My fiancé broke up with me 3 months before our wedding. [UPDATED]

May 13, 2017

Please read it and help me understand,

I am still in shock its been almost 3 months. I am trying to understand why this happened to us and if two people love each other and had no major problems and were so sure about each other how could this happen.

Here is the story and please give me your honest opinions, I am trying my best to accept this.

My Ex fiance and I met each other through our parents. They were really good friends and one day while my parents were invited to their house for lunch they told my parents to bring my sister and I along.( When they visited each other neither side would bring their children along because we were adults in college, graduated college and etc.) Back story, I remember seeing his parents when they were over our house (once in a couple of months) and his dad would always say you are smart and beautiful and you should take a look at my “son”. At this time it appeared to have been a funny joke because I never really thought more of it. I was like 20 at the time and was in a relationship and in love so I never even was interested.

I remember I had to work that day and my parents were like " hey why don’t you go with us say hey to everyone, they invited us and insisted to bring you and your sister with us for dinner". I ended up going and I met my ex F (I remember him when we were kids, because they lived above us in an apartment, both families later moved out and the parents kept in touch from time to time but the kids never did). He was very kind, but not really my type and not to mention I recently had broken up with my boyfriend at the time so I wasn’t even interested in dating anyone.

Anyway, I met my ex F after I went to their house, he was very interested in me that day and I thought he was nice and cute. He told me he just recently graduated college and that his dream was to become an Agent in the bureau. The crazy thing was I was in schoo working on my AA in CJ because I wanted to apply with the police dept in the city we lived in. So we basically had a lot in common as far as careers.

I left that day very pleased with his persona, we did not exchange numbers but I remember I thought about him a few days after that and wondered why we met (for the second time) and how I enjoyed his personality.

Fast forward a week from that, I attended this traditional dance class. I had been attending this class for the past few months, and his mom also shows up along with a lot of other people. All of a sudden he walks in with his dad, ( there are several people that come and watch us practice). He asked me out to coffee and I agreed, we exchanged numbers and kicked it off from there. Shortly after we started dating, our parents were happy and my ex F even got me an interview at his job for some office work because I was working at a country club at the time and was on my feet a lot and dealing with food and stuff. I got the job at his company and we dated for approx 3 months. During this time I enjoyed him and he was all about me, he would come to my place after we got out of work (i lived close to our job) and my mom had dinner made for us every day. Although I had a problem, my ex boyfriend was stalking me, threatening me. I was moving on but my ex bf did not want to leave me alone. I won’t go into too many details but I was in a really though spot emotionally.

So I had started fresh with my ex fiancé that had so much in common with me but I had this major issue on the side. I couldn’t tell him, I guess I was ashamed of what he would think. I knew I had to break up with my ex fiancé when we got out of the movies one night and my ex bf had called me 20 times. We were walking out the movies and I spotted my ex bf car in the parking lot near my car. He saw me and my ex F walking to the car and watched! I was so scared because I felt like he was crazy and wasn’t sure what he was capable of. He sped off and my heart was pounding. Keep in mind my ex F now had no idea that this was happening. I felt really bad but I felt like i needed to deal with the issues I was having and did not want to drag him into it. I decided it was best just to break up with him. I also was not able to let him in because of my ex bf. I broke up with my ex F (bf at the time) and felt like that was the best thing.

It took a while for me to finally get things into order with the abusive ex bf and I suffered emotionally bc of the very traumatic experiences with him.

On the other hand my ex F (x bf at the time) would still see me at work and would ask me out to lunch as friends and just wanted to get me back. I always refused because I just could not deal with two things at once. He never gave up on me though. I initially nicely told him I really dont want to get involved and need some space but eventually it got to the point where he started annoying me and I stopped talking to him. I felt really bad but I was really going through a tough time bc of my ex bf. I even had an enxiety attack at work once. I did not know my ex F (x bf at the time) had fallen in love with me after 3-4 months of being together.

It took approx 10 -12 months to heal from the damage my ex bf put me through. I eventually got rid of my ex bf, the stalking, the 100 million calls and voicemails a day. During this time frame my ex F got into the bureu, he sent me an email basically informing me . Right Before he got into the bureau I started speaking to him a little via txt and email bc he called and texted me. He was peristent and never stopped trying to get me back, although he did try less frequently.

I was happy for him, I really was from the bottom of my heart.. On the other hand I had finished my AA and was in the application procces at the local PD (hoping to get in) and after that I wanted to continue my education.

So basically my ex F went to the academy and we kept in contact but did not date. I got to the end of my application procees with the dept and he was finishing his federal academy.

I got the word that I got into the PD and had a date set, he graduated his fed. Academy and got his permanent location (across the country). He was very excited and I was proud of him and his accomplishments but I was also excited for myself. He graduated and spent 2 weeks on vacation before moving, and we saw each other a LOT. He asked me to come with him before he left and I said no bc we werent officially even dating again and I was about to start my academy. So we decided to try the long distance relationship thing. We did for two years and we started getting serious, I had finished my academy had a job in the pd and got back into taking classes for my BA. My family and I and his family were all in the same city and he was across the country alone because of his job. We flew often to see each other and facetimed every day and our love grew. I fell in love with him and his love for me grew. He did not hold grudges or asked why I left him initially. He was so supportive, kind, loving and understanding.

So the time came where we did not want to be so far away from each other anymore he wanted me to move in with him. He told me that I was the woman for him and that he was serious about us, that he loved me and that together over there we will build our life. He told me he would never give up on me and leave me. I started to believe that because based on how he never gave up on me (even though he suspected or knew I broke up with him to get things straightened out with my ex bf) I started to believe that he loved me unconditionally because if we had little arguments he would be the one who would calmly try to understand me and then eventually I would compromise to.

So the only issues we had was that he believed I over react sometimes and have petty arguments with him. I never called him names or anything like that I just tried to express my emotions vocally and if I was deeply hurt I would think that I needed to escape and leave because I was scared that I would be hurt to the point I was before. .

Anyway, his parents in my eyes showed that they cared for me but did not really agree with my carrer, as a lady cop, and they wanted me to get a higher education because to them people with high educations are like the best people. His mom worked to get her masters for a while, his dad actually has no college ed., my parents have no college ed. (remember these are people that moved to the states from another country with kids).

My parents of course wanted me to follow my heart, they did not agree with my carrer choice but accepted it because they love me and of course wanted me to continue my education.

My mom cooked and invited his parents to our home on numerous ocassions when we were in the long distance relationship (more than when they were just reg friends) and always respected them and loved them. It got to the point where both of our parents knew that I might be moving across country ro be with him. His dad basically told me to move because we love each other, I will find a job and etc. my parents told me that if I truly loved him and I felt like he was the one that I should go.

I talked to my ex F and told him that I would have to put my education on hold once again and then start over with the pd process and go through another academy and also be in a place where I dont have any family and friends. But I did love him and trusted him and asked him what his intentions were and where does he see us in the future.

He said that he never loved anyone like he loved me and that he wants me to move, he will help me out and that he sees us being together, growing old with kids.

I thought about everything and decided to move. I left everything. I quit my job with no job in mind over there, I quit my education for the moment, I left my family, returned my nice car I had here because he had a work car and a personal car and told me I could use his car. I paid almost 4,000 to return my car to the dealership because it was a lease and I had went over my mileage. But I was planning on buying the car after the lease so I wouldnt have lost that money if I would have kept it. I left my family and friends here.

I moved over there to be with him and sacrificed a lot for our love because it was the only solution for us to be together, he couldnt not go anywhere because of his job and the waiting list for a spot here in our city for the buruea was 10 years long. We came to the conclusion that it would be easier for me to just apply at a pd there because I was unable to transfer, but I could still do the same job I would just have to start from scratch.

Anyway, I moved and I was homesick for a while. He told me I dont have to worry about any of the bills and that I could just pay for food until I found a job, if I wanted to and that I could use his car. I still had student loans though and a cell phone payment, some credit card bills. So as the person I am I felt like he was being generous and giving me what he could and I used my credit card to pay for food and stuff. I applied at the pd there but the process was very long so in the meantime I looked for another job. I was without a job for 7 months there, my credit card bills racked up from the food I was buying and etc. I was worried. During this time we had a couple fights where I reacted impulsive and wanted to leave. I dont remember what the argument was about but I felt hurt and felt like he didint understand and I felt like i did what I could and risked and sacrificed everything. He stopped me Twice from leaving. The arguments we had were stupid, and I felt like his parents were in our buisness and always trying to control him with their advice.

He looks up to his dad so much and is influenced by him a lot. I realized that he was having a hard time standing up to his parents when it came to certain things. His parents started having issues in their marriage and were arguing, his mom was going through menopause and etc. I felt like they were also bulging into “our” life and that every decision that we were sopposed to make involved the opinion of his parents. Not to mention his car that I was driving, he initially bought that car for his dad, he bought it Brand new and was paying it off and wanted to give it to his dad after he paid it off. But I came in the picture and he let me drive it. I wanted to get my own car out there or transfer mine but he did not allow it. I never asked him for his car or anything else he said that the car was just sitting there and that I should drive it. I never asked him for a dime of his money when I was there because I am not like that. I am not with people I love for money or some other interest.

Anyway, so I noticed these things with him and his parents. But we loved each other and I was willing to compromise with him. Although I noticed he loved to save money. I found this to be so weird and strange, he would use the restroom and he wouldnt flush if he only urinated he said I can use it a few more times before I flush so “i dont waste water”. He laughed about it too, I asked him to please start flushing and at times it upset me to come into the restroom and see the toilet was not flushed. It wasnt normal to me. Later, I would be cold and I would turn the heat on and he would turn it off. He would say put some clothes on because he would be in a sweathisrt/zip up jacket and sweatpants in the house and He woudnt be cold. He said the bill would be high.

Btw I bought grocerioes, cooked and cleaned for us. We got a dog during the time I wasnt working and I raised him and taught him everything. I got a job at a company that didint pay much but it was something to keep me busy until the pd job came and that way i could start paying of my debt. He told me dont pay rent, pay off your student loans and I had mentioned to him that my credit cards bill is high because of the groceries and stuff. So I started paying that off but I still spent money on groceries and on the things we did when we go out/ movies/ dinner and etc. I paid for going out/fun times 95% of the time. I had no issues with it bc I figured he is paying for our stay and the other bills car and insurance and water etc.But I did not realise that food is very expensive and that I spent a LOT of money.

Anyway we got engaged we kind of talked about it at first and were looking at this house we both really liked and he mentioned it first like we should get married and from there we decided to get engaged. We went out that week to different stores to find the ring I liked and he bought me a ring. When we called our parents on facetime to tell them, my parents were happy for us, his parents also congradulated us but his mom had a weird reponse. She said good luck and was quiet and crying. She seemed suprised by it, because her response was so weird, and my ex f said well me and her talked about it before (a while ago) and she had this image or scenario in her head of how it should have happened and she said she was going to pick out the ring with me and etc. He said maybe she was just emtional because she really didint say much other than congrats and we wish u the best and also like how did you guys come to this decision. And we were like we love each other and etc.

