be able to handle her finances.

[JuneL]

What about love?

 

I believe it must be the main reason why 2 people have a relationship.

 

Let me explain one thing: If I have a relationship and if he looses his job, this is not a reason for me to dump him...

 

This is because I am cool.

 

I think you have mixed up two different things. Of course, bad things can happen to anyone like a job loss (or losing a limb due to a bad car accident, for that matter). If you truly love someone, you should stick around...

 

BUT, most posters here simply caution against getting involved with someone who is irresponsible with her/his money. If your significant other racks up credit card debts constantly just so that he can eat out all the time and spend on expensive toys, would you be okay paying off his debts because, you love him? This is different from the situation in which someone has lost his job, but is still living within his modest savings (and was smart enough to set aside some money as savings during his good time).

[JuneL]

 

Two concrete examples of love lasting for more than 30 years:

1) Kurt Russel and Goldie Hawn (no marriage here)

2) Tom Hanks and Ritan Wilson (marriage here)

 

 

If Russel or Hawn or Hanks or Wilson were super irresponsible with her/his money and her/his the significant other had to handle calls from collection agencies constantly, do you think their relationship could have survived longer than 3 stressful years because they love each other so much?

[spiderowl]

In my experience of online dating, some men will look carefully at all these things. They are likely to be looking for someone of high status financially and otherwise. They will not approach a woman they feel is not in their 'league'. These guys are not an issue then.

 

Usually guys move towards a woman because she looks good to them. They seem to assess whether they want sex or not and then only after they have decided (and maybe gone through with this) do they look at the rest.

 

If you want someone who understands you and accepts you, then you need to be a responsible person in general so that they can see you are not in difficulties because of an inherently impulsive or foolish nature. I would advise you get to know a guy and not rush into anything at first, just wait and see what kind of person he is. This would filter out those who are only physically attracted and hopefully what you would be left with are the stayers and those who like you for who you are, not what you earn.

Edited May 14, 2017 by spiderowl

[Blanco]

OP, you sound incredibly naive when it comes to romance and relationships. I don't think anyone here is championing wiping out the concept of love and romance. But these things do not ultimately overcome real-life conflicts such as poor money management or mountains of debt.

 

As others have said, it doesn't really matter how much someone makes; it's how they manage what they do make. Guys are going to overlook some financial red flags if the woman is attractive enough, but this isn't a recipe for long-term success unless the guy is a total schmuck. Eventually, he will grow tired of the woman's lousy money management and the stress will either break or severely jeopardize the relationship.

 

Real life is not like the movies where it's "happily ever after," especially if Cinderella can't keep her bills from going to collections on a regular basis.

[littleblackheart]

OP, you sound incredibly naive when it comes to romance and relationships. I don't think anyone here is championing wiping out the concept of love and romance. But these things do not ultimately overcome real-life conflicts such as poor money management or mountains of debt.

 

As others have said, it doesn't really matter how much someone makes; it's how they manage what they do make. Guys are going to overlook some financial red flags if the woman is attractive enough, but this isn't a recipe for long-term success unless the guy is a total schmuck. Eventually, he will grow tired of the woman's lousy money management and the stress will either break or severely jeopardize the relationship.

 

Real life is not like the movies where it's "happily ever after," especially if Cinderella can't keep her bills from going to collections on a regular basis.

 

I get your sentiment, but irresponsible Prince Not So Charmings are bountiful too.

[Blanco]

I get your sentiment, but irresponsible Prince Not So Charmings are bountiful too.

 

Oh, for sure. My point was that men are generally more likely to overlook these things indefinitely if the woman is attractive enough. In my observations, the women who put up with guys like this are usually either suffering from low self-esteem or they are already locked in with the guy (either via having a child together or being married).

[AMarriedMan]

I am thinking about having a boyfriend.

My question for the men is : Would you avoid having a relationship with a woman who is financially unstable?

Does it matter how much I earn for a relationship?

 

Women can give some advice too.

 

Financially unstable means without permanent contract (only a temporary one).

 

Thank you!

 

The short answer is "no", a particularly strong "no" if you're only looking for a boyfriend. There is no shortage of men willing to look past a young woman's lack of regular average or higher-than-average income. In fact, there are some men out there who will feel much more secure in a relationship if the woman earns substantially less as he will feel secure in the knowledge that the higher income that he brings to the table helps overcome the natural sexual market value differential between the sexes among young adults.

