Does online dating ever work?

[racing20]

I admit, I'm not the most social man. I usually keep to myself outside of a handful of friends so meeting women has always been a struggle. I have tried online dating sites such as match or pof and find them to be a waste of time.

 

It seems like most of the women on these sites are only chasing after looks and nothing else or just want a quick score. I have started talking to many women on there, even text some but it never seems to go anywhere. I usually end up talking to them a few times then I get ghosted. It is very frustrating because I think I am a decent looking guy and I don't come off to them like I am just looking for sex or say inappropriate things.

 

I figure these women get tons and tons of messages on these sites so getting someones attention is probably very hard to do. But it gets annoying the ones who do respond usually disappear quick. So I wanted to see if anyone on here has used online dating and it has gotten them dates and if so which sites they use.

 

Thanks!

[Titanll]

Tons of threads here attesting to the horrors of OLD.

 

It's a broken record of how OLD is the most horrible, soul destroying, ego bursting experience in one's life. It begs the question of why anyone even tries OLD...or dating at all.

 

I am beginning to think folks feel somehow entitled to a relationship. It's the whole have and have not mentality. We have wealth redistribution, why not relationship redistribution? I'm a good catch so obviously, I'm evil and need to let the other guys have a chance. Haha, ok, maybe I'm being cheeky but the simple truth is that I am successful in dating...period. You are not. So, what's the problem? It isn't OLD.

 

To be honest, there are a few people that will chime in with positive experiences. I am one of those.

 

Start with yourself OP. Instead of asking about what's wrong with OLD, ask what you are doing wrong. The information that you receive will be much more valuable than affirmation that OLD doesn't work.

[RecentChange]

I know a few married couples who originally met online.

 

So, it works for some. I am always amazed by how many men on LS complain that women "only want looks" hahahah well, welcome to the club honey!

 

At least a man can increase his status through various measures of success - women? Looks are the MAIN focal point. Not many men are pouncing on the homely girl with a good career.

 

Social skills

Financial status

Fitness

Grooming

 

These are all things that can be improved in order to raise your desirability. There are a lot of attractive women out there with fugly guys. Can't say that many hot successful men are hooked up with chicks who got hit with the ugly stick.

[johngalt1149]

OLD has been great for me. Met many, many FWB, a few relationships. Absolutely no complaints other than age lies and photo lies sometimes. Great way to expand your horizons.

[Titanll]

The lady speaks the truth. Men are rather straight forward in what we want, which is generally just a hot girl who will be good to us. Women like successful guys, rich guys, hot guys, artists, famous people, charming men, a man in uniform, you name it.

 

I think the reason guys complain about women only wanting hot guys is because most women won't admit that's what they want, even if it's true. An OLD profile states she just wants a kind, honest, faithful man who will treat her well. In reality, she will often take a good looking douchebag over that guy.

 

This is just generalization in the extreme. It sounds like you are a kind, honest, faithful guy that lost out to a hot douchebag. I'm a kind, honest, faithful, hot douchebag, haha!

 

Honestly, why would anyone want a relationship with someone that they didn't find hot/attractive? I tend to think that men and women can think for themselves. Certainly there are men and women that are more "shallow" than others but I'm not affected by their choices.

 

It goes back to my original post. Less attractive (whatever that means) people have the chips on their shoulders and are negative about dating in general.

 

For me, instead of trying to blame the players of the game for the rules, I simply learn the rules and beat them at their own game.

 

Learn, adapt, overcome, excel, win.

[racing20]

I am not crying or complaining if that is how you are taking my OP. I was just saying it seemed like finding something worthwhile online would be a longshot at best. I mean to me telling someone to text you and stuff then talking one day then disappearing just seems like a complete waste of time. I think it is much easier to get your personality across in person because if me and you write the same girl the same message, chances are she would base who she talks to off who had the better looks. You could line up two guys side by side one with movie star looks who is a complete jerk and a normal looking guy who would treat her good and 9 times out of 10 they go for the looks. I know its not that way for everyone but in todays society looks > personality.

[thefooloftheyear]

This is just generalization in the extreme. It sounds like you are a kind, honest, faithful guy that lost out to a hot douchebag. I'm a kind, honest, faithful, hot douchebag, haha!

 

Honestly, why would anyone want a relationship with someone that they didn't find hot/attractive? I tend to think that men and women can think for themselves. Certainly there are men and women that are more "shallow" than others but I'm not affected by their choices.

 

It goes back to my original post. Less attractive (whatever that means) people have the chips on their shoulders and are negative about dating in general.

 

For me, instead of trying to blame the players of the game for the rules, I simply learn the rules and beat them at their own game.

 

Learn, adapt, overcome, excel, win.