Ever since that day his parent (mom initially) startes to change drastically. They didint call me anymore like they used to. They became distant from my parents.

His parents ocasionally called my parents and maybe invited them over very few times. My parents on the other hand always called his parents and invited them over and my mom cooked their favorite foods for them and would always pack some for them to take home. His parents slowly started changing towards my parents and started saying very rude things/comments in public. Also his parents never asked what our plan was for the wedding, what can they do, did I start planning my wedding, they never even mentioned it. At least not to me idk what they said to him.

Anyway we decided to get the house we both liked, he placed the down payment down and he said that was his lifes savings and he wants To build this life together. We both really liked the house btw. His parents were kind of telling him to be careful and we didint need that big of a house and etc. But we bought it but maybe I should say “he” because his parents went around saying “my son bought a house” instrad of they bought it. Because I might not have chipped in to the down payment because I really was not able to but I paid for half the rent rent and food and the decor, furniture and etc. my ex F also did buy a few furniture pieces but we did this slowly not right away.

Basically his parents did not want to talk about the wedding, I expected them to talk to us about it. My parents asked but saw that his parents had something against it or we dont really know but they felt uncomftorable.

. His parents started making rude comments about mutual friends of theirs and my parents and also started insulting my parents in disrespectdul ways. They were having a converstaion about wills one time and my mom had mentioned to my dad we should write a will and etc in front of them and his mom said why?, you dont have anything valuable to leave to your kids. (I wasnt there my parents told me this way late because they didint want to stress me out).

Also I wore a dress above the knees once and his dad said that dress is “way too short”. My ex F was present and did not say anything, I kind of smiled and did not want to argue but mentioned it to my ex F later because he did not stand up for me and tell his dad that i can wear whatever I wanted to.This was a huge argument because we were visiting our parents so I was staying with my parents and he was with his.( after the engagment) He got into a argument with his dad and told me he tried to stand up for me but they brainwashed him and he told me that I was wrong that his dad was just joking. & I had a meldown because I felt disrespected on many ocassions by them and not once did I disrepect them plus we got enagaged and this was our first time visitinf our parents after it. My parents threw a party for us along with my sisters birthday and my mom made homemade cakes. We missed our flights and missed the party but my mom still made dinner at my parents place and saved our cake for us. His parents had nothing to say about our engagment. My parents again did not want to stir stuff up my mom just said congratulations guys we are happy for u and we wish you love and health and we said cheers. His parents did not say anythinf other then smile . No mention of what we plan on doing for the wedding and my parents did not mention it because thet saw that they are so distant. My parents invited them cooked and baked and said the nice words and initiated the convo but no response from his parents.

I got into a very huge argument with him after the comments and all of the **** I was putting up with. I was hiding my ring, turning it inward because I felt uncomftorable.

His dad said things in sarcastic ways.. My ex F did not see that. I was afraid to talk about my own wedding in front of his parents, I was very excited about it and loved my ex f but they made me feel that way by their actions. My ex F said “no they dont mean it like they just did not want to be in your buisness” …. like really? They have an opinion about everything else but the wedding they dont. They also did not like some of my parents friends and did not want this huge wedding I know that for sure.

I never really wanted a huge wedding but I wanted something small and nice. My ex F said we should just go to the court house with our families and have dinner later. Not spend money on the wedding. I at least wanted something so I waited and waited for him to say something or them but nothing happened. I infomed him of my ideas and we talkes about it but he disagreed with any huge wedding. I came to a compromise with him to have a small wedding 20-30 people of just family and close friends. He agreed and I started making plans. I only wanted a wedding because I felt like why shouldnt we have one and something small but meaningful. I didint wanna go through life regreting not having a wedding and pictures to share with my kids and memories to last us a lifetime.

I felt like we both had good paying jobs and could afford something small but nice and also that I deserve a meaningful wedding if I want one. His opinion was that he would work with me on the small wedding idea but he really only wanted our families there and that spending money on a wedding is just a waste and its a business that rips people off. I completely agree that if you love someone a wedding is not important and if u dont have the money for it. We did not have the money for a huge wedding at least I didint, I dont know about him because I never knew how much money he actually had in the bank,I just knew his monthly income.

I came up with the idea to have a drstination wedding in Cancun and he agreed the estimaed cost for 30 people was 11,000 without stay. But we were planning on maybe having 20-25 people. Btw my prents offered to help with any costs no matter what I decided but I refused because his parents never offered a dime.

Also my mom works pt and my dad has been on disability for 8 years and they are tight with money but still offered. Both of his parents work full time. I also figured I did not want to owe anyone anything because if his parents even did offer, which they didint, they would hold that as “they did this, they did that”. Because of the way they acted they praised material things and if they did something for someone.

Anyway I sat down with my ex F and spoke to him about the cost and location and showed him pictures and we came to an agreement. I called my parents told them what we decided to do and he called his. They both said they were ok with it and the date. Also we asked our siblings and made sure they would make it.

I started working on the wedding and the invitations.

I invited a few more friends than I initially planned but wasnt even sure if they would make it because it was a destination wedding and it costs money. I got my bridemaids gifts, I placed the deposit, I said Yes to the dress and paid in full.

His parents asked me who did I invite and I told them. They did not seem very happy about who my parents invited from their friends (these were my friends too).. I asked them who did they invite and they said they have one couple in another state they were close to but family wise no one because they are all out of the country.

My guest list filled quickly but his not so much, he did not have anyone but one family of 4 to invite. Two of them were his parents friends and two were their sons. That was it. He has always been a person who can be alone and doesnt have many friends. I also dont have many friends and I like my piece but I still have people I care about and am close to.

And his parents and my parents had a lot of mutual friends but all of those friends had cut his parents off because of their actions and etc. His parents insulted others (his mom) and put her self on a pedestal.

We argued about wedding details like the videograpgy and photos, he said he wont pay that much for the photos. He said we can take pics with our phones. I wanted to capture those memories and have that to show our kids and us later in life. He basically then said all he was piching in was less then half of the price of the wedding. I told him I will pay the rest if he was unwilling bc all of these guests were mine although he knew them as well and that this is my dream wedding and etc. Was I asking for too much??

Anyway we argued about little things. His parents came to visit us for X Mas 5 months before the wedding. They were extremely nice to me it was akward, because they werent that nice since we first started dating. Although there were some insults like they somehow got on a subject about my sister and his mom said “(my sisters name* is a tough one but you are not like that you are a good girl). All i did was swallow my spit. This was in the car, and hence my ex F didint say or stand up for the insults once again. I dont expect him to argue just for him to nicely ask them not to disrespect me.

While they were there my ex F had made an appointment with a dealership to return the car he had (i bought myself a car a few months because he said he needed to return his due to a recall) while his parents were there. I was wondering why he made an appointment during the holidays but I now know its because his dad/parents advised him to so they can feed their opinions and advice onto him. He basically was returning the car and was getting money back for it because of the recall plus the value. His dad and him got ready and his mom and brother were staying at home. I made a statement like i’ll go put some jeans on really quick to go with you guys and his dad said “oh youre going as well?”. I felt like he didint want me there.

I felt like I should be there because my ex F and I are about to be married and this concerns me to. If anyone should be going it should have been me and not his dad. I had no problem with his dad going because my intentions were good but his obviously were not. I shook it off though and said yea i’m going. They walked into the garage and i opened the door and As I was putting my shoes on and his dad says “you dont have to go now u can come pick us up later when we are done”. That really hurt me because he kept persisting that I shouldnt go and I didint argue and just said ok, do you wanna drive my car then so I dont have to pick u guys up. And he refused and said “no im not driving your car” in a way like he would not dare. (Btw he took the keys to my car a day before and drove it out of the garage and looked inside it and parked it in the front so he can take pics of it, but my ex f did not know about this)

So my ex F called me and said just come with us and I said no it’s ok I will pick you up when you guys are done. My ex F knew I was pissed and hurt. I really was. Apprently my ex F stood up for me in the car and they had a huge argument. When I came to pick them up my ex F got in the car and had to call his dad via cell to ask where he was at. He was across the dealership walking.

His dad got in the car and I felt the tension there. I never asked how much money he got out of the car and etc. I dont ask those questions and my ex F did not tell me on his Own. When we got home all of us were in the living room and his moms says to my ex f "when tou have some time I need to talk to you in your office about something". Wow in front of me! So disrespectful! I said nothing and my ex Fiancé went to talk to her for an hour!

Ever since that day for the follwing few days they were still at our place his dad did not say one word to me directly. He spoke in group chats but did not really even talk to my ex F as I noticed. I felt bad and I felt like I did something wrong. I guess he was mad at me because he felt like he was losing grip of his son and that he couldnt control him to do the things he wanted him to do because I was in the picture and was not allowing my inlaws to butt into our life together. I always loved his parents and received them well and respected. Out of all those times they insulted I never said anything back to them. His mom said I would never do the job you do, thats not for a woman and also told me you need to finish your schooling. There are many other things they based their opinion in but I always just smile it off.

I of course talk to my ex F about it and he stands up for them saying they did not mean it like that and etc. and protects them. My ex F could not see past that and look at the situation with clear eyes he was so controlled by them that he did not believe they were controlling him and now they saw that I was not going to allow my life with my ex F to be lived based on how they think we should live it they turned against me.

On their last day visiting us, I was going to work and I said bye to his brother and his mom and thanked them for everything. His dad sat on the couch with his back turned. He did not even trn around. Out of respect and putting all of the bs to the side I walked up to him to say bye and he looked at me and sat there for a second and got up and hugged me and tapped my back.

Since then my life and my ex F relationship started going downhill.

My ex F I could see was feeling down and I asked him if everything was ok and he said yes. He had mentioned to me that he was not talking to his dad and that was a very big issue because his dad is like god to him and thats why he has a huge influence on him. All of a sudden he started talking to his dad and i ddint even know why he wasnt. I am assuming I had something to do with it and he tried to stand up for me but his dad said some things to him that really hurt him.

He did not want to talk to me about the whole issue. I felt like he should have. At the same time 3 weeks after visiting us they went to this party where my parents were invited to as well. My parents had no complaints and told me they saw my ex F parents and that it was a good time.

His parents called him complaining how they were disrespected by my parents and how my parents acted innapropriately towards them. His mom complained how my dad did not say hey to her. (Apparently my dad did not see her walking in and she walked behind him without saying anything to him). Basically they made this huge deal about that and they dropped a bomb on him and told him they were not coming to the wedding.

