Crush on a married coworker

[Perplexed.89p]

I am a happily married women, married 6 years ago. When i say happily married, i really mean it.I am in a travelling job, travelling every week for 4 days. I have been doing this for the last 10 years. Everything was fine until few months back a guy(lets call him David) joined the company as my new boss. I dont know when but i have developed a strong crush on him.

I recently came to know he is married and has a 4 year old son. I dont know anything about his wife / their relation.

 

I am getting mixed signals from him. He is an anti social guy. We only talk about work related stuff in office and otherwise. Nothing else. However, he is very charming and warm. Or may be i feel that way!!

 

We sometimes have office parties and he always casually asks me if i am going. But my response doesnt change his decision anyway. Anyway we had a recent party to which i went and he was also there He opened up a bit and told me that i was dong good in my work etc etc. then all of a sudden he asked when i was going to show him my hubbyz photo. I just said sometime soon. Then we generally spoke about my husbandz work and i was praising my husband and he asked , you think your husband is better than me?? i just ignored the comment.

 

As the party progressed, i think he got a bit drunk and started giving hi fis though he was giving it to other people too. However, he did talk to me about random stuff.

 

I dont think of this all this is a big deal but at last i was sitting and he sat very very close to me. When i moved farther he asked me why i was moving and not sitting clos. I told him bcoz there so much space here. To be honest, i was liking him sitting next to me but there were other people so i couldnt help. Anyway as i pushed farther he got up.

 

Sometime later i went home.

Later i messaged him that i liked speakIng to him and he said he was very glad that i came.

 

I dont think there is anything great about the conversation we had but david usually is very reserved and speaks only when spoken to and never talks much other than work. However during the party he opened up the conversation and even made sure i had the right equipement to play the game we all were playing as a group

 

Hey tease me a lot with his sarcasm and i have found him looking at me sometimes.

 

I am not sure what to make of this. I am already feeling guilty of cheating my husband but i cant get him out of my mind. I dont think i want any relation with david but his i like when he pays attention to me.

 

I want to vent this frustation out, so writing here.

 

I cant change my job and dont know how to get over him

Edited May 13, 2017 by Perplexed.89p

[SerenaAnna]

Hi Perplexed,

 

Although you can't control how you feel, you can control your actions. Right now you are playing with fire by letting yourself spend time with this guy on a personal level. I get that office parties are a time to relax a little and talk about things other than work. That's completely fine with anyone else, but since you are developing feelings for this man you need to limit your personal time with him and DO NOT allow yourself to be alone with him. He is your boss and you need to maintain a professional relationship with him ONLY.

 

I've seen and heard this scenario so many times before, and unfortunately they lead to full blow affairs. DO NOT become one of those people.

 

Imagine that your husband develops feelings for some woman at work and really looks forward to spending time with her at office parties and gets excited by all the attention she gives him. If you found this out how would it make you feel? Imagine how he would feel if he knew this about you.

 

Nip it in the bud now and make it a point to only speak to this man about business when in the office. If you attend office parties, I would absolutely NOT allow myself to be alone with him and only have a personal conversation with him in the presence of others.

 

If you find that your feelings for him become too strong to handle, then you need to leave your job. It's not worth risking your marriage and family by acting on your feelings, which is what you're doing now, even if it's in a very small way. Things could escalate quickly, so don't allow anything more to happen.

 

All the best.

[Space Ritual]

I am a happily married women, married 6 years ago. When i say happily married, i really mean it.I am in a travelling job, travelling every week for 4 days. I have been doing this for the last 10 years. Everything was fine until few months back a guy(lets call him David) joined the company as my new boss. I dont know when but i have developed a strong crush on him.

I recently came to know he is married and has a 4 year old son. I dont know anything about his wife / their relation.

 

I am getting mixed signals from him. He is an anti social guy. We only talk about work related stuff in office and otherwise. Nothing else. However, he is very charming and warm. Or may be i feel that way!!

 

We sometimes have office parties and he always casually asks me if i am going. But my response doesnt change his decision anyway. Anyway we had a recent party to which i went and he was also there He opened up a bit and told me that i was dong good in my work etc etc. then all of a sudden he asked when i was going to show him my hubbyz photo. I just said sometime soon. Then we generally spoke about my husbandz work and i was praising my husband and he asked , you think your husband is better than me?? i just ignored the comment.

 

As the party progressed, i think he got a bit drunk and started giving hi fis though he was giving it to other people too. However, he did talk to me about random stuff.

 

I dont think of this all this is a big deal but at last i was sitting and he sat very very close to me. When i moved farther he asked me why i was moving and not sitting clos. I told him bcoz there so much space here. To be honest, i was liking him sitting next to me but there were other people so i couldnt help. Anyway as i pushed farther he got up.

 

Sometime later i went home.

Later i messaged him that i liked speakIng to him and he said he was very glad that i came.

 

I dont think there is anything great about the conversation we had but david usually is very reserved and speaks only when spoken to and never talks much other than work. However during the party he opened up the conversation and even made sure i had the right equipement to play the game we all were playing as a group

 

Hey tease me a lot with his sarcasm and i have found him looking at me sometimes.

 

I am not sure what to make of this. I am already feeling guilty of cheating my husband but i cant get him out of my mind. I dont think i want any relation with david but his i like when he pays attention to me.