 

 

I know nothing of OLD, but id bet that some heavier, homlier women get a false sense of their own desirability, because they get barraged with interest...Many haven't figured out that maybe at least 75% of that interest coming from better looking/desirable guys are just looking for an easy lay..

 

TFY

[palmsand]

That's good if you are matching with people and talking. You are probably waiting too long before asking them out, and they loose interest. Try to ask them out within ten messages of first contact and then keep communication sparse until meeting them.

[Titanll]

I am not crying or complaining if that is how you are taking my OP. I was just saying it seemed like finding something worthwhile online would be a longshot at best. I mean to me telling someone to text you and stuff then talking one day then disappearing just seems like a complete waste of time. I think it is much easier to get your personality across in person because if me and you write the same girl the same message, chances are she would base who she talks to off who had the better looks. You could line up two guys side by side one with movie star looks who is a complete jerk and a normal looking guy who would treat her good and 9 times out of 10 they go for the looks. I know its not that way for everyone but in todays society looks > personality.

 

We are all friends here. I speak frankly and expect the same from everyone.

 

I usually write a ton but here is my brief reply: Looks are important. Personalities are important. If you lack one, you will not be as successful as someone with both. We could go on and on about which is more important but, to me, they are equally important and I have both. Do you feel like you lack one?

 

I'm ex military and I always asked my guys one simple question...how bad do you f*#king want it? Empower yourself.

 

Don't piss and moan about the environment that you operate in, society, how unfair the world is, etc. Just go get what you want. It's the simplest thing in the world to do...don't quit.

[Titanll]

I know nothing of OLD, but id bet that some heavier, homlier women get a false sense of their own desirability, because they get barraged with interest...Many haven't figured out that maybe at least 75% of that interest coming from better looking/desirable guys are just looking for an easy lay..

 

TFY

 

Well, I guess in a sense, their desirability is not that false. I see your point but I have a hard time discerning who is attractive and who is unattractive. I mean, I know what I am attracted to but I have no idea what is attractive to the next person.

 

It's all just so subjective. If you make the argument that women have the vagina so they make the rules, I actually agree with that haha! So, for me, I know that I have to operate in that environment and instead of trying to change things I just learn to operate there.

 

Relationships are to me, at once, the least and most important thing. I've never forced being in one or out of one. I prefer to be in one but never once sweated the fact that I wasn't.

 

I don't think of myself as lucky...I'm just a regular guy with a huge penis.

[rushed]

if me and you write the same girl the same message, chances are she would base who she talks to off who had the better looks.

 

Well, yeah, this is just a given. Which means, like Titanll has already told you in his posts, up your game. If you think you have a better personality than the next guy, you need to show it in your messages. Make yourself stand out. Be entertaining. Make her laugh. Flirt. Competition is fierce and if you don't already have the looks to put you ahead you need to do something with your personality to get your foot in that door.

[Imajerk17]

Well, I think the big issue many guys have w OLD is that, while it makes things easier in one sense, it makes it harder in another sense. You are being screened out on e.g., Match for reasons you never would be in real life.

 

I will elaborate.

 

OLD makes it easier in that for most zip codes even those of small towns, there are hundreds of single women in your area that can be pulled up in one search. How many trips to the grocery store, Barnes & Noble, or bar hops would a guy living in a small town have to do to come across anywhere near that many single women.

 

OLD makes it harder in now you are being screened in/out for how good you come across in 2 dimensions, or for whether you are a good writer--profile, emails, ect. Thing is though, whether you are good at writing a profile (and even whether you are great on paper) has little to do with how good you are at inspiring in-person chemistry or how good of a boyfriend you'd be. Anyway these rather superfluous filters are much less of an issue in real-life. Chances are everyone here knows of several couples where one person might be considered "way out of the other person's league".

[Chilli]

Dunno if it was just my area although l looked in about a 3 hours radius so nope couldn't have been .

But l tell ya it was their looks worried me with not mine, holy hell .

All these 1000s of women on there with all these demands and preferences and shopping lists, what a bloody joke. Yet you see what they look like, if they even game to show ya below the neck in their pics to boot which was pretty damn rare.

And all a few extra pounds as they call it , yet they're on there demanding this and crapping on.

effg bullsh@t.

Edited May 15, 2017 by Chilli

[tetrahedral]

Does online dating ever work? Yes, it works sometimes.

 

That said, if you struggle to meet girls/women in real life, online dating is probably a bad fit for you.

 

Focus on successfully standing out in person before trying to stand out in a giant catalog of strangers.

[normal person]

OLD is a great tool assuming you know what you're doing in the dating arena and can adapt to the nuances of the online world.

 

I usually end up talking to them a few times then I get ghosted. It is very frustrating because I think I am a decent looking guy and I don't come off to them like I am just looking for sex or say inappropriate things.