Is this a normal reaction over something petty or because you felt uncomftorable? They apparently filled my ex F head with negativity about my parents and related me to them and that im just like them. My ex F told me about how they felt uncomfortable and disrespected and my response was “why did they call you and not my parents, because they were friends long before us”.

Why did they involve him and I in this and tell him they werent coming to the wedding? It did not make sense to me I felt like there was something biger there. My ex F asked me to call my parents and talk to them to see if they can work it out and I did. I called my mom and told her, she was shocked because she said their behavior at the party was normal. Regardless she said I will call them immediately and we can talk about any misunderstandings in person. My mom called them, no answer, she left a voicemail for them to call her back so they can talk about this. 2 weeks passed no one called her back. Tensions between my ex F and I arose we argued because our parents stories were 2 different stories.

They kept feeding him with negativity and turned him against me and he said since his parents cant come to the wedding, he cant have a wedding without them. That hurt me so bad not that he wants his parents at his wedding because I want them there too, they are his parents for gods sake. But the fact that this decision and these problems were caused by them and we cant control their actions. But the fact that our wedding that is for us as he mentioned before,he would rather cancel the wedding then be there without his parents. I got so hurt and fed up and was very emotional. I eventually had to tell him “cant you see their goal is seperate us becuase they feel like they are losing grip. & if we cancel this wedding will they ever show up at any other?” I loved my ex F very much, he was my life I moved and sacrificed for him. He loved me a lot too. But I also did not deserve this and did not fall that low to allow his parents to ruin my wedding day and run our lives and change our plans. I basically had to tell him if you cancel the wedding because your parents wont show then me and you will be over with. I mean what else could have I said? Should I have cancelled the wedding and allowed this to happen and allowed them to act like children. He tells me let's just me and you get married without our parents. I felt like it was very unfair to me and my family. Foe my family not to witness my wedding because of his manipulative parents..

We went to bed that night without a solution, and I did not want to give him an ultimatum But had to say that bc I really had no other choice. I did nothing wrong. We went to bed mad and hurt and the following day he comes from work and tells me we need to talk. He told me this is really hard for me to say but “i dont think we are meant to be together”!!!!

His words were trembling and his eyes were red! I knew that he talked to his parents and they made him do this!

I felt multiple stabs to the heart and I broke down. I tried to talk and explain to him that this is unnecessary but he did not even want to solve it, he had made his decision. He told me the reason he feels like that is because he thought about all of the problems we have had and that I over react, that I am controlling him and that he is going with the flow, that I am using him and used him for his kindness because he only wanted to make me happy, that I was selfish and that he does not have confidence in our relationship because he said he is tired of compromising with me and im always the one who wanted to leave and I over react and that I cant control my emotions. I was in shock. He said he wrote down my good wualities vs my negative ones and he thought it thrrough. Who does that? My character is to be written down on a piece of paper? Omg! He said his parents had nothing to do with his decision and it was all his choice. He said he loves me and his heart says that but his gut feeling says something else. He says when he replays all of the fights we had in his mind he does not think we will make it so its better to end it now.

He said something just changed in him, he never said those words to me ever!! I felt like it was someone else talking. He always tried to resolve the issue and talk to me and told me no matter what he would never leave me and that he would do anything for me. Everyone saw how much he loved me and how much I loved him. We had no major problems we argued about bs stuff. I dont understand how he could do this and how he can feel so negative about me. Its like they made me the enemy in his eyes, they made me seem evil and malicious (malicious is what he used to describe me). I cried my eyes out and poured my heart out to him.

i cried for hours and told him he knew who I was that I loved him that I would do anything for him and that the issues we personally had are not major issues. He sat and listened and told me I now see it a little differently since you explain it that way but the still was not sure if he wanted to change his mind. He told me he only slept for 2 hours and that he needed a day to think about what I said. I told him if you love someone you know if you wanna be with them ir not. He said that he wanted to think about everything and we woukd talk the next day. I felt like he was going to take what i said and take it to his parents to see how they feel about it and ask their advice. I stayed up all night and day my mind was rushing. I was crying and so shocked. He came back from work and basically told me the same thing. I am so hurt by him. I cant believe he did this. Whats shocking is that for the 6 years of our relationship and 3 years living together he never said any of the things he said to me ever before.

3 months before our wedding he didthis! everything was set In stone!

So I am in shock and the same night he asks me when you move out what are you taking with you? He also asked are you giving me the ring back and the watch i gave you? But he kept getting messeges and everytime he read them he had new questions ! Omg!!! He said these things right after reading text messages from someone. It was his parents!!!!

My mind was rushing a 100/ mph And he is thinking about the metrial things!!! Wow!!

For him to do that do me leave me stranded in an expensive city with no noone.. I have a job but the cost of apartment Is so expensive. Plus I have a car payment and bills and credit cards and student loans. He had no shame! You dont do that to someone you love and out of the blue! I did not expect this at all for him to break up with me!!

I am trying to cope and come to some kind of understanding, I started blaming myself but my parents and friends tell me that we all have flaws the issue here was not me. They tell me I should be lucky I dogged a bullet because he was not able to stand up for us and stand up to his prents. He is 34 and I am 27! I would think a man of that age would have his own I! He is strongly infleuenced and brain washed by his parents! I had no idea that was possible!!

They are narcissist's and are very manipulative. They are controlling him and don't respect him at all. He does not see it though!

I was in the process of moving out and had broken down a few more times and asked him was he sure, because I couldnt believe it. He said he was sure and that his parents had nothing to do with the decision he made. 2 weeks passed and he said I confirmed any doubts he had about his decision by my actions (I had to leave for 2 weeks because of the pain I was going through) he also said his feelings changed for me and that he wasn’t in love with me anymore all of a sudden.

I can’t believe that because this guy was picking a wedding cake with me 3 days before his parents said they weren’t coming to the wedding. He was happy and excited and even ordered some wedding bands that we could wear when doing sports activities. He was drawing sketches of what he thought we should do for our favors.

I will never understand his actions and how can you hurt a person you loved for five years and tell them you dont love them 3 months before your wedding. It will never make sense, because everything was ok before his parents stirred the pot.

What i just wrote does not sound like the man I knew for 6 years. Never before has he said anything so hurtful to me.

Its been two months I moved most of my stuff out but I cant seem to understand what happened to my relationship, I am hurting.

Please give me your opinions/advice.

Also we have a dog and I wanted to take him with me, he didin’t agree. He wanted to switch and share the dog, I disagreed. I came to terms that I would leave the dog with him because I did not want to share him because I did not want interaction with my ex because of the pain. Once I came to terms with this my ex changed his mind and said ok you can take the dog. I had already found a place where dogs were not really allowed. I told him I came to terms with it already got a place where they don’t allow dogs. He said “I think you just don’t want the responsibility.” How cruel is that? He has become this evil person that I did not know.

He watched me when I pack to make sure I am not packing any of his items, he wants to argue about petty stuff like why am I taking all of the olive oil, That I actually bought. He called me a bitch bc I asked for a certain amount of money for the house. Both our names or on the title and I was paying rent and for food so I felt like I deserved a portion of it.

He told me I came out here to leach him for money. Wow this was so hurtful bc I never asked him for money. I paid for what I could in the beggining I got a good job and paid half the rent, groceries and for dining/going out. Through all this I went through an academy of 8 months to get my job. This was very demanding physically, mentally and emotionally. This was my second academy because I had already went through one in another state but since I moved to a different state I had to go through it again. I did this bc I wanted to be with him and I truly loved him and truly thought he loved me.

Based on his actions, he is not the guy I knew. The statements he is making sound like something his parents would say, I am so shocked that he believes them because he knows who I am and he knows my heart. I have a huge heart and he knows it and I never ever used him for anything.

While I was moving out...

Today I picked up our dog so I can take him to the park before I moved all of my stuff out, just some clothes left. Btw the house is empty, this huge home has no feeling to it, only a couch a table and a tv with a stand. Everything else I took because it was my stuff. My ex was there and he approached me in a very kind way. He came up to me and hugged me and kissed me on the side of my head and said I love you. I hugged him back and told him I loved him as well. I have been doing a lot of self reflection and learning how the ego works. I also started meditations and watching a lot of spiritual videos and etc. I became aware that my anger came from my emotions/pain I felt which came from my thoughts.

I am learning to give love no matter what, no matter if this person caused me despair/pain. Because deep down I only feel love, not the anger and resentment , all of that arises from my ego.

I opened up to him and told him I can only give him love and that I care about him. I also told him that I Forgive him and that it was my commitment not just a feeling and that we are human and make mistakes. He said I know, I love you and you are my best friend. He said he did not mean the nasty things he said to me and that I can understand. He also said he understands that I was in pain and that is why I said certain things to him as well.

He did not say let’s get back together though, I still packed a few more boxes from the home and placed them in my car. He kissed me and said Inlove you and asked did I want to have sex because we got very intimate in our conversation and it was deep and understanding. It felt so right. His eyes were shining bright and he had that smile he had for me before. He said wow cleaning the house takes a lot of work and idk if he tried to show me that now he sees that my job was not easy.

I told him I loved him and that sex with him was comfortable and that I would like that but wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do. He said ok and that he didn’t want to pressure me, he said he loved me and that he felt like we both needed to release stress. We ended up having sex and it was great, we were intimate, he told me he loved me during sex which he always used to do. He hugged me close and told me that he is sad that we got to this point. He said that he doesn’t know what happened and how we got here. I told him there was some type of miscommunication on both ends and we were under stress plus our ego were taking over. Afterwords he made us steak salads and we ate. I told him I still believed we were meant to be because of the bond we have and our goals and etc. I advised him that my arms were open to him and not to doubt himself about contacting me if he decides he wants to try again. I told him I hope that I still feel the same during that time but I also said maybe we need some time apart. He says he agreed, and he says maybe a year maybe less, he said he did not know. He just knew that he loved me and he is saddened by the fact that we came to this point.

I took the dog with me and Inleft, Before leaving he said I love you drive safe and be careful and kissed me.

This felt like the guy I knew, it felt so magical like we were on the same energy level again. It was right and comfortable. Since the incident dues to stress (assuming) my heart has been literally hurting/physical pain.Today while I was with him and things went well, my heart did not hurt at all.

Idk, people tell me that I am stupid but I feel like I Know who he is and how much we love each other. I feel like their egos and their anger are upset for me. Maybe I am just weak and my love for him is in the way, but I can’t deny that I love him.

I feel like he is ashamed of what he did, the way he did and why he did it. I feel like he is ashamed to even try again,so he is confused. Because it was so sudden, I left the house and slept on my friends couch for weeks until Infound a place and slept on a blow up mattress and ate off of it until I moved my furniture. He also took my car off of his insurance (I was paying him) when a new month started, he did allot of things but I feel like he was hurt and angry and had resentment toward me because Of my actions. I don’t hate him, blame him or resent him. Initially I Tried because of my pain, but I couldn’t. I love him even though this happened and I actually feel bad for him. I feel like he got to the highest level of stress and anxiety that he blew up.