 

I want to vent this frustation out, so writing here.

 

I cant change my job and dont know how to get over him

 

Oh come on Lady, you say you are happily married and then go off into a Lifetime Movie of the week script.

 

You are in the throes of an Emotional Affair with your Boss Super Douche Dave. It will go physical sooner or later, because you want it to. And you will throw all caution to the wind and destroy 3 other lives in the Process. Your husband....your boss's wife who you know nothing about, and your boss' child. Just because ...oh gasp...you can't get over him.

 

Do yourself a favor and read not only this, but other subforums that contain coworker or Boss/Subordinate affairs.

 

You know how many of those stories turn out well, where nobody is hurt and after a bit of messing about everything goes back to normal for the married couples and all is happy ever after?

 

Not a one of them.

 

 

If you spent one tenth of the time on your marriage than you have thinking about this guy you are seeing unicorn farts and rainbow pukes with, you'd probably have a decent marriage.

 

Do yourself a favor, grow up, get hold of yourself and understand that your little fantasy has ZERO chance of working out.

 

Or if that isn't an option, then have the courtesy of telling your poor husband that you are enthralled with this coworker so he can actually determine the direction of his own life without waking up next to a lie with two legs every morning. That being you. And also so this poor woman and her child can get away from Super Douche Dave so you two can be together.

 

Come on lady, do you really think this is going to go anywhere but to an eventual HR meeting once it is discovered? He'll throw your ass under the bus in a New York Minute if he thinks his wife and kid would leave him. And I would too. Your Fog is pretty strong, and stupidly so.

[Noideanow]

Omghgg: You Write you Are happily married after which you continue to Write about david dissecting everything He did* stop writing thinking about him as long as you consider yourself happily married--or the other way around you obiously Seem "happily married", 3 days a week you see your happy husband? 4 days David? You seem to be married to your job and yourself more than your husband- pardon me in case you truly love David and your husband is not your true passion- complicated situation I see but first time you start by getting bloody honest with yourselves-(

Edited May 13, 2017 by Noideanow

[smackie9]

Workplace bonding that gets out of hand....just cut back on your interaction, keep it professional when you do.

 

Secondly, start planning date nights with your husband that have meaning, that are fun, that gets you guys back to being connected. That will fix things up.

[aliveagain]

Take it from a guy who divorced his wife for cheating, your moving closer to the point that you can never come back from. If you want to remain married, stop the fantasy sh*t and blow this guy out of the water. What's wrong with you? He knows your married, what kind of POS hits on another man's wife, a snake, that's who. There is nothing special about a guy that will chase a married woman, he knows your safe, you don't sleep around and he doesn't have to worry about catching something horrible if he has unprotected sex with you. He knows you will keep a secret to save your marriage and if he knocks you up he's got a sucker to raise his kid, your husband. Girl you don't know how close you are to loosing it all. Just read a few posts on the infidelity forum to see your near future. Wake up before it is too late.

[mikeylo]

When fantasy is replaced by reality , you won't be able to handle it. In times of crisis, the first person we turn to is our partner. Who will you turn to ? This OM will run throw you under the bus in a split second.

[Perplexed.89p]

I totally get what everyone is saying. I am so embarrassed of my actions and my feelings that i cant share this with family / friends. I am bottling up my feelngs which is making it all the more difficult. I needed someone to talk through this, which i have now.

 

I dont ever plan to act on this crush and have been trying hard to not talk / meet David unless absolutely needed.

 

Hope this phase passes soon!!

[aliveagain]

Just read Deepremorse, deadsoul and Lifelesson's posts and then decide if a little strange is worth what it cost them. My ex sure doesn't think it was, but she's not my problem anymore to me she is just another face in the crowd now. Have your fantasy while soaking in your tub but in real life don't sit near this guy again, avoid him for the predator he is, he's the guy that is going to help you take down your marriage. You promised to defend your husband from predators when he wasn't there to do it himself, keep your word, your failing miserably. Messaging him and telling him that you like talking to him is like telling him your receptive and available.

Edited May 13, 2017 by aliveagain

[Perplexed.89p]

I agree messaging him wasnt the smartest thing to do. When i look back, i dont understand what the hell i was thinking.

[smackie9]

I totally get what everyone is saying. I am so embarrassed of my actions and my feelings that i cant share this with family / friends. I am bottling up my feelngs which is making it all the more difficult. I needed someone to talk through this, which i have now.

 

I dont ever plan to act on this crush and have been trying hard to not talk / meet David unless absolutely needed.

 

Hope this phase passes soon!!

You will be fine. Everyone has crushes through their life, you had the smarts to recognize the dangers of getting in too deep. Just value what you have.

[Perplexed.89p]

Thank you Smackie9. I am feeling more determined to take control of my life. I have deleted David's text messages so that i dont read them over n over again. There is a long way to go but i hope these small steps will be the stepping stones.

[smackie9]

Thank you Smackie9. I am feeling more determined to take control of my life. I have deleted David's text messages so that i dont read them over n over again. There is a long way to go but i hope these small steps will be the stepping stones.

Totally understandable...attention like this is as addicting as heroin. That's why it's so hard to kick it. Some unfortunately can't help themselves. One day at a time.

 

Down the road you will look back and ask yourself "What the hell was I thinking?!"