 

If you want a boyfriend, you'd be wise to work on your appearance and health. Regular physical exercise (both cardio and weights), sufficient sleep, and a healthy diet are vital. No smoking, very little to no drinking and no drugs. Also, take good care of your mental health. Structure your life around habits that promote physical and mental health. That way, you can get the most out of your genetic potential. The same is true if you want a husband, even more so. You want a husband with a promising career. He will bear the brunt of the financial burden. Even if you divorced, you would be entitled to a substantial portion of his income and even retirement. If you stress yourself to a wreck in pursuit of a high-powered career, you risk damaging to health and attractiveness and might even scare away many potential eligible suitors. That's because the men are aware of the female instinct for hypergamy. If a man is at best equal to his woman in status, he risks abandonment or infidelity. The divorce statistics bear this out. If I were you, however, I'd still hedge my bets by going for a career with modest but adequate earnings without high stress.

 

One more thing: your spending habits. I would never marry, cohabit with, or even seriously date a woman incapable of managing her money. Financial irresponsibility, let alone a compulsive spending habit are huge red flags. If you have this particular flaw, I advise you to fix it or get help soon if not for anyone's but your own sake.

Edited May 15, 2017 by AMarriedMan

[AMarriedMan]

I don't care about a woman's finances. Why should I? Even the rich women still expect a man to pay for dates Seriously though, I could care less about a woman's finances, unless she expects me to take care of her financial problems. I don't care if a girl is broke, unemployed, and lives with her parents; if she is decent looking, and treats me well, I am happy.

 

If my goal was to just hang out with a woman and **** her, I would not care about her financial situation.

 

If I wanted marry her, I'd personally want her to be able and willing to pay for her share of the household expenses. I pulled nearly all the weight financially for eight years in my marriage while my wife was on maternity leave and studying towards her master's degree. Had I lost my job, we'd all have been ****ed. That's not a good place to be in. The ideal situation is two salaries and a lifestyle for one and a half salaries with the remainder put aside for savings and investments. That way, one or both of you can retire early if your health or your employment situation forces you to.

[AMarriedMan]

What about love?

 

I believe it must be the main reason why 2 people have a relationship.

 

Let me explain one thing: If I have a relationship and if he looses his job, this is not a reason for me to dump him...

 

This is because I am cool.

 

How old are you?

[normal person]

What about love?

 

I believe it must be the main reason why 2 people have a relationship.

 

Your beliefs aren't representative of everyone's though. For most people, survival and comfort take precedence over "love." That's why you see women jumping at the chance to date lawyers, doctors, businessmen, etc and not tradesmen, cashiers, or the unemployed. Congratulations on "love," but "love" doesn't put food in your kids' mouth, money does.

 

Let me explain one thing: If I have a relationship and if he looses his job, this is not a reason for me to dump him...

 

That's nice to hear but if he lost his job and then didn't care, didn't try to get another one, and was totally fine with that, would that be ok with you? I doubt it. Your survival instinct would eventually supersede whatever feelings you have for the guy.

 

This is because I am cool.

 

Just because a woman wants financial stability in her life and expects her husband to contribute to it doesn't mean she's not "cool." There is a large element of business in relationships that I think you're overlooking.

 

 

As someone whose biggest priority in life is financial freedom, a woman's financial situation is something to consider quite heavily. It can affect the quality of your lives and your children's lives for decades, or generations, even. I've dated a successful woman with a high paying job who lives frugally in a low cost of living city. She's a great woman, but not a lot of fun. I'm talking now to a basically unemployed woman in a high cost of living area, and she's a lot of fun. Both are gorgeous, so which one do you think I'm going to gravitate to? One might not be as much fun but she's an asset. The other might be more fun and exciting emotionally, but she's a total financial liability.

 

I imagine my life with the first girl and we're living a dream of sorts: financially free, don't owe anyone any money, can do whatever we want and give our kids anything they ever need. With the second girl, I'm supporting both her and myself, lingering in financial purgatory with the pressure to come up with millions of dollars over a lifetime (this is in San Francisco, so that's not unrealistic figure) solely on my shoulders. Sure, we have fun once in a while, but the other 98% of the time, I'm busting my ass all night and day for years, and it's much harder to enjoy things in such a situation. Not being able to provide adequately or efficiently is emasculating. "Love" isn't going to magically save the day if you're insolvent, I'm sorry. As a man, I need to ensure that the people dependent on me can survive and thrive before I can philosophize about the importance of love.

[victoria88]

"That's why you see women jumping at the chance to date lawyers, doctors, businessmen, etc and not tradesmen, cashiers, or the unemployed.