This is what happened after I initiated no contact:

The first text I received a he asked about his backpack, flashlight and an umbrella. I did not respond or send it to him. I feel like he just wanted a response and also to control me because it has been boosting his ego. Also I did not send his items back because they are literally worth maybe 20 bucks all together and I left plenty of things at the house for him. Also I did not want to give him that satisfaction of bringing the items to him or mailing them because he would think that I still care about his opinion/ views. I did not respond or send him the items.

I received another text a week later saying “when you drop off the backpack, flashlight and umbrella can you include the spare house key and mailbox key”. Seriously? It’s not that he wants the keys back because he thinks I will go into the home because if thats the case I can make spares. I think its because he wanted a reaponse from me. I did not respond. I also did not mail anything, it’s so stupid.

Next message I receive is about 10 days after that one saying “Happy Birthday hope you are well and take care”. No mention of the backpack and etc. anymore. Now he is saying happy b-day? It makes no sense. I believe he wanted a reaction again. I did not respond and don’t plan on.

Next message I receive is 10 days after the birthday one. He heard that a car crash occured at the place I work at. He saw it on the news and did not know if I was involved. He texted me saying “Heard about the crash last night are you ok”.

two hours after that text I received 2 blocked number calls. I never receive blocked number calls, its been years. The following day I receive another call from a blocked number.

I did not respond or answer to any of these messages or calls.

I am doing better, I have my bad days and good days. I am still confused and have no answers for his actions. All I know is that he was very selfish, cruel, disrespectful and ignorant. I feel betrayed and used, I feel dissapointed and I don’t trust him.

My heart still loves him deep down and I miss my dog dearly. But his actions are confusing. Why is he contacting me? Does he just want attention or does he really care and does not know how to approach me and start a convo?

I know what he did is unforgivable and terrible. I don’t want to love him anymore, I don’t want to give him a chance. I am afraid that if he is persistent that I will give in. The question is if he asks for forgiveness and wants to get back together, is it even worth it? What he did is so terrible, I know I should move on but what if he tells me the truth that he lost it and was going through a rough time and he made the wrong decision because of his parents. I am confused on what I would do. Eveyone tells me that I need to move on and never get back with him because he was not man enough and acted like a crazy person.

I just don’t know why he keeps texting me, but he changed his approach as you see. Now he is acting nice and caring instead of asking for the backpack.

Please give me some advice, So sorry for the long post!!

Thank you so much, <3.

May 13, 2017

Clearly you are invested here & these changes seem to come out of left field. That said there were some signs: the cheapness, the lack of generosity, that fact that an FBI agent is still so tied to his parents, your inability or refusal to talk about important issues with each other.

I realize you can't see it now, but in the long run you dodged a bullet, This guy wasn't the one for you.

May 13, 2017

Reading this story is like - Wow! I feel for you, I can only imagine the pain and disappointment that you're feeling. You did a lot for this man and he threw it all away. Not only will he regret it, his foolish parents will regret it too.

They will all probably come crawling back apologizing to you in time. Especially once they realize that their "precious" son just screwed up his life canceling the wedding with someone he loved based off of their stupid interference.

You are doing the right thing by creating distance and taking time. Keep no contact as much as you can. I've never been in a 6 year relationship and have it fall apart, so I will not press the no contact thing because I can only imagine the longing you must feel at times for him. I know it's so painful and devastating.

With that said, the no contact you are able to do now is amazing. So keep it up. It's really for you. Your hormones are still adjusting to the change. The longer your away from him, the less pain you will feel. Your body, your energy, your spirit will snap back in time.

Let him live with his choices on his own. While you live with your choices on your own.

I don't have to tell you this, because I'm hoping you know this: You will get the love you think you deserve. YOU DESERVE BETTER. YOU DESERVE THE BEST

He did not show you the best. You showed you no empathy. Silence is the best way to get back at him. He deserves total silence.

P.S. He was really a sh-t head for sleeping with you too. Ultimate selfishness

Best of luck in your recovery

May 13, 2017

Clearly you are invested here & these changes seem to come out of left field. That said there were some signs: the cheapness, the lack of generosity, that fact that an FBI agent is still so tied to his parents, your inability or refusal to talk about important issues with each other.

I realize you can't see it now, but in the long run you dodged a bullet, This guy wasn't the one for you.

Omg I spent half my night reading this lol no joke. Feel like I know u.can relate my ex of 6 yrs was cruel too wth an aweful twist we work together as well please read my thread as its long.

This is about u tho. Seems like misunderstanding. He thinks ur after his money in the end and it appears he's parents meddling has caused a wedge between u.

He's cruel tho throwing u out like that. That al9ne is a big deal breaker. It wouldnt surpise me if he counted how many peices of toilet paper he uses to wipe lol.

All jokes aside I think u both need time apart especially for him to mature he really needs to mature. I would say becau see e he's very cautious wth money he feels like he's doing the most and feels like he's being used even tho ur not asking f9r a share in the p4operty has caused trust issues I'd feel like that being a guy I'm just giving u a guys perspective. Ur entitled to a share after a certain period of time but in his eyes that's a big red flag. U wanted the truth and that's the truth believe that's wat his thinking and feeling. I'd be pissed if my partner and I broke up and after she lived there rent free etc tried to make a claim look at it from his eyes once u do that maybe then u both can truly heal and work out its all about trust remember that. Just the same as u feeling that way about being thrown out both deal wth security and a lack of on both ends. If u can accept that and ur part then maybe you can both heal and forgive

May 13, 2017

having said that he seemed preety tight lol hes got some lessons to learn I think he thought u were gonna beg him and is shocked to see u haven't and left lol anyway thatll teach him

May 13, 2017

I paid half the rent and split other expenses with him when we moved into the home so I was not living rent free. I just don't understand his actions. I know for a fact that he made a mistake but he hurt me so bad. It was so unexpected and I can't understand how he made this decision. It was all because of his parents. They are a medium income family so they can't say I am after his money. I will read Your story now. Sorry that happened to you.

May 13, 2017

I paid half the rent and split other expenses with him when we moved into the home so I was not living rent free. I just don't understand his actions. I know for a fact that he made a mistake but he hurt me so bad. It was so unexpected and I can't understand how he made this decision. It was all because of his parents. They are a medium income family so they can't say I am after his money. I will read Your story now. Sorry that happened to you.

No worries Tiga...

Im trying to understand why how parents did wat they did and why they felt so threatened and insecure? They seem very immature. Family will always influence partnerships thank God my parents were very similar to ures normal lol and welcoming.

What they had to gain from playing a part in causing u guys to split is baffling. I put it down to what u said they wanted the final say in how there son makes decisions lol. The only thing I can think of did they ever mention it wss maybe to quick which it isn't. Marriage is about wen both of u are ready for it. Anyway I'm sorry that it came to this life certainly can have lots of twists and confusing turns. Life can be cruel. I been married once and it was a great experience despite it not working out mostly my fault because it was all about money and lack of and her wanting to start a family and me not really being ready.

I think for this to work he's family would have to be like the guy in meet the parents Robert de Niro and come and beg u to take back there son and then on top of that he'd hav to show real evidence over som period of time he wouldn't do that again. However the way he acted especially throwing u out or ur house ( were u on title btw?) And following thru shows a deep issue within himself that's almost socia Pathic. If he's aware that it's expensive and of all ur bills that really is something u have to ask ureself would u want that in ur life that personality and behaviour to me that's a big deal breaker that's a big risk to go back to because of ther possibility of it happenning again. Sometimes peoples true colours come out in these breakups and they're ugly colours and dark. That's what it is in this case.

Me personally I wouldseriously hav concerns about just that despite the parents etc. There's a lack of concern for ur wellbeing that's not good.

I don't wanna be the one to give advice but maybe I think he needs to grow up and maybe that will happen by losing someone as commuted as u were. He was an idiot in my opinion.

May 13, 2017

Thank you so much for your response,

What I posted is only what came to mind while writing it. So his mom has a problem with what I do and she has made several comments on how I should not to what I do. She wants a lawyer or an attorney for her son/s (they have another son, whom is in a Ph.D. Program bc she forced him to go) so she can brag about it.

She likes to feel like she is better then other people because of her education. She has a masters but to be honest her English is broken and not good at all, I truly believe her son's helped her get the degree. Her husband is a truck driver but she suffers from some personal issues. I think she really wishes she married someone else with a higher education and career so now she is making her son's live the life she wanted. I don't see anything wrong with anyone that works hard and makes their money the right way, she has self esteem issues.

She controls the house hold I can tell you that. The dad, who loved me initially, is being manipulated by her. He has zero friends, all he does is hangs out with her and does what she wants him to. The one good friend he had she stirred the pot up with him. She WANTS control over everyone. I think she fears losing them and can't stand the fact that her boys care or love someone. On top of that she suffers from social status and is a narcissist. She is very sneaky though, she smiles in your face but behind your back she lays its out in a way that makes her look good and concerned but that's not really the case. Very clever and manipulative.

I personally think that they saw that I was doing my own thing, not paying attention to them, plus my career, plus my education plus she is very jealous. I don't want to sound concealed or stuck up but I am a beautiful girl with a huge heart. She was jealous! I never say things like that about me but all of my friends and family tell me I am a goddes compared to their entire family. She made it seem like I was manipulating her son into buying a home, and doing everything the way I wanted to including the wedding. I know this because he brought it up after the break up in an argument he mocked me saying how he bought the house because he wanted to please me and I knew how he would do anything for me because of my looks and the love he had for me. He said I was using him love to get what I want! I was shocked! This never EVER crossed my mind! I knew right there and then that those were not his words! He knew my heart and who I was but they brainwashed him and made it seem like I was manipulating him when in fact they were! His dad turned against me because of control and the car incident. He is obsessed with my ex fiancé, they are best friends they talk every day for like an hour in a half. His dad tells him all of his problems in his marriage with his mom and made him feel like our marriage will be like their. Since he was not satisfied with his marriage he placed his perceptions and opinions on our marriage and it did not help that my ex fiancé shared everything with him in regards to our problems and everything else.

Anyway, ultimately I believe they felt like they were losing grip of him since he started to stand up to them a few times in regards to me. He wouldn't tell me what the fight was about he would just tell me that he wasn't talking to one of the parents and etc. But they tag teamed him and also most likely influenced the brother to give him advise and be on their side because the brother is relying on his parents financially so he can't risk losing that. I truly believe they threatened to disown him if he married me, for no reason at all other then their sick reasons and their views on the world. They are really really sick people now I see that.