 

So how do you come off? What are you saying? Are you sure you're not boring them to death?

 

So I wanted to see if anyone on here has used online dating and it has gotten them dates and if so which sites they use.

 

Your success isn't so much a function of what site you use, it's much more a result of how appealing you are to the women and how well adapted you are to the OLD landscape. If you look good on paper and you can differentiate yourself, there's no reason you can't be successful on any website. But if you have obvious shortcomings, it will be tough to "hide" them -- in fact, they get highlighted by comparison to everyone else, and at that point it becomes easy to blame the technology or the women on there rather than yourself.

 

You have to consider the market, and your market value. If you're such a great guy that women are tripping over themselves to go out with you, good. You have the power, you're setting the price. OLD will be like shooting fish in a barrel. If you find yourself in a different spot, and you're just like everyone else, you likely won't have as much luck. Your best bet will be to improve yourself until you're appealing enough and/or the market conditions are favorable enough for you.

[Titanll]

A long time ago, sure. Not in the last decade or so. I am just a keen observer of human behavior. I have a few guy friends who are using OLD. One of them has been perpetually single for years now, just banging random chicks on the weekends via Tinder and the like. He is an absolute douchebag to women, broke, alcoholic, everything women say they don't want...but he somehow always has a pretty girl around. Other guys have zero luck. I am not even talking about trollish looking dudes, just regular guys, trying to talk to the same women my douchebag friend is banging, and they get nowhere. The dating pool in my area is a bit shallow, and it is easy to run into the same few girls on an OLD site. I hooked up with a girl one of my other friends was hitting on, ect. It's easy to see the preferences of the ladies in your area when you know enough people.

 

I no longer play the OLD game. The cards are stacked against men on there, and my better qualities do not stand out so much in a dating profile. I can easily get dates in person, but got shot down constantly online.

 

 

 

Can you blame them? Everyone wants to find happiness, and it's a tough thing to accept that no one wants you. Just check out some of the threads here by men and women both who have no luck at all finding someone who wants to be with them. It's pretty sad.

 

Your success and mine utilizing OLD are different. We are both successful in meeting people in real life so why even consider OLD? For me, I was meeting women and dating to my heart's content. You were getting shot down constantly. Why? I have no idea. I certainly live in a rather rural area that is sparsely populated and there is no shortage of men here that I know of. There were no cards stacked for me or against me.

 

So what does Mr. Douchebag have that keeps a pretty girl around? And what does it matter? If I say mimic him if that's what you want you will certainly reply that that is not what you want. So, why mention it? I'd like to think that no woman is obligated or forced to be with him.

 

Yes, finding a positive thread or even a positive post here is like finding a four leaf clover. They are here but pretty rare. I was honestly surprised and that is part of the reason that I joined this forum. I may sound harsh to some but I am certainly a positive voice here.

 

While I do wish happiness for most everyone, I feel that that is largely their choice and has little to do with being in a relationship. And even more than that, your happiness is not my or Mr. Douchebag's responsibility.

 

I'm ex-mil so I relate things easily to military experiences. You can air drop me into a really effed up environment and I will survive and find my way out. Anyone that does not have my training (that I volunteered for), experience, and willingness to do what I am willing to do is ill advised to follow me. You may not readily see the similarities but they are there. OLD and surviving in a harsh/hostile environment are similar in that if you aren't equipped to handle it or default to some victim mentality, you are pretty much done.

[unicorn_with_baggage]

I mean to me telling someone to text you and stuff then talking one day then disappearing just seems like a complete waste of time.

 

I can't speak for all women but I have employed the ghosting tactic. Being a straight guy (I assume) you probably have never had to reject a man upon discovering you don't find him interesting after chatting a couple of times. An honest, non brutal rejection often gets you insulted, stalked online, your inbox flooded with annoying 'but why?' messages or even reported as a fake profile. Unfortunately it's a whole lot easier to dodge the psychos if you just disappear, but it means you end up being rude to nice people too.

[Titanll]

Well, I think the big issue many guys have w OLD is that, while it makes things easier in one sense, it makes it harder in another sense. You are being screened out on e.g., Match for reasons you never would be in real life.

 

I will elaborate.

 

OLD makes it easier in that for most zip codes even those of small towns, there are hundreds of single women in your area that can be pulled up in one search. How many trips to the grocery store, Barnes & Noble, or bar hops would a guy living in a small town have to do to come across anywhere near that many single women.

 

OLD makes it harder in now you are being screened in/out for how good you come across in 2 dimensions, or for whether you are a good writer--profile, emails, ect. Thing is though, whether you are good at writing a profile (and even whether you are great on paper) has little to do with how good you are at inspiring in-person chemistry or how good of a boyfriend you'd be. Anyway these rather superfluous filters are much less of an issue in real-life. Chances are everyone here knows of several couples where one person might be considered "way out of the other person's league".