 

Just because a woman wants financial stability in her life and expects her husband to contribute to it doesn't mean she's not "cool." There is a large element of business in relationships that I think you're overlooking. "

 

 

I think I need to explain something here:

1) Just because a woman wants financial stability in her life and expects her husband to contribute to it doesn't mean she's not "cool."

I have never said this: I only said I would not dump someone just becuse he looses his job for some reason.

Many women want financial stability in their life and this is perfectly normal and it is normal also that the husbands contribute to it.

 

2) What I am trying to separate is

A) Financial stability coming when you work and

B) Love

 

I believe in love, I always will.

I do not consider relationships as business (you will have to excuse me if my opinion does not suit your convictions).

I am very romantic (and to be honest this means I can easily get hurt).

 

A relationship for me must be based on love. Each of the partners must be financially stable, then they will not worry about money they will only live their love.

 

The big question in this Thread for me was- would a man avoid having a relationship with a woman (and/or avoid falling in love with her) if she is financially unstable.

 

I can ask in another way: What if I am in love with a man who is financially stable (but I am not financially stable). Would he want to have a relationship with me?

 

I guess this depends on the man.

 

What I am trying to explain here is that I am not amongst those women who would date a man because he has money. I am not such a person (and have never been and will never be).

 

I am amongst those women who want to be independent, successful and financiallly stable and to be with a man they are in love with...

 

My decision to date someone comes from my heart.

 

I do not care who earns how much because if I do not love the man I will never be happy with him.

 

I am actually the opposite of the women who would date men lead by financial interests (=just because the man has money). I am a working girl, romantic and trying to be in the same time financially stable and independent and with the man I love.

Edited May 17, 2017 by victoria88

[JuneL]

 

 

With the second girl, I'm supporting both her and myself, lingering in financial purgatory with the pressure to come up with millions of dollars over a lifetime (this is in San Francisco, so that's not unrealistic figure) solely on my shoulders. Sure, we have fun once in a while, but the other 98% of the time, I'm busting my ass all night and day for years, and it's much harder to enjoy things in such a situation. Not being able to provide adequately or efficiently is emasculating. "Love" isn't going to magically save the day if you're insolvent, I'm sorry. As a man, I need to ensure that the people dependent on me can survive and thrive before I can philosophize about the importance of love.

 

May I ask: How is this unemployed woman supporting herself now? Is her job situation just temporary? Is she actively doing something to fix the situation? Does she have savings from her better time, or is she replying on debts?

[JuneL]

 

A relationship for me must be based on love. Each of the partners must be financially stable, then they will not worry about money they will only live their love.

 

You have answered your own question.

 

 

The big question in this Thread for me was- would a man avoid having a relationship with a woman (and/or avoid falling in love with her) if she is financially unstable.

 

 

Let's flip the question: If you're financially stable, would you be okay having a relationship with a guy who is financially unstable? You seem to have answered your own question above.

 

 

I can ask in another way: What if I am in love with a man who is financially stable (but I am not financially stable). Would he want to have a relationship with me?

 

 

Let's flip the question: If some financially unstable guy is in love with you and let's assume you are financially stable, would you want to a relationship with the guy? Again, you seem to have answered your own question above.

[Chilli]

l believe in love to , hell yeah.

And l think l will always love my ex

 

But on the money thing , yeah , got my own ideas about that.

The main one is though that l don't care. And tbh, some of our best living was when we didn''t have much. Life was good, fun , and very very different to everyone elses because we weren't working much and so we had heaps of free time. Time together just hangin out or doin God knows what, or our own thing , or what ever . It was probably the best time of my life actually.

 

l also think the girl that's never had much money has a lot better character, she's a better person. l could name about 10 l've known in my life like this , ones my sister and out of 6 sisters , she's the most loyal and giving of them all , the rest are selfish b@tches.

But others too not family , have seen it a lot.

 

But the other thing is about living , life style, l work for myself , l work mostly when l want and l loveeeeee my free time, if l told ya my hours you'd cry.

l don't want some stressed out thing comin home at 6 oclock every night, never has any time, always flustered and busy and racing around. l want somebody that works to live not lives to work, lots of free time to just do whatever.

loveee living like that and l can and do with my job . Don't make as much as most but who gives a toss , l can pay my sh@t and get places and l can live in ways and do things most people only dream about until they effg retire at 65 or some sh@t .

And as a couple , it's about the coolest living you can get , love it.

Edited May 18, 2017 by Chilli