Yes I was on the title but not on the mortgage because our interest rate would have been higher if both incomes were combined. His mom went around saying "oh my son bought a home" even when my parents were present not "they bought a home". Also I just heard through a grape one that she made that statement somewhere and one of the women said "doesnt he live with (me) so it's technically they bought a home". Her response was oh "her credit history is not good so"..... OMG WHEN I HEARD THAT I ALMOST LOST IT! My credit history is perfect! I got into two police departments and went through two background checks, my credit history had to be good! WOW This woman was talking **** behind my back even when I was still engaged to my ex fiancé. She never announced it anywhere that we got engaged! She wanted to control that too and did not want us married!

I see now that she never wanted me in their family because of her many stupid reasons. She planned to break it apart and knew how much control they had over him. He shared our personal problems with them and they used it as a tool to break us up. I

She wants her sons to marry someone she feels like is "worth" to be in their family with a high education and someone that is rich. She suffers mentally from status. I don't know how she will find all that plus be able to control them, because any smart woman will not allow her to control or interfere in the relationship. I was young and did not truly think about what she was doing, she did it slowly and pretended she was super nice. I was blind and thought he loved me and would not be capable of this, because I couldn't do what he did to me even to someone I did not love.

I did not had to move out rig away I was on the title but the stress was so bad. He got so mad and argued with me when I asked for a share of the home we paid off. I asked for my half plus the equity and he was furious. I actually asked for less then what I should have gotten but he wouldn't even give me that. I did not want to take him to court on it because I just did not have the heart to do that to someone I love. I settled for a very low amount and moved out. I even let him keep the dog. I had to find the courage to let it all go because I was under so much stress. If I was a bitch I could've taken him to court we would have sold the house, but I did not. Like I said before I have a heart, I have morals and I have character. My parents taught me that. And his parents taught him to be a cold heartless monster.

May 14, 2017

Thank you so much for your response,

What I posted is only what came to mind while writing it. So his mom has a problem with what I do and she has made several comments on how I should not to what I do. She wants a lawyer or an attorney for her son/s (they have another son, whom is in a Ph.D. Program bc she forced him to go) so she can brag about it.

She likes to feel like she is better then other people because of her education. She has a masters but to be honest her English is broken and not good at all, I truly believe her son's helped her get the degree. Her husband is a truck driver but she suffers from some personal issues. I think she really wishes she married someone else with a higher education and career so now she is making her son's live the life she wanted. I don't see anything wrong with anyone that works hard and makes their money the right way, she has self esteem issues.

She controls the house hold I can tell you that. The dad, who loved me initially, is being manipulated by her. He has zero friends, all he does is hangs out with her and does what she wants him to. The one good friend he had she stirred the pot up with him. She WANTS control over everyone. I think she fears losing them and can't stand the fact that her boys care or love someone. On top of that she suffers from social status and is a narcissist. She is very sneaky though, she smiles in your face but behind your back she lays its out in a way that makes her look good and concerned but that's not really the case. Very clever and manipulative.

I personally think that they saw that I was doing my own thing, not paying attention to them, plus my career, plus my education plus she is very jealous. I don't want to sound concealed or stuck up but I am a beautiful girl with a huge heart. She was jealous! I never say things like that about me but all of my friends and family tell me I am a goddes compared to their entire family. She made it seem like I was manipulating her son into buying a home, and doing everything the way I wanted to including the wedding. I know this because he brought it up after the break up in an argument he mocked me saying how he bought the house because he wanted to please me and I knew how he would do anything for me because of my looks and the love he had for me. He said I was using him love to get what I want! I was shocked! This never EVER crossed my mind! I knew right there and then that those were not his words! He knew my heart and who I was but they brainwashed him and made it seem like I was manipulating him when in fact they were! His dad turned against me because of control and the car incident. He is obsessed with my ex fiancé, they are best friends they talk every day for like an hour in a half. His dad tells him all of his problems in his marriage with his mom and made him feel like our marriage will be like their. Since he was not satisfied with his marriage he placed his perceptions and opinions on our marriage and it did not help that my ex fiancé shared everything with him in regards to our problems and everything else.

Anyway, ultimately I believe they felt like they were losing grip of him since he started to stand up to them a few times in regards to me. He wouldn't tell me what the fight was about he would just tell me that he wasn't talking to one of the parents and etc. But they tag teamed him and also most likely influenced the brother to give him advise and be on their side because the brother is relying on his parents financially so he can't risk losing that. I truly believe they threatened to disown him if he married me, for no reason at all other then their sick reasons and their views on the world. They are really really sick people now I see that.

Yes I was on the title but not on the mortgage because our interest rate would have been higher if both incomes were combined. His mom went around saying "oh my son bought a home" even when my parents were present not "they bought a home". Also I just heard through a grape one that she made that statement somewhere and one of the women said "doesnt he live with (me) so it's technically they bought a home". Her response was oh "her credit history is not good so"..... OMG WHEN I HEARD THAT I ALMOST LOST IT! My credit history is perfect! I got into two police departments and went through two background checks, my credit history had to be good! WOW This woman was talking **** behind my back even when I was still engaged to my ex fiancé. She never announced it anywhere that we got engaged! She wanted to control that too and did not want us married!

I see now that she never wanted me in their family because of her many stupid reasons. She planned to break it apart and knew how much control they had over him. He shared our personal problems with them and they used it as a tool to break us up. I

She wants her sons to marry someone she feels like is "worth" to be in their family with a high education and someone that is rich. She suffers mentally from status. I don't know how she will find all that plus be able to control them, because any smart woman will not allow her to control or interfere in the relationship. I was young and did not truly think about what she was doing, she did it slowly and pretended she was super nice. I was blind and thought he loved me and would not be capable of this, because I couldn't do what he did to me even to someone I did not love.

I did not had to move out rig away I was on the title but the stress was so bad. He got so mad and argued with me when I asked for a share of the home we paid off. I asked for my half plus the equity and he was furious. I actually asked for less then what I should have gotten but he wouldn't even give me that. I did not want to take him to court on it because I just did not have the heart to do that to someone I love. I settled for a very low amount and moved out. I even let him keep the dog. I had to find the courage to let it all go because I was under so much stress. If I was a bitch I could've taken him to court we would have sold the house, but I did not. Like I said before I have a heart, I have morals and I have character. My parents taught me that. And his parents taught him to be a cold heartless monster.[/quote

Gee im really sorry to hear all that now that all makes sense u shld hav taken half tho ur entitled to u might regret that one day. Sory for my comm3nts I didn't understand the full story and u r definatly not a manipulative woman I shld know I even wth a few of those most recently the last ex she was very manipulative.

Ur better off without his family will keep meddling too much hard work he'll hope fly wise up to there ways.yes they hav issues there own that they are projecting on to there son and ur relationship it's a shame...wish I can find a woman wth ur qualities there exceptional.

May 14, 2017

Yes my family and friends told me that one day I would probably regret not hiring an attorney, since he could do this to me the I should have hit him and his family where it hurts the most (his wallet). But I am not like that, I couldn't change who I was because of this pain and betrayal, it wasn't me. It is all about material things to them and money. He was so frugal and he learned it from his family. I can't believe he told me I was leaching him... I don't understand how? He leached me because he save money while I spent it on us. He used me in every possible way. Wow I just never knew there were sneaky/evil people in this world. I of course know there are criminals that commit crimes and etc. but at least with them Inknow where I stand at. They don't hide it, but his family and him are worse then the criminals that go to prison or jail, they are the two faced selfish, only think about themselves people. They have no remorse but they pretend to be good.

I have my wedding dress sitting in my closet.... It was hard looking at it, now I feel empty. I feel disgusted, I feel yucky about him. Idk if it's possible for someone to hurt you so bad to the point where you lose your love. I cried so much and stressed so much, I did not eat or sleep for days. I was a zombie. I broke out in hives all over my body. But I had to get out of that black hole, I don't want to feel sorry for myself because I am strong. I am better then him and his family, as a person, I have a better heart and characteristics. I could never do that **** to someone. Even though Infelt like he took my heart and soul I did not try to hurt him. I was the bigger person, he lost someone really special. He knows it too, but was willing to lose me permanently. He does not deserve to hear a word from me and I don't even have any desire to respond to him. All I miss is my dog, the person he has become not at all. I really feel like I cried so much and put so much energy into trying with him. I tried after the break up, I didn't beg but I tried multiple time and asked him was he sure before I signed a year lease. He said he was, it seemed like at time he enjoyed seeing me cry and he felt like he had control over me. It seemed like he enjoyed being powerful and playing with my emotions. He pushed me away even further with some things he said. I honestly don't know who he is, because it felt like someone else was talking and not him.

Thank you for your kind words. <3

May 14, 2017

Reading this story is like - Wow! I feel for you, I can only imagine the pain and disappointment that you're feeling. You did a lot for this man and he threw it all away. Not only will he regret it, his foolish parents will regret it too.

They will all probably come crawling back apologizing to you in time. Especially once they realize that their "precious" son just screwed up his life canceling the wedding with someone he loved based off of their stupid interference.

You are doing the right thing by creating distance and taking time. Keep no contact as much as you can. I've never been in a 6 year relationship and have it fall apart, so I will not press the no contact thing because I can only imagine the longing you must feel at times for him. I know it's so painful and devastating.

With that said, the no contact you are able to do now is amazing. So keep it up. It's really for you. Your hormones are still adjusting to the change. The longer your away from him, the less pain you will feel. Your body, your energy, your spirit will snap back in time.

Let him live with his choices on his own. While you live with your choices on your own.

I don't have to tell you this, because I'm hoping you know this: You will get the love you think you deserve. YOU DESERVE BETTER. YOU DESERVE THE BEST

He did not show you the best. You showed you no empathy. Silence is the best way to get back at him. He deserves total silence.

P.S. He was really a sh-t head for sleeping with you too. Ultimate selfishness

Best of luck in your recovery

Thank you for your words,

You completely understand, I could not understand and still can't how someone made a sudden impulsive decision like that. He threw it all away in a split second. How is it possible? His eyes were red and Geary and he wasn't sleeping.

He cried, not sobbing but I saw tears. He could barely speak the words that came out of his mouth. I don't understand, if he loved me how could he do it.

Can someone be so stressed and have so much anxiety to just snap? I feel like he lost his mind, like he snapped, a switch went off in his brain.

The crazy part is as you stated, I know for a fact that he will regret this decision for the rest of his life. I even told him that and he initially said he wasn't sure if he was making the right decision. Wow but he still did it so impulsively. I feel deep down that his parents said something to him and that he had to chose. He chose them though. I can't believe how manipulative his parents are. He loved me so much but his actions did not prove that.

I don't know if his parents will ever beg for me to come back but I know he will. He lost a great kind person, a great girl that has morals. I was loyal, I was family oriented and loved him dearly. I worked hard, I cooked, I cleaned, I treated him well.