 

But does this cut both ways? Do women get screened as well? I certainly screened a ton of women online and most, obviously, failed. When do I get to make choices based on my criteria without someone saying that it's a superfluous filter?

 

I'm making an assumption here that you are saying that IRL, women get to see your awesomeness in a split second standing in line at the grocery store but they can't see that online. To me, that's how OLD works. You get a second or two to impress someone enough that they want to at least engage you in a conversation. Adding a dimension does little to bypass some superfluous filter.

 

I can guarantee you that I could meet the women that I screened out online and I would feel just as unattracted to them in real life.

 

Now if you are talking about dating, that obviously comes later and is the only real time that you get to know someone. Dating only happens IRL and getting to that point was exactly the same process for me online as it was in real life.

 

And this whole idea of mismatched couples is irrelevant. You don't get to decide who plays in what league.

[Imajerk17]

But does this cut both ways? Do women get screened as well? I certainly screened a ton of women online and most, obviously, failed. When do I get to make choices based on my criteria without someone saying that it's a superfluous filter?

 

I'm making an assumption here that you are saying that IRL, women get to see your awesomeness in a split second standing in line at the grocery store but they can't see that online. To me, that's how OLD works. You get a second or two to impress someone enough that they want to at least engage you in a conversation. Adding a dimension does little to bypass some superfluous filter.

 

I can guarantee you that I could meet the women that I screened out online and I would feel just as unattracted to them in real life.

 

Now if you are talking about dating, that obviously comes later and is the only real time that you get to know someone. Dating only happens IRL and getting to that point was exactly the same process for me online as it was in real life.

 

And this whole idea of mismatched couples is irrelevant. You don't get to decide who plays in what league.

 

EDITTED:

 

1. Well, there are plenty of guys who could hardly get anyone online, or as you mentioned, even out and about in the grocery store to even notice them, who have women madly in love with them. (But if you cold approach in the grocery store though, you often get some points just for being bold enough to do so.) These guys probably met their woman through work or social circle, where they had time to grow on the woman.

 

And that is actually how most couples meet--work or social circle, where there is time for the guy to grow on the woman. This seems to jive with what many guys on here have been lamenting about OLD: 'I might not have the best profile and I have no idea what to say in these emails, but if I could only get her out on a date, to get her to commit to an hour of her time with me, she'd love me'.

 

 

But, if what you are saying is that OLD is still an avenue to meet women, I absolutely agree with you. An avenue with its advantages and disadvantages. Some guys it plays to their strengths, others it does not.

 

 

2. As far as how it goes for WOMEN looking for men, I believe and agree with what you are saying about not likely to be attracted to someone IRL if you aren't to their profile, but our attraction as guys to women tends to be more "looks" based than women's attraction to us. Her pictures is a more accurate barometer of whether we will feel attraction face-to-face. I think this thread was written by a guy though, so I focused on the male perspective.

 

 

3. Yep, I agree with you that leagues are an artificial concept, there's no universal rating system out there. But what I meant by "mismatched couples" are the couples where a consistent reaction from other people is "how the hell did HE get with HER??" or vice versa. But it is a misnomer of a term, they aren't really mismatched if they are happy together.

Edited May 15, 2017 by Imajerk17

[Chilli]

Haha do you think that too. l often see a couple and wonder how he or she got he or she.

 

when l was trying the online thing l couldn't even find anyone l'd go for in RL , although there was one, just one , but she disappeared

 

l must admit though , l look like being single again although that's still slightly up in the air.

But the thought of any OLD thing again, isn't a nice thought l must admit.

lf your not getting out that much though , it seems like your maybe missing out even more if you don't at least dabble in that stuff l guess.

 

After the way life has turned out in this last few yrs, divorce and many big decisions to try to figure out, l've thought just in this last few mths actually.

l'm not struggling with decisions anymore, had enough, l'm just going with what l feel.

Well one of the things l feel is that if l was single again, and this is just for me personally but, just don't even bother with OLD again.

Just live and get on with life instead, wonder how that'd go.

[Chilli]

Oh yeah ,of course the girls get screened too, l couldn't even find anyone on mine l was really all that interested in, cept one, who disappeared anyway

l must admit though ,due to my great taste in women haha, l did good really. Most l chatted with weren't really worth bothering to meet up because there was just nothing there but the few girls l did actually bother to meet were great ladies.

They were just ordinary girls looking for their mate , just like me. Really nice ladies , real waste l thought an l was wishing l was interested but l just wasn't.

 

But it did show me that there were some really good people on them l wouldn't have met otherwise. The problem to me though was more in just finding one that you wanted to be with , that wa s the real issue.

 

That seems much more practical out in the real world , getting out and about.