I know that one day he will come back, but the fact that he had almost 2 months before I moved all of my stuff out to change his mind scares me. He did not try to stop me not once. In fact he wanted to help me pack. I suggested many things, I even agreed to the elopement later, I suggested counseling, I cried and poured my heart out to him. I held him and my dog so tight, I asked him why was he tearing our little family apart. We even talked about kids and he suggested if we had a boy to name it after his grandfather. A week before our break up he ordered black rings for us, he drew sketches of favor ideas he had. This was all a few days before the break up. I don't get it.

I am strong with the NC, I have no desire to respond. I feel dead inside, emotions come up from time to time. He took my soul from me that is how I feel. He ripped my heart out of my chest out of nowhere. My wedding dress is sitting in my closet, I can't open it to take pictures of it and try to sell it. Our wedding was supposed to be in 9 days.

This **** hurts to the core, I ask the universe and god why did this happen to me when I did nothing wrong.

He hurt me like no one else.

May 14, 2017

Tiger I can relate

My recent ex and I mean I've had some pretty bad breakups just wen I thought it cldnt get worse it did.

Imagine her moving to be wth me like u did but the reverse.

We were having issues were together 6 yrs the last 2 long distance as i moved intestate for a change career lifestyle sometimes I wish I hadn't. A job became available where I worked she applied against my wishes because we were having problems gother the job moved wth her son left her daughter behind caused me immense stress as she knew I wasnthn ready for kids 24/7 . Lost her kids stays here instead of moving bac in a custody battle wich I went thru absolute hell wth supported her. She decided to stay here dumps me a few mths later and starts seeing someone we work wth. I'm forces to see there blossoming romance at work every single day to the point it's pushed me to think about leaving this place wich was a dream for me to come here been trying for ten yrs because of the pain of seeing her and him. To my credit he's really ugly and fat I never in my wildest dreams imagined she'd go for this hm guy lol. That's the kind of manipulation im talking about. We hadit's of fights in our relationship and it wasn't working but she decided to move here anyway and do this wat she's done. I can get another job bUT this is a very big vcompany and this is a holiday destination and I'm very fortunate to have a good job like this just to give u some perspective where I'm coming from. I tried many times to leave because I was being honest to her that it was hard wth her kids but she tried and tried I really thought she really truly loved me. She used to say things like I've nev3r met anyone like u I've never loved like this it'd be u leaving me ur my soulmate all that stuff built me up. Underlying that we had trust issues to be frank I didn't trust her just her impulsiveness made me nervous and I was kinda right in the end. She took her ex to court and I watched the way she went about that and made a claim against hus assets because they had kids wich u thought she's entitled to but it was the way she went about it and wat she wss willing to deploy to win made me very very nervous. Anyway a lot of my trust issues were my baggage from a previous relationship where that ex and a very close friend betrayed me and cheated. I often wonder why I been so unlucky in love some of its me some of its the choices in woman I've made. 5 broken hearts here. I remember exactly 20 yrs ago wen I was going thru my second horrible break up sitting there wondering g I wonder where I'll be in 20 yrs and hereven I am another aweful breakup. Luckily for me i have a dear friend and psychologist who worked wth me 7 yrs ago and I recently got in touch wth her to really get thru this **** I've been through and unravel the damage from the past to free me and be able to see and make better choices. In her 1st cpl of sentences from telling her about my ex I had like 2 epiphanies she nailed it about the woman I been wth. Mind u i take responsibility for a lot of the problems in my relationship ithat takes 2. Wth the recent one i found dating someone wth kids hard and she kept pushing g it on me and not letting me go wich caused alot of fighting until finally she had and was in a better position to dump. I kind of knew she was doing that because she always mentioned it u kno one day she'll be string enough and let go but we got caught up in this dependency lol I can't explain it. Anyway if she can let go of her kids she can easily let go of her man. She's let all her kids go for a better lifstestyle up here.

May 14, 2017

Wow, I just read your story and that is crazy. She left her kids? Or did not fight for them hard enough? That is a sign right there, you don't give up on your kids and definitely don't live far away from them. She moved and applied at the company yo worked worked for and got the job,, brought her kids with her even though you weren't ready.... seems very impulsive and just random. I know that yes if you love someone you would move for them if possible but not if certain things, like her kids, weren't worked out with you two.

I can only imagine what tou had to go through with the custody battle, you stuck by her side though. If she lost the kids, that also means something. A person doesn't lose both kids if they are a good parent.

The worst part of it is her dumping you, which is a heartbreak on it own, but in top of it dating someone in the same work place. I apologize for my vocabulary but sounds hoeish to me. Idc what or why a relationship ended even if you were in the wrong it is not right for her to date someone in front of you especially if you still love her. That is pure torture, it is disrespectful and rude. Where is her empathy and at least some respect for your relationship and you as a person and also her self dignity. That is cruel and heartless! Seems to me like she is doing it on purpose if this guy does not fit her "type". Which makes it even worse, she is spiteful, and wants revenge and wants to hurt you purposely.

I know you said the job you have is a great job and a large company but there is nothing on this earth worth your peace and happiness. If you are hurting , which I feel like you are and can't properly heal from this in your spot, I would find another job in the same city or somewhere else. She needs to lose you completely. Did you guys live together? Did she move out?

It also concerns me that she seems so ok with what she is doing. Do you still talk to her at all? Have tou confronted her about this new guy? Seems like she is just boosting her ego, by making you hurt, and using him as a distraction as a way to cope with whatever issues she is battling (your relationship and losing her kids and etc). That is not healthy though, she will only add more baggage to her **** bucket of her lifes problems. Maybe she is not even concious of what she is doing, maybe she just lost her marbles.

Is she bi polar by any chance? It seems like she is. Other then the kids did you have any other issues in the relationship? How was your relationship? Maybe she thought you were kind for dealing with her **** at one point, but her appreciation wore off because it wasnt really love and she left because she did not need you anymore to help with the kids since she lost them.

That sounds terrible, I feel for you. I know, love sucks. This was my 3rd heartbreak and as you said I did not think it could get worse. I never expected him to do anything terrible to me and hurt me, but he did. It's a disappointment.

May 14, 2017

Hey Tiga

Thanks for ur reply and I think ur right about the vindictive part

She definatly was that aftrr the break up making sure I heard her laughing all the time etc showing how happy she was.

She did a complete 180 aftrr the break up drinking partying going out u know all the usual stuff she was rebelling losing the kids.

I guess the truth is I tried as well because I loved her. We didn't live together only at the start we l8ved together maybe 6 mths but I got overwhelmed wth her kids. Then she had her place i had Mike same when she moved up here. When I Said the kids 24/7 wat i meant was wen we were at our home state the ex would have the kids 6 days a fortnight so I felt like I got a bit of a break lol. But moving up here meant they were wth us all the time that's where I was getting really stressed but she didn't listen.

Yes shes very selfish wat she's done. That's why I can relate to ur story. It's been 8 mths we been broken up.

The 1st two mths i tried a cpl times 1st it wss mor like hey how u doing just trying to open up the comms but no response then I panicked went over her place and she dumped me is text. I knew it was over because I sensed a change me and her broke up so many times over the yrs.

Anyway ur right about just doing wats right for ur happiness that's why I been thinking of moving back home. I moved 1000 miles away went nthn beautiful place but I don't know many people and it's been hard meeting people to be honest and I actually really find my family and long term friendships really important to me. So it's not the same. It's beautiful here but I'm lonely and get homesick. Still not completly decided but thinking more and more about going back.

I feel weak here especially at work. I'm always surprised and shocked at people's true colours in these situations. All that bull**** she said I didn't but it but believed quite alot of it i still don't know if wat she said was true. Soulmate and all that I really believed her the way she behaved and came accross I thought she was being genuine maybe she was she lost feelings. I should of walked away from her along time ago but stayed because she tried so hard but then wen I was back back to the same issues. Before she came up the stress of the kids and all I broke it off because I was getting sick over it anyway she basically sold me on us workung and she broke it off said the complete opposite of why we can't work there's anger on my end because of the way shes done this coming up here just like ur ex ur angry because of the broken promises.

May 14, 2017

I never thought of that the bi polar thing.

She had a very distant father they weren't close. And her brother and mum she also struggled wth for times so werent the closest family.

She had an abusive relationship before me but I question how much of way she told me was the truth I have no idea.

Me and her broke up a lot over the 6 yrs over the kids alot and just other stuff that in hindsight we cld have both dealt wth a lot more better. Haha just thinking back about it ye it was a lot fighting. However couples wth the highs wen it was good it wss really good. I kept trying because of our connection me personally I knewe from all my relationships that she was the best in how we related to each other both 80's stuff and movies and stuff u know just stuff that we both related to. The 1st cpl mthss were great. Anyway enough about me.

U know I can immediately tell that ur someone who really takes an interest and concern in others just from these posts and thread. Ur fiancé is gonna wake up one day and realise what his lost and it's really gonna hit him hard. Me and u believed these people but don't let that sabotage ur future relationships Tiga.

Remember u have to be able to open up and be vulnerable again. One day in time u will.

What I've learnt is the key is to really unravel the damage these people have done so we don't carry that baggage to the next relationship.

Give ureself time to heal Tiga. U will meet someone again who ull fall deeply in love wth. I've noticed ur soulmates well in my case tend to come around every 3 to 5 yrs. One thing I won't do again is rebound. As hard as it can be being on ur own I'd rather be wth someone I have feelings for and love. Healing is important because once uve healed ur ready to open ur heart again wen ur not properly healed ur guard is up and a wall is around the heart that's where the sabotage part can happen in ur next relationship.

I'm sorry uve had this aweful experience. I guess sometimes it's hard to see the warning signs early on and ithe only starts to show when ur in deep. Whoever though love cld be so complicated and why certain people make it so like ur fiancé and his family.

Ur a normal loving woman wth a good family remember that. This break up is gonna play on ur self esteem as ur probably aware. Just during those times feel the pain and Remember what I wrote above.

May 15, 2017

It seems like she carried some feeling from her childhood and her past relationship. You know situations affect people and sometimes people don't get over it completely, deep down it's still present and the pain and emotions come up subconsciously. Sometimes people don't heal properly from what ever they faced in their past. Additionally, having an on and off relationship for 6 years did not help. But I get it you both loved each other and tried to work it out over the years. She might have been your soul mate but have you heard or read about twin flames? It is interesting.

So it has been 8 months and it appears that you are doing ok, which is great. You know you are absolutely right, jumping into a new relationship or even being intimate with someone one will only be a temporary satisfaction. I truly believe in going through the pain, crying and letting it all out. Feel the pain and embrace it instead of trying to cover it up with some outside pleasure. That is what I am doing.

He on the other hand jumped on tinder, he never used any social media site, and he already went out to lunch with someone about a month in a half ago. A month after our break up, I logged into our iPad when he wasn't home and noticed he installed tinder. He changed the password to the IPad but I figured out the new password on the 1st try. I have never looked at a guy's emails, texts or anything EVER. I just wanted to use the IPad to look something up and he wasn't home. I noticed he asked a woman out for coffee on tinder that was 6 years older then him. She was 40.... I am 27... I felt disgusted not because of her age but because he went from me, a young and beautiful girl with a great body to a 40 year old. But I get it he probably just wants sex. But a month after our break up? I know his brother and parents influenced him to get a tinder since his brother is on there. Anyway he is trying to find distractions. I felt disgusted, betrayed and my self esteem dropped. But I picked myself up because I am better then that. I can't control his stupid decisions and all I can do is move on from this jerk. I don't even miss him lately, I feel empty, Idk I can't explain how I feel.

I wonder if it's possible for someone to hurt you so deeply that you just don't feel anything for them anymore. When I think about the memories I get sick, I cry. But I quickly change my thoughts because he is not worth anymore tears. I have a bitter feeling for him. It is sad but I would be at the gym sweating and crying and crying at the same time on the stair master. People don't even realize I am crying. It is terrible.

What he did I couldn't do to an animal. He was a completely different person then who I knew for six years.

People say things like this make you stronger and as you said I also had other heartbreaks and thought it can't get worse then this and bam! I am worried if this is making me stronger then what is coming that is going to be worse then this? I knownI shouldn't think like that but sometimes a person can't help it.

May 15, 2017

It seems like she carried some feeling from her childhood and her past relationship. You know situations affect people and sometimes people don't get over it completely, deep down it's still present and the pain and emotions come up subconsciously. Sometimes people don't heal properly from what ever they faced in their past. Additionally, having an on and off relationship for 6 years did not help. But I get it you both loved each other and tried to work it out over the years. She might have been your soul mate but have you heard or read about twin flames? It is interesting.

So it has been 8 months and it appears that you are doing ok, which is great. You know you are absolutely right, jumping into a new relationship or even being intimate with someone one will only be a temporary satisfaction. I truly believe in going through the pain, crying and letting it all out. Feel the pain and embrace it instead of trying to cover it up with some outside pleasure. That is what I am doing.

He on the other hand jumped on tinder, he never used any social media site, and he already went out to lunch with someone about a month in a half ago. A month after our break up, I logged into our iPad when he wasn't home and noticed he installed tinder. He changed the password to the IPad but I figured out the new password on the 1st try. I have never looked at a guy's emails, texts or anything EVER. I just wanted to use the IPad to look something up and he wasn't home. I noticed he asked a woman out for coffee on tinder that was 6 years older then him. She was 40.... I am 27... I felt disgusted not because of her age but because he went from me, a young and beautiful girl with a great body to a 40 year old. But I get it he probably just wants sex. But a month after our break up? I know his brother and parents influenced him to get a tinder since his brother is on there. Anyway he is trying to find distractions. I felt disgusted, betrayed and my self esteem dropped. But I picked myself up because I am better then that. I can't control his stupid decisions and all I can do is move on from this jerk. I don't even miss him lately, I feel empty, Idk I can't explain how I feel.

I wonder if it's possible for someone to hurt you so deeply that you just don't feel anything for them anymore. When I think about the memories I get sick, I cry. But I quickly change my thoughts because he is not worth anymore tears. I have a bitter feeling for him. It is sad but I would be at the gym sweating and crying and crying at the same time on the stair master. People don't even realize I am crying. It is terrible.

What he did I couldn't do to an animal. He was a completely different person then who I knew for six years.

People say things like this make you stronger and as you said I also had other heartbreaks and thought it can't get worse then this and bam! I am worried if this is making me stronger then what is coming that is going to be worse then this? I knownI shouldn't think like that but sometimes a person can't help it.

Hi Tiga how r u today? Evening here in Australia what a day mental torture.

To answer ur question it can get much worse. For some reason u remind me of me lol. I mean in regards to suffering I've got a good answer for u tho. See a therapist a good one and see if there's a pattern and or for them to unravel this baggage. It's all about the choices we make but not only that how we interact in these relationships. I think that's a start and u might never have to go thru this again.

I think the mistakes I've made is carrying baggage like for example the previous ex to this current one cheated wth my supposed friend of 15 yrs no friend anymore. That caused major major trust issues for me which I projected onto my current ex and pushed and pushed her away. See where I'm getting at altho Its also the choice I made I knew wen we 1st got together the kids thing wasn't for me but because I couldn't help nor control my feelings I went out wth her. Not saying I regret ur because we connected and had well wat i thought was a deep connection and I'd never connected like that with anyone. Sometimes it's not so simple. Maybe if id worked thru my issues it wounder hav been different altho she carried a lot of baggage just look at the destruction she's caused she's a walking problem. Today I'll give u an example of how tough it wss. We hav a single floor office she can sit down either end and I can'to because of some stupid office rule about being wth ur team her teams split on either end. Her father fling sometimes sits down the other end sometimes near me which exposes me to them interacting. Today I contacted my broker because I want to buy property the 1st thing he told me was don't quite ur job lol. Obviously for financing the property reasons. I'm in a big dilemma. My only option now is to tell management and demand a more open policy for me they know about my situation but I'm really gonna push em now to sit any from that psycho.

She's probably just moved on i dont know honestly u would probably know better than me u mentioned he's a distraction I really don't know. She hasn't made it official like on fb and the only reason I can think of is she doesn't want her kids to know so soon.

I wander wether she ever did love me now. Anyway me n u both share a similar pain and story. Do u also work wth him?

Ye him doing the Tinder thing I'm just trying to think from a males perspective im not quiet sure because after she dumped me the last thing I felt like doing was going on Tinder it took at least the 5 to 6 mths before I even went on a dating site where I haven't had any luck or connected wth anyone I given up really. I decidea probably better off being alone for now anyway but I wouldn't mind just having a date wth someone to get my mind off it and to give me some confidence back and if I connect wth someone great but I'm not into just going out wth someone im not into or attracted to its not worth it.

I need time do somthing to get thru this i have a lot at stake sold a our houst basically put all my eggs in one basket coming up here that's why I'm so angry wth wat she's done. She really unsettled and unbalanced me. Angry because I was there for her during that custody battle and then was discarded funny wen I was dumping her she use to manipulate the situation and throw guit trips about how easily I gave up wen the going got tough yet ito was really her not me that did this in the end. That's where I have a lot or anger about this.

I'll be very cm cautious next time if I go out wth someone and they've dumped I may just walk away.. I found they tend to do the same wth u they don't know how it feels to be let go. Anyway my day was challenging I have a pastor as a very close friend I do believe in God but told him many times I've prayed but don't feel there's been any help and why. He just said we don't always know why God operates a certain way or what he has planNed but just tone trust in him and just like the story of job wth all the terrible stuff he went thru his life doubled in joy at the end of it.

Anyway ur ex going on Tinder that soon to me because he's the dumper like my ex they're not hurting the same way as me and u. Trust me on that. Often wen we go thru this pain we think how come they're not feeling wat where feeling and the reason is because they r in a different head space. That's it basically be aware of that. He wouldn't be going on Tinder if he was hurting for u in my opinion. Possibly to feel a void but a void of a different type to me and u. Later that main space will changet and reverse because u did nothing wrong and u were good for him once he's had a string of u fullfilling relationships he'll realise what his lost but by then it would of been too late because u would have really let go and that's the problem wth the a e break ups

May 15, 2017

Yeah

This kind of behavior is pretty common from cheap people who grew up poor and upgrade to a slightly higher class, at the end of the day the money comes first to them believe it or not it's like a trauma. Theylll buy something expensive for them but then not want to pay utilities or complain about having to spend money on food for example

Plain n simple he doesn't love you anymore

Move on and focus on your recovery so you can find someone worth your time.... you seem like a great girl with a big heart and I'm sure you deserve better and I know you'll do better

This guy has too many issues let him go this is beyond repair

May 15, 2017

As for him being on tinder he will and for the next few months he will go out with every girl who will say yes to him because that's most likely his way of disguising the pain. They'll be worse then you, maybe older, shorter, even dumber but the fact that he's been in a relationship for 6 years and involved in other things just makes this like a new kid at Disneyland feeling.

I'd bet he misses you and thinks about you but it won't be enough to make him come back because at the end of the day he wants to be in control.

Even if he did come back it wouldn't be the same for you or for him

May 16, 2017

Yes that is so true, he would spend money on the things he liked occasionally but he would be so cheap when it came to food, utilities and other normal things.

You really feel like he doesn't love me anymore? I can't believe that because we almost got married until his parents caused a mess and he listened to their opinions and projections of our marriage and dropped the bomb. He had lost 15 lbs in 3 weeks after the break up. I truly think he is hurting and is trying for a rebound to get over me and move on.

I can't understand him though, how could he do this to me? The girl that loved him and left everything to come to this city and start from zero because of him and he just ended it with a snap of a finger. He did not want to try, no counseling or anything.

It's like he had to chose and he chose them and there was no reason to try for. How can a man be a pussy?, I am more of a man than he is. I don't understand he is weird, he has always been weird a little OCD. So attached to his dad though and mom. If his dad died he wouldn't have anyone to talk to, except his mom and brother. He is a loner. He has this weird way of thinking that family comes first, but doesn't realize that he has to build his own family one day because his original one will die. What an idiot, I don't think I will ever understand what he did completely, I honest know and feel like he made the biggest mistake of his life.

I sometimes ask myself why can't I be like the 95% of females out here, hook up with someone else and forget him. I just can't. I feel like I am wired differently, I feel like I can't sit with someone and pretend I am interested when my heart is hurting for someone else. I am a person that feels too deeply and when I love I love with my all, I am an Aries. I swear I wish I could just go out with the guys that have asked me already after they found out I was single, but I don't want to. I don't think it's fair for me or them.

I know the day will come when my ex will beg me to come back to him, I know that for a fact. It kills me that then it will be too late and also the severity of our break up, it wasn't just a break up, we lived together had a home and a dog and our wedding was coming up. Everything was set. I had to move out and he caused me so much stress during the time. I could have stayed in the house but I couldn't argue with him anymore, he threatened to get me out of the house within a week ( which he couldn't donI was on the title) and he told me he was taking me off of the car insurance and said that I can't park my car in the garage anymore (2 car garage). The next day he parked his car in the middle of the garage so I couldn't park mine inside.

He later apologized and said he was angry. This behavior was brutal and that wasn't even the worst of it. I told him I wouldn't be able to treat an animal like he treated me. He was this bitter, angry, evil person all of a sudden. I don't understand it. Idk what his parents did to him it's like he was cursed. He has not acted like that in the 6 years I have dated him, NEVER! It is still shocking to me thinking about his actions.

May 16, 2017

Yes that is so true, he would spend money on the things he liked occasionally but he would be so cheap when it came to food, utilities and other normal things.

You really feel like he doesn't love me anymore? I can't believe that because we almost got married until his parents caused a mess and he listened to their opinions and projections of our marriage and dropped the bomb. He had lost 15 lbs in 3 weeks after the break up. I truly think he is hurting and is trying for a rebound to get over me and move on.

I can't understand him though, how could he do this to me? The girl that loved him and left everything to come to this city and start from zero because of him and he just ended it with a snap of a finger. He did not want to try, no counseling or anything.

It's like he had to chose and he chose them and there was no reason to try for. How can a man be a pussy?, I am more of a man than he is. I don't understand he is weird, he has always been weird a little OCD. So attached to his dad though and mom. If his dad died he wouldn't have anyone to talk to, except his mom and brother. He is a loner. He has this weird way of thinking that family comes first, but doesn't realize that he has to build his own family one day because his original one will die. What an idiot, I don't think I will ever understand what he did completely, I honest know and feel like he made the biggest mistake of his life.

I sometimes ask myself why can't I be like the 95% of females out here, hook up with someone else and forget him. I just can't. I feel like I am wired differently, I feel like I can't sit with someone and pretend I am interested when my heart is hurting for someone else. I am a person that feels too deeply and when I love I love with my all, I am an Aries. I swear I wish I could just go out with the guys that have asked me already after they found out I was single, but I don't want to. I don't think it's fair for me or them.

I know the day will come when my ex will beg me to come back to him, I know that for a fact. It kills me that then it will be too late and also the severity of our break up, it wasn't just a break up, we lived together had a home and a dog and our wedding was coming up. Everything was set. I had to move out and he caused me so much stress during the time. I could have stayed in the house but I couldn't argue with him anymore, he threatened to get me out of the house within a week ( which he couldn't donI was on the title) and he told me he was taking me off of the car insurance and said that I can't park my car in the garage anymore (2 car garage). The next day he parked his car in the middle of the garage so I couldn't park mine inside.

He later apologized and said he was angry. This behavior was brutal and that wasn't even the worst of it. I told him I wouldn't be able to treat an animal like he treated me. He was this bitter, angry, evil person all of a sudden. I don't understand it. Idk what his parents did to him it's like he was cursed. He has not acted like that in the 6 years I have dated him, NEVER! It is still shocking to me thinking about his actions.

Hi Tiga that's woman's intuition for u ur probably spot on. Maybe u can answer mine. Lol.

How com she won't make it official that there dating? Any ideas.

He was very cruel Tiga. Men do tend to lash out wen they're leaving. He's coldness is his way of breaking it off so he feels justified and that he showing he means it. How unfortunate u didn't do anything u had a bright future no baggage. I am positive he will regret it.

I still grasp at mine I can only take her at her word but she did change after she lost her boy. She appears happy around the office always has people coming up to chat to her laughing all the time. She seems like she's having a good time working overtime while me on the other hand have gone thru hell. It's funny she's made it very bad for me just like her ex made bad for her yet she's done it to me i never took awa u her kids or anything yet she's not considered me at all and very selfish I really hate her yet it hurts still.

I honestly feel lost became she's made it so hard to work together and living up here feels lonely at times I donno wat im gonna do

May 16, 2017

My guess for her not indicating or confirming that she is seeing or dating the other guy is because she is unsure. She might be unsure if she really wants to call him or refer to him as her "boyfriend". So either she is unsure about him and does not want to make it official OR she has a defense if you guys ever get back together. Her argument would be "we were never officially dating". She might not even be "dating" him maybe she is just using him to hurt you. I know that sounds terrible but people do stuff like that.

On the other hand if she is not making it official, it could possibly be because she still cares for you and does not want you to hate her guts if they start referring to each other as bf/gf. Another possibility might be because it is a work environment maybe she doesn't want to look like a hoe. Since she dated you already and now him, it looks sloppy.

You know best and deep down you know what you have to do, I honestly feel living avoiding her and getting out of the position you are in ASAP would help you. Your mind can't stop associating your workplace with her even if she left. Your memories of her there or reality of her there constantly bring up old memories and feelings which cause you pain.

I think you are deeply hurt and you say you hate her. I want to say that so bad myself but Inknow that Indont hate him, I hate what he did and the Way he acted. I don't hate him as the person I knew.

I have heard though that there is a thin line between love and hate. So, can the pain can turn into hate? I don't even know if that is healthy. But I know it will help getting over someone.

May 16, 2017

My guess for her not indicating or confirming that she is seeing or dating the other guy is because she is unsure. She might be unsure if she really wants to call him or refer to him as her "boyfriend". So either she is unsure about him and does not want to make it official OR she has a defense if you guys ever get back together. Her argument would be "we were never officially dating". She might not even be "dating" him maybe she is just using him to hurt you. I know that sounds terrible but people do stuff like that.

On the other hand if she is not making it official, it could possibly be because she still cares for you and does not want you to hate her guts if they start referring to each other as bf/gf. Another possibility might be because it is a work environment maybe she doesn't want to look like a hoe. Since she dated you already and now him, it looks sloppy.

You know best and deep down you know what you have to do, I honestly feel living avoiding her and getting out of the position you are in ASAP would help you. Your mind can't stop associating your workplace with her even if she left. Your memories of her there or reality of her there constantly bring up old memories and feelings which cause you pain.

I think you are deeply hurt and you say you hate her. I want to say that so bad myself but Inknow that Indont hate him, I hate what he did and the Way he acted. I don't hate him as the person I knew.

I have heard though that there is a thin line between love and hate. So, can the pain can turn into hate? I don't even know if that is healthy. But I know it will help getting over someone.

Thanks for that amazing insight Tiga I must say uve helped me quiet a lot. It's definatleyone o the above I think she doesn't want her kids to know and as u said that the work place thinks she's a hoe. Lol. Altho some people know like her group.

Yes love can definatley turn to hate. As in my case just the way shes been since the break up. The 1st few weeks it was loss then I saw how she was and it slowly turned to hate. Yes I'm deeply hurt I believed her and in her only to be let down. Some or it was me alot of it was her that's where the anger comes.

I can't tell wether She's doing it to hurt me or what not. Her smiling and laughing all the time gives the appearance she's moved on and I meant nothing at all.

The way she use to carry on and tell me things about how she'd never felt like this for anyone I question now. I try and ignore her as much as I can and don't talk and havent talked not once since the break up nor want to now. Ur right tho this place makes me associate wth the pain. I need to figure something out. I'm looking at other jobs but theres not much in this calibre. Thinking going back home but I don't know if that's really the right thing either

At the moment I wish I cld just jump on a plane and take off to Asia for a cpl mths to forget and heal. I actually always wanted to teach English in Laos that takes a lil time to arrange. I wish I cld just jump on a plane and get of here.

As for ur ex fiancé man all i can say is he's lost a really really good woman. U r right most woman will find someone else to fill that void not u thats rare really is but a good quality Tiga. Even tho they've hurt me and u, u know me and u really are the strong ones. She wouldn't last a week on her own and ur ex is quickly trying to fill that void wth anyone so he doesn't have to fill the pain. Let me tell u tho a rebound he will be thinking or u wen his alone or even if he is wth a woman lol I know I been there. In his down times he is gonna ache I won't be surprised if one day u hear from him but it would be too late because I fill u would have let go by then and moved on. This has happenend to me an ex after yrs finally contacted me well i contacted her she contacted me but it was too late I then met my wife who also became my ex but we had fun and lasted 10 yrs. Great talking to u Tiga and thanku for ur input as well

May 16, 2017

I wanted to add, mine and ur ex essentially detonated the relationship. Him parking his car in the middle and taking you off the car policy and demanding you leave the house, as if it wasn't enough hearing he didn't wanna go ahead with wedding he behaved even worse. I believe you would have a lot of pain and doubt about going back to him because of the pain he's caused. That's what they mean when someone basically blowsup and burns all bridges of the relationship.

May 16, 2017

Yes that is so true, he would spend money on the things he liked occasionally but he would be so cheap when it came to food, utilities and other normal things.

You really feel like he doesn't love me anymore? I can't believe that because we almost got married until his parents caused a mess and he listened to their opinions and projections of our marriage and dropped the bomb. He had lost 15 lbs in 3 weeks after the break up. I truly think he is hurting and is trying for a rebound to get over me and move on.

I can't understand him though, how could he do this to me? The girl that loved him and left everything to come to this city and start from zero because of him and he just ended it with a snap of a finger. He did not want to try, no counseling or anything.

It's like he had to chose and he chose them and there was no reason to try for. How can a man be a pussy?, I am more of a man than he is. I don't understand he is weird, he has always been weird a little OCD. So attached to his dad though and mom. If his dad died he wouldn't have anyone to talk to, except his mom and brother. He is a loner. He has this weird way of thinking that family comes first, but doesn't realize that he has to build his own family one day because his original one will die. What an idiot, I don't think I will ever understand what he did completely, I honest know and feel like he made the biggest mistake of his life.

I sometimes ask myself why can't I be like the 95% of females out here, hook up with someone else and forget him. I just can't. I feel like I am wired differently, I feel like I can't sit with someone and pretend I am interested when my heart is hurting for someone else. I am a person that feels too deeply and when I love I love with my all, I am an Aries. I swear I wish I could just go out with the guys that have asked me already after they found out I was single, but I don't want to. I don't think it's fair for me or them.

I know the day will come when my ex will beg me to come back to him, I know that for a fact. It kills me that then it will be too late and also the severity of our break up, it wasn't just a break up, we lived together had a home and a dog and our wedding was coming up. Everything was set. I had to move out and he caused me so much stress during the time. I could have stayed in the house but I couldn't argue with him anymore, he threatened to get me out of the house within a week ( which he couldn't donI was on the title) and he told me he was taking me off of the car insurance and said that I can't park my car in the garage anymore (2 car garage). The next day he parked his car in the middle of the garage so I couldn't park mine inside.

He later apologized and said he was angry. This behavior was brutal and that wasn't even the worst of it. I told him I wouldn't be able to treat an animal like he treated me. He was this bitter, angry, evil person all of a sudden. I don't understand it. Idk what his parents did to him it's like he was cursed. He has not acted like that in the 6 years I have dated him, NEVER! It is still shocking to me thinking about his actions.

He did love you and probably does but it's not the love where he wants to be with you forever

He loves having you around waiting for him....

Did he ever things then later probably regrets them or throws them back at you ?

He likes the way you are but not necessarily you as a person for a long time commitment I was engaged to and went they something very similar I'm pretty sure at one time I felt the same

On the bright side once he has his fun he will probably then try n come back but the the tables will turn and it's a never ending circle

Your better off moving on

You don't have to sleep around to forget him that's what people normally do but that's only a bandaid just focus on you because from what I read your a phenomenal girl ! Hell too bad you're not in the Los Angeles area

My fiancé broke up with me 3 months before our wedding. [UPDATED]

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